Diary of a Rocker's Kid (D.O.R.K #1) (19 page)

My heart pounds harder the closer we get to them. If they notice me, what are they going to say? What am
I
going to say? Is this entire evening about to end in disaster for everyone?

Once we’re all inside the theater, away from the reporters, Jacie stops to look in her clutch for something. When we inevitably pass by her, she looks up, gasps, and whispers unmistakably, “
Madison
.”

I turn to look at her. She knew me
immediately
.

Our big blue eyes lock for the first time in sixteen years, and all my brain functions quit on me. I can’t blink…I can’t think…and all I can say is, “Yes?”

“May I speak with you for a moment?”

Ho-ly shit, she wants to talk to me.

My brain wakes up and makes a quick side note that her thick British accent is just as charming in real life as it is in her interviews. I turn to Gio, who reluctantly nods. He may be willing to let me talk to her, but do I even want to?

One more glance at the beautiful, elegant, goddess-like woman who gave birth to me, and the answer is clear in my mind. “Yes,” I repeat, fighting the tremor in my body as she takes my arm and leads me off to the side.

Jacie Redinger is touching me. Oh my God, she’s touching me.

Once we’re alone, Jacie leans down and whispers, “Hi, Madison, I'm Jacie Redinger,” as if I don't already know her name and have it running through my head on repeat day and night. “I don’t suppose your father has told you about me.”

“H-he has.” I gulp against the hoarseness in my throat. “I know who you are to me.”

Relief washes over her face. I can see myself in her smile, and it thrills me and breaks my heart all at once. “Good,” she says. “Well, with…
that
in mind, I was wondering what your plans are for after the premiere.”

Odd request, but I’m guessing an explanation is coming. “There’s…there’s an after-party we’re going to,” I tell her.

“Which one?” I stutter out the location, and she nods. “Is there any chance I could meet you there and we could have a chat? I mean, a longer one, of course, and hopefully we could find a more private location.”

She wants to have a ‘chat.’ Really? After seventeen years, she wants to ‘chat’? Plus, she has a history of kidnapping. I probably shouldn’t have even given her my location.

Dammit…stupid, stupid, stupid!

“Um…I dunno. I don’t think Dad would approve of that.”

“I just want to explain myself and deliver my apology in person,” Jacie says, effectively tearing my heart in half. “If you don’t want to hear from me after this, I won’t trouble you any further.”

My mind races, and I try to get a grip on my thoughts. I’m talking to Mother Dearest. My mother is standing in front of me right now, waiting to apologize and give me the answers I came here searching for. It’s what I wanted, right? This is it. This is my chance to hear her out and rip her a new one for abandoning me.

On the other hand, what if she’s asking this so she can get me in private and kidnap me again? Or worse, involve me in one of her secret crimes? I’m in way over my head here. I’m just now experiencing real life for the first time. I have no idea how to deal with a not-exactly criminal.

Madison Daley, shut up and do what you came here for
, my inner voice rebukes me.
Self-doubt is going to get you nowhere. You came all the way from Kentucky to talk to this woman. Just do it while you’ve got the chance.

“Well…all right,” I say, hoping this isn’t the biggest mistake of my life. I need to hear her apology. I need to know what her feelings have been all these years. Most of all, I need to purge the crazy emotions that swell up inside me at every mention of her name.

“Wonderful,” she says. I hate how much I love the way she says that word. “I look forward to seeing you there.”

“Same to you,” I reply. I walk with her as we return to Raven and Gio, who are waiting for us on opposite ends of the lobby.

I can’t resist another glance in my identical twin’s direction. Raven also examines me underneath eyelashes that are just as long and dark as mine. I expected her to glare at me when she saw me with Gio, but instead she looks mildly intrigued. We study each other’s faces and figures, and it’s insanely hard to take my eyes off of the person who resembles me in nearly every conceivable way. I finally manage to break the gaze and turn to Gio as I approach him. After we’ve linked arms, I look back at her, and she’s no longer staring at me. She links arms with Jacie, and they continue on to their seats in the theater.

