Disasterology 101 (28 page)

“He’s a strong, butch guy capable of carrying the world on his shoulders, and he’ll be with you ’til the end of time,” Evan corrected. “Does that work better for you?”

“I’m so thrilled I could amuse you.” Evan’s only answer was a heartfelt chuckle. “Could that be the reason why he isn’t looking at me, though?”

“I’m not following.”

“Perhaps he doesn’t want to add any more weight to his already heavy load.”

“Er….”

“He’s at a transition point in his life,” Cedric mumbled, but didn’t share any details. Kevin’s intention to come out of the closet, and his work and family situation were none of Evan’s business. “And he knows—probably better than anyone—being with me will never be a walk in the park. Maybe he doesn’t care to find out how much more he can take on.”

“It could be a number of reasons, Cedric.”

“Choose one and share it with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want people to know that you two are together.”

“We really aren’t.” Not because Cedric didn’t want to be. He wanted to be with Kevin every day, even if he had to sit across the room from him.

“That you two
got
together, then.”

There was a “meow”, a crashing noise, and a loud, sputtered curse that made Cedric smile despite him being so distressed. “Did Salome scratch you?”

“This bitch hates me, I tell you,” Evan whined. “Look, you’ve got to calm down a bit. I understand you like this dude, but it isn’t as if anything is going to come out of it anyway, right?”

Evan’s words struck him speechless. His friend was right, but Cedric had been so intent on getting Kevin to go out with him, and then enjoying how different things were between them, he’d forgotten everything he did came with a time clause. “Right...” he whispered. “You’re absolutely right.”

“I hate to get off the phone when you’re so distraught, but I need to go take care of my arm.”

“It’s fine. Talk to you later, mate.”

“Cedric?”

“What?”

“If Kevin’s avoidance is bothering you so much, ask him what’s up,” Evan advised. “But going by what you’ve told me, the guy’s into you. I wouldn’t make anything out of his silence tonight if I were you.”

And that was coming from a bloke who had even less experience than Cedric when it came to relationships. But he was desperate, and willing to go with it. “Yes… you’re probably right… Thanks.”

“Later, dude.”

Cedric ended the call, palmed the pack of cigarettes he always carried in his pocket and resisted the urge to light up. The classroom was too small, and he didn’t want to smell like nicotine but Jesus, he was dying to do so. He wasn’t a big smoker, but sometimes having a fag was the only way to stop himself from going mental, and at the moment his anxiety was about to reach a record-breaking level.

A chill breeze smacked him on the face and got through his three layers of shirts. It’d been raining on and off the entire day, and the forecast people said NYC would have unseasonably cold weather for the rest of the week. That Cedric didn’t know what the normal temperatures were in September only served to substantiate Evan’s words.

Cedric didn’t know what normal was because he didn’t belong in this country. Nothing would come out of an affair with Kevin. Nothing
could
.

He’d come here to start anew. To prove to himself that he could be on his own, and do everything possible to achieve some normalcy in his life. Granted it’d been an experiment, but things were going well, so what if he stayed? What if he took a chance?

He folded his arms over his chest and walked to the edge of the building, hoping the city lights and noises would distract him, but not surprised when they didn’t. His mind was filled with images that made him happy and miserable in equal parts. He seemed incapable of stopping the thundering in his chest, and he hadn’t been able to breathe properly since Sunday night.

He closed his eyes and threw his head back.

I told you I’d protect you from my germs.

Kevin hadn’t sounded condescending, and he’d taken steps to make their encounter a little less awkward. He’d surpassed Cedric’s expectations. Everything had been perfect, and he wanted it forever.

Let’s introduce my germs to yours, and let them bond.

A noise that sounded suspiciously close to a sob escaped him at the memory of Kevin’s soft words, and Cedric got the hell off the roof before he lost it like a total pansy.

He reminded himself that he was a foreigner in America. Sure he had a work visa, and Cedric’s lawyers could get it extended for as long as he wanted, so that wasn’t a real issue. But being obsessive-compulsive was.

Although he’d made outstanding progress since moving to New York, the fact remained that he had a chronic condition. It thrilled him to have gotten to a point where he could do things like working in an office building, teaching a class, going places, and even eating food prepared by others, but more often than not he paid for it dearly.

Quietly.

Privately.

His fear of germs, and the need for order and a controlled environment were his weaknesses. They left him feeling vulnerable to stupid things other people didn’t even notice and, like he’d learned during his first year at university, made him one hundred percent unsuitable boyfriend material. He could still hear That Arsehole’s hurtful parting words after only a few weeks of dating, and Cedric promised to never repeat the experience and expose himself to that kind of humiliation again. Since then he’d found ways to satisfy his body’s needs, but his heart had remained tucked away, and he was able to keep his dignity intact.

No dates for him. No boyfriends. No thinking there was a chance of someday having a relationship. Not for years. Not until Kevin. Not until Cedric looked into those dark blue eyes, and made the decision to be honest about everything. He still didn’t know if he’d been trying to scare or test Kevin. To push him away, because Cedric had never been so attracted to anyone before, or to try to find out if Kevin was a different kind of man.

I want to be with you in the worst way, and you’re so much more than a dick and the possibility of anal sex to me.

