Don't Tell (8 page)

That evening, Mason invited me to hang out with him. He told me that I had been spending far too much time with my girlfriend, and that I needed some guy time. I wanted to say no, but Lucy said that she wanted to hang out with Tess anyway. So, I went to Mason's house to play some X-Box. I was losing badly.

“
Man, you suck,” Mason joked after beating me for the fifth time in a row.

“
I know. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“
You need to get Lucy off of your mind. It's boy's night.”

Mason couldn't understand. Lucy would always be on my mind. After his speech though, I kept my head in the moment. The truth was that my dilemma was still going to be there after the night was over. It felt good to unwind with him.

After playing 13 straight games on the Xbox, and losing 11 of them, Mason and I finally stopped playing.

“
Have you got your college applications filled out yet?” he asked as he passed me a can of soda.

“
Lucy and I filled some out today. I still have to write my essays, but I got a good hunk of them done,” I answered, satisfied that the worst of it was over.

“
I'm so glad all this mess is almost over,” he said, taking a drink of his own soda. “I am sick of writing essays about myself.”

I laughed. “It's almost here. 6 more months until we graduate.”

“
I am so ready.”

“
Me too,” I agreed readily.

“
What are you going to do about your girlfriend when you go away to college?” Mason asked, bringing up the one topic I had been trying to not think of all night.

“
I'm taking her with me.”

He rolled his eyes. “You can't be serious. College is all about partying.”

“
No,” I countered. “College is about growing up, learning responsibility, planning for the future, and getting an education.”

“
You don't really believe you'll be with her forever, do you?”

“
I'd like to think so, but either way, I need to know she's going to be taken care of.” I knew that he wouldn't understand. “She wasn't even planning on going to college.”

He looked shocked. “Why not?”

“
Her dad doesn't exactly care if she goes, you know. She doesn't have the money, or anybody pushing her, so she doesn't think she can.”

“
Maybe you can talk some sense into her,” he said.

“
I hope so.”

I hung out with Mason for another hour or so before going home. I thought about stopping by to see if Lucy was ok, but I figured she was still hanging out with Tess. I would see her tomorrow.

Ten

Decision

Lucy

I was glad that Ian had went to hang out with Mason. I was in too much pain, and if he stayed much longer I probably couldn't have hidden it from him. I hoped that the pain would get better, but as the night progressed, my pain only got worse.

First, I tried laying down on my back, but that hurt. So I propped myself up with pillows. That didn't help. Around midnight, I took some sleeping pills hoping that would help, it didn't. So then, I felt extremely groggy, but I was still unable to sleep because of the pain.

At 7am, I still hadn't got to sleep, and now Ian was climbing in my opened window.

“
Did I wake you?” he asked softly.

I shook my head. “I'm not feeling very good. I think I'm going to stay home today.”

He sat down on my bed beside me. I was careful not to move. I didn't want him to see that I was in pain. “What's wrong?”

“
Headache,” I answered. It was true. My head
was
hurting from the lack of sleep.

He felt of my forehead and looked at me with concern. “You've got a fever...” he paused. “I'll be right back,” he said as he climbed out of my window. I sat there waiting, but it was more than 10 minutes before he came back. When he did, he handed me a bottle of water and a bottle of migraine medicine. I took them, hoping maybe the pain killer would help my ribs feel better.

“
Thank you.”

“
You're welcome,” he said, and then kissed my forehead. “You sleep, I'll see you after school.”

I nodded my head and watched him climb back out of my window. As soon as he was a safe distance away, I let the tears run down my face.

I absolutely hated deceiving Ian. It reminded me of why I didn't want a boyfriend to begin with.
Keeping this a secret from him was a lot harder than I had originally thought. The pain in my side seemed to get worse instead of better. I needed to feel better, and sooner rather than later.

The pain medicine finally kicked it. It still hurt like crazy, but it dulled it a lot, so I was able to drift off into a restless sleep. I prayed I would feel better when Ian came back.

…

Ian

I was worried about Lucy all day. Part of me wondered if she were hiding something from me, but another part of me said to trust her. I hadn't seen any bruises that morning. Plus, I can tell when she is lying. She definitely wasn't lying. She
did
have a headache.

All day, I fought with myself. I almost left at lunch to see if she was ok, but I didn't. It was nothing, just a headache. Still, I couldn't wait until school was over so I could go over to her house and check on her.

“
Where is Lucy at?” Tess asked me in Biology. Finally, it was the last class of the day.

“
She had a headache, so she stayed home,” I answered sadly. I tried to keep the worry out of my voice.

“
Oh,” she too sounded worried about her friend.

“
Did she seem sick last night?” I asked her, remembering that they hung out.

“
Last night?” She looked confused.

“
You know... When you hung out with her?”

She looked at me curiously. “I haven't heard from her since school yesterday. I was babysitting my little cousins last
night.”

I felt my heart sink. Lucy had lied to me, but why?

