Do Elephants Jump? (35 page)

Read Do Elephants Jump? Online

Authors: David Feldman

BOOK: Do Elephants Jump?
13.94Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

“Dead End” signs, versus “No Outlet” signs

“Deaf and dumb”

Decaffeinated coffee

leftover caffeine usage
orange pots in restaurants

“Deep-six”

Deer, automobile headlights and

Deer ornaments, plastic lawn

Dehumidifiers, operation of

Delaware, incorporations in

Dentist offices, smell of

Deodorant aerosols, shaking of

Desert, rising cool air in

Dessert, fast-food restaurants and

Detergents, laundry

bleach in
package sizes of

Detroit Red Wings and octopus throwing

Diagonal measurement of TV sets

Dictionaries

pronunciation and
thumb notches in

Diet soft drinks

calorie constituents in
phenylalanine as ingredient in

Dimples

auto headlamps
facial
golf balls

Dinner knives, rounded edges of

Dinner plates

repositioning of
round shape of

Dirt, refilling of, in holes

Disc jockeys and lack of song identification

“Discussing Uganda,” origins of term

Dishwashers, two compartments of

Disney cartoon characters

Donald Duck
Goofy
Mickey Mouse

Disposable lighters, fluid chambers of

Distilleries, liquor, during Prohibition

Ditto masters, color of

“Dixie”

Dixieland music at political rallies

“Dixieland”

DNA, identical twins and

Doctors, back tapping of

Doctors and bad penmanship

“Dog days”

Dogs

barking, laryngitis in
black lips of
body odor of
cavities and
circling before lying down
crooked back legs of
Dalmatians and firefighting
drooling in
eating cat feces
eating posture of
head tilting of
lifting legs to urinate in
miniature
poodles, wild
rear-leg wiggling, when scratched
“sic” command
sticking head out of car windows in
wet noses

Dollar sign, origins of

Dolls, hair of

Donald Duck, brother of

Donkey Kong, origins of


DONT WALK
” signs, lack of apostrophes in

Doors

double, in stores
knobs versus handles on
opening orientation of, in buildings
shopping mall entrances

THIS DOOR TO REMAIN UNLOCKED DURING BUSINESS HOURS
” signs, in stores

“Doozy”

“Do-re-mi”

Dots on cue balls, in pool

Double doors in stores

“Doubleheader”

Double-jointedness

Double-yolk eggs

Doughnuts

tissues and handling in stores
origins of holes in

Downhill ski poles, shape of

Dr Pepper

origins of name
punctuation of

Drains, location of bathtub

“Draw a Bead,” origins of term

Dreams, nap versus nighttime

Drinking glasses, “sweating” of

Dripless candles, whereabouts of wax in

“Driveway”

Driveways, driving on, versus parkways

Driving, left- versus right-hand side

Drooling, dogs and

Drowsiness after meals

Drugstores, high platforms in

“Dry,” as terms for wines

Dry-cleaning

French
garment labels and
One Hour Martinizing
raincoats and

Dryers, hand

in bathrooms
“off” switches

Ducks

lakes and ponds and
on Cadillacs

Duels, timing of

Dugouts, height of

“Dukes”

“Dumb [mute]”

“Dumbbells”

Dust, ceiling fans and

E

as school grade
on eye charts

“Eagle [golf score]”

Earlobes, function of

“Earmark”

Earrings, pirates and

Ears

hairy, in old men
popping in airplanes
ringing, causes of

Earthworms as fish food

Easter

chocolate bunnies and
dates of
ham consumption at

“Easy as pie”

Eating, effect of sleep on

“Eavesdropper”

Ebert, Roger, versus Gene Siskel, billing of

Egg, versus chicken

Egg whites and copper bowls

Eggs

color of
double-yolk
hard-boiled, discoloration of
meaning of grading of
sizes of

“Eggs Benedict”

“Eighty-six,” origins of term

Elbow macaroni, shape of

Elderly men

pants height and
shortness of

Elections, U.S.

timing of
Tuesdays and

Electric can openers, sharpness of blades on

Electric drip versus electric perk, in coffee

Electric perk versus electric drip, in coffee

Electric plug prongs

holes at end of
three prongs versus two prongs

Electricity, AC versus DC

Electricity, static, variability in amounts of

Elephants

disposal of remains of
jumping ability of
Oakland A’s uniforms
rocking in zoos

Elevator doors

changing directions
holes

Elevators

overloading of
passenger capacity in

“Eleventh hour”

Emergency Broadcasting System, length of test

“Emergency feed” on paper towel dispensers

Emmy awards, origins of name

English, driving habits of

English horn, naming of

English muffins

in England
white particles on

Envelopes

Christmas cards, paper bands on
colored stickers on
computer scrawls on
red letters on back of
return windows on
size of, in bills

