Distant Dreams (34 page)

“You didn’t ruin anything,” James comforted. “Grown men argue and even draw guns on each other within the austere walls of Congress itself. A gentleman should know better than to take up offenses at a party, so rest assured it was not your fault.”

For a moment she seemed to forget her own woes. “They draw weapons on each other in Congress? Oh!” she exclaimed, stomping her foot. “And they’re chastising
me
for the unladylike things I do.” Anger seemed to have replaced her contrition, and she stood to her feet. “I have never been what my mother or society expects me to be. When they want blue, I give them green. When they say walk, I run. I’ve never been able to make myself over into their picture of perfection, but I have tried. Believe me, James, I have tried.”

“I believe you,” he said softly, wishing he could say more to help.

“I read my mother’s
Lady’s Book
and learn about the latest fashions and how to properly arrange flowers, but I find the whole thing monotonous and stifling. I’d much rather be reading the
Niles Weekly
Register
or the
American Railroad Journal
.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” James said without thought.

Carolina looked at him rather surprised. “Why would you care? Virginia tells me you plan to leave here soon anyway. She says our tutoring days are to come to a close in order that you might give her more proper time and attention.”

James wanted to tell her that Virginia did not know his every move. Instead he offered Carolina a supportive smile. “I’m glad you enjoy the
American Railroad Journal
, because I purchased a subscription in your name for your birthday gift.”

“James, you can’t be serious. A subscription costs five dollars. I certainly can’t accept a gift of that value from someone I’m not even related to.”

James knew he sounded rather cynical when he replied, “But if your sister has her way, we’ll soon be related.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Besides, I’m your tutor and your father instructed me to purchase whatever I need in order to train you properly. I simply believe this will allow you a better understanding of what’s going on in the world regarding the railroad and other items. Now you’ll have your very own subscription and no longer be dependent upon your father or myself for a copy.”

“James, I am grateful, but be reasonable. Look what my education caused tonight. Do you think my mother will ever allow me to continue with my studies when she learns it was I who started the fight?”

“But you didn’t. Milford’s bad manners preceded your questionable actions. And your brother threw the first punch. Milford had no right to speak to you that way. He should have been put from the house in disgrace.”

“Oh, Father would never hear of that,” Carolina said with a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “He rather likes to argue with Burgess’s father on occasion. Though I’m sure they never exchanged blows. Anyway, this certainly wouldn’t be one of Father’s choices.”

James smiled. “See, it’s not as bad as you figured. You can still make sport of the evening.”

Carolina looked up at the house and James’ gaze followed. The orchestra was playing a soft sedate number and in the lighted windows, he could see people gathered in whispering groups.

“I wish I could fall asleep for a score of years. Then I could wake up and find the world happy to accept me as I am,” Carolina remarked drolly.

“You’ve been reading Irving’s ‘Rip Van Winkle,’ I see.”

“Yes, and I don’t think I’d mind so very much waking up to have this nightmare well behind me.”

“But what of the things you would miss?” James asked softly as he rose and went to her. Carolina raised her gaze to meet his.

“Things I would miss?” She murmured the words in a barely audible tone. Her eyes were wide.

“Your family. Friends . . .” He let the word linger in the air. The intensity of the moment was too much, and James reached out to run his finger along the fine soft curve of her jaw. “I would miss you.”

“You would?” she asked in a voice that betrayed disbelief.

“Of course.” He looked down at her with all the tenderness he felt. The moonlight on her face made her seem a thing of dreams. A spirited enchantress from the deepest recesses of his imagination. Without realizing it, he had taken hold of her arm and was gently drawing her close to him.

“Why,” she whispered, “why would you miss me?”

James’ heart raged within him. When he looked deep within her eyes, he saw an innocence there that frightened him but also thrilled him in a way he had never felt around Virginia. And he innately knew it wasn’t Carolina’s sweet beauty, nor the intoxication of the moonlight that had stirred him so. What filled his mind now was not a vision of creamy skin and peach tulle, but rather of a girl bent over a book, chewing the end of a pen, engrossed in the depths of her thoughts.

