Don't Look Back (21 page)

“Well, now I’m not willing.”

He sat up next to me. “I don’t get you, Lily.”

“What do you mean?”

“First you run away, then I find you and you’re all standoffish. Then I come over and you seem to want me as much as I want you. Now you’re all cold again.”

Was I being unreasonable? I shook my head, knowing I wasn’t. I had just made a mistake last night. The loneliness had gotten the better of me and I had given in. But how could I convince Trevor of that? Now he seemed to think that everything was back to normal.

“I really think you need to go.”

“And what if I don’t want to go,” he said, annoyance clear on his face.

“I guess I could always call the police.” I didn’t know if I would really do that, but I hoped the threat would be enough to make him leave.

He reached across me, startling me, and grabbed my cell phone from the bedside table. “I don’t think so,” he said.

“Trevor, what are you doing?”

“I’m taking your phone so you can’t call the police. This is between us.”

“Give me back my phone,” I said, alarmed by his behavior.

 “Lily, I love you.” His voice was soft. “Why can’t you accept that? I’m your husband. You’re my wife. We’re having a baby and we need to be a family.”

It seemed his controlling ways had not stopped. I don’t know why I had thought he might have changed. I guess I was so lonesome that I was willing to believe what I wanted to believe. “Trevor,” I started, worried how he would react. “I don’t think this was a good idea.”

“You don’t think what was a good idea?”

“You coming to my house. Me letting you in. Us ending up here.” I spread my hands out, encompassing my bedroom.

“Why not?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us.”

“Again, why not?”

His anger was ratcheting up and I was beginning to feel scared as well as nervous about where this conversation would end. “I don’t think you’ve changed as much as you think you have.” I tried to speak in a non-confrontational manner, hoping it would defuse any anger he was feeling.

“Oh come on, Lily. You’ve hardly given me a chance. We’ve spent, what, less than a day together? And that’s all it took for you to come to your conclusion? I don’t think you’re even trying.” He stared at me as he chewed on his lower lip. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

“No. There isn’t,” I said with vehemence. “I swear.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he said, throwing back the covers.

I hoped that meant he was going to leave. But I felt like he was making my point for me and I had to point it out. “See, Trevor? The way you’re accusing me shows me you haven’t changed. You’re jumping to the same old conclusions.”

He grabbed his jeans from the floor and yanked them on. “Why should I believe you? You’ve lied to me before.”

“What? When?”

He sneered at me. “Just tonight you admitted you lied to me about knowing we were having a girl. And then when you came to Reno and said you wanted to meet me at Circus Circus, but you were really luring me away so you could get your stuff.” He glared at me. “What else have you lied to me about, Lily?”

Wow. And he doesn’t even know about the two-hundred thousand I have stashed in the next room. He would go ballistic if he knew about that.

Is he right though? Have I been lying to him as much as he has lied to me? No, I don’t think so. The circumstances were different. I lied to him about meeting him for my own protection. But I probably shouldn’t have lied about knowing the baby is a girl. But when he’s lied to me, it’s been to purposefully deceive me. How can I believe him now when he says he loves me?

“I’m sorry I lied to you about the baby, Trevor. And the thing in Reno was just because I was scared.” I hesitated. “But Trevor, I think you’re still lying to me. I saw you kiss Amanda that day. I was waiting for you to leave and I was watching and I saw you kiss her.”

He shook his head. “You’re wrong. I’ve never kissed her. Why would I when it’s you that I want?”

I knew what I had seen. There was no mistake. He had kissed her. Why was he pretending otherwise? What else had he lied to me about that I didn’t even know about?”

“Whatever,” I finally said, not interested in arguing about it. “Can I have my phone back?” I held out my hand.

“Here.”

Trevor tossed it onto the bed and I grabbed it before he could take it back.

“Thank you.” I watched as he finished getting dressed. When he was done, he sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at me.

“I don’t know what else to do to convince you of how I feel,” he said. “I love you and I don’t want this divorce.”

Oh, Trevor, I wanted to say. I wish we could make it work too. But I can’t live with a controlling, jealous, angry husband and I don’t believe you’re willing to change.

