Do Dead People Watch You Shower? (23 page)

I can think
of one time when I was a child and lost a friend over my ability. I was about eleven years old and I was invited to the home of a little girl in my class named Ingrid. Ingrid was very smart and pretty; all the teachers liked her and her classmates adored her. I was no exception; I was in awe of her. Being invited to her home to play after school was a big deal to me and even more of a big deal, her parents invited me to stay to dinner. Unfortunately, I had not yet learned that I sometimes needed to screen the things I heard and knew. As I sat at their dining table, Ingrid’s deceased grandmother (her father’s mother) began telling me things about her family. It seemed only natural that I would turn to Ingrid’s father and try to tell him what his mother was saying, but his reaction, while not dramatic, was distressing to me. I don’t think Ingrid or her siblings even realized that anything had happened as her father got up from the table and beckoned for his wife to follow him into the kitchen. They called my parents to come and get me, and from that day on I was not allowed to play with Ingrid again. I was never again invited to their home and I do believe from what I heard through the grapevine that they went around the neighborhood and spoke of me as the “weird child.” For a kid it was a really horrible experience. I don’t think there’s really any way to cope with something like this. You just have to move on; you can’t change what someone believes. I was lucky to have my own parents who gave me such support, and the spirits on the Other Side always bucked me up whenever I had a problem.

Certainly. I had
some cousins, who, forgive me for saying, weren’t the nicest people. They were dishonest on many different levels and they treated people terribly—I don’t even want to say some of the things they got into. But just like everybody else, they wanted readings whenever they lost someone near to them, and I obliged—they were family. Then they “found Jesus”—who, by the way, probably didn’t even know He was lost—and they became “Christians.” Next thing you know, I’m persona non grata with them. They don’t like that I talk to the Other Side. Before, of course, they didn’t mind. But now that they have religion, they decide that I’m evil. They say, We don’t want to see you, we don’t want to talk to you. While you’re at it, take our names off your Christmas card list. One of them even let me know that
he
was the only one who could talk to the Other Side because
he
was an ordained minister! Again, the souls on the Other Side help me to cope, to move on, and to enjoy the friends and family who
do
want to be part of my life.

I wouldn’t like
to say that I’m anti-religion. For some people religion works, it is a good support for them. For me, however, there’s a difference between being religious and being spiritual.

If I can, I want to be an example to other people. I have no problem using my own life as an example. I’m no paragon of virtue. I wasn’t born perfect and I’m not perfect now. But I can honestly say that I’m a spiritual person. The difference between a spiritual person and religious leaders is that many of them will have you believe that they’re perfect.

God knows my heart. If it wasn’t okay with God for me to do this work I wouldn’t be able to do it. All I’m doing is bringing peace to people, healing them, helping them to feel better. I’m not asking for a big check like some TV minister and I’m not telling someone, “Well, if you bring me a chunk of hair I’ll do a spell to remove your hex.” I simply believe in God. Big time.

To tell you
the truth, I think that prayer is a beautiful thing. I think it is like meditation. To me they really are much the same. You calm yourself and say a sweet prayer with all your heart and your love. How could that be anything but good? Does it hold us captive to love? What’s so terrible about that?

Understanding that life
goes on in spirit after our physical death does so many positive things for us. It heals us. It gives us peace, comfort, and knowledge to help us have better lives, learn lessons easier, live happier, and help others. It can inspire us to make changes that might be difficult because we know it really does matter. It’s not just this one lifetime; the way we spend our energy has an unimaginable ripple effect in this world and the next over many lifetimes. Understanding is important on both sides of the veil. It affects the quality of our lives, the quality of our love, and the quality of our relationship, now and always, with God.

It’s not that
happiness has to be created in our lives. Happiness is our natural state. The difficulty is in ridding ourselves of what causes us unhappiness—most of which is of our own doing and choosing.

You have to look at your life as if it has chapters. I was always happy. But at different times there were things going on that tried to break my happiness. It’s really up to us to choose happiness. You can’t expect anyone else to do it for you. We have the power to bring ourselves back after a big disappointment or great loss. We are not meant to wallow in grief or punish ourselves—They don’t want that. It does nothing for us.

