Dreaming of You (16 page)

Bradley talked about his job in casting for a bit, which I found very interesting. It was something I knew I could never do. I would never have the heart to turn all those hopeful actors down. Dashing their dreams and sending them back out into the cold, cruel world. When the conversation turned to Logan and me, I tried to downplay the situation without seeming lackadaisical. I wasn’t trying to be evasive in a none-of-your-business way, but knowing the situation with Sam, it seemed wrong to carry on in a manner that would seem like I was rubbing his nose in it.

By the time we left the restaurant and made it to Sam’s bar, I was more than a little lit. We single-filed it into the joint, with Nick holding open the door for us. It was a bit more upscale and fairly small compared to the way I’d imagined it. I’d been picturing a vast dance club packed with shirtless, sweaty men doing the bump and grind. It was more of a conversation bar. There was the typical dance music playing loud enough to make you feel as though you could speak without the entire establishment overhearing your conversation. The bar itself was along the back wall, the typical boxlike formation with about fifteen stools running along the front with a couple of drink stations, so people sitting at tables were able to actually get a drink. The bottles of liquor were stacked up on shelves along the back bar and enticingly lit so they looked like shiny precious jewels. There were four bartenders running around furiously making cocktails.

The rest of the bar was filled with wooden tables and chairs that were heavily lacquered to protect them from wear and tear, as were the wood floors. The lighting was dimmed at a level to be respectable of the vanity-conscious clientele, and the walls were painted in aesthetically appealing earth tones, going from lighter shades at the point farthest from the bar and becoming much deeper, visually drawing your eye inward.

I followed “the fold” to a couple of tables and helped move chairs out of the way as Sam and Nick pushed them together. We all took our seats, Nick and Bradley on one side, Sam and Willy on the ends, and myself beside Willy, sitting next to the empty chair that my boyfriend was supposed to be occupying.

The place was crowded, and I couldn’t ever remember being in such a confined space with so many gorgeous men. Every direction I looked stood a pack of hotties, all smiling, talking, and laughing with cocktails in hand. It looked like a Budweiser ad I might find between the pages of
The Advocate
. The kind I used to laugh at thinking how unrealistic that every guy in the photo was gorgeous. I was in the land of the pretty people.

Nick and Sam went to the bar to grab cocktails for everyone, and I surveyed the room, making eye contact here and there with some of the men. I turned to see Willy staring at me, smiling ear to ear.

“What?” I asked, feeling busted as my face turned red.

“So,” Willy said, “exactly what were you and Sam talking about sitting in my parking lot earlier?”

Bradley’s ears perked up hearing this. He scooted over into the seat next to Willy and looked at me eagerly. “What’s all this about?”

“When they came to pick me up,” Willy mentioned to Bradley under his breath as if it were something I shouldn’t hear, “they sat alone together in the car talking about something.”

Bradley’s eyes widened, and they both turned their attention back toward me.

“Nothing, just your typical run-of-the-mill stuff.”

Willy made a loud noise like a game-show buzzer. “Not buyin’ it.”

“Sam doesn’t shoot the shit unless he’s behind the bar being paid to,” Bradley said.

“Unless he’s trying to work someone,” Willy said. “Was he hitting on you?”

“No,” I said, laughing. “You two are amoral.”

“That leaves only one other possibility.” Bradley looked at Willy. “But it’s almost too delicious to be true.”

“No way,” Willy gasped, “he’d never be that direct.”

“Unless he felt like he was backed into a corner,” Bradley said.

“A last-ditch effort,” Willy continued.

“Now or never,” Bradley added.

They both turned to me and Willy opened his mouth. “Oh my God, he did, didn’t he?”

They looked at me, anxiously waiting for an answer. I began to perspire. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure what they were referring to. I tried to think up a lie, but I didn’t know Sam well enough to come up with something off the cuff. If it didn’t mesh, they’d know I was lying, but I didn’t want to be the one to betray his confidence.

“Did what? What the hell are you talking about?”

“That he’s—”

“You can’t just tell him,” Bradley said, interrupting. “What if we’re wrong?”

Willy paused for a moment. “Fuck it, he’ll find out eventually.” He looked at me and opened his mouth to speak.

“That he’s in love with Logan,” Bradley jumped in, causing Willy to turn and give him a dirty look for beating him to the punch.

I leaned forward and placed my hands on the table. “You know!”

“Of course,” Willy said with a wave of his hand. “It’s right there on his face plain as day. Like a cold sore.”

“Well, he doesn’t know you know. And I swear to God, if he knows you know now and I get blamed for telling you, I’ll rip your pancreas out with my teeth.”

“Ew.” Willy moved back in his chair as if he thought I might actually do it.

“How can he not know we know?” Bradley asked. “It’s completely obvious to everyone…except Logan.”

“Obviously none of you have ever discussed it,” I said. “He didn’t even tell me. I told him I knew, and he specifically asked me not to mention it to Logan. Nevertheless, you two had better keep your mouths shut.”

“You are one ballsy broad,” Willy said. “You just blurted it out?”

“Yeah, I could tell, and I didn’t want to have to pretend and have it hanging over my head all week long. It’s really quite selfish of me, I know.”

