Double Threat My Bleep (12 page)

“Thank you for that, I guess.” My mind is spinning. So many questions to ask and I don’t know where to begin. “Okay, so what happened? I want to know everything. And don’t you even fucking lie to me.” My vocabulary is that of a truck driver, but I’m so freaking angry I don’t even care.

“Alright, I’ll tell you everything. I went to a party with my roommates. I hadn’t gone out in awhile. I pretty much just went to class and came back to my room. I missed home, and I missed you. Our phone calls and texts just didn’t seem to be enough. I was going crazy.” Does he think telling me this bull is going to make me forgive him? “So the guys kept bugging me to go to this party with them, telling me it’d take my mind off things. I thought, what the hell, so I went.”

“And?”

“I started playing beer pong, and I didn’t play very well. I didn’t eat that night and I got wasted pretty fast. I kept thinking about you when they’d play a song you liked, and I had to dance. I just danced by myself like an idiot, but I felt like I was dancing with you, and I was drunk so I didn’t care how stupid I looked.”

“You really expect me to believe this load of shit?” Like his sappy freaking story is believable. If my boyfriend isn’t lying to me right now, then he’s freaking gay.

“Yes, I do,” he says. “You wanted the truth, and I’m not gonna leave anything out.”

“Just continue.”

“So a Pitbull song comes on, and I can just picture you dancing. It’s like you’re right in front of me. Your hands on my hips, pulling me closer, rubbing your body up on me. I couldn’t help myself. So I kissed you, and it felt good, right. I’d needed one of your kisses for so long. So I kept kissing you, and before I knew it, we were in someone’s room going at it. But…but…” He looks up at me with tears in his eyes, and I cry without making a sound. “But…it wasn’t you.”

My heart is broken. I don’t care how he explains what it was like to kiss another girl. What crap. He was thinking of me. How effing stupid is that? Do girls really fall for this stuff?

“No, Alex, it wasn’t me. But that didn’t stop you. So what did you do besides kiss? Did you feel her tits? Did she blow you? What happened? I need to know what it takes to keep you satisfied, because what we’re doing isn’t working apparently.”

“Oh fuck, Meg, no she didn’t blow me. Why you gotta be like that?”

“Are you kidding me? You cheated. I can be however the hell I want. So tell me already.”

“We just kissed, that’s it,” he says quickly, like trying to rip off a Band-Aid. But it still stings. It really stings. I’m gonna be sick.

“So much for taking care of yourself, huh.” My eyes are dry now. I’m just disgusted. Images of him with his tongue down some girl’s throat make me want to hurl. “Take me home, Alex.”

“What? Not yet. We need to finish talking. I need you to know I’m sorry. That nothing like this has happened since, that I haven’t had another drink at school. You have to know I love you.”

“Is there something wrong with me? Do I just attract cheaters? First Eric, now you.” Omigod, I was so stupid to think Alex was different from other guys.

“No, Meg, you’re perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

But there is something wrong with me. At least from their points of view. “No, I guess I’m not easy enough to keep my guys happy. From now on, maybe I should just start dishing out the blow jobs, and wearing skirts without panties for easy access.”

“C’mon, Meg. Be serious. You can’t do that. And what do you mean? From now on?”

“Remember last year when you were against Ben and I getting together. You said we couldn’t because Ben didn’t deserve me. Well you were wrong. You don’t deserve me Alex. You don’t. Now turn on the car, and take me the hell home.” I take a deep breath to try to calm myself. It’s not working so I close my eyes and try to tune him out.

Alex starts the car and we drive in silence till we come to a stop outside my house. The car is stopped but I can’t seem to move. I know what’s going to happen when I get out of the car. Tears fill my eyes once again as I realize Alex and I are no more.

“Look, Meg,” Alex says softly, breaking the silence and reaching out to me. I jerk my body away from him. “I know you’re hurt and I know there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better. But I’m not gonna let you break up with me. You can say it’s over, but I’m not hearing it. I’m still gonna call you. I’m still gonna text you. I still wanna be with you. When I come home for Christmas, I’m still gonna come home to you. I love you, Megan, and that’s not gonna change, ever.”

The words I need to use aren’t coming to me. So I don’t say anything. I wipe my eyes, grab my bag, open the door and get out of Alex’s car. And I don’t look back.