I watch as they retreat and notice that Raven’s attitude is definitely different from mine. She carries herself like she’s God’s gift to the world, and you can tell she knows exactly how beautiful she is and uses it to her greatest advantage. Jacie has a similar carriage, but hers is tempered by the poise and grace that comes with middle age for some women. As much as I should hate both of them for different reasons—as much as I thought I hated them for the last couple of weeks—deep in my core, I
don’t
hate them. I’m also intrigued, and there’s a part of me that’s dying to know them.

Gio also watches Jacie and Raven retreat, clenching his teeth and making a muscle stand out on his jaw that I didn’t even know was there. He swallows hard, and then he mutters something in Italian as he leads me to our seats. The tension between Gio and the Redingers just now would have been difficult to cut through with a cleaver. They seem to hate him just as much as he hates them. I hope my conversation with my mother isn’t the beginning of the end for us.

Chapter 21

July 5, 2015

What Have I Done?

I’m typing this on my phone from Gio’s limo just in case this is my last ever blog post. If Dad finds out I met Jacie Redinger alone, I’m never going to see the light of day again. We’re on the way to the after-party, and I’m supposed to meet her there for a “private chat.” If I thought I had nerve attacks before, nothing compares to this.

I’m already having major buyer’s remorse about this meeting. What the hell am I going to say to her?

“You abandoned me.”

“You’re a horrible mother.”

“You’re the worst human being on the planet.”

“I hate you.”

She probably already knows those things, hence the offer of an apology and an explanation. Maybe I should just hear her out without a full-on freak-out session. If I go apeshit on her first thing, she might clam up or break down in tears, either of which would be uncomfortable for me.

Yep, yelling at her is out of the question, especially if I have a fangirl moment like I did earlier. I completely froze up in her presence. It was like meeting a deity. You can’t yell in a deity’s face, no matter what they do to you. I’m so humiliated that things turned out like that, but maybe it’s for the best. I wouldn’t have wanted to be the one to ruin Gio’s dad’s movie premiere.

Shit…I think Gio’s getting suspicious.

Ttyl if I make it through this,

Mads

***

I lock my phone and slip it into my clutch, and Gio leans over to me with a smile. “So, what did you think of your first red carpet experience, babe?”

“It was incredible. I couldn’t have imagined it any better.”

“Glad you had fun.” Then he lowers his voice to ask, “By the way…what did Jacie want?”

“She, uh…she just wanted to tell me she liked my dress, that’s all.”

Gio’s eyebrows shoot sky high. “
Seventeen years
, and all she can say is, ‘Nice dress?’” He scoffs and folds his arms as he leans back in his seat. “Typical Jacie Redinger.”

I turn away and clamp a hand over my mouth to hide my silent laughter. I know how ridiculous that sounded, but I had to come up with something to tell him. Gio continues to fume in his seat, and I look at him, thinking about how adorable he is when he’s indignant like this. When he’s full-on angry, it’s terrifying, but this is just him being mad at a bitch.

“You two are so presh,” Steph remarks, making us aware he’s watching us. He clearly has no idea what we were talking about, which is good.

“Thanks,” I say. Then I tell Alfonzo, “The movie was excellent.”

“
Grazie!
” Alfonzo says in his smooth, cultured voice. “I hear you caused quite a stir out on the red carpet, Madison.”

“Really?” I wasn’t aware of a stir. People were surprised to see me, yes, but it’s not like I started a riot or anything.

“Honey, you’re the talk of the town!” Steph is radiant with pleasure. “You made me look
real
good out there.”

I look over at Gio, whose irritation has been replaced by pride. “Our Basket Baby is going to be L.A.’s new ‘it girl.’”

I scoff. “Me? No way.” I shake my head, making my curls bounce. “There is no way I will
ever
be an ‘it girl.’”

“I think you could be,” Steph says. “Stick with us, and we’ll get you to the top in no time.”

“The top.”
I’m starting to think that’s all anyone gives a damn about around here.