There were some big plans that I had been told were going to happen for me, a lot of things. And I kept trying and trying to make them happen, but it wasn’t the right time. I kept having all these things that came really close and then just didn’t happen. The last one was so disappointing—I’d been through it all so many times and each time I’d tried to keep a good attitude, but finally I just thought, “Well, what’s the matter with me? I can’t seem to pull this off. Maybe I’m not supposed to have this.” I was feeling very down on myself, like I wasn’t good enough. I gave myself basically a couple of weeks to just mope around—which is not really like me, but I was just so frustrated and disappointed and I let it affect my self-esteem. Then I heard my father telling me that I had to stop being like that. He gave me a way to get rid of all the bad feelings. (My friend Ginger, who is a therapist, says something similar): Instead of taking a pill or having a drink or a cigarette, take a minute for yourself and visualize all the things that are bugging you. Visualize putting them in a big black garbage bag, tying it up, and dragging it to the dump. A lot of people will say, “Oh that won’t work for me.” But you have to try it. Just give yourself that minute—it really doesn’t take long. Just visualize putting all your grief and negativity, all the stuff that’s bothering you in a garbage bag and dumping it. You’ll be amazed. It works.

That’s a difficult
question. If I’d been given the choice when I was younger either to keep the ability I have or to have a baby, I know I would have given up this ability in a heartbeat. I’ve already said that I now realize that having a child would have made it impossible—in my mind, anyway—to go public with this work. But now, at the age I am, and seeing all the good I’ve been able to do for people by helping them connect with their loved ones who have crossed, I honestly don’t know if even having a baby would have been equal to this. I feel very torn on this question—I’ll have to get back to you on this one.

Have confidence. You
only need to believe in yourself. You have everything you need to have everything you want. Believe it. You need to keep things in perspective in this lifetime and appreciate what you have. You can’t focus on what you don’t have or what you feel is wrong in your life. And if I could tell you just one thing that will make the biggest improvement in the quality of your life and in the lives of everyone around you, it is this: SMILE!

(in alphabetical order—you’re all first with me!)

 

• My husband, John Bertoldi (a.k.a. Johnny Fontaine)—Thank you for believing in me when it was not easy to! Thank you for holding a light in front of me. Thank you for carrying my bags and cooking for me. Thank you for loving me always.
  
• My stepchildren, John and Darlene Bertoldi and Jessica and Lorenzo Franchina, and my grandchildren, Alexander, Julia, and Isabella—Thank you, my children, for understanding my crazy schedule and for all your love and support. I love you all.
  
• Jon Cornick (a.k.a. Corndog)—My hero, My friend…. I love you and thank you.
  
• Cornelia DiNunzio (a.k.a. Mushy)—My girlfriend, my sister for almost fifty years of sharing our lives, loves, and losses. You could never be replaced. I love you with all my heart.
  
• Stephany Evans—My adorable literary agent and friend (the best in the business). How can I ever thank you enough? I love you and thank you forever.
  
• My mother, Eleanor Ferrell—You are a great mother and have given me great advice. I have admired your intelligence all my life. Thank you for putting up with your undeniably different daughter. I love you always.
  
• My brother Robert and sister-in-law Choi Ferrell and my beautiful niece, Bobbie Concetta (a.k.a. the Chinese Chick)—I’m grateful for the namesake and for your patience and support. I love you all very much.
  
• Ginger Grancagnolo (a.k.a. Gingerbread)—My search engine, my friend—Thank you so much for your wonderful help. I love you.
  
• Hope Innelli—Thank you for being so inventive in the promotion of this book. HarperCollins is fortunate to have young brilliant talent like you.
  
• Elena Oswald (a.k.a. My Sweet Elen Baby) who has kept me calm and protected when I have been overwhelmed and a bit nuts—Thank you honey! I love you.
  
• Jennifer Pooley—My adorable young editor from HarperCollins. Thank you for remembering my story and calling me back because you believed in me. You have been wonderful and without you this book wouldn’t have happened.
  

 

My array of clients—Thank you for trusting me, believing in me, and allowing me to share your heartfelt stories and lives.

To my many other friends and family, I would just like to say thank you for caring about me and loving me.

My deepest thanks to Carrie Kania and David Roth-Ey at Harper Paperbacks—Thank you for saying yes, and for your incredible support for this book. My heartfelt thanks to Mauro DiPreta, Jennifer Civiletto, May Chen, Carrie Feron, and Samantha Hagerbaumer for your passion and determination to bring my book to HarperCollins, and to Nicole Reardon and Robin Bilardello for your expertise.