Authors: Wendy Orr
It's the hottest morning of summer when Milli-Cat leads her five kittens proudly out from under the sanctuary rock. Her tail waves like a flag and the kittens march in a trail behind it. The Lady has barely finished singing the sun up when the crowd sees the parade of cats.
The Lady hears the gasps and waits for the chorus of, âThank you, Mother!'
âCats!' she hears.
âLittle ones!'
âThe Lady's pet's had babies!'
Fila forgets the ritual and runs to scoop up the black-and-white kitten. âSo sweet!'
The kitten squawks in surprise, but Fila is gentle; after a moment he starts to purr. Milli-Cat meows sharply and marches on to the kitchen, the other kittens following. Fila puts the black-and-white one down and picks up the black one with a white snip on his chest. âAre you the cutest?' she asks, and then changes her mind and cuddles the pure white one.
It doesn't hurt as much as Aissa had thought â not until Fila picks up the orange kitten.
Ever since his mother dropped him onto Aissa's neck, Gold-Cat has claimed her for his own. He yowls when she comes back to the cave, twining around her ankles till she squats to hold him. He sleeps tucked between her chin and shoulder â Aissa doesn't know how she'll sleep again without that soft warmth.
âOw!' Fila squeaks. The orange kitten scampers away with an indignant meow.
Milli-Cat glances at him, and goes on eating the fish Squint-Eye's offered her. Fila picks up the other black kitten. Gold-Cat hisses every time she comes near.
That evening, Milli-Cat leads her babies back to the cave for the night, and the orange kitten finds his place under Aissa's chin.
But the kittens don't know that this should only be for night-time. They haven't heard of outcasts and they don't know that No-Name doesn't exist. They don't know how hard it is to be invisible with a parade of tail-waving cats behind you.
It's confusing for the servants, too. They can't throw rocks at No-Name anymore, in case they hit
one of the Lady's cats. They'd have to chase her out in the fields â only the golden kitten tries to follow her through the gate, and she always makes sure he stays inside. Half-Two even sees her pick up the little cat and put him back when he slips out after her.
The twin forgets the figs she's been sent to pick and races back to Squint-Eye. âNo-Name touched the Lady's cat!'
Squint-Eye's stick whacks her across the legs. âStupid girl! Are you going to tell the Lady that the beast prefers No-Name to her own daughter?'
Half-Two would like to, but another whack tells her that's the wrong answer.
Aissa looks for more paths to the sea
for oyster rocks,
mussels and seaweed
but sometimes
on a cliff
far from the fishers' cove,
she still feels the chill
of Nasta's mother,
waiting to throw her off.
The mountain is not so lonely
with sling in hand â
only hungry.
Slinging a rock at a rabbit
but never hitting it;
she doesn't know if
she could eat one,
raw and bloody,
anyway.
She's never tasted meat
except the shreds
at the bottom of soup
and maybe that's enough
for a girl like her.
In a high meadow
at the edge of the forest,
a goat grazes with her half-grown kid.
Aissa can't see a goatherd â
maybe they're wild,
belonging to no one.
If they belong to no one
they could be hers.
Remembering Spot Goat,
Mama milking,
the smell of whey,
of curds and cheese
though she can't quite
remember the taste.
But she does remember â
more than she wants â
Spot Goat guarding
on the night of terror
and Aissa drinking
like the goat's lost kid;
remembers warm milk,
and the feel of her mouth
against the belly;
the sad bleat
when Fox Lady took
Aissa away.
Her heart fills with thanks
and hope that Spot Goat
is still grazing a meadow
with a kid at her feet.
Then the goat, not Spot Goat,
but the same
ble-aah
call,
trot-trots towards Aissa,
forgetting her kid,
and never seeing
the wolf crouched behind.
The wolf doesn't trot,
stays low in the grass,
creeping up on the kid,
closer and closer.