***

The after-party is being held in a penthouse, and when we arrive, Jacie’s limo is waiting outside the apartment building. Alfonzo, Steph, and Gio pass by it to enter the building, but I make up an excuse about having a sick stomach so I can stand outside in the cool air. I pause for a moment outside the front door to collect my thoughts. This is it…the moment I’ve been waiting for my whole life, in more ways than one. I’m having a conversation with my favorite actress of all time
and
my mother all at once. It’s making me feel like crumbling on the inside.

Jacie pushes her car door open and approaches me on the sidewalk. She gives me a shy smile and opens the door for me, nodding me inside. We approach the woman at the front desk, and Jacie asks about stepping into a vacant apartment. The front desk lady takes us to one, unlocks it for us, and tells us to take all the time we need. We step inside, letting her close the door behind us.

Jacie turns on a light and sits down awkwardly in front of the fireplace in the open living space. I sit down about four feet away from her. My heart is pounding so hard that I’m afraid she might see the movement of my dress. As we sit there in silence, she starts wringing her thin white hands in her lap the same way I do when I’m nervous. It’s clear she doesn’t know how to start this, so I guess it’s up to me. “So…” I start, not sure what to say. “You’re my mother.”

“Yes, I am. Uh…I’d like to start off by saying that you look
absolutely
wonderful tonight. I can’t believe you’ve grown into such a lovely young woman.”

I sigh and look off to the side. “Thanks.” Looks like my lie to Gio wasn’t too far from the truth.

“I suppose I might as well go on with the apology.” Jacie clears her throat and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I don’t know how much Michael told you about our past together, but…when I was twenty-one, I made a decision I’ve regretted severely for the past seventeen years of my life. You know about the basket story, I assume.”

“Yes, I’m fully aware of it,” I grunt.

“Well, I feel I should explain why I concealed my identity. At the time, I was just starting off in my career, and I was afraid if people knew I was giving up one of the Grim Weeper’s babies, I would end up in the tabloids. He was so popular back then that anything that happened to him had his face plastered all over the news. I wanted to make my decision privately, without any criticism or stigma attached. My reasoning for wanting one child was selfish.”

Well…at least she admits that…

“It was just an idea I’d had in my head my entire life. I thought I was a one-child woman, and I always would be. But the two months after giving you to your father were pure agony for me.”

I look at her, surprised. It seems the monster has feelings. “They were?”

She nods, still staring at her hands in her lap. “Yes. I tried to resist the feelings of regret, thinking they would pass, but they only grew stronger with time. Finally, I spoke with Michael and begged him to let me have you back, but by then he’d grown attached to you and wouldn’t hear of it. He got full custody, and he allowed me visitation rights, but I was foolish enough to ruin that too.”

“I heard you tried to steal me away,” I say.

“Yes…I was desperate. I was also not in my right mind because I had grown addicted to a pain medication they gave me at the hospital.”

Drug addiction…that would definitely explain a few things. Never imagined both my parents would turn out to be drug addicts.

“I pled insanity to Michael, and he graciously did not press charges. Then he found out about Raven, and I suddenly found myself in court about to lose the one baby I had left.”

“He tried to get her back?”

Jacie nods, swallowing hard. “He brought up the kidnap attempt, and I once again became overwhelmed with desperation. I told the judge about his drug-addicted past and made sure to point out his reckless behavior. It came down between a desperate new mother and a badly behaving rock star, and…well, to make a long story short, I kept custody of Raven and threatened to come after you too.”

Breathing heavily, I grip my knees. “Wow…so
that’s
why he took me away.” Dad had already lost Raven, and he was terrified he was going to lose me too. He did twist the truth a lot when he told me what happened, though, which scares me. How many other things has he lied about over the years? Is Jacie even as bad as he says she is?

Jacie continues, “I would have come after you, but I had no idea where you’d gone. Plus, I knew he wouldn’t let me see you even if I found out, so I just…I gave up all hope and tried my best to build a life with Raven.” Jacie takes a long, cleansing breath, and I work hard to keep my tears at bay. She finally turns to make eye contact with me. “To this day, I still regret leaving you there in that basket. I don’t know if it’s possible that you could ever forgive me. I know what I did to you was awful, and completely inexcusable. But you should know I would like nothing better now than to have a second chance to get to know my second daughter.”

