Dissonance (21 page)

Do angels sleep? Because when I woke, I could have sworn Charlotte was actually an angel dozing serenely beside me. Curled up like a small child, I could almost see the gleaming wings rising from the alluring curves of her back. Her skin glowed in the sunlight that poured in through the windows. The comforter had inched down her delicate body to her hips, showing her supple breasts, the faultless arc of her neck, and lush skin I longed to touch. Her fragile arms were bent up in front of her, and my eyes were drawn to the scar marring her tiny wrist. Seeing it was like a kick in the ribs. Where before it had been nearly invisible to the eye, it now stood in stark contrast to her milky color. It confirmed my suspicion that she had been using cover-up on the mark. Over the course of the night, that barrier had dissolved or been rubbed away. I was left to see the sick image in its full horrific glory.

The darkness of that sight was like a crushing weight landing on me. Her pain existed as clearly as the scar on her wrist, reminding me that the adorably peaceful girl asleep next to me had a past that was filled with anything but peace. Life had nearly made an angel of her already. She could have been gone from this world before I ever got the chance to look upon those big brown eyes, to feel the heat of her skin beneath my fingers, to kiss those plump lips. The devastation that the thought filled me with compelled me to reach for her. I didn’t want to disturb her tranquil form, but I needed her solace.

She stirred and slowly blinked the sleep from her eyes. Then her face broke in to an adorable dozy smile.
Oh hell.
It was astounding and I could hardly believe that smile was directed at me. In that moment, I knew that I would do anything in the world to wake up to that beauty every morning. Anything she asked of me, it would be hers. I wanted to savor that expression, but I had to kiss her. I couldn’t stop myself.

“Good morning, angel.”

That cute blush began to creep into her cheeks again. I had to suppress a groan. It was unholy the things that that blush did to me.

“Good morning,” she answered, her voice scratchy from sleep. It was unreasonable how sexy that sound was. Of course, that seemed to be how everything was with Charlotte.

Propping up on one elbow, I grazed one of her rosy cheeks. “Why are you so shy?”

She shrugged and angled her head away from me. That distant look I had come to despise began infiltrating her eyes. It made me ache. It wasn’t that she looked sad per se, just.... haunted.

“Hey,” I nuzzled her neck, trying to pull her back to me. When she turned her face back, her smile felt strained. “Do you have plans today?”

She shook her head. “Do you?”

“Well, I have to go meet someone this morning, but I’d like to spend the rest of the day with you. We can do whatever you want. I can show you around town some more.”

“Is it a work meeting? On a Saturday?”

“No. I have to go talk to your brother.” At her furrowed brow, I added, “To ask for his blessing.”

“He’s not my keeper,” she sighed. “And it’s not like we’re getting married.”
Yet.
Somehow my mind felt the word was missing on the end of her sentence. What the hell had she done to me?

“I’m not going because I’ll actually back off if he says no, I just owe it to him to tell him where we stand. He’s my best friend and he told me to keep my hands to myself around you. I should at least tell him that’s not in the cards.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. Snorting, when had that become cute?

“You love to mock me, don’t you?”

That devilishly sexy smirk that had floored me from day one spread across her face. With her hair still mussed, her body half exposed and the fire smoldering in her eyes, I was past the point of suppressing the raging hard on I’d woken with.

“You’re such an easy target,” she teased. I couldn’t control myself when I hauled her against me, kissing her deeply. I stayed there with that delectable body pressed to mine, exploring her mouth again until I was certain I would burst. Only then did I leave her lying in my bed while I took a shower and desperately sought relief.

I knocked on Eli’s door an hour and a half later. Leaving the haven of my warm bed with Charlotte still in it was horrible. Honestly, I was surprised I hadn’t wrecked my car on the way over. Every ten seconds another image of Charlotte’s magnificent body flashed into my mind. Despite resorting to taking care of myself in the shower, I’d been sporting wood the entire way over and had to spend five minutes in the car trying to get the damn thing to go away.

Alex answered, dressed in all black for work. “He just got in the shower,” she explained with a roll of her eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to join in on mocking Eli’s laziness. I was too distracted trying to keep thoughts of Charlotte at bay and trying to gage what sort of reaction to expect out of her brother.

Plopping onto their couch, I was distantly aware that Alex was saying something from across the room, but the sounds didn’t register. How was I going to tell Eli about Charlotte? We both knew I was a far cry from worthy. Suddenly, those “
hands off
” warnings were playing just fine on their own.

“Earth to Logan,” Alex called out louder. “What’s up with you?” she asked once she had my attention.

I decided to go with the truth. What could it hurt?

“Charlotte.”

I watched the understanding sink in and then she was sitting down beside me. Her sober expression made my pulse accelerate. If super-romantic Alex didn’t think I was a decent suitor, I was dead in the water with Eli.

