Don’t Forget to Remember Me (51 page)

She shook her head and
pressed on. “I’d still love you, even then.
Always and
forever
.”

I
lay
back and pulled her on top of me. I was exhausted and I
wanted to feel her against every inch of me. She snuggled in and I
held her as we both quieted. I was getting tired, the long day and
all of the emotions left me spent. Julia’s breathing evened out as
I ran my hand up and down her back, rubbing little circles as I
went. I took a deep breath and knew we’d get through this and
anything else life threw at us.

“I can live through anything as long as I
have you,” she whispered and my heart felt like it would
explode.

“You’ll always have me,
Julia. And you know what you said about it not being
that
baby when we finally have
one?”

She stiffened slightly in my arms as she
answered. “Yes.”

“I don’t believe that.” My words hung in the
air as she digested them.

“What?”

“Well, I believe the baby
is destined to be with us. It just wasn’t his time to be born yet,”
I said softly, and then kissed her forehead. “He’s up in Heaven
waiting, Julia. That little soul belongs with us, and he
will
be, okay?”

She turned her face into my neck and our
arms tightened around each other. I never wanted to let her go.
“Just like you and I are meant to be together,” she stated
quietly.

I smiled into the darkness and stroked my
fingers up and down the bare skin of her arm. “Yes. Always. I can’t
put into words how much I love you and how much I want you to have
my child. You’ve got all of your memories now, so I know you won’t
forget,” I teased gently.

“No. I won’t
forget to remember you
…ever again. I
promise.”

“Mmmmmm,” I chuckled softly, content despite
the heartache of the evening. My chest expanded in a deep sigh as I
expelled some of the stress.

“Ryan?” she said softly, her breath rushing
in a hot wave over the skin of my neck and shivers raced down my
spine.

“What, love?” I said sleepily.

“Thank you.” She placed a soft, open-mouthed
kiss on the edge of my jaw and I turned into her body so I could
twine my legs with hers and look into her sparkling eyes.

“For what?” I reached out and ran a finger
down the side of her beautiful, perfect face.

“For the story about the baby waiting in
Heaven. It’s a beautiful thought.”

“I believe it. We’ll have a beautiful baby
girl with your green eyes and golden brown hair or a little boy
with blue eyes and dark hair. It will be incredible and I can’t
wait.” I kissed her lips very softly, brushing mine across hers
again, before pulling that luscious lower lip into my mouth and
sucking gently.

I wanted to worship this woman. Somehow the
day from hell was ending in peace and contentment. The touch of her
hand and a soft word was all I needed to erase it all.

“When do you think the baby wants to be
born?” she asked, her hand running down my chest to the waistband
of my jeans and up again.

I flashed a smile at her because I couldn’t
help myself and then flipped her underneath me so fast that she
gasped in surprise and laughed softly. After all of the tears, it
was like music to my aching heart.

“Soon.
Very
soon.” I kissed her gently but
it soon deepened into more, our need for each other was always
undeniable. Her mouth opened to mine and my tongue plunged deep
inside, hungrily moving with hers. She tasted so good, and I needed
her, wanted her without question. I nuzzled into her cheek with my
nose. “But, that’s up to you,” I said between breathless kisses.
“Just say the word and we can start trying. I love you so
much.”

“No, it’s up to
us.
Everything is always us, because I
love you
just as much
.”

More beautiful words were never spoken and I
knew…it was the truth.

I waited outside the ER for my husband,
Ryan, to come out at the end of his shift. He was halfway through
his first year of residency at St. Vincent’s in Lower Manhattan.
Later in the evening, we’d be flying up to Boston where his
brother, Aaron, and one of our best friends, Jenna, were finally
getting married. I was so happy for Jenna. She’d been waiting
almost nine years for Aaron to marry her, but the responsibilities
of college and then medical school had been his priority. She had
supported his efforts without complaining and finally, after a
little gentle nudging, Aaron had proposed.

Ryan and Aaron fulfilled their childhood
dream of attending Harvard Med together, but afterward, Ryan chose
to do his residency in New York City so that we could finally be
together. We’d gotten married on a spur of the moment decision at
the same time that he and Aaron were graduating last June. Every
minute since then had been heaven. At least, the moments we
actually spent together.

I tapped my hand nervously on the steering
wheel of my Mazda as I looked around the parking lot, a mixture of
impatience and uneasiness filled me. The ER was always busy with
all kinds of cases, and Ryan regaled me with details on several
occasions. Most were just what you’d expect, but there were a lot
of gangs in New York and Ryan was constantly dealing with
shootings, beatings and stabbings. I shuddered as the fear I tried
to push back resurfaced. It wasn’t as if the many hours he spent
away from me weren’t bad enough without worrying about these types
of people hanging out at the hospital while their ‘homies’ were
treated for the latest fight or drive by.