My chest tightens, and my voice comes out in a hoarse whisper. “You want to know me?”

“Of
course
.” She glides closer to me and lays a hand over mine. “You are my daughter, after all.”

A burning sensation sweeps in where her skin is touching mine. The dead, even tone returns to my voice. “
No
…” I pull my hand away and stand to my feet, towering above her. Rage possesses me, and I seethe out the angry words I resolved not to say on the way over. “
How dare you
call me that? You lost the opportunity to call me your daughter when you made me the laughingstock of an entire nation!”

“I know…” Her voice trembles with emotion, and tears build up in her eyes. “I realize what it must have done to you—”

“
No!
You
don’t
realize, or you wouldn’t have the gall to expect me to grovel at your feet like this! You tanked my entire life! I grew up away from my home! Not knowing who my father was, who I was…knowing my mother
abandoned me
…you gave me a name that sticks with me everywhere I go! You know what they call me? The Basket Baby!
The Basket Baby!
” Now I’m crying and shrieking at the same time.

“I know…I tried to fix it, I really did—”

“Kidnapping me wasn’t ‘fixing it’! Keeping your identity a secret wasn’t ‘fixing it’! Do you honestly think you gave it your best shot?”

“It’s true, I could have done better—”

“You didn’t do
shit
! All you did was make things worse! I barely had any type of life because of you! You…you didn’t fix
shit
—”

“I didn’t then, but I
want to now
.” She raises her voice a little to be heard over me.

I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to stop the sobs. “How do you expect to fix this? How could you
ever
rectify my disaster of a life?”

“I want to tell the world you’re my daughter,” Jacie says, and it stuns me silent for a few beats.

“What?”

“I’ll come forward with everything…the whole sordid story of what I did. I’ll claim you as my own and let Michael claim Raven. No custody battles have to be involved this time, just the truth.”

I study her face. She might be a crazy, conniving person, but…she sure as hell seems sincere right now. “You really mean that?”

“Yes.” Jacie stands in front of me and looks me square in the eye. “Madison…I’m so terribly sorry. I know what I did. I know the devastating effect it had. But I want to make it right now that I’ve got the chance. I saw your viral pictures, and—”

“Oh
God
…” I cover my face with my hand.

Jacie responds with a strained chuckle. “No, it wasn’t a bad thing. It…it was the first I’d seen of your return to Los Angeles. After that, they barely convinced me to stay on set. I wanted to rush back home and find you immediately. When I saw you on that red carpet, I…I just knew it was a sign. It’s time. You’re here, and it’s my chance to make everything right.”

I let my hand fall to my side, feeling hopeful and vulnerable all at once. I search her familiar face one more time for any evidence of BS. I can’t find a single morsel of it. “You’re serious? You’ll claim me and let Dad claim Raven?”

“Yes.”

“You’ll tell them everything? You’ll clear my name completely?”

“Yes, to all of the above.” She smiles.

“Well…uh…” I tangle my fingers in my hair and almost yank out a chunk of it in my nerves. “I’ll have to talk to Dad. He’s not going to agree to this easily—”

“You might be surprised. After all, he never knew his second daughter.”

That was…an
excellent
point. “Well…all right then. I’ll talk to him.”

“Wonderful,” she says. “By the way, you may call me Jess. That’s what friends and family members call me.”

“Okay. For now, just call me Madison. My nickname has to be earned.”

Jess responds with a humble nod. “That’s fair.”

She gives me her phone number so I can call her with Dad’s answer. Then we decide to arrange a meeting with the four of us at a public place once he agrees to discuss the details. There’s nothing left to be said after that, so we walk to the door side by side. When she opens the door to let me out, Gio’s standing right there outside it. If looks could kill, Jess Redinger would have been six feet under seventeen years ago.