Don't Explain (17 page)

“Well, when you do, you should move back here since you won’t have a
job.”

 “You know what, Ma? I don’t know how much longer I will like this town.
I just might prefer Worcester.”

“That would be wonderful.” Caitlyn smiled. Her tragedy was her mother’s triumph.

“Have you seen this?” Alexis flew through the front door of the coffee
shop.

“Seen what?” Caitlyn closed the door and locked it. This was her second
day back from work since Michael left, and she was still drained. She still had
ten minutes before she opened, and though the risk wasn’t high, she didn’t want
anyone walking in before she was ready.

“This morning’s paper,” Alexis said as she sat down at the closest table
and began rustling through the pages.

Caitlyn moved to another table and pulled the chairs down. “I haven’t had
time. I figured that I would after I opened. Why? Did something happen?”

Alexis folded back a page and brought it over to Caitlyn. “You could say
that. There’s a review of your shop in here.”

Caitlyn shoved the paper back at Alexis. “It’s bad, isn’t it? I don’t
want to see it if it’s bad. I can’t handle that right now.”

Alexis sighed, smoothing the page out. “I’ll read it to you.

‘Small towns are just that—small. Often this means that the citizens of
such towns fail to have the small luxuries that make living in a larger town or
city bearable, namely coffee.

‘This is not true for Maple Field. They are blessed with one of the best
coffee shops in New England, and my late nights and early mornings have given
me intimate experiences with the coffee of the northeast.

‘Fine and Mellow has premier coffee beans and teas that can be mixed into
a variety of beverages that will get your motor running for a reasonable price.
The shop is run by the one owner, Caitlyn Murphy, a former high school teacher.
On top of coffee, Murphy offers delectable pastries, which she bakes daily in
house.

‘And while it’s sad for the children to lose a teacher, it’s happy for
the adults to gain a barista who knows what she is doing.

‘The atmosphere in its simplest form rivals big chains but is low key and
strangely quiet. The jazz greats can be enjoyed over the sound system, and
while the building looks like the one-room schoolhouse it once was, the former
teacher doesn’t threaten homework, just a great cup of coffee.

‘The best kept secret in Maple Field is too well kept. The shop was
deserted when I was there, but I’d guess once you try it, you’ll be hooked. So,
if you find yourself on the 68, take a pit stop at Fine and Mellow. You won’t
regret it.’

“The rest is just location information, hours, and stuff.”

Caitlyn closed her mouth, which she realized had been hanging open. “Did
you do that?”

“Did I do what?” Alexis asked as she handed Caitlyn the paper.

“Did you write that or sleep with the guy who did?”

Alexis sat back down. “You know that I didn’t write it, and while you
might not think it matters, the writer is a woman.”

Caitlyn read through the article herself. “What the hell? Why didn’t you
read me the part where I am giving away free stuff?”

“You didn’t say that?”

“No. I can’t afford that.” Caitlyn went behind the partition and turned
off the timer that was calling for her.

“You can’t afford not to. If it works, at least you’ll be making a little
money. It’s only for a week.”

Caitlyn pulled the muffin pans out of the large oven. Alexis was right.
She had to do something, or she’d be closing the doors and living with her
mother in a couple of weeks.

“Well, it’s not like I can take it back. Hopefully the writer is right,
and those who try it will be addicted.”

“I am,” Alexis said.

The town hall clock chimed, and Caitlyn walked over to the door to unlock
it. Almost immediately, two old ladies that Caitlyn recognized as Mary Mueller
and Elizabeth Wheatley burst through the doors.

“Hello, Caitlyn. What a cute little shop you have here. I can’t believe
this is my first time here.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Mueller,” Caitlyn said, walking behind the counter. “Can
I get you something today?”

“Elizabeth read you have some sort of deal going on.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The bell over the door rang, and the Romanos walked in.
“Good morning,” Caitlyn called to them and then turned back to Mary and
Elizabeth. “Buy one and the second is free.”

“On anything?” Mary narrowed her eyes at Caitlyn.

“I guess so.”

Both women looked up at the chalkboard on the partition wall, and hummed
to themselves.

Alexis came up beside Caitlyn and whispered, “Two more cars just pulled
in.” She smiled at Caitlyn. “I’m here if you need help.”

#

Two weeks had passed since Margaret
had shown up at Caitlyn's doorstep. Despite her request to be left alone, Michael
had tried to call Caitlyn several times, and he came to her house a couple of
times only to get the door slammed in his face. She wouldn't talk to him at
all, and her pit bull of a best friend made sure that Michael kept his
distance. It seemed to him that Alexis had moved in with Caitlyn and was
following her around like a bodyguard. Her calls were screened and her door was
answered by Alexis.

He tried her at the coffee shop a couple
of times, but Alexis ran up to him as he entered, asking what he wanted. When
he said that he just wanted to talk to Caitlyn, she promptly kicked him out
reminding him that this was a business. The second time he told her that he
wanted a coffee, and she took his order and money at the front door, served him
there, and then kicked him out.

Michael stood in the empty space that
would soon become his offices. They were right in the center of town in a small
log-cabin style building. When he decided that he would be willing to move here
to be with Caitlyn, he did some research. He quickly realized that the Maple
Field was going to be a great place to open a general practice. There were
several other doctors in town, but many were approaching retirement age.

He looked at the beige walls and blue
industrial carpeting. He had imagined that Caitlyn would be standing here next
to him instead of some decorator, imagining the décor and furniture
arrangement. In college, Caitlyn's room was the talk of the dorm. It was by far
the best laid out room and had the best style; she had turned a small, dark,
dank room into a bright, welcoming space. After meeting her roommate for the
first time, he knew that Caitlyn was the one that was responsible. It was again
confirmed when he saw what she had done with the schoolhouse.

