Double Threat My Bleep (13 page)

“That’s easy. He doesn’t know who she is. Doesn’t even remember what she looks like. She could be anyone and he just doesn’t know. Can you imagine being so jacked up you never asked the girl her name and you don’t remember who she is?”

“Wow. Sounds like a real classy woman.”

“Yeah, some skank huh. She was probably just as drunk too.”

“So what would you do? What would you do if Vanessa cheated on you? Would you forgive her?” I ask, curious for his opinion.

“I wouldn’t want to, but I probably would. I love her a lot, and I’d probably wanna kick the dude’s ass, but I’m whipped.” He smiles, with a shrug.

“Well, I doubt you’ll ever have to worry. You get to see her whenever you want and I’m sure she’s keeping you plenty satisfied.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He seems like I’ve offended him.

“Gimme a break, Ben. Like you two aren’t getting busy. Maybe if I was screwing Alex, he wouldn’t have gone looking for someone else to take care of him.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not having sex with Vanessa. She’s pretty old fashioned and she wants to wait till she gets married.” I practically spit out my drink. Vanessa—old fashioned? C’mon. “I’m not saying we don’t do other things. Just not that.” Now I feel bad for saying mean things about her last year. She’s a good girl. “I don’t think it would’ve mattered if you and Alex were doing it. This wasn’t about him being horny, Meg. I honestly think he was feeling like shit and homesick and he drank way too much.”

“So it’s okay because he was drunk?”

“No, it’s not okay. But I don’t want you to think you have to have sex with a guy to keep him happy so he doesn’t cheat on you.”

“What am I going to do? Look what he did to me and I still miss him so much, and all I want to do is talk to him. I want things to go back to the way they were.”

He hugs me again. This time I rest my head on his shoulder. “Well that should tell you something right there. You’re not ready for it to be over. Try to forgive him. It won’t be easy, but it’s worth a try.”

Chapter Seventeen

The
girls have been texting me all day wondering why I boned out of math so suddenly. I told them about Amy’s shit talking. Keesh wants to put glue in her Victoria’s Secret body lotion. Steph says to ignore her. I like Keesh’s idea better. I still let them believe I’m upset about Alex leaving, instead of filling them in on the truth. I just can’t bring myself to tell them he cheated on me.

Dad’s pissed at me for ditching practically the entire day of school. I don’t get the chance to intercept the call from school in time, so he hears the message informing parents their student was absent for one or more periods today. He catches me off guard when he asks me about it. I can’t come up with a good lie on the spot. Normally, I would’ve been able to, but my game isn’t the best right now.

So I gave him the same story I worked with Keesh and Steph, I’m super sad about Alex leaving and I didn’t want to be at school looking hellish like I’d suffered through a ten round fight. Both he and Mom said they would’ve understood and let me stay home. But since I was truant from school, I’d have to suffer the consequences. For the first time in like forever, I’m grounded from going out. I can still use my phone, and all my other devices at home. I just can’t go out.

Being on restriction totally bites. I’m confined to my house and school for three weeks. Three weeks! Stuck in the house thinking about Alex and what he did. Without anything to take my mind off of him but my cell phone and email. That’s the problem though. The only person I want to talk to is him. How can I get my mind off him and get through this agony when I need him to comfort me. That totally doesn’t make any sense, I know.

I’m convinced I’m weak. If I were stronger, I would tell Alex to take a hike and kiss my ass. But I can’t. If I were stronger, I’d move on and find someone else. But I can’t. If I were stronger, Alex would’ve been sitting home like a little puppy and never have gone out in the first place. But he didn’t. I want to hurt him. But…I still want to love him.

First weekend after break and my parents show no sign of caving on my sentence. I hang around the dinner table waiting for them to ask about my plans for the evening, but they don’t mention a thing.

“Well, Meggie,” says Mom. “Your dad and I are going to watch some movies tonight if you want to join us.” She smiles as to make light of the fact that this is the best she can offer.

I give her a fake smile back. “Sounds like loads of fun, but I think I’ll just chill in my room.”