Take tonight. There were several rough
looking young men hovering outside of the entrance, smoking,
spouting trash-talk and generally harassing anyone who tried to go
into or out of the hospital. No distinctive racial group, they were
a mixture of white, black, Asian and Hispanic descent, but
collectively, they were a scary looking bunch. Two or three of them
looked particularly agitated during the conversation. I couldn’t
make out their words, but I could tell from their expressions that
they were arguing. One tough looking thug, who was clearly the
leader, shoved another one of them with enough force to send him
sprawling on the pavement.

“Do that again and I’ll kill you, man! I’ll
fucking kill you!”

I flushed and shrank down in the seat a
little further, hoping they wouldn’t notice me while I waited for
Ryan. My heart constricted in worry that he would have to walk
through them on his way to where the car was parked across the
lot.

An old man entering the hospital glanced in
the group’s direction and was rewarded with a bitter threat, which
was loud enough so I could hear clearly. “What are you looking at,
motherfucker?! Stay out of our business or I’ll cut you!” I jumped
when he pulled out a switchblade and waved it at the old man.

I swallowed and made sure the doors to the
car were locked. The gentleman put up both hands in front of him in
a silent plea to be left alone as he hurried inside the double
doors. It was no wonder Ryan didn’t like me waiting out here alone.
I hardly ever came down here at his insistence… at least not at
night. My job at Vogue was on the Upper East Side and our new
apartment was in Midtown Manhattan and rarely did Ryan allow me to
visit him at work.

I glanced at my watch. Ryan would be out any
minute and we’d go straight to the airport. It was ten minutes past
four and I was grateful for the daylight that remained. It was cold
and I had to keep the car running, leaving the defroster on to keep
the windows from fogging up.

As I waited, I let my mind drift. Jenna had
planned a big affair and was holding her reception at the same
hotel where Ryan and I were married. Our wedding was smaller and
more intimate than the one Jenna had planned, but it was a perfect
reflection of our relationship. Very close and tight; so, so
intimate.

Gah! My heart thudded within my chest at the
memory of the vows and the incredible night of lovemaking that
followed. It didn’t matter how much time passed, I was more and
more in love with my beautiful husband every day. He was my entire
world and I was looking forward to the time alone with him in
Boston. His work schedule had been so frantic that our time
together was precious, and there were days when we wouldn’t see
each other at all beyond a kiss as we passed each other coming and
going. I missed him like I hadn’t seen him in years.

I grabbed my purse from the passenger seat
as the phone rang and reached in to retrieve it.

“Yes, Jen!” I smiled as I answered. She was
so anxious.

“When will you be here?”

“Soon. We will be there. Relax.”

“I’m relaxed. Aaron, on the other hand, is a
basket case. You’d think he was being led to the gallows,” she
mocked with a chuckle. “I think he’s more excited to see you and
Ryan than he is to marry me!”

“Nah. He’s probably just yanking your chain.
You know Aaron.”

“I’m so happy, Julia! The dresses came
today. Ellie has outdone herself again.”

I looked cautiously at the group of men, now
beginning to take notice of me sitting in my car and I bristled in
my seat. I was frightened but I couldn’t let it come through in my
voice. “I can’t wait to see them. Jenna, were you able to get the
suite for us?”

“Yes. It’s a good thing that the Four
Season’s has more than one honeymoon suite or you would have been
shit out of luck!”

Excitement raced through me as I remembered
Ryan’s reaction to spending the weekend in the same suite where
we’d spent our wedding night. I smiled a secret smile in
retrospection, but then one of the unruly young men was making his
way toward me, leaning down to look into the front window of the
car. I turned my back and faced the opposite direction, hoping he’d
leave me alone.

I looked anxiously at the door and wondered
if I should pull closer. One of the smaller men was nudging the
leader and pointing in my direction. I bristled in my seat.

“Thank you. I can’t wait to see you! Will
you be at the hotel tonight?” I ignored the men and concentrated on
my call with Jenna but my pulse quickened and I shuddered.

“Yes. Gabe and Elyse are already here and my
parents are arriving around the same time as you and Ryan.”

“Ellie and Harris?”

“They’re here already and Marin and Paul
arrive on Saturday morning.”

“Yes, Dad is busy with a case and can’t be
away too long, but I’m happy that they will be there. I never
expected to have us all together this soon.” This was going to be
the first time I’d seen my parents together since their reunion at
Ryan’s and my wedding.

Ryan finally appeared behind the glass of
the hospital entrance and was soon walking toward me across the
parking lot. My heart stilled as he glanced in the direction of the
men and nodded to them. It seemed to calm them slightly and they
dropped back letting him pass without incident. I breathed a sigh
of relief and realized how scared I really was when my pounding
heart reminded me.

“No shit. I’m excited to see everyone!”
Jenna said breathlessly.

“You deserve this, finally. Ryan is almost
to the car, so I’ll call you when we land. Love you.”

“You, too! Bye!”

Ryan opened the passenger side door and slid
into the black leather seat and I quickly relocked the doors. He
looked tired but he leaned in toward me after he was in the car and
cupped the side of my face with his hand.

“What’s the matter? Did those guys bother
you?” he asked, intently searching my face.

I shook my head.

“No, but they are scary looking. Do they
always hang out here?”