Distractions (24 page)

still play?”

My fingers traced along the circles

of the belt that rotated the records on the

tables. I looked over to the kitchen as he

was putting things away and not paying

attention. Normally, you would ask a

person to touch their equipment, but he

always used to let me mess around on

them. I found the small velvet box and

gently removed the needles for the arm.

Everything appeared brand new – not

anything like the venues we frequented

every weekend while he played.

Connor developed a bit of cult

following in Denver and Colorado

Springs as a club DJ. The Five Points

area was not the safest place to be under

normal circumstances, but many nights

were spent dancing until dawn in large

warehouses. It made me so proud to be

his girlfriend when he was rocking out

with a large crowd of sweaty bodies

moving to the sounds vibrating out from

the speakers.

I thumbed through the vertical bins

for a few records. Under the cube

labeled Trip Hop, I found tracks I had

not heard in forever. Excitedly, I flipped

on the power buttons to everything and

gently placed the vinyl down. The

haunting sound of Portishead filled the

room, finally causing Connor to notice

what I was doing. He continued to move

about the kitchen as my fingers grazed

the spinning record on the other side to

catch the perfect moment. Cradling the

headphone with my left shoulder, I

silently counted beats in my head while

matching the speeds of the tempo. The

fader perfectly aligned in the center for a

few moments before shifting to the next

record.

Jumping up and down in excitement

caused the record to skip and scratch

slightly, which drew a stink eye look

from Connor. I mouthed an “oops”

before I popped off the headphones and

flipped wildly through the records for

more music. I became a little braver

with old drum and bass records that I

knew I couldn’t play, but wanted to

listen to anyway. The fast snares and

driving bass lines ripped through the

apartment, furiously shaking the glass

windows and picture frames. With a

small stack piled at my feet, I cranked up

the sound and started to shake my hips

and pound my fist into the air. Only half

of the song played before he came over

and turned down the volume, shaking his

head.

“Sorry, Vy.” He tapped his foot and

looked down, indicating I would be

bothering the business below.

Cupping my hands around my

mouth, I gave a low “boooooo” before

turning off the power.

“I didn’t say you had to stop; just

turn it down, sweetheart.” He walked

over to his shelf, leaving me to ponder

his choice of words. How easily they

slipped off his tongue.

The beauty of dusk pulled me to the

windows where I could see the shops

closing for the evening. I didn’t have to

ask why he chose this place. There was

a perfect view of Soda Springs Park and

the fountains down the street. The other

side gave a glimpse of the entrance to

the mountains. The silhouette stood

against a sky of fiery oranges and pinks.

Connor came up behind me and

wrapped his arms around my waist from

behind, slowly swaying back and forth

to another record. Sliding my palm over

his large hands and lacing my fingers in

between his, I pulled him tighter against

my back. I could feel his heart rate pick

up through my shoulder blade. With one

quick movement, he grasped my other

hand and spun me away, then back in,

facing him. Following his lead, we

waltzed around the large room. I looked

into his eyes and allowed his body to

direct my next steps. The seductive

tempo sent us effortlessly into a trance

while we stared at each other for a long

while, both disbelieving this was real.

Once upon a time, he was the only

future I saw. In a fraction of second, I

could wake up and our true lives would

reappear, leaving nothing but splinters of

memory. The mind could play cruel

tricks like that. I touched his face gently,

praying it would not happen. I could not

hold my anger against Connor and move

on. Even if I didn’t stay, I could leave

now, knowing that part of me has been

put to rest. The atrophy in my heart was

beginning to vanish with each passing

hour. I still loved him despite my hate

for him. People cheat and do horrible

things all the time. I was just as guilty of

being a dishonest person. Who was I to

judge him for his wrongs? It was a

mistake we have both paid dearly for

over many years. When I said yes, it

freed him. He was now able to atone for

the wrongs that made him the broken

man I saw now.

When the record ended, he led me

to the back of the apartment into the

master bathroom. I smiled as soon as I

saw the cavernous shower and the

multiple openings in the walls. An

electronic panel in the wall caused

steam to form slowly as a waterfall of

hot water poured from the ceiling. If I

were ever to have a dream bathroom,

this would be it. A giant steel trough tub

was set up in the corner. Round copper

sinks rested on rescued antique cabinets,

with exposed pendant light bulbs strung

from the ceiling. Connor walked over to

pull fluffy blue towels from a cupboard

that looked to be over a hundred years

old.

“You’re smiling like you approve.”

He was beaming at my reaction to the

room.

My clothing was peeling off

without a second thought. “It’s amazing;

I have never seen anything like it. Did

you do this?”

