Double Heat [Twin Ties: 3] (13 page)

“We don’t understand why you’d lie to us, Evan,” Alek said, glancing up. His jaw was set, his gaze stony.

Luka stood. He had something in his hands. “Jimmy stopped by. A woman named Martha from the shelter made this for you and he was dropping it off. He asked how you were, since he hadn’t heard from you in a few days.” Luka tossed the balled up, knitted object at him. As Evan unfolded it, looking at his hands rather than his displeased boyfriends, he saw that it was a scarf with alternating stripes of amber and blue.

Wrapping it around his neck as another barrier against the awkwardness, Evan ran his hands over his face and sighed.

“Fuck. Okay.” He threw up his arms in defeat. “I was with Carter at a bar nearby.”

“Of course you were,” Alek sighed with quiet annoyance.

“I just wanted a chance to unwind and be out... somewhere... without having to worry about stares or someone wanting to kick my ass, or worse, for doing something that looks gay. You guys know he’s trying to pass, too, so he gets it, and it’s just... I don’t know. I’m sorry. I should have been honest. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“Too late,” Luka said. He did look hurt, and that was awful. It made Evan’s stomach hurt.

“I can’t hide in here all the time, though!” Evan said with some exasperation, gesturing around at the small apartment. “Back at Charlie’s house, at least I could go for a walk in the fields to get some air, but here, people are always watching. Always! And, you know, I’m sorry, but I’m not eager to get stabbed again for being such a stupid fucking weakling faggot. I get it, Luka. I really do. I appreciate that you don’t want to lie about us, but I’m trying to
survive
, here. I have valid reasons to be afraid of what people think of me, and the judgments they make after a quick glance. And you know what? You should too. You should be more afraid of them, because I want all of us to be safe, and it’s
not safe
. People are going to judge us for this, and
hate us
for this. We
have
to be more careful.”

His eyes red and glassy, Luka walked quickly up to Evan and pulled him into a hug. Holding Evan against his chest, kissing the top of his head, Luka sighed and said, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about it that way.”

“I know,” Evan murmured, hugging back.

Luka let him go. Alek had come closer as well, looking concerned as ever, for a slew of very valid reasons.

“I wish you’d talked to us about all of this sooner,” Alek said, “before you had to resort to running off with Carter just to get a break.”

“That’s
not
—” Evan started, then caught himself, not willing to rise to the bait. He wasn’t Charlie. He refused to blow his top, even if he was upset. “You’re right. I should have brought it up,” he said instead, conceding the point to Alek.

“You’re right, too,” Alek agreed. “We need to be smarter about how we behave in public, for all of our safety. We attract attention naturally, without trying, just because we’re two sets of identical twins, so we need to be even more conscious of what we do due to that. It’s different now than when Luka and I were growing up. We would play off of each other for attention, because that’s what kids do. They do stupid shit.”

“But we’re adults now,” Luka continued, picking up the thread. “And attention is a bad thing, especially after what happened to you.” He sighed and said with aching sincerity, “I’m sorry, baby.”

“So, from here on out, no PDA,” Alek said, glancing at each of them for agreement.

“No PDA,” Evan nodded. “Maybe we need to start having a monthly or weekly meeting or something to just talk about shit, because it doesn’t even occur to me that I should say something when it comes to this stuff. I feel like bringing it up will only upset someone, or cause a problem, so it just festers. I’m sorry for that, too. It’s just not instinct to talk. I’ve never felt compelled to be honest with Charlie about any of the tough stuff and you guys are suffering because of it. I’ll make more of an effort. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Alek replied tenderly, taking Evan’s hand and giving it a squeeze. Evan smiled up at him.

“We tried to call Bren,” Luka told him. “He didn’t pick up.”

“But he had the whole schedule for Skyping printed out and everything,” Evan countered, instantly concerned. “It was a big deal to him to get to check in with us like that. Something must have happened. What if he—”

“He’s fine,” Alek interjected quickly, trying to get a word in before Evan had a heart attack. “He texted back saying his friends surprised him with a party. We told him to have fun and we’d talk later.”

“But it’s still weird he didn’t at least step out to take the call and explain,” Evan worried, chewing at his lip. He tried to use their spooky, untested twin connection to sense if Brennan was okay, but there was nothing helpful brewing that he could make sense of. He couldn’t feel Brennan at all. “I mean, I’ve been avoiding shit all day. Maybe he is too. Maybe it’s just a lot for him. I could totally see that. He hasn’t been back to Monroe in months. Who knows what he walked into down there? I want to call him,” Evan said nervously, checking the clock on the wall.