Chapter Sixteen

Looking
in the mirror reveals the puffy swollen eyes I knew were going to be unavoidable. If only it was supposed to be a sunny day, I could get away with wearing some shades. But not only is my love life gloomy as hell, so is the weather. The girls are going to drill me with questions I don’t want to answer. How can I tell them Alex cheated on me? We’re supposed to be the happy couple. I waited patiently for my time to come with Alex, and when it did, it didn’t last. In the end, I couldn’t keep him.

My eyes look like puddles. Splashing cold water on my face doesn’t help. I need to stop thinking about this, but every time I close my eyes, it’s like I’m watching my own private showing of Alex and some chick going at it. The mind can be a terrible thing. I need to make it go away, but how can I?

One class at a time. I can do this. I can make it through. I take a deep breath and open the door to Mrs. Centeno’s class. Keesh is already here and I drift over to our lab table. She doesn’t notice my bloodshot eyes, or my red chapped nose at first, but once I peel off my hat, she sees alright.

“Oh my gosh, Meggie,” she says, rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry.” Omigod, she knows. “I should have known you’d be a mess today. Did Alex leave last night or this morning? Don’t be sad. He’ll be back for Christmas in a couple of weeks.” Great. This is the perfect excuse for me moping around all day. Now, I don’t have to tell them. At least not right away.

“I know,” I say, fighting back tears. “It sucks.” Yes it does. I really need to talk to someone about this, but it can’t be the girls. They’d hate Alex for this—as they should—but I don’t hate him and I don’t want anyone else to either.

Buzz...buzzzzzz.

“See, he misses you already,” Keesh says, looking down at my phone.

Im a total jackass. Forgive me. I LOVE U.

She slaps me on the leg. “C’mon, Meg, suck it up girl. What’re you gonna do? Cry all day.” If she only knew, I just might.

The bell rings. I don’t text Alex back. What the heck would I say?

Math sucks.

Amy snickers as I enter the room. I make it a point to bump her with my backpack as I sit down. Today’s not the day to mess with me. I hope she can see that in my eyes.

“Trouble in paradise, Meggie,” she taunts me. I guess she didn’t get the
don’t fuck with me
message I was trying to telepathically send her.

“Whatever,” is all I can utter.

“So tell me, are you broken hearted right now because of Alex or Travis?” My teeth are clenched so tight, I feel like they could snap in half. “Don’t worry, you can have, Travie when I’m done with him, just like you did with Alex.” The nerve of this girl.

“Shut the hell up, Amy, leave her alone.” I look over and Eric is glaring at her. Oh, how nice of him to defend my honor. Between these two and Alex, I’m going to need a straight jacket because they’re driving me freaking nuts.

Class hasn’t started yet, but if this is any indication of what the rest of today is going to be like, I don’t need it. I slide out of my seat, take my bag, and walk out. I have no idea where I’m going but it’s not here.

Once I’m off campus, I dilly-dally my way to the Seven Eleven to get a Slurpee. That’ll make me feel better. Who am I kidding? No amount of sugar or chocolate is going to soothe this one.

I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to Alex, to work this out. But I can’t talk to him. It’s his fault I feel like this. It’s his fault I’m ditching school right now. I look like shit and I feel like shit, and it’s all his fault.

My cell feels like a boulder weighing me down as I try to figure out who to call. I start to dial Alex. I know he’s up. He just texted. I need to talk to him. I need to hear his voice.

“Megan,” he says, surprised but enthused.

I’m silent.

“Meggie, are you there?” he asks.

I still don’t say anything. I want to talk. I just don’t know what to say.

“I know you’re there, I can hear you breathing. If you want, we can just stay on the phone without saying anything,” he pauses, “until you’re ready.”

Silence.

“You know, I come home in three weeks. My finals are early so I have a longer break. Maybe we should wait till I get back. I’ll give you all the time you need.”

Silence.

“I wish you could understand how shitty I feel. I know I screwed up so badly. And I can tell you I’m sorry for the rest of our lives if you’ll let me. I promise I’ll do whatever you want so you can trust me again.”

How is that possible? I wonder. How can I trust him again?