I closed my eyes and imperceptibly shook my head. When I opened my eyes and my gaze met his, his expression wavered between sadness and fury.

“Just so you know, Lily, I’m planning on being part of my daughter’s life.” He paused as an idea seemed to occur to him. He smiled suddenly, but he didn’t seem happy. The smile instead had a tinge of vindictiveness. “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to move to this little town so that I can see my baby whenever I want. What do you think about that?”

No! I silently screamed as my head began to pound. I don’t want you here!

“And don’t even think about running off again. Because no matter where you go, I’ll find you. I have every right to be in my baby girl’s life and I plan on doing all within my power to make sure she knows her daddy.”

Feeling shaky, I tried to control my voice. “I think that’s great, Trevor,” I lied. “You should move here. That will make it easier with the baby.” I paused. “Do you think you’ll be able to find a job?”

I could tell my statement had surprised him. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “I’ll be able to find a job. Don’t worry about me.”

“By the way, when are you going to bring over the divorce papers for me to sign?”

“I don’t know why you’re in such a big hurry.”

 “I just want to get it over with,” I said with a frown.

“I’ll get to it eventually. But right now, I’m out of here.”

Relieved he was finally leaving, I followed him to the front door. He opened the door, then stopped and turned to me, a smirk on his face. “Thanks for having me over.”

“Bye, Trevor,” I said, regretting answering the door earlier that evening.

He walked out and I locked the door behind him. Though it was still dark outside, when I looked through the peephole I was able to see him get into his car. A moment later he turned his car around and drove down the gravel drive. I watched until he was gone.

I went back up to bed, but couldn’t fall asleep, thinking about the ramifications of him moving here.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

The next day at work I kept looking out the window to see if Trevor was in the area. Once I saw a man who I thought could be Trevor, but I had only caught a glimpse and couldn’t be sure. All day long I was distracted and stressed and Billi noticed.

“Is something wrong, Kate?” she asked, catching me looking out the window yet again.

I spun around, embarrassed. “No. I just thought I saw someone I knew.”

“Okay. By the way, I hired two new girls to help out at Christmas. Hopefully one of them will work out to replace you when the baby comes.”

“Oh. That’s great.” Though I knew I didn’t want to work once the baby came, I also knew I’d miss my job. I’d enjoyed interacting with the customers and everyone had always been friendly. But I’d told Billi I was going to quit once the baby came, so of course she’d hired a replacement for me. It just felt strange to be told I was being replaced.

When my shift was over I stayed alert as I walked to my car, expecting Trevor to appear out of nowhere. I didn’t have classes that afternoon, so I drove straight home, keeping an eye on the cars around me, looking for Trevor’s blue Camaro. I didn’t see it and once in my house, I locked the front door.

All afternoon I felt nervous, not knowing if Trevor would unexpectedly show up.

I can’t live like this, I thought. But what can I do? Trevor isn’t doing anything illegal. At least not yet. I just need to relax and try to live my life.

Once evening came, I fixed dinner then cleaned up. Once I felt everything was clean enough to allow me to unwind, I took my eReader into the living room and curled up on the couch. It was about seven o’clock and dark out. As I settled into the book, I finally felt myself relaxing. Greta was curled up in the corner on her pet bed, her head resting on her paws.

Suddenly, she jumped up and ran to the door, her tail wagging. Then she began barking. My heart pounded. Obviously, someone was coming. Then there was a loud knock at the door.  Startled, I let out a little scream and felt the blood drain from my face.

I went to the window and lifted a slat on the blinds, peering out. From the light coming from the porch, I was able to see enough to know that Trevor’s car was not out front. Who could it be? Was Trevor trying to scare me? If he was, it was working.

Quietly, I tiptoed to the door and looked out the peephole. When I saw Marcus there, I almost wept with relief. I took several deep breaths, trying to get myself under control, then opened the door.

“Marcus, what a nice surprise. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Hi, Kate,” he said, a broad smile on his face, his incredible green eyes sparkling. “How have you been?” He glanced at my stomach. “You’ve really . . . grown.” He laughed.