I felt more certain than ever that she was hiding something. Tess started to say something else, but I ignored her. I raised my hand and told my teacher I was feeling sick. I bypassed the nurses station and walked right out the front doors of the school. I didn't care that I would probably get in trouble for ditching school, I had to check on Lucy.

The drive to her house from the school was only 10 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to kick myself for not pushing her more this morning. I should have known that something was up.

When I climbed through Lucy's window, I found her asleep on her bed. Not wanting to wake her, I laid down beside her gently and waited impatiently for her to wake up.

I watched Lucy as she lay there. She looked so small, and so vulnerable. I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, protect her. I knew that I had to come up with a solution quickly. I couldn't handle Lucy being here one more night. I needed her safe.

I weighed my options in my head. If I told, Lucy would hate me forever, but at least she would be safe. If I didn't tell anybody, she would be stuck here for at least 6 more months. She would continue to be his punching bag. And next time she might not be ok. It might not just be a black eye, or a bump on her head.

My chest hurt because I knew what I had to do, and I knew that if I did it, I would probably lose her forever. But, in the end, I knew my pain would be worth it to know that she was going to be ok.

My decision was made.

I just wish it didn't hurt so bad.

…

Lucy

When I woke up, I had never been in so much pain in all of my life. Each breath hurt worse than the last. I was beginning to think my dad did more than just bruise my ribs with his last blow. But I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell Ian. I couldn't tell anybody. Going to the doctor or hospital was out of the question this time.

Finally, I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see Ian sitting right beside me. I tried to set up, but I couldn't.

“
What's wrong?” he asked.

Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Crying would only make me hurt worse. “I'm ok, really. I must have the flu or something,” I lied. I wanted to tell him the truth so bad.

“
Look me in the eyes and tell me that you're ok.” He saw through my facade.

I looked him in the eyes, prepared to tell him I was fine, but I couldn't. I felt a tear run down the side of my face. “Do you hate me?” My voice came out in a whisper.

Ian gently wiped the tear from my face. “I could
never
hate you,” he said in a soft voice. “But you need to tell me what's wrong. I can't make it better if you don't.”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. He looked so hurt, and so scared. I  couldn't hurt him. Not again.

“
Look at me,” he demanded, so I opened my eyes again. “Please, tell me the truth. What is wrong?” He gently stroked the side of my cheek.

Without a word, I pulled up my shirt, showing Ian the very black bruise on my stomach, ribs, and back. It looked worse now than this morning. I watched him as he examined the bruise. He did say anything for about 2 minutes. From his expression, I could tell he was furious.

“
He hurt you again.” It wasn't a question.

I nodded, unable to speak. I didn't want to cry. “Will you hold me?”

He scooted closer to me, and I put my head on his chest. I listened to the steady sound of his heart beat as he ran his fingers through my hair.

Each breath was a struggle, but with Ian there, it was better.

“
How bad is it?” Ian asked breaking the silence.

I didn't want to tell him how bad the pain was, so I stayed silent. By not answering, he knew exactly how bad it was.

“
Can I take you to the doctor?” He asked.

I shook my head. “I can't, Ian.”

“
Baby, please. You're hurting.” His voice broke up as he pleaded with me, and I could feel my heart breaking inside my chest. I couldn't hurt him anymore.

In the end, I agreed that he could take me to the doctor, but I decided that after that I had to break it off with Ian. As much as it hurt me to do it, I had to. I couldn't keep hurting him. He didn't belong in my screwed up life.

The thought of being without Ian hurt worse than bruise, but it was the only way he could truly be happy. I had to do it.

The ride to the hospital was the longest drive of my life. I tried to think of excuses on the way... Fell down the stairs, fell in the shower, hit with a ball during a soccer game... But all of the excuses weren't good enough... They were all a lie, and I was so tired of lying.

I made the decision that today would be the last day I would have to lie. With Ian gone, I would do a better job at covering my bruises. Nobody would ever know the truth again. It's the only way.

…

Ian

It turned out Lucy had 2 broken ribs, and her kidney was bruised. They said it wasn't anything too serious, but she was lucky it wasn't anything worse. This scared me, because I knew that the hits were getting worse with time.

The doctor pulled me into the hallway.

“
She isn't talking,” the doctor said. I knew exactly what was coming next. “This bruise isn't from falling. Did you know who did this to her?”

I nodded. It hurt me to say the truth, but I knew I had to. “Her father,” I said bitterly.

“
This isn't the first time, is it?” he asked.

I shook my head.

The doctor sighed. “You know we have to report this.”

“
I know,” I whispered.

The doctor walked away, and I stood there staring down the hallway after him. I wanted to go back inside the room with Lucy, but I needed a minute longer. It was going to hurt to see her face. It would hurt for her to know I told, that I lied to her. I broke my promise to her.

In that moment, I knew everything that Lucy and I had was over. My feelings would never go away, but there was no more us. No more sneaking in her window. No more picnics by the lake. No more anything. After today, she would hate me forever.
I could feel my heart breaking apart in my chest, but I felt better knowing she would at least be safe now. I knew that my pain was worth her safety.