“It’s late,” Luka replied. “Let’s give him some space and try in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Evan reluctantly agreed. “Okay.”

Evan took a shower and got ready for bed, letting some of his cares wash away down the drain, blasted free from the powerful spray of water beating against his skin. The noise, heat, and sensation cleared his head. The only thing he couldn’t let go of was Brennan. Brennan was everything missing, everything that was wrong. He hadn’t been so long without Brennan since before they’d met. Now that he was aware of the void Brennan filled, its emptiness was maddening. The space he left behind was a blank, a hollow, heavy weight. It dragged Evan down, made every moment more difficult, the effort needed to do anything that much greater.

If Brennan was avoiding them, what did it mean? Was he embarrassed by them? Was he rethinking his involvement in the foursome now that he was getting some perspective on it from people he’d known longer than he’d known Evan, Alek, or Luka? Was the call from Maggie’s grave only made due to guilt, and to convince himself he hadn’t done the wrong thing by being with Evan?

Evan dried off and pulled on a clean pair of boxer briefs. When he emerged into the bedroom, overly aware of the emptiness within him, he didn’t glance up at all. He knew what awaited him.

The room was too full, a perfect counter to Evan’s emptiness. Where there should have only been Alek, there was also Luka, twice as much
other
as there should have been.

It made what Evan knew was going to happen that much easier to accept. More than that, Evan needed it. The gap where Brennan should have been was too bare. He needed to fill it up, for a little while at least. The starkness of that need made him momentarily braver than he really was.

Running a hand through his hair, he walked to the bed where Alek sat, waiting. Evan moved up between Alek’s knees, his eyes closing over so he had to move and act by touch and instinct alone. His nose nudged Alek’s cheek, skimming along it until his lips were beside Alek’s ear. Evan breathed against it and the silken hair tumbled down. The heat and conflicting soft and hardness of him was perfect. It was the counter to the ache inside.

Evan knew what he wanted. Instinct told him it was wrong and shameful, so the guilt swelled. But reflex was stronger than logic, and the more he became aware that he was going to go through with this, and be as wanton as he could, the more he knew he deserved any pain that came along with it. More than that, he wanted it to hurt. He needed it to.

“
I want
,” Evan moaned. Alek’s hand came up between Evan’s legs, gripping his balls through the thin cotton of his briefs. Evan hid his face against Alek’s hair as his breath caught, his brow creasing with a heavy frown, his lips parted on a gasp.

“What do you want?” Alek asked softly as Luka came up behind Evan, felt more than seen. It seemed so safe there, between them. No one else could find them, or see what they did with each other. It was secret. It was only theirs. He would have stayed there forever if he could.

“Everything. All of you.”

Luka kissed down along the edge of Evan’s jaw and Evan reached back, tangling his hand in Luka’s hair, holding on to keep him there, needing him closer, so close even air, thought, or fear couldn’t part them.

“It hurts to have him gone,” Evan confessed. Luka’s hand was on Evan’s back, near his waist. It slid downward, over the curve of Evan’s hip, pushing the fabric down, over the swell of his ass. In a fluid movement, he rubbed across, pushed in, and Evan cried out roughly against Alek’s cheek, his lips quivering as he gasped. Holding Alek, Evan was moved in gentle pushes as Luka breached him with two fingers, dry. It ached in the best way. Clutching Alek to him, using him to anchor to, Evan invited the penetrating movements into him with soft cries. Alek kissed Evan’s neck. One of his hands brushed over Evan’s chest, finding his nipple and pulling at it, twisting, the other hand palming Evan’s ass like he needed to feel Luka inside him, to know the cause of the raw, gruff sounds Evan wouldn’t contain.

“Get lube,” Alek told his brother. Evan almost smiled. Ever the careful one, ever the one looking out, making sure, Alek would take care of Evan even when Evan didn’t want taking care of. It was like a circle, turning, a cycle of needing, giving, fucking, loving, worry and want.

It only took a moment, but as soon as Luka was absent, the emptiness inside was too apparent, almost obscene in its starkness.

“What do you want,” Alek coaxed, as Luka warmed the lubricant between his fingers, and Evan flushed, ready to beg. He wanted to have them while he could. It didn’t matter if it hurt, or if it was wrong. If the fear he’d had was still there, it only made the wanting more powerful as an act of defiance against self, against the world which would forsake them, if given the chance. Warm hands slipped over Evan’s skin, leaving trails of goosebumps, of comfort given only to be taken away. A thumb brushed the side of his cheek. Knuckles skimmed the length of his neck. Two fingers entered him and a kiss swallowed his cry, tasting his lips. The briefs were pushed down in front and Evan moaned into Alek’s mouth as his straining cock was enveloped in the heat of Luka’s hand which tugged counter to the pushes of his thick fingers.

