Distractions (26 page)

windowsill, my bones cracked from

lying uncomfortably for so long.

“Mmm…coffee…wait.

Canyon?

Can we go by the bridge?” With it still

fresh on my mind from the dream, part of

me wanted to revisit such an important

part of my past.

“Your ass ain’t jumping – not in

this cold weather, so don’t even think

about it.” Connor knew I would never do

such

thing,

but

he

warned

me

nonetheless.

I sneered at his comment and pulled

my hat down over my eyes for a little

longer. Not a half hour later, the Jeep

pulled into a gas station where I got out

and stretched to take in my surroundings.

Canyon City was no different from every

other town in Colorado. The growth was

incredible. Homes sprawled along the

horizon as far as the eye could see.

Connor was smart to join his parents in

land development, as Colorado was a

gold mine. It made me happy he was

able to make something of his life and

not succumb as so many others did to the

lifestyle we chose. It was not uncommon

to hear of an old friend overdosing or

going to jail. I would wait tentatively for

the phone call or email that he too had

been taken, but it never came.

He smiled casually as he hopped

back in and waited for me. The bridge

was just on the edge of the city and took

less than ten minutes to reach. The path

behind the parking lot remained carved

by kids who trekked to jump every

summer. Although slightly muddy from

the snow, it was manageable to navigate.

I didn’t need to walk across the trestle.

The rushing water below was loud

enough to sate my curiosity. I could

close my eyes and go right back to that

afternoon. The air was crisper, yet it

was just as I remembered. Connor

wrapped his arms around my waist and

nuzzled into my neck.

“Violet, I was so scared that night. I

know I joked, but knowing you could

have gotten hurt bothered me for a long

time, because it would have been my

fault. I kept calling for you and you

weren’t answering. I will never forget it;

it was awful.”

As he squeezed me tighter, the

voice in the back of my mind readied a

sharp retort, but then ceased. I had to

stop being so selfish and see how my

actions affected other people. Yes, I

almost got hit by the train, but he would

have witnessed it. That too would have

been a tragedy.

“Well, thankfully it didn’t.” I had

seen enough and was satisfied. I moved

out of his embrace and started to walk

back.

“Vy, wait up. What’s your deal?”

Connor was upset I was walking so

quickly back to the Jeep, but I wanted to

get away. I didn’t know what I was

thinking, coming back here – what I

would hope to gain. It was like being in

a car wreck and seeing photos of the car.

You know what happened, but you’re

removed from it.

His hand grabbed my shoulders,

causing me to come to a halt.

“Violet. Talk to me. You wanted to

come here, but now you’re all pissy.”

I stopped and hung my head. With

closed eyes, I turned around towards

him. He didn’t ask for this. He was

trying to make me happy and it kept

blowing up in his face.

“How many chances does a person

get before they run out? My whole life, I

have barely escaped one accident after

another. Most of them are caused by my

own stubbornness and stupidity, but I

can’t stop, no matter how hard I try. I run

headfirst into the storm, despite being

ripped to shreds in the past. I am tired,

Connor – really, I am.”

I backed away and turned towards

the parking lot, walking slowly. He

followed me and waited as I crawled

back into my seat and laid down. I knew

I was acting like a child, but I didn’t

care. Whatever this thing I was going

through was another wall I intended on

breaking down. My past was a lead ball

I was done carrying around. Although I

was doing well with forgiveness,

forgetting was a luxury that evaded me.

The rest of the drive was relatively

quiet as we headed even further south

across the Continental Divide. High up

in the mountains, the snow thickened and

created a winter wonderland. My feet

were propped up on the dashboard

while I worked on my laptop. Connor

would peek occasionally and ask what it

was. I would turn the screen and show

the skews of data across the page that

would make him shake his head and

laugh.

“I always knew you were smart…

too smart to be with me. I never figured

that one out, but then again, I knew better

than to question it.”

He grabbed my hand and kissed the

knuckles without taking his eyes off the

road and kept smiling. We soon pulled

into a small gravel parking lot full of

four wheel drive vehicles. Many were

covered with stickers and ski racks. I

saw the sign that indicated we were in

Buena Vista as we drove through the

small town before turning off the side

road, although I had no idea where we

were. I knew a few ski resorts were

around this area, but this was different.

We sat at the base of two snow-capped

mountains, and a lodge type building

was surrounded by a few other

structures and smaller cabins.

“Where are we?” I looked around

while placing my fingers on the door

handle.

Connor was ecstatic as he jumped

down and ran around the front of the

Jeep to my side. “Come on, let’s go!”

