Devotion (13 page)

The softly spoken words cut the thick, heavy silence, but left behind a moment of truth—a challenge unspoken but clearly identified. The words weren’t about her music. Not completely.

Desire rammed home, knocking Kellen completely away from everything but Chloe. His muscles coiled into a tight spring. He fought, and felt himself slipping, sliding and losing precious ground.

“You’re like a cosmic force that’s come into my life and opened door after door to every wish I ever had. You have a golden touch, and that touch is making my dreams come true. I’m in awe of you.”

This, Kellen could tell, wasn’t a coy, flirty woman issuing deliberate provocations. She was genuine. That’s what kept tripping him up. That fact made her impossible to resist.

“I’ve been prepared for everything that’s happened with regard to my career. I’ve been ready to move forward as a recording artist ever since I could talk. But I wasn’t prepared for you, Kellen. Not at all. I can’t even think straight around you; you have that profound of an effect on me. You’re all I can think about. I know that’s wrong. I’m not the kind of girl who goes after married men. I’m not the kind of woman who…who…”

“Chloe, hang on—”

She refused his strident interruption by a firm shake of her head. “No. Please, listen to me.” She stilled herself for a moment. “I think what drives me crazy is the fact that I know you feel it, too. I feed off every look and every touch you give. You kiss my cheek, making it appear so casual, or help guide my step, and it thrills me. I love the simple act of talking to you on the phone, and the much more profound act of sharing all of this incredible forward progress with you.”

Kellen had to do something—the words hit him like shrapnel, ripping apart any semblance he might maintain of control and propriety. He stepped forward. His world was hazy at the edges, yet hyper-focused when it came to Chloe. He took her arms, and then drew her in for a long, tight hug. Her heart thundered against his chest. She wasn’t playing around; she was overwrought, and she trembled against him.

There was no escaping the fact that her reaction thrilled him.

“Let’s sit down, Chloe…and talk this through.” His nerves sizzled and burned. “It’s something we should have done a while ago.”

Kellen led her to a padded bench stationed behind the studio control panel. After they sat down, he kept close, settling an arm around her shoulders. He used a gentle touch to tip her head so their eyes were aligned. Hers sparkled, and she tried to look away, but Kellen kept her in place, refusing to let her gain distance.

“This is completely inappropriate. I
know
that. I’m your client, and I know all about professional boundaries, and why it’s so important that they be respected and observed. But I’ve never felt this way before, Kellen. What I feel for you takes me over.” She breathed out softly, their faces close enough that her breath skimmed his cheek. “Those are all the words I can give.” She tilted her head, opening herself to him like an offering. “I want more from you.”

The words chipped and chiseled, working through an opening in Kellen’s mind that brought about cataclysmic change. He went white-hot and blind—blind to everything but the ache in his soul that yearned, unabated, for Chloe.

What would it feel like, he wondered in a helpless form of hunger, to take possession of the adoration, the freshness of attraction she offered? Just for a moment…just for a split-second of exploration and pleasure, that’s all…

Suddenly he couldn’t remember where time ended and began, where passion transformed into a primitive, elemental urgency of purpose. He only knew he needed this woman. He needed her open reception. He needed to know what she tasted like. He needed to know her textures. And none of it would be denied. Not this time.

Chloe’s pulse beat at her slim, scented neck, drawing his focus. His gaze fell to her lips, glossy, moist and waiting. The ache intensified to unbearable. He lifted her hair to the side and angled his head with one thought only: her kiss—that sweetest, most intoxicating start of a physical connection.

His mouth literally watered at the idea of…

No.

His heart thundered. He trembled all over.

No!

That powerful voice kept admonishing him. He teetered, and he swayed. His head dipped low as he succumbed to the pull of soft allure.

Kellen. No!

The call of what he knew to be right faded to nothing against the drumbeat that pounded in his ears and obliterated all things logical and rational. The call became quite easy to ignore.

His lips touched hers and a strangled sound bubbled upward from the depths of his chest. An instant later, he sank into a kiss that sent him tumbling and spinning. The world swirled into mind-dizzying flashes of color. The kiss began with the giddy rush he had fully expected. The flavors and scents and feelings he had pined for now filled him. Her breath mixed with his, foreign and intriguing, pushing him on. Desire opened a floodgate, and he fell willingly beneath a deluge of passion that fed and intensified their connection.

