Dreams~Shadows of the Night (15 page)

Sensitive to the nearby presence of
her family watch
ing
, Ivy fought to control the fury Douglas’s words had caused, as she slammed down the receiver.
She shook
off
the
hand John
gingerly placed
on her shoulder.

His lips tightened.

“You’re obviously upset. I told you I should do the call.”

“And I told you I preferred to do it myself,” she snapped.

“Hey, take it easy,” Jerry quickly interrupted. “We’re all on edge here, but attacking each other isn’t going to help Josh. What did this Marsh guy say, Ivy?”

“After Josh escaped his kidnapers, he ended up staying with missionaries in the Amazon. He was there for so long because he suffered amnesia.”

“Amnesia!” the others repeated in unison.

“Did Mr. Marsh mention anything about the scars on Josh’s chest?” John asked.

Ivy’s fingernails dug into the arms of her chair.
Fresh t
ears
threatened to flood her eyes.

“His kidnapers tortured him.”

“Oh my dear God,” Margaret wailed while the others groaned in sympathy.

Ivy stood up, her spine ramrod straight.

“We can’t change what happened, but we must do everything we can to help Josh now, and the first thing I insist on is that no one mentions Catherine’s name to him. Her defection has clearly torn him apart.”
She waited while they all mumbled in agreement before she left the room.

She climbed the stairs to Josh’s bedroom
and
knocked on the door, wait
ing
a few seconds
before
enter
ing
the room. He sat slumped in a chair staring into space. His eyes were dull with the terrible suffering of a heart broken by one dearly loved.

She pressed a hand into his shoulder.

“Josh?”

“I
n
ever want to see Tom or Catherine again.”

>>>>dreams<<<<

As the days turned into weeks, Josh learned that physical wounds could heal in their own time and in their own way, but there was a part of him that remained dead inside. People came and went offering support and spoke of a brighter future for him. He thanked them for their well wishes, but took little comfort in words that rang hollow.

His mother constantly hovered around him nurturing and protecting. For a time he allowed her to slip back into her role as a parent taking care of her dependent child until he gradually grew tired of her smothering. He knew he had to begin to carve out a life for himself once again; a life he vowed would
no
t include any serious attachment to any
one
person
.

Once his health was fully restored, Josh took a job in a remote
hamlet in
Alaska
. In the beginning he made little effort to socialize, but gradually allowed a woman in the company office to befriend him until they ended up in his bed one night.

He lay silent and unmoving, as she trailed her hands over his nude body followed by several open mouth kisses. Although he had invited her there, he took no pleasure in what she was doing. He continued to stare at the ceiling until she abruptly stopped.

“This would be a lot better if you were with me.”

“Unfortunately, my mind is somewhere else. I’m sorry.” He moved off the bed.

She sat back on her heels and watched him.

“Men deplore this question, but I’ve never been known for my subtlety. Have you seen a doctor about your impotency?”

Dark color rushed up to
taint his cheeks.

“I don’t need a doctor,” he said through clenched teeth. “You may as well take off, Loni. We’re both wasting our time here.”

She scrambled off the bed and pressed her nude body against him, winding her arms around his waist.

“Let me stay. I won’t bother you. We don’t even have to talk.”

“You won’t bother me anymore than I bother myself
,
”
h
e
said
, unlac
ing
her fingers.

“A
hell of a
lot of good it does,” he snorted in embarrassment and pulled on a pair of jeans.

“I’d be willing to try again.” When he didn’t answer her, she pointed to the scars on his chest bathed in the moonlight. “Nasty looking body art you have there. They must have hurt like the devil.”

His mind did a quick flashback.

“The pain is gone, but the memories remain.”

“Now there’s a cryptic reply that’s bound to intrigue a girl. You’re such a mystery, Josh. That’s why people talk about you at work.”

He cocked a brow.

“Is that so? What do they say?”

“They admire you professionally, but think you’re a snob because you don’t mix.”

“Perhaps I should pat a few butts now and then to let them know how friendly I can be.”

Loni chuckled.

“No, don’t do that or they’ll get you for sexual harassment. It’s just that you’re an enigma. You fascinate them because you never tell anyone anything about yourself. Personally, I like a good mystery, but it can drive most people nuts.”

“They must be pretty hard up for entertainment if they have to use me for their amusement. Now you’ll really have a choice tidbit to add some spark,” he ground out.

“I don’t get my jollies like that. I wish things could have been different between us, but I promise you tonight won’t be added fodder for office gossip.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

“I wonder what secrets from your past have brought you here.” She pointed to his chest. “It seems to me the scars inside have cut you deeper than those.”

“Most people suffer from scars of one kind or another.”

“Yes they do.” She hesitated. “I hope for your sake you can get the woman you’re running from out of your system, so you can stop running from yourself.”

“What makes you think there’s a woman?”

“Just a wild guess. I’ll see you around,” she said and closed the door.

His body ached with the need for release. He’d been so sure he was ready for Loni only to disappoint her and humiliate himself. Catherine’s
image haunted him no matter what he did. How was it possible to loathe a woman and yet hunger for her so? He simply could not get rid of the mind clogging, gut wrenching need for her.

