Diary of the Pirate Killer (9 page)

6/5/09- I went to the bar with Ben tonight.  I met a man who would be a good candidate.  He was actually on the list of cases I’ve worked, but the only photo we had was his driver's license, and that was really old.  I didn’t even remember him until I saw him tonight.  Then I just felt stupid for not thinking of him before.  I didn’t want to risk pulling his file after Ben saw me talking to him, so I memorized his info off of the cards in his wallet he left sitting on the bar.  As soon as I got home, I jotted it down in my address book.  I need to remember to take it out after I get a little more information on him.

Other than that, the night was pretty fun.  Ben and I laughed and joked until nearly closing time.  He likes to hear the happenings in the department, and I know everything going on in that place.  Well, I should call it a night.

6/7/09
- I am SO furious right now!  I hate this damn department.  I wish I could burn the whole thing down!  Joy got fired today!  I couldn’t believe it when they escorted her in to clear out her desk.  I wanted to jump on the chief and claw his eyes out.  How can he do this to the department?  It’s one thing to fire someone because they are incompetent.  Joy was great at her job!  She might have come in hung over from time to time, but she still never had any problems.

Why was she fired? 
Because she got drunk and made out with a guy from the station.  I don’t think their paths ever crossed before.  He hadn’t been working there for more than a few weeks.  He’s just some guy downstairs.  This really is the stupidest thing ever!!!  I can’t believe it.  Joy was so good at what she did.  She was the best person in the entire department when it came to analyzing bugs from the scenes.  Losing her is going to mean losing that expertise.  What the hell could he have been thinking?!  Is it really worse for people to date within the department?  I would think the thing they should be more concerned with is losing the good people they have.

This just further proves what I’ve been trying to prove.  The department is ruining people’s lives.  Joy was drunk and made out with a guy.  I don’t even know if she knew he worked for the department.  She made a drunken mistake while off work and lost her job because of it.  It’s SO stupid!  I hate this damn place.  Everyone knows it’s a stupid rule and it should be abolished.  It never should have even been established in the first place.  It hasn’t done any good.  This is exactly why I need to show the town how they are hurting people.  They aren’t helping anyone.  This is ridiculous.  I’m even
surer now that what I’m doing is right.  Even if it wouldn’t bring Justin back, it’s still the right thing to do.  They need to be punished.  Not just for causing Justin’s death, but because of what they’re doing to people.

6/10/09- I’m so anxious right now.  I want to take another man now.  Part of it has to do with how frustrated I am with the department right now, but I really just want to have Justin back again.  I don’t want to have to wait any longer to have him back for good.  It’s been long enough.  I think I found the perfect guy.  I’m just waiting for Justin to make the final decision for me.  Hopefully it will happen today when I go out to watch him.  I should be going.  I’m not going to have much time before heading into work.  I’m also going out with Joy tonight.  She says she alright, but I know better.  She’ll be happy I’m doing all of this when the real reasons come out.

6/11/09- I was right about the man I picked.  Justin showed me as soon as I found him yesterday.  He was at work, so I sat back and watched him for an hour.  He’s strong, which will be good for Justin.  He also seems to be a good leader.  He was telling everyone on the construction site what to do, and everyone listened.  He’s a little younger than the last few, also.  He’ll definitely be good for Justin.  He’ll make him stronger, which should help to speed things up.  Oh, I can’t wait until it’s time!

6/12/09- It was a little more difficult to grab this one, but I managed to get it done.  I was only minutes away from being caught, though.  I had pulled my car over on a street he walks down to get to work and waited for him to get close before standing at the back with my arms full of bags.  I acted like I was struggling to get the trunk open.  As expected, he came right over to help.  As soon as he pulled the trunk open for me and took one of the bags to put it, I injected him.  I had just closed the trunk when someone rounded the corner.  I panicked for a moment, but the guy driving the car had to be close to a hundred.  I seriously doubt he will even remember seeing me, let alone be able to describe me if someone asked.  Because I had to be in early, I had just enough time to drop him off at the cabin and get him secure before heading in.  I was so shaken by the old guy that I actually forgot to leave the card.  I had to swing back by before heading to the station to put it in place.  It’s still a pretty quiet street, so I don’t know how long it will take for it to be found.  I imagine once the report comes in that he didn’t show up for work, people will go out looking.  Either that or someone will notice it while out for a run.  Well, my lunch break is over.  I better be going.