Aissa watching in a dream,
not breathing,
still as stone,
but her hand moves,
all by itself,
knowing just how
to reach for a rock
and fit it into the sling
while her eyes watch the wolf â
its tail twitching
mouth grinning
sharp teeth waiting,
ready to spring.
Aissa's arm whirling over her head,
once, twice,
no time for more,
clutching tight to the knot,
letting the other end
slip through her fingers
cracking like a whip
as it hurls the stone
hard, fast and free.
Time slow as a dream;
the wolf in his leap
hangs in the air
and then
his head meets the rock,
and they crash
together to the ground
and the wolf is just
as dead as the stone.
The mother goat and kid
are running, bleating,
finding each other,
racing further in their panic,
while a goatherd runs closer,
her sling in one hand,
staff in the other.
It's the girl who taught
her brother to splice cord
and taught Aissa too.
She stares at Aissa,
and at the wolf on the ground.
Aissa's heart's still thumping
and her knees are weak.
She doesn't know how
she can run away.
âYou killed it!' says the girl,
with hand on heart
and tears in her eyes.
âThank you!
Our flock thanks you,
our family thanks you.
Thank you, thank you!'
The goatherd girl isn't much older than Aissa, but she's a lot bigger. In fact Aissa isn't any taller than the nine-year-old brother. Maybe that's why the girl thinks she needs looking after. She looks anxious when Aissa doesn't speak.
âSit down, child. I am Lanni, daughter of Panna the goatherd. Please, let us thank you.'
Kindness is such a shock that Aissa's knees give way. She drops to the ground.
The goatherd blows two loud, sharp notes on her bone flute.
âSammo, go see if they're coming,' she orders her brother. âStay up on that rock so I can see you.'
âThe wolf set all the goats running,' she explains. âMy other brother and the dog are rounding up the strays â we need to get these two back to the flock.'
She takes a deep breath and shouts. âParsley! Parsley!' She turns and mutters to Aissa, âDon't blame me, Sammo named her.'
She picks up her flute again, but this time the notes are long and sweet, curling gently into the sky. Aissa feels a coil of fear begin to unwind, and the goat and her kid slow their frantic running. Lanni plays on until they turn back towards her.
âI can see Onyx!' Sammo calls. âHe's got three does and kids.'
âThree! What's he doing coming back without the others?'
âWait, I can see more!'
âGo down to the flock,' Lanni orders. âKeep your sling ready. That wolf will have had a mate.'
She shakes the spit out of her flute and blows again. The doe and kid are almost calm as they approach. Lanni waits till the mother goat has come right up to her before she moves. Gently, she scratches between its ears.
âWill you come with us?' she asks Aissa. âWhen you're ready, we can take you back to your people.'
She'll turn me over to Squint-Eye,
Aissa thinks in panic,
and Squint-Eye will beat me because ... well, just because she'll always beat me if she can.
Lanni thinks Aissa's silence is from shock.
As well as the bone flute, the goatherd has a wooden bowl on another leather thong around her waist. She grips it between her knees as she squats beside the goat, crooning softly, and gently squeezes the udder until the bowl is full.
âDrink,' she says, holding it to Aissa's lips.
Aissa drinks. It is the taste of childhood, of safety, love and warmth. She drinks till her belly is full and her eyes are overflowing.
Lanni plays her flute again, almost the same music that called Parsley and her kid, but deeper, wider. The other goats start to join them. Sammo dances excitedly, shouting the story to his older brother. The dog trots behind the goats, keeping them in a tight group; the boy looks as if he's used up all his energy in the chase.
âWhen we got there, she'd killed the wolf!' Sammo explains.
âBut that's No-Name,' Onyx sneers. âThe cursed servant!'
âShe's the girl who saved Parsley's kid,' his sister snaps. âAnd you'll thank her for it.'
âThank you,' the boy mutters.
âThe wolf's huge,' Sammo adds.
Suddenly Onyx is interested. âI'll take its pelt!'