A heartbeat later, the sweetness turned rancid.

A heartbeat later, the thrill turned to nausea.

A heartbeat later, the kiss turned into a moment of horror that washed over him in cold dread, wiping him completely out of the moment.

When he jerked away, with his breaths threatening to convulse into gasps and heaves, Kellen realized that, not only had he committed a grievous wrong, he and Chloe were no longer alone.

Jason stood framed in the half-open doorway, watching the proceedings with wide eyes and a sense of awkwardness that filled the space of the studio. The producer’s gaze bounced back and forth between them. “Umm…I…I can’t believe it…I almost made it to the kitchen and realized I forgot my security pass.” In quick, stuttered motions, Jason grabbed his magnetized access card from the lip of the control panel. Following a hasty—“Ah…see you in a bit…”—he was gone.

Kellen wanted to disappear into oblivion. Heartbreak and self-loathing clawed at him until nothing was left except sickness and regret.

Chloe stood apart from him, her head bowed, her breathing ragged.

“Kellen,” she whispered, “we needed that. We
did
. We needed to stop the tap dance.” Her eyes brimmed when they lifted to his once more. “Now we need to face facts. We need to face
us…
and what we feel for one another. What we’ve been trying to avoid—without much success—has been eating away at me for weeks and weeks.” She lifted her chin. “Selfishly, I’m glad to discover you’re as affected by your feelings as I am.”

For the first time, her intensity of spirit morphed from that of sweet-natured ingénue to a driven and determined woman on a quest. Kellen couldn’t push a single word past the logjam in his throat.

“I’m very attracted to you.”

She stepped so close he could feel her warmth. This time Kellen felt no arousal or pleasure. Instead, an explosion of poison poured through his system so powerful it caused bile to churn and rise.

Chloe slid the palms of her hands very slowly against his chest. “The way I feel when you and I are together is absolutely beautiful. Now I know, it’s that way for you, too.”

Kellen caught her hands and lifted them promptly away. “No, Chloe.”

Finally—
finally
—the voice that had resounded in his heart all along found its way into his head, and his soul. “No, it’s not, and this can’t, this
won’t
, happen between us again. I’m married, and I just made an enormous mistake.”

She blinked slowly; the fire in her eyes snapped and crackled.

“I’m to blame, and for that I apologize, but I won’t step away from my wife and my vows to her, ever again. This was wrong for me, Chloe. Completely wrong.”

Her features hardened slightly, going intense. “Whether you’re ready to face the truth right now or not, you feel the same way about me.” She gathered a deep breath and then blew out through pursed lips. “Despite that, you’ll deny yourself by walking away from me?”

“Chloe—” Kellen fumbled internally, trying to properly form his emotions into words. “Chloe, it’s not denial. It’s that I’m being forced to discover who I am again. Who I am, and who I’m supposed to be. Who I
want
to be.” He nearly reached out to her, only intending to cushion what he was about to say, but he denied the gesture. A formidable, Christ-driven strength sang through him now—but at what cost, he wondered? How would he overcome what he had allowed to happen? “I’m so sorry for what I did.”

“Don’t fall on the sword all by yourself, Kellen.” Anger laced her words. “I was there, too. The harlot, I suppose.”

“You’re not a harlot. You were confused. So was I.”

“I still am.”

Kellen discovered that in no way was he enamored by her any longer. Like the lifting of a distorting bank of clouds, Chloe’s hold over him vanished. The kiss had awakened him to the evil of errant desire, and he found himself thinking about Pastor Gene’s words at church just a few weeks back:

Sometimes experiencing the harrowing results of deepest sin will drive us back to God in ways so powerful it’s nothing short of a miracle.

Never, ever again could he rebuke Juliet, and his marriage. He’d make it up to her for the rest of his life and pray she might never know how wrong, how idiotic, he had been.

Kellen, My son, what you do in the darkness is revealed in the light. Hold fast to My hand, for you are Mine.

Kellen absorbed the spirited words of God’s warning and blanched at what they might mean.

