Disasterology 101 (34 page)

“I can’t talk about it.” Cedric covered Kevin’s hand with his gloved one, and shook his head. “Not tonight.”

“Why not?” Kevin insisted. “We were having such a good time, and all of a sudd—”

“Let it go, please.”

“Can’t you make an effort?”

Cedric backed up farther into Kevin’s front. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“You’re killing me here,” he complained as he tightened his arms around his guy. “I’m just trying to understand why you won’t talk to me.”

“Rosa’s coming tomorrow morning at nine,” Cedric told him.

“That was a blatant attempt to change the subject.”

“Want to go out for breakfast after she’s done?”

Rosa was Roberto’s sister, and Cedric’s hairdresser. The woman responsible for those perfectly aligned cornrows Cedric liked so much.

“I’m going to miss seeing your hair loose,” Kevin said, giving up on having any kind of conversation with the guy. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about what had made him cry, and Kevin didn’t want to get into a fight. Tonight he’d be content with having Cedric in his arms, but soon they’d have to talk. “And breakfast somewhere else sounds great.” He loved Cedric’s cooking, but it was good to get him out of the penthouse. “How about that diner near your office you told me you liked?”

“Good idea,” Cedric whispered. “Sleep now.”

Kevin kissed him on his head. “Good night, babe.”

“Good night, pet.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

“Kevin thinks knowing he’d be staying for the weekend triggered my anxiety attack last Friday,” Cedric said the moment he walked into Dr. Black’s office.

Not that he wanted to be there. The weekend had not been easy for him, and although there were several important things he needed to work on, he didn’t feel like revisiting some of them. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss his shortcomings just yet.

But he knew Dr. Black would insist, so it was better to get it out of the way. The sooner he faced his worst fears, the better. Only then would he be able to figure out the best way of stopping his lover from walking away from him.

“What do you think?”

“That he’s an extremely intuitive man,” Cedric said after careful consideration, “and his understanding of how my mind works has surpassed my wildest expectations.”

“You guys had a good weekend together?”

Cedric flopped down on the blue chaise lounge, and grabbed a throw pillow, casually squeezing it between his hands while he thought about the past two days. It had gotten slightly uncomfortable Saturday night, but Sunday came and went without Kevin asking him again what was wrong. Cedric could tell he’d been thinking about it, though. “It was the best weekend I’ve had in a long time,” he finally said. He knew Kevin was concerned, and certain things Cedric had hoped for had not happened, but maybe next time.

Yes
, he assured himself.
It’ll be even better next time.

“What about Kevin?” The question didn’t take him by surprise. He was used to Dr. Black’s psychic powers by now. “Did he enjoy himself?”

“Yes.” Cedric smiled at the memories flashing through his mind. “Yes, he did.”

He was tempted to play the short video they took on the rooftop terrace for Dr. Black. Cedric had never been special to a man. He’d never been looked at with so much tenderness and desire. And he’d never felt like the sun rose and set with him. Wanting to share the evidence of how very much he was wanted—and accepted—was only natural.

But he didn’t.

That little exchange had been a very intimate moment, not to mention significant, and a game-changer. It had to remain between him and Kevin.

“Has the sexual aspect of your relationship improved?”

Relationship.

That was a word he never thought would apply to him, if he’d ever heard one. Not that he and Kevin were official, but they were definitely involved, and Cedric was serious about dating him.

“It was better this weekend.” Cedric dropped the throw pillow and got up from the chaise lounge. “He was satisfied.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I made his toes curl,” Cedric said through gritted teeth, rather upset with the question. Wasn’t he allowed to keep anything private anymore?

“Were
you
satisfied?”

“His moans and grunts were music to my ears, so yes, I was satisfied.” Not to mention, fucking relieved Kevin hadn’t figured out what was going on.

“Have you discussed your problem with your lover?”

“He knows I have difficulty sometimes.”

So he had downplayed the situation a tad, but seriously, nobody could blame him for that. He was buying time while defending the most important thing in his life right now.

“Does he know it’s gotten worse?”

“We haven’t talked about that.”
No way
. He didn’t have the emotional strength required to admit something like that. He couldn’t stand in front of Kevin and tell him he couldn’t get it up.

“Hmm….”

“What?” When the view of Central Park from Dr. Black’s window failed to assuage him the way it usually did, Cedric walked over to the bookcase and got busy reading the titles. Although he was anxious about the subject, he didn’t want to discuss it. He’d managed not to count out loud or reposition anything in the office. But now he needed something to do. He needed an outlet.

“I don’t see any adjustments of your medication dose.” The doctor shuffled through his papers one more time before throwing a questioning look in Cedric’s direction. “I thought you were going to talk to Dr. Hoffman about the side effects you were experiencing.”

Cedric adjusted his tie and buttoned up his suit jacket. He didn’t plan on staying much longer, and he didn’t want to look at his doctor. “What if I didn’t have to?”

“Are you not willing to discuss this issue today?”

“What if there’s no issue?” Cedric snapped. “What if the problem righted itself? Is that so impossible to believe?”

“Did it?”

Cedric walked back to the window and took a deep breath.