The skin!
Aissa thinks.
A wolf fur would be so warm in winter â why didn't I take it right away?
Though she could never be sorry for drinking that milk.
âIt's not yours,' Lanni tells her brother. âIt's the girl's.'
âServants can't wear wolf skin. That's for hunters, and . . .'
â. . . and herders that earn them,' his sister finishes. âSo remind me about when you killed a wolf â I seem to have forgotten.'
âOnyx has never killed a wolf!' squeals Sammo.
âExactly. The girl's earned the pelt, and that's the end of the story. Do you have a knife, girl?'
Aissa shows her the little flint.
âIt's not very big,' Lanni says doubtfully. âHave you ever skinned anything with it?'
Aissa shakes her head.
âOnyx and Sammo, keep the goats away from those woods. I'm going to give the girl a hand.'
With her own sharp stone knife, Lanni cuts the pelt at the neck and starts down the shoulder. There's a lot of blood, and the stink makes Aissa want to vomit.
âYou haven't done this before, have you?' says Lanni. âIt'll be worth it when you've got a fur cloak in the winter.'
She hands Aissa the knife and shows her how to peel the skin free of the body.
âI wish you could talk! I guess you wish it too. Anyway, you can hear, so listen: wash the blood off as soon you can, then soak it in sea water â and you need to scrape every bit of fat and meat off the skin, or it'll rot and smell. Your little knife will be fine for that. It'll take you a few days.'
They work together in silence.
âAre you safe where you are?' Lanni asks suddenly.
Aissa can't answer. She doesn't know.
âIf it's true you belong to the Hall, we can't take you in. Except if you're a servant I don't know why you're up here on your own without so much as a gathering basket, or how you learned to use a sling.'
You taught me!
Aissa wishes she could say.
âOur home is a day's walk from here, but our summer cave is nearby.' She points higher up the mountain. âIf you ever need us, remember that we are in your debt.'
The goatherd girl guesses
that Aissa hasn't killed before,
except crickets to eat,
mussels and oysters,
or ants as she walks,
but not an animal
with a beating heart,
breathing and living
as she does.
âYou must wash,' says Lanni,
ânot just the fur.
Wash the blood from your body
and the death from your spirit.
Thank the wolf for dying;
thank the goddess
that it was him and not you.'
These are simple rules
but in a life
of cleaning privies,
hauling water
and grinding grain,
there were many things
Aissa couldn't spy.
She doesn't know
what her life is now
only that she needs to learn
all she can to survive.
Thanking the goatherd â
so strange to see
it signed back to her â
âBe well,' says Lanni,
watching in worry
Aissa heading down the mountain
towards the town.
But first to a creek
where she does what the goatherd said:
dips the fur in cool running water,
swirls and wrings and dips again.
And when no trace of pink flows on
dips herself
clean from toes to hair.
Her body is clean
but her spirit not cleansed,
so early next morning, before first light
she leaves her cave,
waiting at the garden gate
for the Lady to raise the sun,
and while the world breakfasts
Aissa runs up the lane
all the way
to the Source.
Sliding down the white pebbles
to the steaming water's edge,
dipping a toe to test the heat
and with her tunic folded
on a rock beside,
she slides in where Kelya dipped her
on a long-ago morning â
the newborn daughter
the Lady couldn't keep.
Aissa, not knowing,
feels warm and safe
as if held
by loving hands â
though she knows
that if eyes spy her here
hands will not be loving â
the sacred Source
is not for servants or outcasts.
And she sees
tucked between rocks,
in crevices and cracks,
wooden carvings, or sometimes stone,
of a foot
or hand,
a leg or even
a tiny baby,
the prayers of people
asking for healing.
Aissa does not need healing
for a foot or leg,
one arm or finger
but for her whole self.
That afternoon she finds
an olive branch,
small and twisted,
and begins to carve
the dragonfly of her name.