Dreaming of You (24 page)

“Okay.”

As I blurted it all out, I listened to his breathing and the occasional moan of disgust coming from the other end of the line.

“Goddamn, you drank, and you let Finn go off on a date! Why the hell did you call for my advice if you were gonna ignore it and do whatever you please anyway?”

“Well fuck, Nathan”—I fell back onto the bed—“it wasn’t intentional. She just ran off. I can’t exactly blame her… He was gorgeous.”

“Yeah, and I suppose you tripped and fell onto the wine bottle.”

“I was nervous, damn it. Jesus, Dad! Are you going to help me or scold me?”

“Well, both, if I can. This is certainly a big gay mess you’ve gotten yourself into.”

I sighed and scratched my forehead. “I have to tell him, don’t I?”

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know, shit. It just seems like the right thing to do. I can’t very well start lying to him on top of everything else.”

“The right thing for who, Aden, you or Logan? First of all, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve already lied to him. Secondly, telling him about this is only going to hurt him. The only reason you wanna do it is to clear your guilty conscience. It’s sick, really. If you’d slept with this guy, then yeah, I think Logan would need to know. But telling him about this, even if it turned out he was fine with it, which I believe he probably would be after a while, the only positive thing it does is alleviate your guilt, and I think that’s just selfish. You love each other; that’s what matters. Hell, I knew that the first time he came to visit you, as did anyone who saw the two of you together. I knew right then that at some point you’d leave and run off to California.”

“Shit, well maybe that’s true. Hell, I don’t know. It makes me feel worse thinking about not telling him.”

“Guilt, selfish,” he said. “Look, if you feel the need to tell someone, go see a priest.”

“But I’m not Catholic.”

“Jesus Christ, Aden…”

“Okay, okay. I get the point.”

“I was wrong.”

“About what?” I asked.

“It’s you who doesn’t deserve him. I swear, the only decent thing you can do is get your ass on that plane tomorrow and spend the rest of your life making this up to him by loving him the way he loves you.”

“Fine, Nath, I hear what you’re saying. I do love him, you know. I don’t know what I was thinking. I have to go; I’m supposed to call him back.”

“You were thinking about this dream guy as if you actually knew him. You’re a special person, Aden. When you and I were together, it wasn’t easy for me to love you. All the things that drove me crazy are the things that drew Logan to you. He loves you because of who you are. Do yourself a favor, buddy,” he said. “Sleep on it. Your whole outlook may be different tomorrow. Will you at least promise me you’ll do that?”

“Yes, I promise I won’t say anything tonight. I don’t think the phone would be the best way to tell him anyway.”

I hung up the phone, only to pick it up and dial it one more time. Logan and I only talked for a few minutes, and I managed to control myself for that short period of time. His voice was so happy and upbeat. It made me feel sick to think about possibly ruining that.

After hanging up the phone, I lay back on the bed and wondered if things would’ve been different had Logan and I been living together for the past eight months as opposed to living apart. We really hadn’t spent that much time physically with one another. We talked every day, usually more than once, but I didn’t really have that “we are a couple” feeling yet. I loved him, I knew I loved him, but there’s something about living with one another, knowing each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies. Does he brush his teeth up and down or side to side? The type of deodorant he uses…which section of the newspaper he reads first.

Maybe that stuff shouldn’t matter, but isn’t it the little stuff that makes you feel like you’re part of someone else’s life? All I knew was that I couldn’t wait to see him, to be
with
him. To hold his hand, look at his beautiful face, and be able to reach out and touch him. I’d give anything to be able to run my fingers through his hair and feel his arms around me. I wasn’t worried anymore whether this was the right thing to do. Now I just hoped he’d still want me.

After getting virtually no sleep, Finn and I got up and began getting ready in silence. I didn’t know what to say to her, and I could tell she felt some guilt about saying she hoped I’d ruin things with Logan. Every now and then we’d look at one another, not saying anything. What she confessed to me didn’t change the way I felt about her. I suppose I was making her sweat it out a little.

Standing at the airport terminal, I looked at Finn. “I should have knocked on his door this morning.”

“What the fuck for?”

“To apologize.”

“For what, making out with him?” she asked. “Showing him a good time his first night in St. Louis? Aden, he’s a big boy, and apparently, pretty much a prick. You don’t owe him anything.”

“I just feel bad, that’s all. You know I can’t stand the thought of anyone hating me.”

“Yes.” She turned and sat down in a chair. “That’s a really nasty quality you have.”

I sat down next to her and scooped up her hand. “There is one good thing to come out of all this.”

“I know…you got to spend a little more time with me.” She smiled.

“Okay then, two good things.”

“Spill.”

