Don't Tell (7 page)

“
I don't hate you, Lucy. I could
never
hate you.”

“
Well, it certainly seems like it.”

“
Well, I don't,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I hate what he did to you, or
does
to you. I hate that I can't save you. I want to.”

“
I didn't ask you to save me. I was just fine before you came along, and I am just fine now,” I said defensively.

Ian's voice was soft and sweet once again. “Baby, look at yourself. You're not fine.”

I glanced at myself in the rear view mirror. My head was still slightly swollen and red, but it was better... And then I looked at my face. Sure, to anybody else, I looked fine, but I wasn't. I could see a girl trying to keep from falling apart, and I knew that was the girl Ian saw when he looked at me.

“
Can you just pretend? For me, please?” I whispered so that my voice wouldn't break. “I want tonight to be good.”

“
For tonight,” he agreed.

…

Ian

Pretending that everything was normal was definitely going to be a hard task, especially with the scar on Lucy's forehead. And worse than the scar was the pain in her eyes. She thought she hid her feelings, but she couldn't hide them from me. I knew the real Lucy, and I could see beyond the mask she was wearing.

Lucy thought I hated her, but she couldn't have been further from the truth. How could she not realize that I didn't look at her because it broke my heart to look at her? How could she not see how hard that it was for me?

Maybe I'm selfish. This is something that Lucy has been dealing with on her own for a very long time. She should be able to share the burden with somebody. Yet, here I am making it even harder on her. Instead of putting her down, I should be lifting her up. I should be making her forget about the bad.

When we got to the church, I I pulled Lucy tight and kissed her forehead before getting out of my truck. She climbed out behind me. My father, the person I had been avoiding the past week, was the first to greet us.

“
Ian, Lucy! So glad you two could make it.”

“
Hey Pastor Winters,” Lucy greeted him with a hug.

“
That's quite a bump there,” he said, pointing towards her head.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I'm clumsy.”

It was a classic Lucy answer, but it couldn't have been further from the truth.

Somebody called to him from the pumpkin carving station, so he excused himself and once again it was just Lucy and I.

“
So, what first?” she asked.

“
How good are you at bobbing for apples?”

…

Lucy

Ian was able to keep his promise... It really did feel like old times, and I couldn't remember the last time that I had some much fun.

“
Ready for the hayride?” Ian asked, handing me a cup of hot chocolate. I accepted the warmth and took a sip before responding.

“
I am,” I smiled.

The hayride was very crowded, but I didn't mind. It gave me an excuse to scoot as close as I could to Ian. He put his arm around me, and I instantly felt warmer at his touch.

When I was a little girl, I used to dream about meeting my prince charming. I would try to imagine what he would be like. When I was sad, I would think about how amazing he would make me feel by simply touching me, or kissing me... But not even my dreams could compare to Ian.

Ian makes me feel complete. The crazy part is, I didn't know that I was missing a piece of myself. Not until he came into my life and showed me exactly what it was like to
live.

“
What are you thinking about?” Ian whispered in my ear. I shivered, but not from the cold.

“
I was thinking that I am so lucky you found me.”

He sent me a sideways smile that made me weak in the knees, and he pulled me close to him. “I'm the lucky one.”

My heart jumped into overdrive, and I shook my head at him. “Feel,” I said, grabbing his hand. I put it over my heart so he could feel my pulse. “Only
you
, Ian Winters, can do this to me.”

He leaned closer to me, gently kissed my cheek, and then whispered in my ear, “You don't even know what you do to me.”

When he backed away, my heart was beating faster than ever. I suddenly wished that we were somewhere alone, anywhere besides a crowded church hayride.

I'm definitely going to need to repent later
.

After church, Ian and I drove to the haunted house. It was actually being held at an old abandoned house, which made it even more creepy. I looked at the outside nervously as we pulled up. I was beginning to think maybe coming here was a bad idea.

It's not real. Nothing in there is real,
I reminded myself.

When we got out of the truck, Ian's fingers laced with mine, and my heart sped up, but not because I was scared. It seemed to be a natural reaction to his touch. I liked it.

“
Ready?” he asked.

I gulped and nodded my head. He laughed at my reaction and gently pulled me with his hand. After he paid, we walked towards the door. I stood as close to him as possible.

To my right, I heard something in the bushes move. My heart sped up, but I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

You're fine. Just breathe. Ian will keep you safe.

I finally got my heart to calm down when somebody jumped out of the bushes in front of us. I screamed and nearly jumped into Ian's arms. He chuckled gently as he held me.

I breathed in against his chest. He always smelled so good – like soap and fresh rain. I memorized his scent trying to calm myself down.

“
You're trembling,” he whispered in my ear.

In that moment, I forgot that we were at a haunted house. I just leaned in close and kissed him. It was innocent enough, but I found myself getting into it. I pulled him closer to me, but it wasn't close enough. I moaned as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth.

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer. Every part of my body suddenly became aware of his closeness.

Shocked at my feelings, I pulled away, slightly embarrassed. Ian was breathing just as heavily as I was, so I know he was just as affected as me.