“I know. I feel huge. Do you want to come in?”

“Sure.”

He followed me to the couch and we both sat down. I hadn’t seen him since the night he’d told me he had gotten back together with Marissa, about four months earlier. “How are you? How’s Marissa?”

At the mention of her name, his smile dimmed. “We broke up.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It was my decision.”

“Oh. Well, how’s your job going?”

“It’s fantastic. How about you? How’s school going?”

“Great. It’s almost time for finals. But you already knew that. You’re going to school too, right?”

“Yes. It’s funny though. When I was in high school, I just did what I had to to get by. But somehow it’s different now. I’m really enjoying learning. I’m glad I went back.”

“I know what you mean.”

“So do you have the baby’s room ready?”

“Yes. Your dad helped me get the dresser and changing table set up. And when I found out it was going to be a girl, I added some feminine touches to the room.

“A girl, huh? That’s great. Have you thought of a name yet?”

“Yes. Natalie.”

“I like it.”

I smiled, pleased that he approved. “Do you want to see her room?”

“Sure. I haven’t been in it for a long time.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

We walked up the stairs and into Natalie’s room.

Marcus looked around. “It turned out great, Kate. You’re a natural decorator.”

I laughed. “I don’t know about that, but thanks.”

Then I heard pounding on the front door. I walked to the window and looked out. Even in the dark I was able to see it was Trevor’s blue Camaro.

“Are you expecting someone?” Marcus asked.

“No.” I hoped if I didn’t answer the door, Trevor would leave.

That hope was quickly dashed as I heard the front door open and Trevor walk in, calling for me. “Lily? Lily, where are you?”

I glanced at Marcus, who looked completely confused.

“Stay here,” I said, then I hurried out of the room and down the stairs.

“There you are, Lily,” Trevor said loudly.

The smell hit me first. “You’ve been drinking,” I said, trying to talk normally so as not to rouse Trevor’s suspicion, yet quiet enough so Marcus wouldn’t hear.

“What was your first clue?”

“What are you doing here? I told you not to come here anymore.”

“I wanted to come see my wife, of course. Why else would I come here?”

“Please, Trevor. Keep your voice down.”

His eyes narrowed. “Why?”

Thinking fast, I said, “The baby finally stopped kicking and I don’t want you to wake her up.”

“Oh.”

“You need to leave now.”

“Why would I do that? I want to spend the evening with my beautiful wife.”

“Just go. Please.”

Then I heard a creaking noise coming from the stairs.

Turning, I saw Marcus at the bottom of the stairs.

“Who the hell are you?” Trevor shouted, suddenly livid.

“Is everything okay, Kate?”

Panic flowed over me in waves, threatening to drown me. “Everything’s fine,” I managed to say.

“Who are you?” Marcus asked Trevor, clearly concerned for me.

“I’m her husband.”

Marcus’ eyes widened in shock and his eyes shifted to me. “Kate?”

Trevor started laughing hysterically and Marcus and I both turned to him.

“I see she’s got you fooled,” Trevor said, trying to catch his breath between laughs.

“Trevor, leave. Now!” I demanded.

He ignored me as he focused on Marcus. “What else did she tell you?”

“Kate?” Marcus asked again.

“Her name’s Lily, you idiot,” Trevor said, his laughter under control.

Marcus just stared, first at Trevor, then at me. More than anything in the world, I wanted to disappear, just sink into the floor and never come up.

“I’d better get going, Kate, uh . . . yeah,” Marcus said as he walked toward the door.

“Marcus, wait. I can explain,” I said.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I’ll see you around.”

With that, he walked out, shutting the door behind him.

I was so angry at Trevor, I thought I would explode.

“Are you sleeping with him too?” he asked.

My hand swung up and across his face before I’d completed thinking about doing it. He staggered back, caught off-guard. Then I moved backwards, out of his reach, expecting him to retaliate.

“Why was he upstairs? Was I interrupting something, Kate?” he asked, exaggerating my alias as he rubbed his face.

“He’s just a friend,” I said with as much venom as I could muster.