Disasterology 101 (7 page)

He shook his head and glanced at his watch. Twelve fifty-seven p.m. If he made quick work of this ill-fated date he’d be able to catch the two-twenty-one train to Manhattan. The sooner he registered for that blueprint class, the sooner he’d be able to get the full-time position he wanted with Greenbriar.

“Think getyourflameon.com overlooked some rather important criteria before
perfectly
matching us?”

Kevin’s tone was sarcastic but Vaughn, the third strike against that blasted dating site, totally missed it. He just batted his long eyelashes and winked at Kevin.

“Probably, but I’m not holding it against them. Gosh, you’re gorgeous.”

“I wonder why the website doesn’t include that question.”

“Maybe because they fancy themselves as true matchmakers, but we’re gay men. We know better.” Kevin must have looked as lost as he felt, because Vaughn patted his cheek and smiled widely. “Love is lost amongst us. We want to get laid… find a good sex partner... preferably one who’s negative. Nobody really cares about common interests and life goals.”

“I do.”

“Only because you’re new, sweetheart.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

Kevin wanted to go out with a guy that had at least a few similar interests. What the hell were they going to talk about if they had nothing in common?

“So?”

“So, what?”

“So, I want to fuck you,” Vaughn enunciated. “Are you ready to spread ’em for me or not?”

Kevin finished his glass of water and chuckled. He didn’t know if he should be grateful for, or insulted by, the guy’s brash attitude.

“Lesson of the day,” he muttered under his breath. “Never assume a guy is a bottom just because he looks effeminate.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Kevin traced the moisture ring left by the glass of water on the table with his index finger and tried to gather his thoughts.

Truth was he didn’t know if he was a top or a bottom, as he had yet to have a gay sexual encounter. Whenever he watched porn he got turned on by both aspects of it, and when he fantasized about being with another man he gravitated between pitching and catching. Sticking his cock in some hot, tight asshole and being on the receiving end of a fat dick were equally appealing activities to Kevin’s libido. He wouldn’t be able to tell which one he preferred until he acquired some hands-on experience. One thing was for sure, though. He didn’t want to figure it out with the help of Vaughn Miller.

“How about we forget lunch and go get a room in one of the motels on Route 1?”

“I don’t think so.” Kevin tapped the table with his knuckles and locked eyes with Vaughn. “This isn’t going to work.”

“You’re a top, right?” Vaughn grabbed the edge of the table with his manicured hands and sighed deeply. “I had a feeling the moment I saw you. I mean, there’s no way in hell a gay jock like yourself would be bending over for this lil’ old queen.”

“I’m not a jock.”

“Oh?”

Kevin put up his hand to halt any misunderstandings and shook his head slowly. “But it isn’t going to happen.”

“Bummer.”

Kevin chuckled. There was something almost endearing about Vaughn’s attitude. He probably should revise his standards and priorities, though.

“I didn’t mean to waste your time.”

“Exactly how long have you been dating other men?”

“It’s very recent, but long enough to know that I’m not into bears, twinks, circuit boys, show queens—”

“Or fashion victims,” Vaughn said, straightening out his silly scarf and bumping Kevin’s leg playfully under the table. “Let’s start again, shall we?” He offered his hand and Kevin, not quite sure of the guy’s new angle, shook it cautiously. “I’m Vaughn, I’m a widower and I’m desperately trying to hold onto my youth by seducing hot, young boys like yourself.”

“Okay… I’m Kevin, I’m divorced… I’m just trying to find my way.” He shook Vaughn’s hand one more time before letting it go. “I’m sorry things didn’t go as you would’ve liked.”

“Don’t worry about it. We all could always use a new friend, right?” He grabbed the menu from the table and smiled at Kevin. “Can I interest you in having lunch with me? All of a sudden I’m starving, and we could talk about the kind of guy you’re actually attracted to.”

Kevin considered the offer. Now that Vaughn wasn’t trying to get him to go to the nearest motel, he could see the older guy was actually pretty cool and friendly. Kevin sort of liked him, and he could definitely use a friend. Besides, Vaughn looked sincere, so what the heck.

Kevin leaned forward and shook his head again. “I don’t think I have a type,” he confided, his tone low and thoughtful. “Or at least I haven’t found it.”

A vision of tall perfection with black hair in cornrows ambushed Kevin’s memory. He wasn’t surprised. The pretty thug from the sex shop had featured in quite a few of his fantasies. And they were
bawdy.
So much that thinking about it made him blush, and going by how big Vaughn’s eyes opened and the way in which he jumped up and down in his seat, he noticed.

“Something tells me you’re lying.”

He groaned. Vaughn chuckled. Kevin relaxed and smiled a little.

“Come on, sweetie. Tell me everything about him.”

Kevin spent the following hour talking about the sexiest man he’d met to date, and how he wished he could find him again. It was an extremely weird way to start a new friendship, but he was willing to take it.

CHAPTER SIX

“I don’t want to go to a gay club ever again,” Cedric said the moment his head touched the fluffy cushion of Dr. Black’s blue chaise lounge sofa. He really liked that piece of furniture. It was comfortable.

“When did you go to a gay club?”