“I haven’t felt the need to clean everything he touches for over a week,” he said softly. “I’ve eaten things from his hand, and shared my pool with him. I even slept in his arms two nights in a row. We share longer kisses now… and I could finally touch him with my bare hands.” He turned to look at Dr. Black with a tremulous smile. “I don’t want to lose that.”

“You need to discuss this with Dr. Hoffman.” Cedric could see his doctor empathized with him, but he was set on getting his point across. “Sometimes an adjustment in dosage, or a switch in your medication intake schedule is all that’s needed to improve the situation.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” Cedric bit his lower lip and wrung his hands. “What if I try a new dose and my obsessive-compulsive tendencies come back in full force?” He shook his head three times. “I can’t be like that again. Kevin wouldn’t be able to deal with it… and neither would I!”

Lord.

The mere thought of staying indoors, and not being able to have Kevin in his life scared him to death.

“What are you going to do when Kevin figures it out?” Dr. Black asked kindly.

“He won’t.”

“He has a right to know the full extent of what he’s dealing with.”

“You can’t seriously expect me to tell him I’m less than a man.” Cedric swallowed hard, tugged his lip ring, and ran his hands up and down his arms. “Regardless of how strong my feelings are, the truth is our relationship is very new. I’m afraid he’ll start reconsidering his options if I tell him about this. He might walk away from me, and I can’t have that.”

“Cedric—”

He stopped Dr. Black from finishing his sentence with a gesture of his hand. He knew his doctor was right about being honest with Kevin, but Cedric wasn’t interested in hearing that.

“Kevin was fine when he left yesterday to meet with his friend Vaughn,” he said. “I’m in deep water here… I’d rather not make any waves right now.”

“I don’t need to tell you how counter-productive your actions can turn out to be, right?” his doctor insisted.

Cedric wasn’t ready to think about that.

“How about I work on other things?” With a deep sigh, Cedric took off his suit jacket, rubbed his face with his fingerless-gloved hands, and lay down on the chaise lounge. “Let’s talk about my feelings of inadequacy first. I’m apprehensive about hiding things from Kevin, and I don’t want to feel like I don’t deserve the wonderful man I’ve got.” He grabbed a throw pillow and squeezed it between his hands. “Then we’ll weigh the benefits of my current medication against its side effects, okay?”

“That sounds like an excellent plan.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Sucking cock through three layers of latex wasn’t all that sexy or satisfying. His mouth was numb from the extra effort and, although Cedric was semi-hard, Kevin wasn’t sure the guy was feeling anything.

Cedric wasn’t counting like he did the other times, nor did he ask Kevin to stop for a few seconds so that he could reposition a damn vase on the dresser. He just wasn’t all that invested.

Needless to say, the situation wasn’t working for Kevin.

He was desperate to get a damn reaction from Cedric. He wanted to drive him so crazy with desire that he’d only be able to count orgasms, so he grabbed Cedric’s slim hips, and tried again. He tripled his efforts. He sucked harder, and pushed his gag reflex to the limit. He licked without flinching at the flavor.

Nothing.

No matter what he did—within his still limited training—he couldn’t get Cedric to the same level of passion from their earlier encounters. Hell, nowadays Kevin barely managed to get the guy hard. It was frustrating the shit out of him, and truth be told, he was ready to head home.

Maybe he should give Cedric time to gather his bearings, and come back when he wasn’t so tense, because as patient and easygoing as Kevin usually was, there were days in which he wasn’t up to dealing with anyone’s issues. He just wanted to go home, have dinner, fuck his brains out, and then watch TV until he passed out, which was exactly what he felt like doing tonight.

Between getting pressured by his father and brothers to give up on his dream job and dedicate more time to the family business, and the emotional rollercoaster that was being with Cedric, Kevin was more than ready to let loose and get some raw, carnal reward that would make it impossible to walk for a week. It’d be perfect. He’d finally found someone that pushed all his right buttons, and Kevin couldn’t wait to get it from him. But thanks to his lust-induced euphoria he’d forgotten how much things had changed since he last indulged in this kind of activity.

Kevin cradled Cedric’s balls with one hand, and licked over and around the head of his cock while he thought about the differences.

He’d divorced the accommodating wife who knew what he needed and gave it to him.

His current lover’s libido was kind of missing, and he couldn’t deal with spontaneity either.

And no longer did Kevin do the fucking.

He was on the receiving end now. He was the bottom, and only if Cedric was in the right frame of mind to stick his dick in Kevin’s asshole. Which right this moment? He wasn’t.

Kevin didn’t understand what the hell was going on. Cedric had jumped him the second he got out of the shower. They’d kissed their way to the bed, and the Brit boy dropped his pants without being asked. He’d had Kevin thinking he was about to get what he so desperately needed, and all of a sudden he wasn’t into it?

Dammit!

He released Cedric’s half-hard cock and sat back on his haunches. “What’s the problem?”

Cedric shook his head, and wiped off his sweaty forehead with the back of his gloved hand. “Nothing,” he mumbled. His face was flushed, and his eyes kept darting between Kevin, his softening dick, and the bathroom door.