Dishonour (35 page)

Ray-Ray bent down to her ear and whispered back, just as quietly. ‘Put your arms down.’
Put your arms down
. Laila squeezed her eyes shut, dropping her arms at the same time. A few moments passed until she found the strength to open her eyes. He wasn’t in front of her as she thought he was. He was sitting on the end of the bed, his head bent down low.

‘Get on the bed Janie.’

She wanted to run, but remembered the words of Johno, threatening to hurt Yvonne. She had to
try
. What other choice did she have? Slowly she walked across to him, lowering herself on to the bed. Her body was filled with so much tension it made it almost impossible for her to lower herself down to sit next to him. She could feel his body next to hers, just as tense. Just as rigid as hers.

‘Lie down.’

‘I …’

‘Don’t say anything; just do it.’ He spat out his words.

Laila fell back on the bed, feeling the softness of the mattress catch her body. She lay staring at the ceiling, blinking at nothing, closing her mind off to what was happening to her.

Ray-Ray threw himself down next to her, but the instant his body hit the bed, Laila jumped up, running towards her clothes which lay abandoned on the floor.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I thought I could.’ She pulled on her dress, struggling to do the zip up. Giving up, she picked up her shoes, wiping her running eyes and nose on the silk sleeve of her dress. ‘I’m sorry I have to go.’ Ray-Ray stood, blocking her way.

‘Please, let me go.’

He sneered at her. ‘What’s the matter
Janie
?’

‘I don’t do this.’

‘You don’t do what?’

‘This … I don’t do this.’

‘What? Not enough money for you? Is that it? You want more money?’ Ray-Ray stormed over to his jacket pocket, pulling out wads of fifty-pound notes. ‘Here. Is this enough money for you? Is this what you want?’ He started to throw it at her, screwing up the notes, firing them at her face.

‘No, no I don’t want your money.’

His voice was strained, holding back the anger. ‘Isn’t my money good enough for you … or is it me? You can’t bear to sleep with someone like me.’

‘No, stop, please it hasn’t anything to do with you.’

‘You’re a whore aren’t you? Am I so bad even a whore wouldn’t touch me?’

‘No, no, please.’

‘Then why? Why not me?’

Laila’s tears were heavy and her voice tried to reach out to him. ‘You don’t understand. This isn’t what I do … I’ve never done it.’

He bit down on his lip and watched her walk towards the door. She was going. Leaving. But he couldn’t tell her. He needed her to see. Desperate, he rushed over to the music controls, switching the song on again.

Laila stopped. He watched her breathe.
Turn around
.
Please turn around.
He wanted to reach out and touch her. Her voice was warm when she spoke. Her back still facing him.

‘I need you to know, this isn’t anything to do with what you look like.’

‘But you’re still going?’

‘What do you want from me?’

‘Look at me. Turn round and look at me.’

Laila slowly turned, clutching on to her shoes. Ray-Ray saw her stare at him blankly. ‘Look at me.’ Confusion crossed her face and Ray-Ray could feel the panic rise inside him.

‘What do you see?’

‘I … I don’t know.’

‘Look
harder
. Can’t you see?’

Urgency filled her voice as she spoke over the music. ‘I don’t know what you want me to see.’

Ray-Ray shouted, and tears he didn’t think could fall trickled down his face. ‘Look; just
look
.’

He could tell she didn’t understand. In frustration he swung at the lamp, knocking it and everything else off the table. He grabbed his shirt, pulling it on as he walked out of the door.

For a few seconds Laila stood without moving, trying to comprehend what had just happened. It was the second time he’d run off and she was at a loss to know what to do.

Pulling herself together and trying not to worry about what Johno would say, Laila gathered the things off the floor. She froze. Her eyes transfixed on what lay next to the magazine. Tentatively she crouched down, picking up the CD case. Her breathing shortened, and her heart began to hammer in her chest. She stared at it. It couldn’t be. But there in the corner were the smiley face stickers with her initials on. She moved her fingers to lightly brush over them. She looked at the door, and, as the realisation hit her, she covered her mouth, a tiny cry coming out.

Throwing the case down, Laila ran into the empty corridor. Picking up the bottom of her dress, she pushed past the room service trolley and a startled looking bellboy.