“Lay down. On your back,” Evan managed, roughly.

He couldn’t open his eyes. In fact, he shut them tighter. As Alek moved away, Luka continued to use Evan, opening him up, stirring his blood, making his need grow. Lips dragged in an open-mouthed kiss near Evan’s temple.

“Aleksy,” Luka beckoned. Evan didn’t hear anything else. Whatever was communicated was done so silently, a message only between twins. Then, for Evan, Luka coaxed, “C’mon. On the bed. Spread your legs wide to straddle him.”

Evan felt with his hands, following the length of Alek’s firm thighs, now bare, his palms caressing up over soft, downy hair. Once he’d knelt on the bed, straddling Alek, Evan moved farther up, but Luka followed. Not for a moment did he stop thrusting, fingering Evan relentlessly as he moved, chasing him forward. With his legs spread the inward jabs went deeper, felt more forceful. Face hot and flushed, Evan knew he was breathing loudly, panting with small sounds interspersed, able to hide nothing from them. Bowing his head between his arms, braced on the bed at Alek’s sides, Evan kept his ass tipped up, inviting Luka’s attention, needing him to stay and fill and fuck away the pain. Alek caressed Evan’s head, through his hair, back along his neck, then up again to cup under his jaw.

“Stay, just like that,” Alek told him, bringing Evan’s chin up. “Don’t move.”

Luka’s fingers twisted into him, and they had a direct line to Evan’s cock which seemed to swell thicker with each push.

“Beautiful,” Alek praised. Evan felt the blindfold, then, covering his eyes, taking away the need to hold them shut and freeing him to simply give of his body and take of their love for him. It was glorious. The fabric was tied behind his head, pulled tightly. Some of the tension in his form fell away. Luka fed him a third finger and Evan started to bow his head to hide his reaction, lips parting around a sigh, but Alek kept hold of his chin, watching everything. His thumb brushed over Evan’s lower lip. Evan licked the tip. When it pushed into his mouth, Evan moaned, sucking greedily as he took it in. It fit perfectly atop his tongue which he curled around it, suckling, his lips sealed around the base. Humming softly, frowning, he kept his muscles relaxed as Luka opened him up, and stroked Evan’s dick lightly.

In that moment, he forgot why he’d been so afraid. He realized how easy it was to get lost in them, and the combined force of their love for him. He could drown it in. It swallowed up everything, stuffing him full.

They pulled out at the same time.

Suddenly empty, driven to be full again, in any way he could, Evan shifted his position, moving lower on the bed, slinking down Alek’s body. He used a hand to find Alek’s cock, guiding it downward from where it was curved up against his belly. Taking the head into his mouth, closing his lips around it, Evan hummed with pleasure, satisfied. He took a little more of it in, letting it slide back over his tongue as he rocked downward in small pulses, sucking. Alek sighed and clawed gently at Evan’s scalp, pushing his head down to get further inside. Evan was driven by the display of Alek’s need, wanting to please, to be full of him.

The bed shifted slightly and Evan felt Luka come up behind him. Moaning with anticipation, Evan felt Luka palm his ass, kneading. Then, there was pressure against his opening. Alek’s dick slipped from Evan’s mouth as he gasped, breathing harder as his nerves increased.

“Love you, baby,” Luka sighed, those three little words filled with such honest sentiment that Evan’s labored breath thickened more with emotion brought of gratitude. He nuzzled Alek’s cock, breathing heavily against the shaft as Alek thrust against Evan’s cheek while Luka entered him.

An anguished grunt, a shudder, and then Luka had him. Evan had been claimed. Just breathing, staying open for them,
both
of them, he let himself be the vessel they filled, and that which they could pour their love into. Needing more, and all of them, Evan pushed back onto Luka, making him curse and growl. Exhaling a breathy laugh, feeling the blindfold grow damp with his grateful tears, Evan kissed Alek’s hand when it brushed his lips. Alek opened Evan’s mouth wider, then fed his cock inside just as Luka pressed forward into him, driving Evan onto Alek. With Luka nestled deeply in his ass, and Alek buried in his throat, Evan shuddered and dripped pre-come, thrusting against air.