Don’t Forget to Remember Me (22 page)

“Is it your intention to get drunk?” Julia
asked, irritation lacing each word.

“No. It’s my
intention
to get
numb
so watching some bastard put his hands all over
you won’t bother me so much.” We stared at each other
unflinchingly, our eyes locked together. The skin of her cheeks
flushed until finally she broke away and joined in the
others’
conversation.

As the strains of our song began, I sat back
and waited as the lyrics began. The acoustic guitar and bongo drums
filled the room in the slow, sultry strains.

Her eyes snapped up to mine, desire rising
up within me like a tangible thing, my body reacting at the
intensity as her lips parted and her hand reached for mine.

It spurred me to action. My fingers closed
around hers and I rose from the chair, slowly pulling her up with
me, my eyes never leaving hers.

We didn’t speak, just held hands as we moved
onto the dance floor. I took her in my arms, pulling her close and
turning my face into her hair. My hands pressed her to me, the
swell of her breasts pressed against my chest. Her hands slid under
my jacket to fist in the back of my shirt. I felt like if I didn’t
kiss her, I would die right there. My eyes dropped to her mouth and
she lifted her face in silent permission as her eyes slowly
closed.

I let it happen. I wanted it. Needed it like
I needed air to breathe. Our bodies swayed together as our mouths
fed on each other over and over again. The words to the song
communicating what I needed her to know…as my mouth went back for
more. Kiss after kiss, we couldn’t get enough, our lips ghosting
and finally tasting, sucking on each other like we were
starving.

I pressed my hardness into the softness of
her stomach because I couldn’t help myself and she moaned into my
mouth. “Ung…” I slid a hand up to the back of her head and into her
hair, our mouths slanting across each other so we could get closer,
our tongues sliding into each other’s mouths like they had a
million times before. So familiar. So absolutely delicious.

“Julia…” I dragged my mouth across her jaw
and up to her temple as the music ended. It was so hot between us
that I was sure everyone in the room must be burning, but all I
could do was rest my forehead on hers and look deeply into her
eyes. My fingers brushed her cheek as I pulled back slightly. “God,
babe…”

“Mmmm, huh.”

“Let’s get out of here,” I whispered as my
mouth hovered over hers. She nodded very slightly and the movement
succeeded in pressing her lips back to mine.

I placed one more soft kiss on her open
mouth, before releasing her, then lacing my fingers through hers to
lead her back to the table. I paused briefly to speak to the others
as Julia picked up her clutch from the tabletop. Aaron and Jen were
smiling. I didn’t need to ask Julia if she was okay with leaving, I
could feel it in the way she was clinging to my hand, her other
hand curled around my bicep.

“We’re leaving. See you guys at home.” I
glanced down at Moore, who looked embarrassed and contrite. I
smirked almost against my will. “Goodnight.”

“Bye,” Julia said as we started to move
away, my hand still threaded through hers possessively.

I led her outside and asked the valet to get
us a cab. The breeze had come up and she shivered. I handed the
attendant a ten dollar bill and then shrugged out of my suit jacket
and placed it around her shoulders; then wrapped my arm around
her.

She didn’t speak but melted into me, resting
her head on my shoulder after we climbed into the cab.

I inhaled deeply. This was my baby in my
arms. Finally in my arms; like before. She turned her face into my
neck and I tightened my hold.

“I know that song,” she whispered.

“I knew you recognized it when you grabbed
my hand under the table. The look in your eyes spoke volumes.”

“It makes me feel…” she stopped and I waited
anxiously. “Like I need to be closer to you.”

“Me, too. Those kisses were amazing, baby,”
I whispered against her hair. Her hand tightened on my arm and she
nodded.

When the cab driver pulled up outside the
apartment, I reluctantly let her go to pay him. I offered her my
hand and she took it, stepping out beside me.

Once we were inside, I slid the jacket from
her shoulders and placed it over the back of a chair in the
kitchen. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch in
the dark.