6/14/09- This vessel is a fighter.  It took me a while to get him to settle down enough for Justin to enter him.  We had a lot of fun after he was able to transfer in, though.  We even played a little game.  It was one we used to play while we were dating.  We used to meet at a bar and pretend like we were strangers.  He didn’t even tell me we were playing the game before he started.  It was fun and exciting, though.  When I walked in, he pretended like he had no idea he knew me.  Well, he pretended like we had just met.  He kept asking who I was and what we were doing there.  I decided to pretend to be a nurse and told him that he had gone through a major procedure and I was going to take care of him.  Then he went on to say that he didn’t understand, so I told him that was just a side effect of the medication he was on.    We went on and on from there before I had to leave.  I gave him a quick wink before walking out and told him I would be back later to give him his sponge bath.  It was so much fun.  I love when we play those games.  Well, I should get dinner started.  I need to make sure he keeps up his strength.

6/15/09- I had a great day with Justin today.  I hate that I have to leave to go to work soon.  I actually almost called in today, but I knew I couldn’t.  Justin was already in the body when I went down this morning with breakfast.  I made pancakes, because I know how much he loves them.  He just smiled at me when I walked it.  It wasn’t quite his normal smile, but I can tell he’s gaining more control over the body.

After he ate, I put on a movie and curled up in bed with him.  He was still a little stiff when he put his arm around me, but it was great.  I could tell that the vessel was trying to fight him a little on it.  He’s my strong man, though, and didn’t back down.  I wanted to kiss him so bad for it.  I could tell me wanted to, too.  I couldn’t let it happen.  I shouldn’t have the last time.  It’s just not right.  It’s not pure.  As bad as I want to feel
his lips against mine, I want them to be his lips.  Oh, it’s so hard!  I just want him so bad.  I want to feel his body against mine and feel his hands sliding up my back.  I want him to hold me the way he used to.  It really is just so hard.  I can only imagine how hard it is for him.  It must feel so strange.  I can’t even imagine how it feels to touch something with someone else’s hands.  I’ve wanted to ask him about it, but I didn’t think I should.  As curious as I am, I don’t want to ask him about anything having to do with his time away.  I know it can’t be easy.  I decided to wait to ask him about any of it until he’s back for good.

Oh, I really don’t want to go to work.  I also don’t want to spend my lunch break at Dr. Gamboa’s office today.  Like work, I have to keep up my appearances there.  I have to show him that I’m happy and well adjusted.  And I have to do it all without laughing at his ignorance!

6/16/09- Oh, my neck hurts.  I’m going to add my back to that, also.  Justin was already asleep when I got back last night, so I sat down in the chair in the corner just so I could be with him.  I ended up falling asleep there and spending the entire night.  It was wonderful to have him there with me, but I could have definitely found a more comfortable place to sleep.

I don’t have much else to write about today.  Justin is doing really well.  He’s getting stronger every day.  He started to play our little game again today, but it didn’t last long.  I think he was pretty tired, because he ended up just rolling over and closing his eyes.  I can’t blame him.  I do not have to exert the energy he is, but I’m still pretty tired today.  I’m about to head into work.  Detective Wilcome is going nuts.  He’s been hanging around the lab and has requested that all of the physical evidence be looked over AGAIN!  I don’t know if he’s going to survive this whole thing.  He’s looking really bad these days.  I also don’t think his marriage will make it through.  I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been home at all in a week.  I ran into his wife bringing him some clean clothes last night when I was on my way out.  She wasn’t looking like her chipper self.

Well, it’s that time again.  Off to that hell hole.