The familiar sharp pain sliced through him, as he thought about Catherine and Tom being together. S
eeing her
with Tom’s baby h
ad tipped
him over the edge mentally and emotionally. He’d often wondered if he would have handled things differently that day
at her aunt’s
had his head been screwed on straight, but he’d never know now.

Feeling the need to make amends for
last ni
ght’s fiasco,
Josh
hoped to catch Loni before she left work
the next day. Unsure of himself, he felt like a man getting ready to encounter a downpour with a leaky umbrella.
He pulled into the parking lot after being in the field all day and saw her unlocking her car.

He hoped it was a good sign that she waited while he walked
to her.

“Will you join me for a beer?”
he asked, bracing himself for her refusal.

She shrugged.

“Sure, why not? I’ll meet you at the usual place.”

Loni had introduced him to her favorite haunt
–
a rustic bar with sawdust scattered across the floor and stuffed big game heads lining the wood paneled walls. She opted for a table in a corner while Josh walked over to the bar to get their drinks. She’d barely taken a seat when a woman in tight jeans and low cut sweater sauntered over to her.

“Hiding in the shadows, Lon? Not that I blame you for wanting to keep that gorgeous hunk to yourself,” she purred glancing over her shoulder to where Josh stood at the bar. “How about you invite me to join you?”

Loni scowled at the woman’s deep cleavage.

“How about you get lost?”

“Oh come on, don’t be a spoilsport. All I’m asking for is a simple introduction.”

“Yeah, right. We both know nothing is ever simple with you when it comes to men, Gloria. One minute the guy’s standing and the next thing you know you’ve got him horizontal with his pants down around his ankles.”

“You sound jealous, Lon.
Not
afraid of a little competition
, are you
?”

“Hardly, and even if I was you’d be wasting your time. He’s not your type. The man has morals. Now go away
.
and peddle your raging hormones on someone else.”

Gloria started to sputter a retort when a man came up and slung his arm across her shoulders, drawing her into the side of his body.

“Hey Glo, how’s it going?”

She beamed at him.

“Much better now that you're here, honey. I was about to perish from boredom,” she said with a pointed glare directed at Loni. “Why don't you buy me a drink
and we'll see about perking things up.”

He laughed and led her away.

Josh returned just as they left.

“I hope I didn't chase your friends off.”

“You didn't and they’re not friends – more like piranha.” She held her glass in a toast as soon as he had settled onto his chair.

“Here's to all the lovers who got away.”

They clicked glasses and drink.

“I wasn't sure if you'd take me up on my offer.”

“I never turn down anyone who's buying.”

“At least I can give you that pleasure.”

“Don't worry about last night. Maybe I'm not the right kind of woman for you.”

She tilted her head to one side and studied him.

“I keep asking myself why a good looking guy like you would take a job alone in such an out of the way place.”

“Maybe I just like the snow.”

“Or maybe I was right about a certain woman that’s still out there.” She raised her glass to her lips. “What's the matter did she run off with your best friend?” Her hand froze in midair when she saw his expression. “Oh crap! Me and my big mouth. I didn't mean to go digging around in private territory. I'm sorry, Josh.”

He stared into the creamy white, floating in his glass.

“You're very astute.”

“Yeah, I’m a real mind reader,” she said sarcastically. “Want to talk about it?”

“There isn’t anything to say that hasn’t already been dissected to pieces.”

“She marked up your heart real good. You must have loved her very much.”

The softly spoken statement caused his insides to ache.

“I had an image of what I thought love might be, but images are often an invention of the mind.”

“I don’t know what happened and I’m not going to ask you again. My personal philosophy is simple; if you can’t fix a prob
lem, then you have to move on. All that u
nfinished business has a way of cluttering up life and making it difficult to let in any new stuff.”

“Yes it does,” he agreed in a quiet voice.

She leaned toward him.

“So why don’t you try clearing the slate and start fresh?”

“I have a poor track record. I made some bad choices; trusted the wrong people.”

“Welcome to the human race. We all make mistakes, Josh.”

“Maybe, but in my case it’s cost me dearly.”

“Spilt milk. If you can’t mop it up, it starts to stink after awhile, so you move on.

Hashing over things we shouldn’t have done doesn’t change the fact that we did them.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

Josh looked around and suddenly realized he didn’t want to be there with the canned music and voices raised in chatter and laughter. It reminded him that people were enjoying life while his remained stagnant. His nostrils flared at the mixed odors of spilt beer, cheap cologne, and stale sweat. He finished his beer and stood up.

“Thanks for the company and the advice.”

“Anytime.” She raised her glass. “Thanks for the beer.”

“You’re a good woman, Loni; too good to waste your time on a wreck like me.”

“Wrecks can be restored, but I don’t happen to think you fit in that category. For what it’s worth, it would be a shame to allow any woman to get the best of you. You do, and
she
win
s.
Y
ou don’t strike me as a man who’s used to losing.”