Dad stands up and follows Mom into the family room. “Have fun then, honey.” Don’t honey me. As if I can have fun on a Friday night alone in my bedroom. Whooopeee.

My room is still and lonely. I can’t remember the last time I spent a weekend alone in my own room. There have been plenty of times when the girls and I decided to just kick it and have an old-fashioned slumber party, but this isn’t like that. Keesh isn’t here doing my toes. Steph isn’t here making me a banana split. No one to talk to about guys or make plans with for the next party. There isn’t even a
next
party for me to go to. Not for awhile anyway.

My phone chimes with a text.

MISS U.

I want to tell Alex I miss him too. I just can’t. It’s a terrible feeling to not be able to share with him what I’m thinking. Okay is all I can let my fingers text back.

i hear ur grounded. can u talk on the phone?

yes

can I call u then?

Instantly, I want to shout from the rooftop…
Yes. Call me. I’m dying to hear your voice
. I hesitate, pondering how desperate I will sound.

I guess

That sounds so much better than an emphatic YES, even though it’s what I’m thinking.

The phone rings seconds later and I have to stop myself from answering before the first ring is even over.

Cautiously, I answer my cell. “Hello.”

“Hi, Megan.” He only uses my whole name when he’s serious, and loving. It’s like a term of endearment for him. “It’s nice to hear your voice.”

“Uhhuh,” I mutter.

“I talked to Ben. Is that okay?” He speaks quietly.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“He thinks we still have something. He thinks we can work this out.” I don’t say anything to this news. But he continues, “What do you think?”

I wipe a tear that rolls down my right cheek. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop them from coming. It’s like my tears have a mind of their own. They’re uncontrollable.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk to me.” He pauses. “But I have to keep trying.”

“Do you really think it’s worth the trouble? Or the heartbreak?”

“Babe, you’re worth any amount of trouble, and if we work it out, we won’t have to worry about heartbreak. Things can be good again,” he pleads.

“I wanna believe you,” I cry.

“Meg, you can believe me. I’ll never hurt you again. I can’t even get over what I did, so I know it’s tough for you. But I just can’t let you go.”

“I don’t want to let you go either. But how can I trust it isn’t gonna happen the next time you go out drinking with your friends. Seriously, you’re a big boy, you know what you’re doing. You know what’s right.”

“You’re absolutely right, Meg. But I can honestly say it won’t happen again. I made a mistake and now I’m suffering the consequences, and I hurt you. Nothing I did that night is worth the pain I’ve caused you or myself. I love you. I really do. And I think our love is something different than the kind of high school puppy love people have. We’re different. So it makes it all the more important for us to give it a second chance. If you still hate me in a few months, then so be it. I’ll be on my way, but at least give me a second chance. C’mon, Megan, I love you.” He’s out of breath, like he’s pleading for his life.

“I don’t hate you, Alex.”

“You don’t?” he says, surprised.

“No, I don’t. Love, the kind of love you say we have, doesn’t just go away that easily.” Looking up at the ceiling, watching the blades of the fan go round and round, I smile at the thought of our love.

“So you do think our love is different too?” he asks.

“Yes, it’s just weird. I had feelings for Eric. I had strong feelings for Ben. But with you, it’s always been more. We’ve always been connected even when we weren’t a couple. When we were just friends and we were with other people, we were still drawn to each other. Every day since the day I met you, I’ve thought about you. I’ve wanted to talk to you. I’ve loved you.” Turning over on my stomach, and squishing my face into my pillow, I try to convince myself not to say what I’m thinking next. I unbury my head. “And my love for you hasn’t changed and I don’t think it will.”

Nope, I’m weak.

I had to tell him.

A sudden sigh sounds through the phone. Alex is relieved. “Yes.” I can just imagine him pumping his fist, like he just scored a touchdown. “So what now? What can I do to make things better for you? For us?”

“I have no idea,” I say, pondering what might actually make me feel less like shit about this whole ordeal. “Can you do your partying, like drinking and stuff, when you visit home, and you’re with me?”

“Are you asking me not to drink when you’re not around?”

I nod. “It’s a start. Is that doable?”

“Of course, I don’t care about getting drunk. So done. What else?”