I slid down the side of the seat into

his waiting arms. His lips hovered over

mine for a moment before softly kissing

me. After checking in, we were lead to

one of the small cabins. The room was

very simple; there was no television or

telephone, but it had a king sized bed, a

dresser and a basic bathroom. We were

informed that the sewer system utilized

the hot spring water and the toilets were

warm to the touch because of it, so to

flush conservatively.

I raised my eyebrows at the hippy

tour guide we had showing us around the

room and then off to the back where a

private door led to a small secluded

deck. A wooden tub had steam coming

out from underneath the cover. A small

temperature gauge read how hot the

water really was and we were given

directions on how to modify the heat.

Water ran continuously from the hot

spring into the tubs. Once the lecture

was complete on the workings of the

space, we were left alone once again.

“I don’t have a bathing suit,

Connor.” I looked at the tub and then

peered down the hill at the pools below.

He laughed while stripping down to

his briefs. “This is a clothing optional

hot spring. You will see tonight once

everyone arrives.”

I stopped dead in my tracks at the

thought of a giant pool full of nude

people. My lip started to curl up in

disgust. I had my tastes, but I could only

imagine what some visitors would look

like in the buff. Just as the thought

crossed my mind, a couple I imagined to

be in their late seventies took off their

robes and stepped into the steaming

water. The woman’s breasts looked like

tube socks hanging off of her chest. Her

pubic area was gray and wild. The man

had no bottom – simply flaps of flesh

hanging from his back end. I tried to turn

away, but I couldn’t.

Connor could see the horror on my

face as my mind raced back and forth at

the thought of going down to the

communal pools and being exposed to so

many people. Just a few days ago, I was

nearly naked before a crowd, yet what

was more natural in a sense seemed so

abnormal.

“Violet, stop…we’re not going

down unless you want to. That’s why I

got this room. We have our own private

space. I don’t intend on anyone seeing

you naked except for me.”

His hands gently lifted my sweater

off my arms and head. I shimmied out of

my black cotton leggings and pink t-shirt.

Coarse dark hair prickled against my

legs from not shaving for two days and a

flush of embarrassment came over me.

Connor could see me rubbing my hands

back and forth across my calf as if it

would magically vanish.

“Mmm…sandpaper, let’s smooth

my hands out – they are feeling kind of

rough lately,” he teased while stroking

his wide palms along my shins and

thighs. I tried to back away, but Connor

pinned me to the bed with my hands

above my head. His knee nudged my legs

apart where he nestled in between them.

With a gritted voice, he began to

speak against my cheek. “Vy, don’t go

back. Stay with me – I can make you

happy.” He flexed his hip in a circular

pattern, grinding into me against the thin

fabric separating us. I felt him growing

harder by the second as he breathed in

the scent of my skin. With one hand he

reached down into my center, making

slow, calculated swirling motions with

his fingers causing me to gasp.

“You’re not being fair…this is

blackmail.” My head turned to the side,

processing the delicious heat he was

creating in my body.

“No,

this

is

blackmail,

sweetheart…” His fingers moved the

fabric to the side, allowing him to probe

my ready entrance. My chest arched in

response to his touch; I wanted him – all

of him.

He stilled after entering me and

held my cheek with one hand.

“I’m serious. Stay, please. If you

go, I am afraid you won’t come back. I

can’t lose you again. I will take care of

you.”

I looked away as the tears began to

fill my eyes. This week was like a

dream. Nothing about it seemed real. I

knew it was coming to an end, and so

did he. I couldn’t stay; it was not

possible. The life I had waiting for me

would only be patient for so long.

Everything I worked for would vanish in

a moment if I blinked too long. I simply

couldn’t afford that, not even for this.

My hands were still held captive

above my head, so I leaned up and

caught his lips with my mouth and kissed

him hungrily. He knew my answer

without me saying a word. Releasing my

arms, he pulled me tightly against him as

he made love to me, kissing my face,

neck and chest while slowly moving

back and forth. Before I knew it, the

words left my mouth.

“I still love you, Connor Lewis, I

always have.”

My whispered admission caused

his body to shudder. With a few soft

grunts, he collapsed over me and into my

arms. Resting his head against my

shoulder, we napped for some time in a

lovers embrace.

***

the door to the private deck. Night had

fallen over the mountains that I learned

were Mt. Harvard and Mt. Antero, both

which were fourteeners. The sky

mirrored the night he took me deep into

the canyon. It was a moonless space full

of diamonds glistening above. I could

make out every constellation I knew and

thousands more I did not.

My neck was growing a kink from

tilting back against the edge of the tub

for so long. The nearly scalding water

felt incredible against the frigid winter

air. Standing for only a brief moment hit

you with a blast of icy wind. My tender

nipples felt like rocks when I would sit

on the side for a few moments to cool

down. This place was amazing. I was so

happy I allowed Connor to bring me

here. He knew I would love it, and I did.