“Meggie, where are you? You’re supposed to be at school. Are you at home?”

Why should he know where I’m at? Like I want to tell him I’ve just walked around the same block twice while I’ve been listening to him on the phone. I feel like a dumbass. I’m cold and I’m tired, and I’m probably going to get in trouble. I should just hang up, but I can’t. You’d think I’d just want to scream into the phone, but the sound of Alex’s voice is calming. I want to kill him right now, but I also love him.

“Meg, you gotta let me know where you’re at. You have to tell me your safe.”

“I’m walking around Seven Eleven. I couldn’t stay at school today.”

“Is Keesh with you?” He knows she’s the only one I skip class with.

“No.”

“You’re by yourself?”

“Yes.”

“Aw man, I should come home. I shouldn’t have left. I should be with you right now.” I can tell by his voice his face is all twisted up with worry. I want to wrap my arms around him to calm him. Omigod, he did this to me, and I want to comfort him. I’m stupid.

“I gotta go,” I tell him. If I stay on the phone any longer, he’s going to have me apologizing, saying everything is going to be alright.

“Okay, but promise me you’ll just go home. Don’t walk around the city alone.”

“Uhhmmm.”

“I love you,” he says, hopeful.

But I just hang up.

“Speak on it.” Oh goodness. When is he ever going to grow up?

“Hey, are you at school or busy?” I ask Ben.

“Nah, what up Megster?” He doesn’t know or else he wouldn’t be so upbeat right now.

Being blunt always works for Keesha and I don’t have time to beat around the bush. “Alex cheated on me and I need someone to talk to. Can you come and get me?”

Ben is here within minutes. Just enough time for me to go in and fill a Double Big Gulp full of Coca-Cola Slurpee. I truly hate regular Coke unless it’s in a slushy form.

“You okay?” he says when I get situated in his car.

“What do you think?”

He gets a good look at me. “Well I hope you feel better than you look.”

I smack him on the shoulder. “Thanks.”

“Either you didn’t know that Alex cheated or you knew and you just didn’t know that he told me. Which is it?”

“Honest to God, Meg, I didn’t know anything until you told me.” He crosses his heart. And I believe him. “But I called Alex on the way over here and he told me what happened.”

“And? What do you think?” Of course he’s going to side with Alex, his best friend. So why am I asking?

“Let’s get outta here before we get into this,” he says, before pulling out of the parking lot.

Ben drives me to the park, where we get out and sit on a bench overlooking what I call a fake lake.

“You okay? Do you want my jacket?” he asks.

“No, I’m good. The cool air feels good. Fresh.”

Ben puts his arm around me and hugs me. “I’m sorry, little one, this really sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. “I’m sorry I called you, but I needed someone to talk to. And I don’t wanna tell Keesh and Steph. They’ll throw a shit fit, and want to kill Alex. Well, Keesh will. And then they’re going to hate him and treat him like he’s a piece of crap. Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but I don’t want people to think badly of him.” I inhale a big gulp of air and exhale slowly. “But why should I care how he feels? He obviously doesn’t care how I feel. He cheated on me and then he tells me he loves me. That’s such crap.”

“Do you feel better now?” Ben smiles at me.

“Kinda.” I actually do. I needed to get something out. “So what’d he say?”

“He knows he fucked up, Meg. He’s a mess. He thinks he’s lost you. He sounds like he’s ready to slit his wrists. I’m worried about him.”

“You’re worried about
him
?” I yelp.

“I know, it shitty right. But he’s really torn up. He said he was wasted when it happened. Really wasted, like more than he ever has been before. I know it’s no excuse. But you know drunk ass people don’t always make the best choices.”

“Well he should have thought about that before he went out with his stupid ass roommates and chugged like a freaking idiot. And how do you know it only happened once? He’s been to more than one party.”

“He said it only happened that one time, and he hasn’t had a drink at school since then.”

“So you’re totally on his side on this. You think I should just be like,
oh Alex, I forgive you
.”

“No, I’m not on his side. I’m not on anyone’s side. I just know Alex. This is so unlike him. I’m still shocked as hell. And if he said it was only once, I believe him. “

“No kidding. She must have been some hot piece of ass. How can I trust he was only with that one chick and he hasn’t been with her again?”