But this was the wrong place. She was the wrong woman. He forced himself to think of Virginia and the compelling duty before him. Quickly he moved away from Carolina.

“I’m sorry, I seem to have done it again,” she murmured, pain clearly written in her expression.

“No, it’s not that.” James reached out, but now it was Carolina who backed away. “Wait, I need to explain—”

“No,” she said, shaking her head and biting her lip. “No, you don’t.”

“Carolina! James!” It was the voice of Margaret Adams.

“Here, Mother,” Carolina called out quickly.

Margaret appeared with Virginia close at her side. Virginia smiled brightly at James and didn’t so much as acknowledge her sister’s presence.

“Are you all right, child?” Margaret looked Carolina over from head to toe. “You look positively ill. I couldn’t believe it when they told me you were nearly in the middle of that confrontation. Men can be so thoughtless.” She glanced up and met James’ worried look. “Thank you, James, for rescuing her. It would seem a small thing to ask men to contain their politics to other occasions, but apparently it isn’t. We are in your debt.”

“It was my pleasure,” he assured her.

Margaret nodded and put an arm around Carolina’s shoulders. “Come along, Carolina. Your father has calmed things down, and there’s still the birthday cake to cut.”

“Oh, I don’t think I could. I never want to face any of them again,” Carolina said, greatly ashamed that she was near tears again.

“And that is exactly why you must face them. A good hostess learns to deal with such inopportune moments as graciously as possible.” Margaret pulled her in one direction while Carolina cast a panicked expression over her shoulder at James and Virginia.

James watched Carolina leave, wishing silently that he could do something to prevent her from having to return to the party. He knew how she hated being paraded before the onlookers. He’d felt that same sense of dread, and now she would have to deal with the embarrassment of facing those people and pretending nothing was amiss.

He was practically unaware of Virginia until she hiccuped and giggled. Turning in surprise, he met her saucy expression.

“We’re alone,” she said. She seemed different, not quite her usual reserved self. She twirled in the moonlight, causing her skirt to bloom out around her. “We should dance here under the stars.”

“The dance is over, Virginia. It’s time for the cake. Don’t you want to go upstairs and celebrate with your sister?”

“No! Carolina is a ninny, and her party is no fun.” She hiccuped again.

“Virginia, are you all right?”

She swayed a bit. “I’m dizzy, but that’s to be expected.” James reached out to take hold of her arm, but instead, she threw herself into a full embrace. “I’m in love and that makes me dizzy.”

James caught the unmistakable odor of liquor on her breath. No wonder his mint julep had failed to appear. “Virginia, you are quite tipsy!”

She looked up at him with childlike innocence. “Just drunk on your love.” She snuggled against him and swayed back and forth. “Dance with me and tell me how you love me. Tell me again how my eyes are like starlight and pledge your undying devotion.”

James glanced around nervously for fear someone might have overheard. His mind was still on the pain-filled expression with which Carolina bid him farewell. He had hurt her feelings, clear and simple. It wasn’t that he said anything out of line, but his actions were inexcusable. Tomorrow he would have to find a way to apologize without demeaning her.

Virginia whirled around in circle after circle, laughing like a child. She reminded him of Maryland in full display of antics. And like Maryland, Virginia was seeking attention.

“Virginia,” he said softly, trying to get her to stop moving. “You mustn’t do this. Settle down or someone will see you.”

“Let them,” she said, and boldly leaning up on tiptoes she planted a lopsided kiss half on his lips and half on his chin. “There, I hope they all saw that.”

“Virginia!”

His pleas were ignored as she fell into his arms. When he looked down to speak, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. Only this time, the kiss was long, deep, and perfectly placed. James couldn’t help but respond.

Yet even as he returned her kiss, he thought about how he had felt moments ago with Carolina. What could it have meant? Surely nothing more than . . . he didn’t know, and he was afraid to find out. Carolina was a child, but also a woman who stirred his heart. Virginia stirred him, too, but in another way altogether. He was a grown man, yet his emotions were as flighty as a boy’s.