“
We should... umm... probably go in,” he said, breaking the silence.

I nodded my head in agreement.

Ian did strange things to my heart... and other parts of me. I liked it.

Nine

Planning for the future

Ian

October slowly faded into November. Lucy's dad hadn't hit her for a few weeks, and though I couldn't stop worrying about her, I was happy that he was leaving her alone for the time being.

But Lucy wasn't the only thing that I was stressed over... I sat with a enormous pile of college applications in front of me, none of them filled out yet.

“
They aren't going to fill themselves out,” my dad reminded me.

I sighed. “I know it. I just... I don't want to leave her.”

He sat down directly in front of me. “Ian, we've talked about this. You're only 17 years old. Lucy is... your first girlfriend. You can't plan your life around her.”

I felt angry at his words. I fought to keep my voice low. “How can you say that? Lucy is... everything.”

He sighed. “I know you think that right now, but things change. People grow apart. Right now, you have to think about
yourself
and
your
future. She may not be in it.”

I got up from the table. It took all the self control I had not to throw my chair against the wall. “She
is
my future, Dad. I am going to get her out of that house, and as far away from her father as I can. Even if I have to give up
everything
for her, I will
because she is worth it.”

My dad looked at me, completely stunned by my outburst. And why wouldn't he be? I've always been the
perfect
son. Never before did I have a reason to fight with him. For a moment, it was so quiet that I could hear the clock ticking on the wall. I counted to 30 before he spoke.

“
Well, if you're that determined, I guess you will just have to take her with you to college.” A faint smiled broke out over my dad's face.

“
I think I will,” I smiled back at him.

My dad got up from the table and left me in the dining room alone. I suddenly realized that I didn't need to be filling out these applications alone. I packed them up and headed towards Lucy's house.

Life is unpredictable, crazy and scary at times, but at least I knew that I would never be alone. I would always have my dad, my mom, and I would always have Lucy. My future suddenly looked brighten than ever.

…

Lucy

I lay on my bed, my head rested against the backboard. I carefully pulled up my shirt to look at the enormous bruise on my ribs, wishing that it would go away. It stretched from my stomach, my side, and into my back. It hurt to move, and to breathe. But the pain, I could deal with. What I couldn't deal with was Ian knowing.

I could just not tell him
, I thought to myself... I knew that I couldn't let things go back to the way they were. I couldn't handle Ian not looking me in the eyes. I couldn't handle the silence. I needed Ian to be my sweet, normal boyfriend. I needed the escape he brought me.

Ian is my reason for living. He gives me hope, and I can't risk losing him.

I'm definitely not going to tell him
.

I smiled at my decision, but I couldn't help the feeling of guilt that washed over me. I was deceiving him, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

No, I'm not deceiving him. I'm just... Not telling him the whole truth
. I fought with myself in my head. But I knew no matter how guilty I would feel, I couldn't tell him. Not if I wanted him in my life. And losing him just wasn't an option... At least not right now.

A tap on my window made me jerk. I winced at the pain as my ribs throbbed. Ian was standing outside my window, smiling like crazy. I wasn't expecting him. I carefully slid off my bed and walked to my window, trying not to let the pain show on my face.

“
Ian,” I smiled as I opened the window. “Aren't you supposed to be filling out college applications today?”

He held up a huge stack of folders and two pens. “I figured we could do it together.”

I took the folders from him so he could climb in.

Once Ian was in my room, I turned to him. “You know that I'm not going to college, right?”

“
I know. But, I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply. You might change your mind before next August. It doesn't hurt to keep your options open.”

I sighed. I knew that even if I
wanted
to go to college, I couldn't afford it, and my grades definitely weren't good enough for a scholarship. I would forever be stuck in this small town. I've accepted my fate.

The first application we filled out was for University of Georgia.

“
Your dad doesn't mind that you're applying at a college so far from home?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “My dad will miss me, sure. But at this point he's so glad I'm going to college, he doesn't care where I go.”

I nodded my head like I knew exactly what he meant, but I didn't. I had no clue what it felt like to have a dad who actually cared.

“
Hey, are you ok?” Ian asked me.

“
Yeah, I'm fine,” I lied.

“
You just seem really tense,” he frowned.

I tried to relax, when I did, the pain reminded me why I was sitting like I was. I smiled through the pain. “Really, I'm ok. I guess I'm just thinking about how much I will miss you when you go away to college. Georgia is a long way from Texas.”

He scooted closer to me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Let's not think about that right now.” He kissed my forehead gently, and I was once again reminded how lucky I was to have Ian in my life.

Even with all the bad in my life, Ian magically makes it better when I'm with him. I really would miss him when he went away to college, but for now, I was going to enjoy every second with him that I had.

…

Ian

I still couldn't believe that Lucy thought I was going to leave her when I went off to college. How can she not realize how much I love her? The thought of leaving her made my chest feel tight, and suddenly made it hard to breathe. I wasn't going anywhere without her. I couldn't. I wouldn't.