He clenched his fist to try and get
rid of the feeling of her hand in his. He tuned back in to what the decorator was
saying about wall hangings and couches. He blindly agreed to everything she
suggested for the lobby, and they moved to the room that would be his office. Based
on her adequate portfolio, whatever she chose would be good enough.

Michael sat in a folding chair that
the decorator had placed in the room and thought about Margaret. He wanted to
think good things about Margaret, but he still blamed her for crushing his
dream of a life with Caitlyn. He knew that the notion was insane; it took two
people to make a baby, and it wasn't that long ago that he was a willing
participant in sex with Margaret. Recently, he could not even think of having
sex with Margaret. She had tried to seduce him. She ran her fingers up and down
his arm to signal that she was in the mood, and he tried to arouse himself. He
always failed and just ignored her. When he did not respond to her touches, she
became more aggressive. She would thrust her hand down his pants and fondle
him, but it was not effective. It was like a cold shower, and he would pop out
of bed and sit in a locked bathroom to avoid her.

Michael did not think it was fair for
him to have sex with her when he could still feel Caitlyn's skin against his,
smell her hair, and imagine her naked body. His mind recognized that he had a
commitment to Margaret, but his body and heart were committed to Caitlyn.
Margaret would have to wait, at least a little while longer, to have him again.

Michael tapped his foot impatiently.
He wanted this meeting to be over. His days had become a series of meetings: the
consequence of moving across the country with the intention of starting a
business. The next meeting was finally to close on the house. He was lucky that
the owners of the house that Caitlyn had chosen were amiable people who wanted
to sell the house as quickly as possible. They had already moved to
Connecticut, so the process was more efficient than it would have been if they
were still in the house.

He was ready to get out of the motel.
The close proximity to Margaret all the time was straining the patience he had
with her, and she wasn’t doing anything but being her sweet self. He always strived
to be a good guy, but it was difficult to paint a smile on his face and pretend
like everything was hunky-dory when he wished that she wasn’t there and that
she wasn’t carrying his baby. And, while he hated meetings, he was glad to get
away from her.

The downside to moving out of the
motel was that he was moving into the house that he thought was going to be
eventually sharing with Caitlyn. He had let Caitlyn choose the house, and he
considered it theirs. He imagined having her in every room. On the floor. On
the counters. In the shower. Even on the deck. He wanted to see her climax in
the moonlight. It was difficult to walk into the house and not fantasize.

 He decided not to include Margaret
in the paperwork for the house for this reason. Before three weeks ago, he
would have considered Margaret to be one of the most dependable people he knew,
but then she just picked up and left without talking to him. And while he
wished that she didn’t have to be in his life, there was a baby to think about,
one that he already loved, and he feared that the fickle Margaret would arise
again. That one day he would come home and his baby would be gone. That's why
he decided that they should still get married. She readily accepted and told
him that it was a major step in their reconciliation. And she was eager to
reconcile.

Margaret tried hard to get him to
forgive her. Michael would wake up in the morning to a hot breakfast that she
ran out and got from the local diner or bakery. While he was gone during the
day she would clean up the motel and go to the laundromat to wash his clothes. She
watched basketball with him, even though he knew she hated it. It was all
sweet, but for some reason, it was driving Michael insane.

While she tried to be sly about all
of the nice things she was doing for him, she was fervently trying to get him
into bed. She told him that she forgave him for sleeping with another woman: he
had every right to because for that time they were not a couple. But she also argued
that they needed to be intimate in order to restore their relationship and to
remember what it was like to love each other the way they used to.

Margaret had offered to try and get a
job, but Michael didn’t see a reason for that. He had saved up quite a bit of
money to start up his practice, and med school was paid for by scholarship, so
he didn't have any debt. So, she was looking into finding another volunteering
job, maybe at a hospital or an afterschool tutoring center.

The decorator snapped Michael out of
his reverie by handing him a clipboard with a contract. He initialed and signed
in all the appropriate places, even after hesitating briefly on the final
price. It was worth it. This was a task with which he was not comfortable. He wanted
Margaret to do the decorating. At least she would get out of that musty room. But
she refused. She was too afraid of screwing it up. She claimed that working
with kids was her forte, not decorating, and she’d hate to drive his business
away because she didn’t know a cranberry from a red. It was probably for the
best anyway. She would have to double check with him on everything to make sure
it was just perfect, and he’d rather just have it done with as little
inconvenience to him as possible.

The woman stood up, and he mimicked
her movement. He shook her hand as she thanked him for his business. Then he
was left alone.

This practice was his dream since
being accepted to medical school. It was everything that he wanted but didn't
have the courage to do in Sacramento. He now realized that he had been avoiding
the work of starting a business, and it had nothing to do with the economy or
the time or the place. The struggle he always claimed to have was a personal
one. He had not been willing to take the risk. So, he just stockpiled money
until he could muster the courage.

Hanging out with Caitlyn had given
him the courage to risk again. It had benefited him, at least for a while. Even
back at the U of A, he was not willing to risk much without Caitlyn by his
side. While she wasn't by his side now, she had encouraged him to take this
step, and that was enough for him. For now.

Michael glanced at his watch. 10:30. Caitlyn's
morning rush would be over. He had noticed that Caitlyn’s business had picked
up over the last two weeks, especially in the mornings. His meeting to close
the papers was not until noon. He had to try to talk to her again.