“Virginia,” he said with a sigh, knowing he was lost to the emotion he felt inside. Vaguely he knew Virginia was merely a convenient receptacle for the passions burning inside him. But he was glad of her presence and her advances, for they forced him to remember who he was and what was expected of him. It was not that hard at all for him to return her ardor. To do anything else was stupid, and not a little silly, too.

“You do love me, don’t you?” she asked in a little-girl whimper.

“Of course I do,” he replied hoarsely.

She kissed him again, only this time more awkwardly. James took her face in his hands to better slant her mouth to his. The kiss stirred his blood, and his mind was a mass of confusing, conflicting thoughts.

“And you will marry me, won’t you?” she whispered when his lips left hers for the third time.

“Of course,” he murmured without the meaning of what he’d just said fully registering in his mind.

Virginia pulled back and James opened his eyes in a dreamlike state. Still his mind refused reasonable thought. There was nothing beyond this moment. There was no one else in the world but this one woman. There couldn’t be.

Virginia smiled in a drunken smirk. She swayed a bit, steadied herself against the nearby bench and laughed. “You won’t tell them, will you?”

“Tell them what?” James asked breathlessly. The effects of her womanly charms upon him had taken its toll.

“That I proposed and you accepted. You mustn’t, you know. ’Tisn’t proper,” she slurred the words and swayed. Plopping down hard on the bench, her gown pouffed out around her, making a whooshing sound. “Get down on your knees and propose proper-like. Then you can speak with my father tomorrow.”

James stared at her mutely for a moment. Propose? Had he really accepted her proposal of marriage? He ran through the words in his mind and realized suddenly that he had responded to her kiss by agreeing to become her husband.

“James?”

He shook his head as if he could shake away the scene. “What?”

“Please do it properly,” she said, holding her arms out to him.

Without knowing what else to do, James went forward and, as if in a dream, knelt in front of her. She smiled with delight, and her face revealed all the happiness she felt. That and the intoxication of the mint julep. Perhaps, he thought, she won’t even remember this tomorrow. Yet within his heart, James knew there was no way around this. He’d taken advantage of her drunken state, and now he was paying the price.

Still, he thought, it wasn’t such an awful price. Virginia’s beauty was enough to charm any man, and she had a genuine affection for him. Remembering her warmth and responsiveness in his arms, James felt his heart beat faster. Virginia leaned forward in anticipation, and James made up his mind. His father expected it. Joseph Adams expected it. And clearly, Virginia expected it.

And Carolina . . . ? Surely she could not expect otherwise herself.

Thus he easily convinced himself that he could learn to be happy married to a woman like Virginia. I’m certain of it, he reasoned. And without another thought to the future or the past, James opened his mouth and very properly asked Virginia to become his wife.

Upstairs in the Adams’ ballroom, Carolina stared at her guests with a fixed expression of joyful tranquility. She felt neither emotion, but her mother said it was imperative she show her guests how congenial she could be. The Milfords, of course, were long since absent. Whether they left of their own accord or had been asked to go, Carolina didn’t know and didn’t care. From now on, the name Milford would be a painful reminder of her indiscretion.

She received her friends and neighbors with all the proper verbiage expected of southern women and opened their gifts to compliment and thank each person as though the article in hand was exactly what was missing in her life. Crystal decanters, silver and brass candlestick holders, and fine bone china quickly amassed and filled the gift table. It was quite an abundance of treasure, and Carolina knew, without the subtle and not quite so subtle comments of her guests, that this was to be her bridal dowry.

The only gift she could imagine being remotely useful to her right away was James’ subscription to the
American Railroad Journal
.

James.

He hadn’t even bothered to reappear for cake. How terribly ashamed of her he must be. How very childish she must have seemed in his eyes. First, causing the fight at her own coming-out party and then pressing him for feelings that he couldn’t possibly pretend existed. Oh, she wanted to be swallowed up by the earth and die. Humiliation was a dreadful companion.

Yet through it all, she had to remain the perfect smiling hostess. The recipient of unwanted attention.