Alex seemed unsure of what to say, something I had never seen before. “Look, I… there’s something I have to tell you. She told me to keep quiet about it, but you really need to know the truth if you’re going to start anything with her, for her sake.” Her silence permeated the room while my heart thumped viciously in my chest. “The group we met in… it was for victims… for survivors of domestic abuse.”

I can’t say I know what it feels like to be shot. I can’t begin to claim to know the agony of a bullet piercing your body. But I can image that the sickening mix of pain and shock that caused me to recoil at Alex’s words had to be similar. I felt like I was going to be physically ill.

“I don’t really know what happened to her,” Alex continued in a soft tone. “But I do know that she never dealt with it. She’s pushed it down and never said a thing about it to anyone. It’s why she still has panic attacks after all this time. In all honesty, it’s why I first wanted to get closer to Eli. I was afraid that he…” she trailed off into a sad shake of her head. I couldn’t blame her for questioning Eli, even if I knew it could never have been him. “But he doesn’t even know about it.”

Seeming to sense how much her words had sent my reeling, she held off on any more unwanted knowledge for a moment and gently laid her hand on mine. “I don’t want to betray her,” she resumed after a minute, “but you need to know. Whatever happened is pretty much all she knows of relationships besides what she has with me and Eli, and what she had with her mom. There’s no telling what might trigger her, and if you aren’t careful, she will try to push you away when things get rough.”

“What can I do?” I asked weakly.

“I don’t know. Be patient. Be gentle. She’ll need that so much more than other women. Even if nothing goes wrong, there will be times where she’ll push you away anyway. She’s done it to all of us. If you think it’s happening, it’s probably not in your head. You can coax her back if you try. And in terms of sex… if she has any experience at all, it wasn’t… positive. Just,” she sighed, seeming unsure what to say, “tread lightly.”

Alex looked as pale as I felt. Charlotte could have been… God I couldn’t even go there. Someone had hurt her worse than I even dared imagine.

Both of our heads jerked up when we registered the sound of the shower shutting off. Alex stood. “I should get going,” she said before heading down the hall, presumably to say goodbye to Eli.

When she emerged again, she offered a small, reassuring smile. “For what it’s worth, I think you might be just what she needs,” she said before leaving.

Well, it felt like that was worth a great deal. It certainly helped me gain some confidence. I’d been freaked out about coming clean to Eli before. Now, with the weight of Alex’s revelation on my shoulders, I wasn’t even sure how to handle this. The only thing I knew was my focus had to be on Eli for the moment.

Eli finally made an appearance a minute later donning flannel pajama pants and a crummy t-shirt. “So what the hell couldn’t wait until the afternoon?” he grumbled as he poured a cup of coffee.

Here goes nothing.
“It’s Charlotte,” I dropped my head to stare at the carpet for the next words, “I couldn’t stay away.”

“Fuck.” Eli set his cup down none too gently and pinched the bridge of his nose as though he was staving off a headache. I could feel the frustration billowing off of him.

“Look, man, I tried to but–”

He held up a hand to silence me. “I want the truth, right now. Is this just about fucking her? Or–”

“No! Hell, no it’s not about that. I want to be with her.
Only
her. I think…” What did I think? What did I feel? It was so shocking and so painfully obvious.

“I think I’m falling for her.”

Eli stared at me like I had announced the pending apocalypse. I took a deep breath, deciding I just needed to lay it all out for him. “Look, I know my track record with woman is less than stellar.”
There’s an understatement,
I thought. Eli’s face reflected my own thoughts. “But Charlotte is different. She makes me want more. She makes me want to be the perfect fucking boyfriend because I know she deserves nothing less. When she smiles, I can’t look away. When she’s sad, I want to take on the whole damn world to make her happy. I’d lay down my own life before I’d let her be hurt again. Whatever happens, I just want what’s best for her.”

There. I’d cut myself open and spilled it all out. I don’t know what I expected, but when I looked up at Eli, he seemed to be in shock. Several minutes passed in silence.
Shit, say something.

Then he was on his feet, walking away without another word.
What the hell is he doing?
At least he didn’t own a gun. A minute later, he stalked back into the room with a small box in his hand. He set it down on the coffee table between us.

Eli took a deep breath. “Before I can give you this, you need to really understand what you’re getting into. I assume this is behind all the drama last night. Did you already work this out with Char?”

“Yeah. She’s going to give me a shot,” I replied. Pointing to the box, I asked, “What is it?”

“It’s for Char, from our mom,” he explained. “Think of it as a vote of confidence.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “Look, I’ve told you before that we knew early on that Char was unique. She’s afraid of opening up to people. Our mom told me Char would need a push to actually let the right man in if she found him. Mom always waited for the day she could tell Char she’d found someone worth fighting for. When she got sick, she found this to tell her that. It’s my job to give it away when the time is right.”

For the second time since I showed up, I was barely breathing as Eli continued, “You have to understand that as much as Charlotte deserves to fall in love, Mom was afraid that she would probably drive love away before actually opening up on her own. Mom was afraid of what the regret might do to her, and that was before was before we lost her, before that damn scar, before everything.