“I no longer have a single doubt about moving to California. I know this is right. I’m supposed to be with Logan. It’s where I’m meant to be.”

“Sounds like a nice feeling to have,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sorry about the way I’ve behaved over the last twenty-four hours. I haven’t been a very good friend, huh?”

“Nope.” I looked at her seriously until I was no longer able to keep myself from laughing any longer. “Oh, Finney, you are who you are. You know, you don’t ever have to worry about losing me. If you ever really need me…”

“You’ll be there, I know.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I love you, though.”

“I know.” I smiled at her. “Hey, in the midst of my meltdown last night, I never got the goods on you and your high school hottie.”

A huge smile spread across her face. “He is something else. We had a great time, and he said he’d like it if we could find a way to keep in touch. It was nice; for once a guy didn’t beg me to see him again.”

“We know what happens when the men start in with the begging; another one bites the dust.”

“Exactly, I hate that. But I don’t know,” she said with a naughty smile. “I mean, he lives in San Francisco; there can’t be any future in that, right?”

“Um, hi…flying to California, remember?

“Yeah, but you and I are very different when it comes to men.”

“How did you leave it?”

“We swapped numbers, e-mail, that sort of thing. He’s supposed to call me tomorrow night.”

“I don’t know, but this all sounds very familiar to me.”

“I wouldn’t go choosing any china patterns yet.” She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, you are so silly.”

“Well, excuse me for hoping that my best friend might be, possibly someday in the future, moving closer to me. That is, if Logan will even have me now.”

“Please tell me you are not still planning on telling him?”

“Of course I’m going to tell him, Finn. No secrets. I don’t want to lie to him. It’s not fair.”

“Bullshit,” she said. “After everything Nathan said to you last night?”

“What?” I looked at her with squinted eyes. “How do you know what Nathan said?”

“I was listening in from the phone in the bathroom,” she admitted with an evil grin.

I shook my head. “You are so bad.”

“Well, I can’t be left out of the loop; besides, I think he was right. You’re only making yourself feel better. It’s not like you had an orgy.”

My flight number was called over the intercom, so we each stood up. I turned to look at her and I smiled. “I guess this is it.”

“Looks like it; that is, unless you see any other men walking around you feel like hunting down?”

“No.” I laughed. “That’s the good thing about me. I never do the same wrong thing twice.” I bent down slightly and gave her a big hug. “So”—she squeezed me—“what are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, I hope you at least think about what Nathan said.”

“How can I not?” I nodded as we separated. “There’s certainly a lot of truth to it.”

“I’m glad you realize that. You and Logan are a perfect fit. It would really suck to ruin that over something like a man from your dreams.”

“That was very sweet.” We walked toward the metal detectors. I turned and gave Finn one last hug. “I love you, honey; take care of yourself.”

“Right back at ya, babe.”

I made my way through the metal detectors and security. I walked along the corridor, looking out the window to the parking lot below. I found my gate and went up to the airline employee and handed her my boarding pass.

“So, are you just visiting LA,” she asked, looking it over, “or do you live there?”

I thought about it for a moment, realizing I was willing to do whatever it took to keep Logan happy. “I’m flying home,” I said, smiling. “I’m flying home.”

THE END

I am a gay man living in Missouri…I can hear the gasps already!! How very un-sheik of me, yes I know. It was here I was born, and here I have stayed.

The worst thing about being a romance writer is finding a real-life hottie that can live up to the fantasy I create in my head and subsequently thrust upon him before actually getting to know him. To all my past and future boyfriends, my sincerest apologies…I can’t help myself!

I was the youngest of four children and the only boy, so needless to say, I was spoiled rotten. I’ve always had an extravagant fantasy life. When I played with my
Star Wars
action figures as a child, I liked to make up my own stories. Naturally, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo were totally meant for each other, and Princess Leia made a bitchin’ wise-cracking fag hag.

I somehow managed to survive high school living in a small racist town in Southwest Missouri and emerged unscathed, realizing life was too short to pretend to be anything other than who I was. I was the little homo that could…so damn it, I did!

After a few stints in college, I eventually signed up for a Creative Writing course. I took the class because there were no tests. For once my scholastic laziness paid off, and I found an outlet for all the fantasies running amok in my head. It was love at first write, and I’ve been doing it off and on ever since.

Now I have decided it’s time to un-barricade the doors and unleash my imagination onto the world. So very sorry, world!! With the help of the lovely and talented team at Loose Id, LLC, my fantasy life is now available for public consumption. I’m desperately hoping you’re really, really hungry.

Feel free to visit Ethan on the Web at
http://www.ethandayonline.com
or join his Yahoogroup at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ethanday/