Not only was Kevin different, but he was hot, and sexy, and sweet. He was considerate, and understanding. Mindful of Cedric’s condition without making him feel like a freak. Kevin was exactly the kind of man he’d dreamed about and thought he’d never meet.

Truth was, Cedric hadn’t been counting on that. He’d never expected it, and he had no idea what to do about his reaction to it, his damned feelings, or the fact that Kevin wasn’t looking at him.

Maybe it’s for the best
, Cedric told himself as he entered the classroom.
It’ll be easier to move on if I don’t have him again.

And Kevin would be able to find a normal man.

But he didn’t want for this to be the end. He didn’t want their one encounter to be it. What he wanted was to rely on Kevin’s seemingly trustworthy character and add another step to his “Stop Being a Twat Program.” One in which he’d get to explore and enjoy the strong and undeniable connection they’d shared from the very beginning, regardless of Cedric’s faulty libido and the fact that his days in New York were numbered.

He looked in Kevin’s desk direction and sought eye contact when Kevin glanced at him.

Nothing.

Cedric’s heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach.

Bloody hell.

And
bloody hell
. Someone had moved the projector he was using for the night’s lesson to the left side of his desk. In turn, the projector had pushed Cedric’s books out of place.

He rushed to reposition everything, and that’s when he noticed a note stuck between his books.
What’s this?
Cedric wondered.
A prank?
He grabbed the note with the tip of his thumb and index finger, then looked around suspiciously as the students took their seats and got ready for the class to continue. There was no buzz of anticipation as he placed the note on his desk and used a stylus to unfold it as slowly as possible. Nobody looked at him.

Have you any idea how unbearably difficult it is for me to sit in this classroom trying not to get hard every time I look at you? I can’t wait to be alone with you. Please tell me we’re still on for tonight.

Cedric tugged his lip ring, put the note in one of his pockets, and tried to suppress the sappy smile he felt forming on his lips. He failed miserably. Before his students could see it, he turned off the light and started the projector. Everybody but Kevin went back to studying the blueprint on the board. Cedric noticed immediately, because he’d been hoping Kevin would finally look at him.

No smiles were exchanged. There were no facial gestures. Nothing could’ve given them away to possible spectators. Cedric nodded his head once. Kevin lowered his. A message sent and received in less than two seconds. Easy and simple, yet Cedric couldn’t think of another moment in his life with so much significance.

Taking a deep breath, he walked to the front of the classroom and continued teaching how to read blueprints.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

As Kevin discovered over the next two weeks, there were two main keys to successfully dating Cedric: he had to be able to play it by ear, and he had to be accepting and patient.

Hot pursuit and the occasional brazen attitude notwithstanding, it turned out Cedric was a slow mover in the sexual department. No surprise there. There was the situation with the side effects of Cedric’s medication, plus Kevin had read somewhere OCD people found it difficult to establish and maintain intimate relationships.

Apparently, Cedric’s low sex drive was a common occurrence. Kevin, on the other hand, wanted to do it all the time. One look at Cedric and he felt like a damn volcano; burning inside and ready to erupt, which he did every night.

Mostly on his own.

It wasn’t that they never did it. It was just that they didn’t do it enough, and Kevin found himself thinking about the reasons behind it pretty often.

When Cedric told him about his equipment not being one hundred percent functional Kevin had assumed it meant that sometimes he lost his erection, or wasn’t able to come. But after spending a few weeks together and observing the pattern, he was starting to wonder about the real magnitude of the problem.

Was Cedric able to get it up only so often, or not at all? Was his sexual drive so low that it’d become non-existent? Or was it that he just couldn’t be bothered with all the timing, restrictions, and required preparation? For some reason, Kevin thought it was the latter.

Simply put, they were sexually incompatible. Kevin was crazy in lust with the guy, and Cedric tended to avoid his advances.

Of course, it was very possible Kevin could be jumping the gun a little making such conjectures. It could be that Cedric wanted to take things slowly now that they’d finished what they started at the sex shop. Maybe he wanted to court him. Maybe he was getting used to dealing with another man’s bodily fluids on a regular basis. Or maybe he thought Kevin was a lousy lay. Whatever the reason might be, the fact remained they hadn’t done it in over six days.

For someone as randy as Kevin, that was the kiss of death. A total deal-breaker.

Should have been, anyway.

Under different circumstances, he would have been grateful if he’d discovered that detail so early on in a possible relationship, and he would’ve walked away. He wasn’t too shy to admit sex was damn important to him, and he wasn’t willing to go without it.

But this was
Cedric
. Sexual desire wasn’t the only thing Kevin felt for him. They were perfect together in every other way, and so he was willing to be patient. He knew the Brit boy danced to the beat of a different drum. He could wait for him.
He would
.

Besides, Cedric’s medication and therapy sessions were doing wonders in other aspects of his life. He hadn’t freaked out in class, and he could tolerate Kevin’s just-got-home-from-work, totally dirty and sweaty state. To hear Cedric say it, he was stronger every day. An improvement in his sexual pattern should be next, and Kevin just had to take it easy until the guy’s body assimilated the medication. In the meantime, he was happy to spend most of their time together getting to know one another in a non-biblical sense.