My stomach gets upset with the next one. “Who knows about this besides Ben?”

“Ben’s the only one who knows from home. Only one of my roommates knows about it here. Why?”

I’ve been thinking about this. A lot since I found out about the whole incident. It’s embarrassing. So I tell him, “I don’t want anyone else to know about it. About what you did. I haven’t told Keesha and Stephanie and I don’t plan to. You need to tell Ben to keep quiet. If we have any chance at making this work, no one else can know.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to be honest with your friends. I don’t mind you know. I can take the heat. I can handle Keesh.” I notice he doesn’t say anything about Steph, but I have a feeling he should be worried about her too. She’s easy going and never confrontational with anyone. But with this, I can see Steph wanting to hang Alex from his balls.

“Yes, I’m sure. If I need someone to talk to, I’ll talk to you, or I’ll call Ben. That should work to your benefit. I don’t need anyone else filling my head with their opinions. This is about you and me.” I know what I’m talking about here. I see it in ASB all the time. If Mr. Mitchell asks a few of us to work on something, we can get it done in no time at all. But when we get a group of ten people trying to accomplish a project, everyone has their own ideas about how it should be done, and we spend forever arguing about it and we don’t complete the task. I don’t need other people telling me how my life should work.

I can almost hear Alex smile, if that’s possible. “How did you get to be so mature for your age, Megan? You’re amazing.”

Aha. That just made me think of something else. Our age difference. “Thanks for reminding me,” I tell him. “I’m only a sophomore in high school, and you’re a freshman in college. Do you think this can really work? It didn’t for Erica and Josh, and they live in the same city. I’m much younger. How long can you wait for me to grow into a woman so my dad doesn’t threaten to shoot you?” It sounds stupid, but I think it’s a valid question.

“Meg. c’mon, I waited like sixteen years to have sex, and then when I did, I wasn’t so sure I was even good at it. Everything was awkward and lasted a whole two minutes. It takes time to get used to someone. I’ve never been with anyone I thought was worth the time or energy to get comfortable with until I met you. So I can wait. It’s no big deal. It will be worth it.” He hesitates. “Don’t get me wrong. When I kiss you, I can’t stop thinking about doing it, but I know that’s not going to happen, not now anyway. So I’m good. Really. Plus, I think your dad is keeping his gun loaded now.”

I chuckle at this thought. My dad wouldn’t hurt a mosquito that was infested with the West Nile virus.

“Okay, then we need to make a pact.”

“A pact?” he says, confused.

“Yes, I don’t think we should have sex. Well, at least not until you come home from school for the summer.”

“Okaaaay,” he responds.

I try to explain. “Things aren’t going to be easy for us, emotionally. Physically, I know we want each other. Badly. But we can’t do it. It will just complicate things. And if we ever do…do it…I want to make sure you’re going to be around for awhile. For a long while.”

“I get it. So it’s a pact. No matter how things get heated between us, we will both say no.”

“Deal,” I say, feeling a little better with every minute I hear Alex’s voice.

“So we’re good then. We’re still together?”

“Well I would think so, since we are talking about not going all the way.”

“Aww…I love you Meg.”

“Don’t get too excited. We have a long way to go. I haven’t forgotten. It’s not like some miracle happened and wiped the whole thing away. Although it would be great if I could wake up tomorrow and realize this is all a bad dream.”

“Tell me about it. But this is a start,” Alex says.

“Yes it is.”

Chapter Eighteen

Time
to study for finals is one good thing that comes out of being grounded for three weeks. One can only send so many texts and talk on the phone so much before the whole thing gets irritating. With all the extra time I spend reading and reviewing notes, and agonizing over old quizzes, you’d think I’d feel confident about my final exams, but I don’t.

Mrs. Centeno’s final set me up for failure. It really did. I get way to cocky after her exam. It was so easy, I thought everything else would be a piece of cake. It was also really short. We spent the first forty-five minutes of the final answering short answer questions, and the rest of the time we sat around and talked. Later on, Keesh commented on how the test wasn’t easy at all. It only seemed that way because we were so well prepared. It makes sense considering the whole thing was written.