Stripping down himself, Connor

eyed me lustfully as I stepped under the

soothing water. “I actually thought of you

when I designed it.”

“Why?” I was curious, because I

loved it.

“Bathrooms were your refuge.

There was nothing a good soak or

shower couldn’t fix with you.” He

smiled affectionately at the memory.

“Um, they still kind of are. I had

this great old claw foot tub for a long

time when I moved back. It was my best

friend.” The thought created a sting that

started to pierce my stomach.

Connor watched as my mood

faltered. “What happened, Violet?” His

eyes widened in concern.

Turning my back so he couldn’t see

how much it pained me, I was getting

furious at the way fate kept repeating

these moments for me to live out. The

last time Connor and I showered

together like this was after the bridge

incident. My mistakes were becoming

demons, taunting me at every turn.

“It’s gone.” With that, I stepped out

of the shower and grabbed a towel.

Connor followed behind and spun me

around. With the strongest embrace and

the deepest kiss, he was resolved on

pulling me out of whatever gorge I had

fallen into.

“You sure you want my depressed

ass around you right now?” I laughed at

my sadness in an attempt to ease the

pain.

“I don’t care what mood your

fantastic ass is in; I want you around. I

never want to let you go. Now brush

your teeth because your breath is awful.”

With a playful punch, I went to my

bag to grab my toiletry kit and pajamas.

As Connor walked into the bedroom to

put a pair of shorts on, I studied the

tattoos he had across his chest and upper

arm. I remembered a few he had gotten

earlier in life, but they appeared to have

been covered up with much more

intricate pieces since then. Colorful koi

fish swam through turquoise water and

lily pads. A half broken heart was inked

on the left side of his chest. Instead of

being red like most people choose to

tattoo, it was a dark and faded shade of

purple. I didn’t have to ask what that one

was about.

He noticed my eyes wandering over

his body and studying that spot.

Unconsciously touching it with his

fingers was a simple warning he had

been burned. A man who chooses a

permanent reminder like that wants to

remember for a reason. Before I was

able to put my shirt on, he traced the

outline of the bite on my shoulder, and

then kissed it softly.

Crawling under the soft covers,

sleep overtook me before I hit the

pillow. There were no dreams or

nightmares – the world just disappeared.

I never thought I would find myself back

in Connor Lewis’s bed. I should have

known better than to say never.

Chapter 23 -

Foundations

She was my rock and she knew it. I

felt like a terrible granddaughter for

essentially abandoning her that day. The

last time I stepped foot in this house, I

was just moments from teetering on the

edge as a result of Connor’s actions and

the mess I created. I had to make

something of myself so she knew her

efforts spent on me were not in vain. She

constantly reminded me of how smart I

was, saying I could do anything I put my

mind to. I inherited her tenacious nature;

we never spoke of recklessness, but part

of me wondered where that came from,

too.

I always felt like Vivienne and I

were proof her lineage was substantial.

She would always comment about not

understanding how my mother could be

so detached from reality, when she

herself resided in the cold hard truth.

Until I grew older, I never understood,

either. Streams of sunlight poured in

through the old cotton drapes. A fine

layer of dust rested upon every surface,

undisturbed by our presence.

Connor followed silently as I

walked listlessly through every room. I

didn’t allow myself to come here, since

up until yesterday, I thought it was as

good as gone. I had already mentally

packed up and shipped everything off to

donation centers. It’s what she would

have wanted – to help others. There was

nothing in the house I was seeking except

the ship. She knew she was getting sick

and insisted on visiting me and Vivienne

as often as she could. She loved both

Cincinnati and Florida. Each time she

would make sure to send a small box of

things she thought we would want. There

were still so many items in every room; I

could not find my grandfather’s beloved

Esperanza. It was packed away long

ago, and there was no more time to

search for it today.

I walked by Connor, simply tilted

my head towards the door, and kept

going. Not a word was exchanged

between us during the time we were in

there. He knew what happened because

he tried to come after me. My

grandfather told him he would shoot him

on sight if he ever caught him on his

property again after what he did. I am

pretty sure that is what any father or

grandfather says to a young man after

they break their little lady’s heart.

Connor took the warning seriously, as he

should have, and had not been back

except to drop off my belongings in the

middle of the night on their front porch

with an apology letter. They never told

me about either incident. It came out by

accident when I called one of their

neighbors after my grandfather’s death,

which happened shortly after I left.

The box was still sitting on a chair

in one of the bedrooms I passed. I didn’t

recognize it because I had never seen it.

Noticing Connor was not following me, I

back tracked my steps to the spare

bedroom and found him sitting on the

bed, holding a letter.

“What are you looking at?”