No
, he prayed in fervor,
Juliet can’t ever know about this. It was only a kiss—and I swear to You that it’s over. I’ve truly and honestly learned, God. You know that without question, because You know my heart…and my heart resides with You, and Juliet…

He would atone. He would atone to her, and to God, by never straying again. He’d talk to Jason and make sure of his discretion. Jason was grateful for this opportunity after all, so the man owed Kellen for a nice bump in his career. And Kellen didn’t believe Chloe would betray him if he stepped away. At this point, they could leave the episode behind—bruised but still whole.

Though his mind spun with millions of ways that plan could fail, Kellen promised himself he’d do everything in his power to shield Juliet, and their marriage, from his own folly.

Darkness is defeated by the light, Kellen. Hold fast to My hand.

The words that sang through his soul felt more ominous than comforting.

Following a lengthy silence, Chloe shifted her weight, and her eyes pleaded. “I know it’s easier to stay married than go through the mess of a separation, or a divorce, but avoiding me isn’t going to make you happy. Neither is living life out of a sense of obligation to vows that have grown stale. Isn’t that much obvious?”

Guilt, shame, and sorrow worked as one to sting his senses, because her analysis couldn’t have been more erroneous. He wasn’t with Juliet out of obligation or due to vows gone stale. Chloe was also wrong about avoidance. Avoiding her now is all he wanted to do—but at what cost?

Kellen’s head rang with the words of God’s spirit, and he couldn’t recall ever being as scared as he was right now—terrified of losing everything that was most precious to him.

Seeming to sense that their privacy was limited, Chloe stepped even further away, but she kept her gaze trained on his. “Find yourself, Kellen. Find the place where your love lives. Maybe it’s me.” She glanced at his ring finger. “Maybe it’s her. Until you figure that out, I can’t keep acting like this is just work. It’s much more for me. I’m ready, and willing, to let you deep into my life. I’m halfway there already, but it’s not real. It’s nothing more than superficial. I don’t want to get hurt, and I don’t want you hurt, either.”

Kellen couldn’t speak. He couldn’t reason, and he couldn’t bring himself to confront the full ramifications of what had just happened. Nothing but fragments clicked into place-- unfaithfulness, betrayal,
Juliet
.

Chloe turned and exited the studio. Kellen was sick to the core, to a degree that gnawed at his heart and ate away at his psyche like battery acid. He closed his eyes and found he had to draw a breath. Desperately. When he did, he came upon the subtle undercurrent of Chloe’s perfume—jasmine and ginger. What had he been thinking? What had happened to transform him from the man he wanted, and needed, to be? What had happened to the man, and husband, he had been before meeting Chloe?

Kellen curled his hands into fists, trying to keep steady and controlled.

This was not My pathway for you. The way you chose was not My way, Kellen. Come back to Me and stand firm against the storm.

The words fell through him, full of authority and weighted by a warning that stirred chills along his nerve endings, but one thing remained certain. The kiss he had shared with Chloe, and the firm admonishment of God, had turned Kellen completely around. He had rediscovered himself. The image of Juliet’s angelic face swirled into place behind his closed eyelids.

God…please forgive me. Please…please forgive me for what I’ve done.

12

Juliet’s heel caught in a crack of the sidewalk leading into the Renaissance Hotel. She wobbled and a brief stab of discomfort surged upward from her ankle. She groaned at her own vain stupidity. Stilettos might be great looking, and leg flattering, but that didn’t change facts. They were also brutal instruments of torture.

At the moment she stumbled, she felt Kellen tuck his hand beneath her elbow, lending steady support. She blew out a breath. A flush flowed outward from her heart, blossoming against her neck and cheeks. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I made a really stupid shoe choice, didn’t I?”

A smile spread, starting in his eyes, deepening the small, appealing crinkles that fanned out from their corners. “That’s OK. It gives me an extra excuse to watch out for you. You look beautiful, love.”

“Thank you.” Juliet absorbed the intimacy she found in his gaze. Kellen’s attention lingered on her as they walked through the hotel lobby, expressive in a way that gave Juliet a rush of feminine pleasure. Soon after entering the Music City Ballroom, though, he became focused on the crowd of clients and colleagues who began to press in around them and offer greetings.