Disasterology 101 (29 page)

Kevin’s already tight schedule became almost impossible to keep up with as soon as he started seeing Cedric on a regular basis. His work days began at six a.m. He went from one job to another, and twice a week he added school to his heavy load. Tuesdays and Thursdays he got with Cedric after class, and Wednesdays were date night.

So far they’d had a couple of beers at a bar close to the penthouse, dinner at the restaurant where Cedric made a reservation that first night, and been on a night cruise around NYC. And every single time they were followed by Roberto. The guy gave them privacy, but he was always close by and ready to take Cedric home if he lost his bearings.

Kevin argued Roberto’s “company” wasn’t necessary when they went out on dates, as he was perfectly capable of taking care of Cedric should the need arise. Roberto “insisted” though, and it became quite obvious having his assistant/driver/friend around made Cedric feel safe, so Kevin relented, because going out was also part of Cedric’s therapy. They both had very limited time to do things together, and it was only smart to kill two birds with one stone. Kevin refused to ruin the mood by bitching about Roberto’s presence.

If they didn’t get together, they spoke on the phone. A few times they’d done spontaneous stuff, such as having a cup of coffee at the café where they’d first seen each other, or Cedric stopping by the construction site just to steal a quick kiss. He claimed exposing himself to Kevin’s natural habitat was therapeutic in five different ways, and Kevin wasn’t going to complain.

When he went to Cedric’s penthouse after work on Friday of the fifth week since they’d started seeing each other, he was ready to spend the whole weekend and get his fill of the guy. Cedric had plans for them. Going to the movies—a matinee show was the best option—and going out to dinner after he’d had his down time, but warned Kevin it was possible they might not end up not doing much.

Kevin didn’t have a problem with the plans not coming to fruition. He already knew any arrangement Cedric made would always be contingent on how he felt, and that was perfectly fine with him.

More than anything else, he was looking forward to being home with Cedric. Talking, hanging out, and taking advantage of their first weekend together by enjoying each other’s company. That was enough, but he’d much rather it didn’t happen because Cedric was feeling out of sorts.

It really sucked that sometimes it was impossible for the guy to deal with any kind of interaction or physical exposure, but Kevin couldn’t have everything he wanted his way, could he? If he could, he’d be making crazy, passionate love to the man who had him walking around with a permanent boner—as if Kevin was twenty—instead of killing time by exploring said man’s upscale living quarters.

Jesus, but he was horny. Funny, considering fatigue—physical or otherwise—was supposed to be the godfather of cock-blocking, and Kevin was so tired he could’ve slept for a decade. Not to mention, he was thirty-six years old, and hadn’t been celibate. His equipment had some mileage to it, yet the engine was revving as if it’d just been built and came out of the shop.

His friend Vaughn said it was natural to feel that way, as Kevin was entering a new phase as a gay man, and grazing in a different pasture. Kevin hadn’t corrected him, but he knew it had nothing to do with experimentation, and everything to do with the object of his interest… or was it affection?

Whatever.

It was the Brit boy who tugged at Kevin’s heartstrings, and had him so turned on he felt he couldn’t go one day without Cedric. That the physical contact between them was limited didn’t make a difference. He didn’t know about Cedric, but sex or no sex, Kevin was committed. He had no interest in dating other men, and letting Vaughn set him up with that friend he swore was “perfect for Kevin” wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t need to explore his options.

Kevin squirted sanitizer on his hands from the bottle Cedric kept on his kitchen counter, and grabbed an apple and a bottle of water out of the stainless steel refrigerator without paying much attention.

Sleazy sex shop encounter and conversations at MCC aside, Kevin had only gotten with the guy for the first time a little over a month ago, but they’d had some pretty damn intense conversations since then. His mind sometimes reeled from the speed at which things had developed between them, yet he was fine with it. The honesty and the way they trusted each another with their issues felt right and…Jesus, it felt like it was meant to be, and Kevin didn’t think he should put a halt to the natural progression of their relationship.

Kevin gulped down the water, put the untouched apple on the counter, and left the kitchen. He palmed his cock through his pants and gave it a few hard tugs while he moved aimlessly through the penthouse.

Truth was, he liked the place. As expensive and neatly organized as everything was, and despite the monochromatic color schemes, there was no denying the place was lived in. It was inviting and cozy, and he wondered how that was even possible, since Cedric lived alone and never left anything where it didn’t belong.

He sat on the couch in the living room, and took a guess at the price of the white furniture. He admired the crown molding, and the spotless hardwood floors. He took a page out of Cedric’s book, and counted to three hundred. He looked at the city lights outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, and did his damnedest to stop his impatience from growing out of proportion.

Kevin had paid attention to everything Cedric had told him about his routine, and how he functioned. He’d been observing him closely. He’d done his own research online in the past few days, and read as much information as he could on obsessive-compulsive disorder. He had a pretty solid idea of what he was in for.

Contrary to what he’d thought before, he’d learned the best way for him to help Cedric was to not accommodate his every compulsion nor enable his rituals. He knew little disruptions in his routine, or even a kiss that lasted longer than usual, supported Cedric’s treatment. He knew that, if he really wanted to make things work between them, he needed to take every aspect of the guy’s condition seriously. And he knew setbacks would happen regardless of therapy, but despite being aware of all the potential disasters, he was looking forward to their weekend together, even if he didn’t expect to spend every waking second with Cedric.