She hurried round the corner and there, at the bottom of the corridor, she could see him. She called out but he didn’t turn as he stepped into the lift. She could see the doors closing as she neared them, and lunging forward, she hit the call button, but it was too late. They closed, leaving her standing in the corridor. She put her head on the cool metal of the closed doors and under her breath whispered, ‘It’s you. Ray-Ray, it’s you.’

40

‘You look the bleeding dog’s bollocks.’ Linda grinned at Tasha as she came into the kitchen, wearing a low-cut deep blue satin dress, topped off with the Bvlgari necklace Freddie had bought her. ‘I take it your old man’s on a promise?’

‘I’m going to be wined and dined Linda, not taken to a farmer’s field for a quick roll in the hay.’

‘Are you going to get one of Freddie’s boys to drive you?’

Tasha crinkled up her nose. Even though her and Freddie were trying to get on and trust each other again, it didn’t stretch to the people who worked for him. She wanted them as far away from her as possible. They’d also been happy to see her six foot under and that was something she wouldn’t forget in a hurry.

‘You’ve got to be joking Lind, I’d rather walk.’

‘Well it’s lucky for you then you’ve got your own motor parked outside ain’t it? Go and have fun babe, you deserve it.’

Tasha found driving her convertible Bentley Continental in her Christian Louboutin shoes more difficult than she first imagined. It wasn’t helping either that she hadn’t figured out quite how to use the GPS mapping system, nor that it was getting dark and she didn’t know the part of London she was in. Half an hour ago she’d driven past Myddeltons deli on the corner of Amwell Street and Lloyd Baker Street which served the best crispy bacon focaccia in town, but now the familiar landmarks had disappeared.

She was certain she’d already passed Battersea Bridge three times and was going back in the same direction as she started from, though she wouldn’t let herself concede it probably would’ve been easier to have got Johno or even Eddie to drive her. Shit, Eddie; she’d forgotten about him. She’d been so swept along by Freddie’s romantic gestures that she’d forgotten about Eddie wanting to meet her tonight. Never mind, she was sure Linda would be pleased to see him. How her sister had a secret fancy for Eddie was beyond Tasha, but there it was. Even though they’d all known each other for years, Linda had only let slip this piece of information the other day. She couldn’t see it herself, but then Linda had never had the best taste in men. Though who was she to talk?

Sighing, Tasha pushed the bluetooth on the steering wheel to see if she could get through to Eddie, but it went straight to voicemail. She wouldn’t leave a message; it was pointless. She didn’t even know if it was his number any more. He changed it as often as he probably did his underwear, although she didn’t blame him. She knew there was no way Eddie could deal with going back inside again.

The GPS told her to turn left, but instinct told her it didn’t know what the hell it was talking about. The potholed road looked more like a drive-up to a builder’s yard than a road she thought, until she saw the tealight candles along the path.

Driving slowly, Tasha took in how beautiful it looked. The whole drive was lit up on both sides with flickering candle flames. She smiled, genuinely touched by the trouble Freddie had gone to. It didn’t even matter that she knew he would’ve recruited his men to do it rather than
him
do it himself, but it was the thought that mattered. For all her married life she’d only ever wanted him to think about her and her feelings, and finally he had started to do so.

Stepping out of the car, Tasha couldn’t help giggling; she felt like she had done on the day of their wedding. The tiny path leading up to the warehouse had more candles lit along the edge of it and was strewn with rose petals. There was a part of Tasha which wished Linda was there to see it, wanting to share something so beautiful with her.

Tasha touched her necklace, feeling the butterflies in her tummy, and walked along the path, drinking in every intoxicating moment of the starlit night.

Inside the warehouse, Tasha was overwhelmed by how beautiful it was. She didn’t even feel foolish as the tears pricked at her eyes. In the middle of the empty warehouse space, a long table sat with hundreds of candles twinkling and flickering, creating a sense of magic.

She walked to the table, picking up the single rose, smelling the gentle aroma of the blossoming flower. Then she heard footsteps behind her. Smiling, Tasha turned round.

‘You look beautiful. Thank you for coming.
You look perfect Izzy, just perfect
.’

Ray-Ray was pacing. He couldn’t sit down, let alone sit still. He walked over to the window in his bedroom looking at nothing in particular, and seeing nothing but Laila’s face in his mind.