Escalator knobs, purpose of

Escalators

green lights on
rail speed of

Evaporated milk

refrigeration of
soldered cans and

Evolution, loss of body hair and

Exclamation marks in telegrams

Executions

autopsies after
hours of

EXEMPT
” signs at railroad crossings

Expiration dates

on bottled waters
on fire extinguishers
on toothpaste

Exposures, number of, in film

Exterminators, hard hats and

Extremities, wrinkles on

Eye chart, E on

Eye closure during kissing

Eyeglasses and nerdiness

Eyes

bags under
floaters and
pain, when tired
position, during sleep
rubbing of, when tired
sneezing and

Fading, causes of

Fahrenheit scale

increments in
zero degrees, meaning of

Fainting and women, lessening of


FALLING ROCK
” signs, purpose of

Falsetto voices

techniques for men producing
women’s inability to produce

“Fan [loyal partisan]”

Fan speeds, order of

Farm plots, circular shape of

Fast-food restaurants, dessert and

Fat people and alleged jolliness

Fathers, new, passing out of cigars and

Fats, on nutrition labels

Faucets, water

“FD&C,” meaning of, on food and shampoo labels

Federal Express, hours of employees of

Feet, swelling in airplanes of

Fences, height restrictions of

Field goals, measurement of

Fifty-five mph

reasons for speed limit of
speedometers and

Fighting Irish, Notre Dame and

Figure skating and dizziness

“Filibuster”

“Filipino,” spelling of

Film

countdown leader on
measurement of, in millimeters
number of exposures in
prints, after theatrical runs
wagon wheels in, movement of
width of
X- and XXX-ratings

Filters, cigarette, brown spots on

“Filthy lucre”

“Fin [five-dollar bill]”

Fingernails

biting of
growth of, versus toenails
growth of, after death
lunula on
yellowing of, and nail polish

Fingers, length of

“Fink”

Fire, crackling sound of

Fire extinguishers, expiration date on

Fire helmets, shape of

Fire hydrants

freezing of water in
shape of valve stems of

Fire trucks, roofs of

Firearms, confiscated, after arrests

Fireplaces, rain in

First basemen, ball custody of, in baseball

First class mail, priority mail versus

Fish [see also specific types]

biting in rain
eating preferences
fear of, in aquariums
floating upon death
pebble spitting
return to dried-up lakes and ponds
saltwater coloration
sleep patterns
urination

Fish tanks, oxygen in

Flagpoles, balls atop

Flags, Japanese, red beams and

Flags, U.S.

half-mast
on airplanes

“Flak”

“Flammable,” versus “inflammable”

“Flash in the pan”

Flashlights, police and grips of

Flat toothpicks, purpose of

“Flea market”

Flies

landing patterns of
winter and

Flintstones, Barney Rubble’s profession on

Flintstones multivitamins, Betty Rubble and

Floaters in eyes

Floral graphics on mattresses

Florida, cost of auto rentals in

“Flotsam,” versus “jetsam”

Flour, bleached

Flour bugs, provenance of

Flour tortillas, size of, versus corn

Flu, body aches and

Fluorescent lights and plinking noises

Flush handles, toilets and

Flushes, loud, toilets in public restrooms and

Fly swatters, holes in

FM radio, odd frequency numbers of

Food cravings in pregnant women

Food labels

“FD&C” on label
lack of manufacturer street addresses

Football

barefoot kickers in
college, redshirting in
distribution of game balls
goalposts, tearing down of
measurement of first-down yardage
origins of “hut” in
Pittsburgh Steelers’ helmet emblems
shape of
sideline population in
tearing down of goalposts
two-minute warning and
yardage of kickers in

“Fore,” origins of golf expression

Forewords in books, versus introductions and prefaces

Forks, switching hands to use

“Fortnight”

Fraternities, Greek names of

“Freebooter”

Freezer compartments, location of, in refrigerators

Freezers

ice trays in
lights in

French dry cleaning

French horns, design of

“French” bread versus “Italian”

“French” style green beans

Frogs

eye closure when swallowing
warts and

Frogs of violins, white dots on

Frostbite, penguin feet and

Fruitcake, alleged popularity of

“Fry”

Fuel gauges in automobiles

“Fullback”

Full-service versus self-service, pricing of, at gas stations

Other books

Kindergarten Countdown by Anna Jane Hays
The Arsonist by Mary Burton
The Forest's Son by Aleo, Cyndy
Magic Under Glass by Jaclyn Dolamore
Pressure by Brian Keene
Marrying Mari by Elyse Snow
A Baby in the Bunkhouse by Cathy Gillen Thacker