But he hadn’t been prepared to be on his own from the moment he arrived at the penthouse.

Bad day
, Cedric had said when he called Kevin around eight p.m.
I won’t be available
to greet you, but… Could I inconvenience you a tad? I mean, can I inconvenience you some more? See… bloody hell… will you still come over?

Of course
, Kevin had answered immediately.
I’ll come over and wait for you.

Thank you, pet. I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.

The whispered endearment made Kevin melt a little inside, and it was the reason why he hadn’t left, even though he’d been waiting for almost four hours without getting a glimpse of the man.

There was no doubt in Kevin’s mind that Cedric
meant
to call him pet. Not only because the guy wasn’t prone to casual
anything
, but because there’d been unmistakable gratitude behind his words. He’d needed Kevin to agree to come to his place, and he’d been relieved when Kevin said he would.

Thank you, pet.

It was a good thing Kevin was familiar with the term, too. Otherwise he would’ve thought Cedric made him out for what he really was: an old, slobbering dog willing to follow its master wherever he went in the hopes he threw him a bone.

Kevin got up from the couch and wandered into Cedric’s office.

Thank you, pet.

He shouldn’t read too much into it. He shouldn’t let that little word go to his head. He shouldn’t forget Cedric was complicated, and things may not end well. But damn if he wasn’t doing all that, and then some.

Kevin was fascinated by the guy. Captivated by his beauty and his personality, and seduced by his deep voice. The way Cedric arched his right eyebrow whenever a student questioned him on a subject made Kevin smile like a besotted idiot, and the subtle flash of the stud in the guy’s tongue never failed to make him spring wood at the most inconvenient moments. He felt dizzy with all the thoughts of Cedric that swirled through his mind constantly, and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

“Christ,” Kevin muttered. “How the hell did this happen?” He took a silver picture frame from the wall unit and traced it with his index finger. “How did I get to this point so damn fast?”

A much younger version of Cedric stared back at him.

His black hair was pulled away from his face. There were no cornrows, piercings or gloves in sight, but he was wearing several layers of clothing, and his hands looked red. As if he’d scratched them raw. He was tall already, with lanky arms and legs, but he hadn’t started filling out yet. He couldn’t have been more than fifteen when the picture was taken, yet he was already breathtaking. He looked happy and uncomfortable at the same time, standing in front of a palatial home with those whom Kevin assumed were his parents, four siblings, and two huge dogs.

They appeared to be a loving family… and their house was huge, and it was in fucking England, and they owned an international company that was worth millions and Kevin was nothing but a commoner infatuated with a foreign prince.

Slightly melodramatic, but true.

He returned the picture frame to the same place where it had stood, and ran his fingers through his hair.

He wanted to go to Cedric’s bedroom, bang on the door, and get the guy to come out and greet him already. Better yet, he wanted to go to Cedric’s bedroom, open the door, and get the guy naked. He wanted to see him without his usual three thousand layers of protection, and lick and suck his body. He wanted to kiss him for hours. He wanted Cedric to lie on his back and let Kevin fuck him. He wanted so much, he almost ran to the media room in order to stop himself from acting on any of it.

He settled on the navy blue, oversized sofa, and used the TV remote to start Netflix. Maybe his favorite show would make the wait more bearable.

Soon he was lost in aliens and time traveling, wishing that like in Doctor Who, there was a parallel universe in which they could make love slowly, and Cedric wasn’t afraid of germs attacking his body.

§ § §

Cedric cracked his eyes open and blinked until there was no fuzziness. He stretched his arms and legs simultaneously for thirty seconds, then turned his head and glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

Alarm skittered through him. His heart pounded into his throat, and his stomach cramped. He’d slept for over seven hours, and he had no idea if Kevin had stayed or if he was gone.

“Blimey.”

He turned on the lamp, glanced around the bedroom to make sure everything was in order, then threw his legs over the side of the bed and staggered into the connecting bathroom.

He took off his shorts and sleeping shirt, put his hair up in a bun, grabbed his toothbrush and stepped into the shower. He hit the tile wall and cursed viciously after he dropped the soap for the fourth time.

“Get it together, you bloody twat.”

If only it were that simple.

Anxiety attacks were never easy, but the one he suffered while at the museum with his therapy group had been particularly violent. Cedric couldn’t pinpoint what provoked it, but out of nowhere his body had gone numb, he’d gotten dizzy, and started having hot and cold flashes. Almost eight hours later he was still jittery, his chest hurt, and he had a headache. Sleep should have helped, but he felt like death warmed over.

He needed to relax, drink lots of water, and rest his body. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to do any of that until he’d found out what had happened with Kevin. He had to make sure his disappearing act wouldn’t affect their involvement.

Cedric took several deep breaths and got out of the shower. The possibility of having Kevin walk out on him made him queasy. Realizing he’d be devastated if he lost Kevin almost gave Cedric another anxiety attack.

He was getting attached.

Forgetting a man with his condition was better off alone.

“Bloody hell.”

He threw the towel in the hamper and walked back into his bedroom.

He’d let his deepest desires come to the surface and met Kevin, and now Cedric wanted to keep him forever. As if forever had ever been in his vocabulary. As if he wasn’t the poster boy for high maintenance. As if he was in a position to satisfy Kevin’s needs… or to stand by his side and be a good stepfather to his kids.