6/18/09- I had a really nice talk with Justin today.  He told me how happy he is to get to spend time with me, and how much he really likes this body.  He even told me that he thinks it would be best if I keep it around for a bit longer.  He told me that he can feel himself growing stronger and that he doesn’t want to risk being set back by having to start over in another body.  I told him I would think about it.  Personally, I don’t want to risk messing up the process.  If I change something, it could cause the whole thing to stop working.  It would kill me if that happened. 
What if I had to start over from the beginning again?  Justin would hate that.  I don’t know if he would have the emotional strength to do it.  It would be like a man in a wheelchair working really hard and finally getting to the point where he can stand and work toward walking just to be hit by a car and put right back in the chair.  How could anyone have hope after that?  I told him I’d think about it, but I’m just going to stick to the plan. 

He also told me that the drugs I’m giving him are making him weaker.  I’ve just been giving him small doses to keep the vessel under control, but maybe I should stop.  I mean, I have the restraints on.  If it’s making it harder for Justin to maintain his energy, maybe I should stop using them except during the abduction and the procedure.  Maybe that will help to
move things along a little faster.  I’m really hoping that I won’t need to take more than one or two more vessels.  Since he’s able to come to me without a vessel now, I’m thinking that it won’t take much more before he’s ready.  I think

6/19/09- Sorry, I got cut off yesterday before I could finish my thought.  I don’t even remember now what I was going to say.  The vessel fell out of bed, though.  It scared me when I heard him hit the floor.  Actually, he didn’t so much fall out of bed as fall and pull the entire bed over with him.  I guess now that I’m not going to be sedating them as much, I should probably secure that.

Well, the rest of the process went pretty much like the others.  I came out on my lunch break and took care of it, then came back after my shift to place the pieces in the woods.  It was pretty uneventful.

Oh, and Detective Wilcome threw a chair through the window today!  It was AWESOME!  I’m so glad that I just happened to be in the homicide office when it happened.  I had just come back from lunch, and I guess he knew that the vessel had already been dispatched.  He just let out this loud bellow and picked up one of the chairs in the conference room they are using and flung it at the window.  No one seemed to know what to say.  Everyone just stared at him and the window until he walked out after a few moments.  The chief came in a little while later, but he didn’t say anything.  I guess he shares Wilcome’s frustration.  It was pretty fantastic, though.  I halfway expected him to follow the chair out the window.  I was kind of disappointed when he didn’t.  Oh well.

6/20/09- I’m not going to lie... I’m a little drunk.  I haven’t been properly drunk in a while.  I know it’s only six right now, but I just needed it today.  Everyone at the station is devastated at the idea that another man has been killed, but I’m blue for entirely different reasons.  I miss him.  I kind of wish that I had listened to Justin and kept him around for a bit longer. 

He was so much stronger this last time.  His soul was stronger.  He was stronger than I’ve seen him in so long. 
Even before he left.  He grew weaker almost by the day before.  Now the opposite is happening.  He’s growing stronger and stronger.

I almost slipped up tonight.  The guys were talking about their relationships and the funny quirks their loved ones have.  I almost said something about Justin.  I caught myself just in time.  That would have been so bad.  No one on the task force has any clue that Justin and I even talked, let alone were in a relationship.  If they found out, I’m sure they would start to question the bodies.  Even those idiots wouldn’t be able to miss that.  I’m still baffled they haven’t even come close to putting it together yet.

Well, the room is spinning.  I should probably go lay down or I might just fall over.

6/22/09- Dr. Gamboa said that I’m doing well enough that he thinks we should be able to reduce the frequency of my appointments.  He said that instead of every week, I should only go in every other week.  Personally, I don’t think I need to go at all anymore, but I need to keep up appearances.  I don’t think there’s any chance they would get on to me, and even less of a chance they would ever be able to track down Dr. Gamboa, but I need to make sure I’m covered.  Since I’ve been seeing him since shortly after Justin passed, he would make a good character witness.  I would only need him to buy me enough time to finish the process.  After that point, there wouldn’t be any problems.  I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that it will all play out one of two ways...