“Here they come,” Willy said, smiling.

“I must say”—Bradley leaned forward—“I have a whole new respect for you.”

“Thank you…I think,” I said with a grimace.

Nick and Sam came back to the table. Sam had me take a glass of red wine out of his hand. I immediately brought it directly to my mouth and began to suck it down. I was a nervous wreck.

“I didn’t even think to ask what you wanted.” Sam passed a cosmo to Willy. “So, I just got you a glass of red wine.” He looked back at me as I tipped the glass up and sucked the last bit of wine down my throat. “Obviously the correct choice,” he added.

“Thirsty,” I said with a smile as a little burp escaped my lips.

Willy and Bradley began laughing hysterically, and Nick looked at Sam, trying to figure out what the joke was.

“What’s so funny?” Sam asked.

“He burped,” Willy said, laughing again.

“You people are so infantile.” Sam picked up my empty wineglass and headed back to the bar.

I sat there with my hand over my mouth, feeling utterly humiliated.
Hello…my name’s Tammy Trashed.

Finally, they both settled down when I gave them a serious glare.

“Don’t worry.” Bradley took a drink from his glass. “Not a peep.”

“About what?” Nick asked, setting his beer bottle on the table.

“I’ll tell you later,” Bradley said.

I rolled my eyes.

“Well, well,” Willy said. “Check out Mr. Yummy walking through the door.”

I turned to see Logan standing at the door looking around the room. He spotted us and looked at me and smiled. I was never more happy to see his face. He walked over to the table, pulled off his jacket, and set it on the back of the chair. He leaned over and kissed me.

“Did you miss me?” he asked, pulling away and taking a seat in the chair next to me.

You have no idea
. “Nope, barely noticed you weren’t here.”

“Liar,” Logan said with a big grin.

I gave him my evil grin and leaned over and kissed him again as Sam came back to the table and set two glasses of wine in front of me.

Logan turned to see the wine and looked up at Sam. “Oh, did you see me come in?” he asked, picking up one of the glasses.

“No.” Sam cocked his head to the side and took a seat.

Logan looked slightly confused as Bradley, Willy, and I began to laugh, with Nick and Sam joining in.

“Okay,” Logan said. “I get the feeling I’ve missed something.”

“You have no idea,” Willy said, causing him and Bradley to lose it even more.

“You’re all drunk.” Logan placed his glass on the table.

“No,” Sam said. “Just the three giggle girls down there.”

“How was dinner?” Logan asked.

“Nowhere near as interesting as this,” Bradley answered, finally calming down a bit.

As I looked around the room, it occurred to me that there were only a handful of women in the entire bar. “Where are all the chicks?” I asked.

“It’s a gay bar, sweetie,” Willy said, as if I’d suddenly lost my marbles.

“Where are all the gay chicks?” I asked, taking another sip of wine.

“They have their own bars.” Willy cringed.

“How sad.” I frowned. “So what, there’s no intermingling?”

“That’s right.” Logan nodded. “Everyone went to the same bar back in Missouri. I never really noticed that until now. I had quite a good time there, from the bits and pieces I remember.”

I started laughing. “I should say so. You were up on the dance floor with no shirt sandwiched between two drag queens.”

“Good Lord.” Sam rolled his eyes.

Logan smiled as the memory of his actions vaguely came back to him.

“That’s one I’ve never seen before.” Nick was grinning at Logan.

“Please don’t tell me they were booger drag.” Willy gasped, as if that would be the most horrifying thing that could ever happen.

“They were gorgeous,” Logan declared with a high-and-mighty posture. “Probably the only opportunity I’ll ever have to dance between Janet and Cher.”

“You’re so cute,” I said, watching him and unable to keep myself from smiling.

“Oh my God.” Willy sat up in his chair and looked across the bar. “There he is…Intense Guy.”

Everyone turned toward a man standing back in a corner, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, holding a bottle of beer. He was very attractive and thin and was wearing a gray sweater and black jeans. He had dark hair and dark eyes and looked about the room without expression.

“Jesus, Willy.” Sam was swirling the ice around in his glass. “Why don’t you just go and talk to him?”

“No way!” Willy’s eyes widened. “I’ve never seen him talk to anyone.”

“It’s no wonder,” Nick said, “with a personality like that.”

“I think he looks mysterious,” Willy said.

“I think he looks bored,” Logan said.

“I think he looks creepy,” I said.

“What?” Willy asked. “Come on, you
have
to think he is hot.”

“It’s weird.” I curled my lip. “Skulking about in dark corners leering at people.”

“When you put it like that…” Bradley lifted his glass and took a drink.

“I never understood why guys do that.” I reached my hand over, placed it on Logan’s leg. “Why would you be interested in someone that by all evidence has no social skills to speak of?”

“Well…he’s probably very shy,” Willy said. “Maybe he’s just out looking for that one special person.”

“To take back to his apartment and hack up into little pieces,” I said. “He’s probably a Jeffrey Dahmahwannabe.”

Bradley and Sam began to laugh.

“Okay,” Willy said. “I’m not liking you so much anymore.”