I wasn’t sure what she remembered or what
she was feeling, but I wanted to be close to her. I sat next to
her, slowly reaching for her hand again. “Julia…do you want to
talk?” My body was aching and all I wanted was to press her back
into the cushions and kiss her again and again.

“I don’t know.” Her eyes searched my face in
the darkness. “I’m afraid if we talk about what just happened back
there…it will disappear.”

“No, it won’t, babe,” I barely got the words
out.

She reached out and took the hand I offered.
My thumb rubbed over the top of it again and again. I was certain,
if I tried to speak, my voice would betray my emotions. Maybe I’d
scared her and maybe she needed some space, but the silence was
like a huge fucking exclamation point on the make-out session on
the dance floor.

I craved her body and her mouth. I wanted to
feel her hands on my body, to sink into her softness, to lose
myself in our incredible love…yet, we just sat in the darkness. I
didn’t know what to say to make things right. The air vibrated
around us in silent anticipation, but neither one of us moved.

I couldn’t take it. I had to get away
because if I didn’t, I was going to make love to her right here on
the couch. My body was throbbing, my heart aching, both to the
point of physical pain. “Julia, honey, I think I need to…uh, be
alone for a little while.”

Even though she fought it, I could see the
pain behind her eyes. She bit her lip and ran her hand through her
hair. “Are you leaving?” she said, the throb in her voice landed my
heart in my stomach like a stone. “Are you mad at me? I didn’t
mean…”

I considered what to say. Mad wasn’t the
right word. Hurt, devastated, broken maybe, but any anger I had
wasn’t directed at her. I cleared my throat, trying to get the
emotions under control.

“No, I’m not mad,
sweetheart.” I bent to kiss her forehead and then spoke against it.
“I just…I’m gonna play the piano for a little bit. After that shit
with Moore and then the dancing, I’m wound up pretty tight.” I
brushed the back of my knuckles along her jaw and moved away to
look in her eyes. She was so beautiful, literally breathtaking. It
hurt to look at her. The sorrow, the pain…the
want,
all there for me to see.

She swallowed so hard I could see her throat
constrict, but she nodded. “I’m sorry.”

I stopped in my attempt to turn from her.
“Hey.” I nudged her chin up with my index finger. “Living so close
like this, it’s bound to get tough. You’re incredibly beautiful and
I’m only human. That’s why I haven’t been around as much. I thought
it would make it easier. I’m sorry. I should have known you needed
me.”

And…I’m so in love with you I am barely able
to breathe. I want you so damn much I feel like I’m going to
combust.

Her green eyes melted as she looked at me,
leaning into me slightly. The warmth of her body seeping into mine
made my desire even more pronounced. I wanted nothing more than to
take her in my arms and make love to her until she was breathless
and spent. My cock was so engorged, that I thought it would pop the
zipper on my pants. Throbbing, I yearned for the release that only
Julia could give me. It felt like years since I’d held her naked
body and buried myself deep within her soft heat.

“Should I leave? Go back to New York? Would
it make it easier for you?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Julia, no. It’s just
hard being this close to you, feeling like I do. Like I said…I’m
only human.”

“So
be
human, then,” she almost moaned and my breath
caught in my throat. I didn’t think I’d be able to speak without my
emotions pouring out of me like rain, but couldn’t stay this close
to her either. I was losing my grip on my closely guarded control.
I brushed my knuckles against her cheek again.

“Baby, you know we can’t
do this right now. I’m sorry.” I turned and walked down the hall to
my room, shutting the door quietly behind me. I knew she was
confused.
Fuck, I was confused
and
it was rotten to leave her after what happened on the dance floor.
I leaned up against the door, straining to hear what she was doing.
There wasn’t a single sound.

I pushed away from the door, my body still
burning from the events of the evening. My mind was, too. Filled
with her taste, her smell, the feel of her softness pressed so
intimately against me and those soul-shaking kisses.

Everything told me to just treat her like
she was mine, like we were us, like it was fucking meant to be. She
remembered the song, and maybe I hadn’t played fair, but Goddamn
it! I wasn’t letting that little cocksucker try to move in on what
was mine. I sucked in my breath, turning the knob slowly and then
pulled it open a crack. I needed to know she was okay. The
apartment was dark and so quiet.