“Saturday night,” he said with an amused smile. He knew his doctor was astounded by his announcement but, as per usual, he didn’t react to it.

“Have a good time?”

“I hated it. I knew I would. I mean, all those sweaty bodies touching one another… I can’t deal with it. Not even when I watch it on the telly.” He shivered. “I’ll be forever grateful to whoever thought of cordoned VIP areas and bouncers.”

“Why did you go to the club?”

“Roberto, my self-appointed big brother, said it’d be a good exposure exercise.” Cedric grabbed a throw pillow and pressed it against his chest. “I needed a reprieve from my thoughts, so I agreed to go. At the time it sounded like a good idea.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I should’ve never shared that list you gave me of things I can do to increase my tolerance level. He doesn’t stop pestering me about trying new things.”

Which annoyed the bloody hell out of Cedric at times, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“You sound frustrated.”

“Not with Roberto.” He’d been left to his own devices at a rather tender age. The kind of concern and support he got from Roberto was something he’d always craved. Plus, they got along, and Cedric loved being treated like a younger brother. “But yes, you know I’ve been frustrated for weeks,” he confirmed.

“Same reason?”

“I really don’t understand how a person can disappear like that.” Cedric glanced at his watch, threw the pillow away and got up. “He hasn’t been back once. Why
is
that? Doesn’t he like coffee anymore?”

“It could be that he isn’t from the area.” Dr. Black didn’t need to ask who “he” was, as Cedric hadn’t stopped talking about him in weeks. “We’ve discussed this before.”

“I know we have.” He picked up the throw pillow and placed it on the chaise lounge, then glanced at his watch again. Only twenty seconds had passed.
Shite
. “I let Roberto talk me into going out not because I wanted to work on my issues, but because I thought a change in scenery would help me stop thinking about him.”

“And how did that go?”

“I found myself thinking about him even more.”

“Why do you think that happened?”

The crystal landmarks on Dr. Black’s coffee table were out of place again, but Cedric looked away. He was determined not to touch them. If he succeeded he’d be able to reward himself. That book with photographs of Soviet architecture he’d added to his favorite online bookstore account’s wish list sounded like the perfect prize.

“I got to the club hoping someone would catch my attention.” Cedric adjusted his tie and went to stand by the office window. “But every chap in there reminded me of the reasons why I‘m so attracted to him.”

“What reasons are those?” Was what Dr. Black asked, but
you’re bloody obsessed
, was what Cedric heard. “Why are you so attracted to him and not any other man?”

Could he even be “attracted” to a man he’d only seen once?

I am.

Cedric groaned.

“He’s understated.” Cedric really hated not knowing his name. “I watched him for a while at the coffee shop, and I could tell immediately he has no idea how attractive he is.” Cedric closed his eyes and let a vision of solidly-muscled, dark-haired perfection fill his mind. “There’s something about him, you know? His eyes are the prettiest blue, and kind. He likes kids.” Cedric had no idea why that mattered to him, but it did. His favorite memory of the bloke was when he had smiled at that little girl in the coffee shop. “He’s passionate, when he isn’t getting pushed away, but based on how long he hesitated to step into the shop I’d say sex isn’t everything to him. Not like it appeared to be for those chaps at the club.”

“How did you feel in that club?”

“Out of place,” he mused. “Most of those chaps reminded me of peacocks. Tall, short, young, older, shaved, waxed or scraggy looking… They had different looks, but they behaved like peacocks. Are you familiar with the peacock mating ritual?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he continued. “They put on a show to attract the peahen. Or another peacock, as this case would have it. They flare out their colorful tail feathers and shake them. If the other peacock takes interest, they mate. One peacock mounts on top of the other peacock’s back and deposits his sperm into the sexual organ. And they’d try to mate with anything.” Cedric flicked his lip ring several times and looked at his doctor. “I witnessed a lot of tail-shaking Saturday night, and not many of those peacocks were concerned about decorum or privacy. They shook their tails, displayed their goods, and proceeded to do some mounting right there on the dance floor. It was absolutely disgusting.”

More so than the sex shop?

Yes! I’m not talking about the place. I’m talking about the people.

“Anything positive come out of your visit to the club?”

“I realized I could never be a peacock. I’m more of an Emperor penguin. They take long trips to find a mate, and are serially monogamous.”

Cedric glanced at the messy surface of Dr. Back’s desk and stuck his hands in his trouser pockets. There were papers everywhere. If he didn’t know better he would’ve thought his doctor left everything in disarray just to mess with Cedric.

“Also, I think the frustration I’ve been feeling has set in,” he admitted after a couple of minutes of careful reflection. “I found a man I liked, and I approached him in the worst way possible. I haven’t seen him again, therefore I haven’t been able to make amends….” He rubbed his face and sat across from his doctor. Maybe the blue chaise lounge sofa would offer some comfort. “I feel like I had this tremendous opportunity to interact with him in a normal way, and I failed.”

“Is this incident making you doubt your progress?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“What do you want to do about it?”

Nothing.

I’m stuck no matter how hard I try.

I’m done. I give up.

Don’t you dare. Not yet. Not ever.

Cedric lay down and grabbed the throw pillow.

“Let’s discuss my strategy to blast through my frustration.”