What the hell had he just done? He was a fool playing games with her, wearing the half mask on the good side of his face to prevent her recognising him. For what? To punish her? He’d been so angry with her, so betrayed by her – or he thought he had. But when he’d seen her, all he’d really wanted to do was take her in his arms. Wanted to tell her it had been the idea of her which had kept him going through hospital. The possibility of seeing her face and hearing her voice one more time, had given him light in an otherwise dark tunnel. There were so many things he wanted to ask her. So many questions needed answering. What the hell was she doing in London? How had she ended up working for Johno? But instead of asking any, he’d been a prat. Fuck it. Grabbing his coat, Ray-Ray knew exactly what he was going to do.

‘What you doing here? Shouldn’t you be laying on all the mushy stuff with Mum? Oh don’t tell me, you were your usual tactful self and now dinner’s off.’

Freddie looked at Ray-Ray as he walked into the kitchen, just as Linda walked in with Eddie. ‘It’s nice to see you’ve got so much confidence in me son, or it would be, if I knew what the fuck you were talking about.’

‘Oh turn it in Dad, you don’t have to be shy in front of us. We won’t tell anyone the mighty Freddie Thompson has a heart, will we?’ Ray-Ray gave a half smile at the others, as Freddie continued to look puzzled.

Linda piped up. ‘And that necklace was something else doll, bleeding hell Freddie, have you thought about giving your sister-in-law one as well?’

‘I gave her a necklace but I don’t know anything about any dinner. I said we might go out and maybe do something nice but with one thing and another, I’ve been too busy. Forgot all about it.’

Linda glanced at Ray-Ray as she saw Freddie was being deadly serious. ‘What about the flowers?’

‘What fucking flowers? Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?’

Ray-Ray and Linda shrugged their shoulders and Freddie clocked Eddie, looking sheepish. He barked at him. ‘You got something to tell me Ed? Have you been sending me missus flowers? Cos if you have, fuck me Ed, whether I owe you or not, I’m coming for you.’

Eddie put his hands up in the air. ‘Freddie, it’s me you’re talking to.’

‘Leave it out Dad, Eddie’s done nothing. Are you sure you ain’t sent them?’

Freddie, overcome with paranoia, snapped and shouted at his son. ‘What? Now you’re going to accuse me of having dementia as well as being a crap husband? I know if I’ve sent flowers to your mother or not.’

‘Okay, okay calm down. I’m sure there’s some simple explanation.’

‘Such as? Cos I can’t bleedin’ think of one.’

Ray-Ray stared at his father, feeling a pressure point start pulsating in his head. He hoped to God there was a simple explanation; like the flower shop had got it wrong and they’d just been delivered to the wrong address, or his father had genuinely forgotten. But how likely was that? Wasn’t it more likely his mother had begun to do again what she’d been doing in Bradford? Pretending to him she wasn’t seeing anybody behind his father’s back, when they both knew she was. Shit. He didn’t want
to think about it now. He
couldn’t
think about it now. ‘Listen Dad, I’m out of here, I’ve got things to do.’

Ray-Ray slammed out of the kitchen, not wanting to be see his father turn from being his dad into the formidable, fearsome Freddie Thompson. The Freddie Thompson that men were terrified of. The Freddie Thompson he’d seen hundreds of times throughout his life. And the Freddie Thompson he didn’t want a part of.

Back in the kitchen, Linda was trying to calm Freddie down. ‘Think Freddie, think. I ain’t saying you’re losing your marbles, but I don’t get it. She got done up to the nines. I told her she looked the dog’s bollocks.’

Eddie raised his eyebrows, wondering if he could slip out without being noticed, while Linda carried on talking. ‘She was chuffed to bits you’d asked her to go on a date. I ain’t seen her look like that for a long time. She was happy.’

‘Happy for someone else to shag the daylights out of her.’

It was Linda’s turn to raise her voice. ‘Stop it Freddie. It was
you
she said she was going to see. She wouldn’t lie to me. She never has done before.’

‘Yeah, that’s what she wants you to think.’

‘No, I know she wouldn’t. The last time …’ Linda began to bite her lip, pulling her mouth back from spewing anything else out. She didn’t need to look up to know that Freddie’s blue eyes were staring at her.

Freddie lifted her chin up and as he did so, even though he didn’t hurt her, Linda could feel the strength in his fingers alone.