Did she leave?
I
panicked, but then I heard the sound of her crying softly from the
living room. I couldn’t stay away and quickly went down the hall.
Julia was still in her dress, curled up on the couch and hugging a
pillow tightly to her chest. I ached to comfort her, but what would
I say? I wasn’t sure, but I had to say something. I sat on the
floor next to the couch, turning toward her, needing to see her
beautiful face.

“Go away,” she mumbled
into the pillow and turned further so her back was to me.
“Just…leave me alone, Ryan,
please
.”

I reached out a tentative hand toward her
and started to rub her back. She tensed, but I kept up the massage
with gentle fingers until finally she started to relax.

“Julia, there is nothing in the world I want
less than to hurt you. I…” I wanted to tell her I loved her so damn
bad. “I adore you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Then why are you doing this? Why won’t you
tell me anything? It feels like you want me to know. It felt like
you wanted me when we were dancing.” Her voice was trembling and my
heart hurt for both of us.

I sighed heavily and hung my head. Leaning
my elbow on the couch, I held my head with my hand, scooting
closer.

“Will you turn around?” I
asked very softly. “Julia, please.” Finally
, she shifted slightly toward me and lowered the pillow. She
had mascara tracks trailing down her cheeks and her eyes were still
glassy. I reached out to brush her tears away with both of my
thumbs, rubbing them across her skin again and again in slow
strokes. “
Yes
. I
wish I could tell you. And, I do want you. You felt how much.” I
paused. “After tonight, it’s apparent to me that Moore has ulterior
motives, so I don’t want to trust him, but he…obviously cares about
you. I do think he believes that you need to remember on your own.
On that at least, I trust him.”

“What could happen if you told me? What are
you all afraid of?”

I looked into her eyes and brushed a
tear-dampened tendril away from her face.

“If we try to trigger it, it could be too
much and you’ll either never get your memory back or maybe you
won’t forgive me. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

“Forgive you for what?” She got the little
crinkle above her nose as she frowned and shook her head. “I don’t
understand.”

My brow dropped as I
considered what to say. I looked down for a minute before
answering, wondering how much I should tell her, but she deserved
something. She was hurting and I couldn’t stand to see her tears. I
swallowed and made myself meet her eyes. “For making you remember
something that you want to forget.” I ran my hand over her shoulder
and down her back. “Can you trust me? Believe me, there is nothing
I want more on this earth than for you to remember, but we have to
take things slowly. I will not hurt you in
any
way.”

“I
know
we loved each other, Ryan. Can’t you at least
give me that much? Why does everyone insist that we’re only good
friends? I feel that we’re so much more.”

“We were friends first,
but yes…there was a lot more.” Her gaze was intense and sparkled in
the moonlight coming through the window. “Please don’t push for
more tonight, babe. I know this is hard, but it will all work out,
my love.” Her eyes widened and she gasped. I reached out and ran a
single finger along the side of her face, eyes dropping to her
mouth. My thoughts went back to the kissing on the dance floor
earlier. I wanted more so badly that my mouth went dry. “Yes.
My
love
, okay?” She nodded so
slightly I barely saw it, but
her
eyes
filled with unshed tears that tugged at my weakened heart.
“
Always
. Uhnggg,”
I cleared my throat. “I need to go take a shower. Do you want to
sleep in my room tonight?”

“With you? I want to be close to you.”

I stiffened and she sensed it. I wanted
nothing more than to wrap myself around her, but it would be
torture to stop there.

“Uhnnn, Julia,” I groaned. “I don’t think
that’s wise, baby.”

She nodded
with
certain
sadness to her expression. “Okay. I
thought you were going to play the piano?”

“After my shower.” I wanted to hold her, to
make love to her, to kiss her for hours. I was starving to touch
her; the loneliness between us was like a raging storm. Just
looking at her, I knew she felt it, too.