Dreams~Shadows of the Night (16 page)

>>>>dreams<<<<

Minutes later Josh sat in his truck going over what Loni said. As long as he allowed Catherine to rule his emotions he gave her the power to defeat him; to keep him enslaved to his feelings for her. He slammed his hand against the steering wheel.

“Damn you, Catherine
. W
hen will I ever be free of you?”

Chapter Fourteen

He stopped kissing her and stared at her for a few moments before moving away to lean
his head back against the couch
.
She understood how tenuous his positi
on was with Josh’s shadow intruding
between them
.
Using Ryan to
fill in the lonely hours
was unfair and
made her
ashamed.
He
was a decent man who shouldn’t have to deal with
the frustration he experienced every time he tried to get close to her.

“Different room; same two people. Let’s face it Catherine, the chemistry just isn’t there between us. It looks like the best we can expect is that we’ll be colleagues and
maybe friends –
just
not lovers.”

A wave of regret washed over her followed by her usual sense of guilt.

“I’m so worthless it’s a wonder you even bother with me.” She looked at him, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. “You deserve to be more than a consolation prize. I hate myself for hurting you like this and continuing to sabotage the good you offer me.”

He sat up and took
both
her
petite
hands
in his sturdy
ones.

“Listen to me. You are not worthless because I don’t turn you on. Please don’t belittle yourself like that. You’re a wonderful young woman who deserves more out of life than you seem to realize. It makes me sad to see the way you continue to use your vulnerability to Josh against yourself.”

Her cheeks flushed with instant color.

“I don’t do that. I’m fine,” she insisted.

“Catherine, I’m not blind. I know what fine looks like, and I don’t see that when I look at you.” He paused a moment. “You’re a hostage of your own feelings for him.”

Josh’s last visit flashed in her head. He’d been filled with anger, but beyond that it was his look of sorrow as though something inside him had died, that still haunted her.

“Look how Tom’s deep love for Nancy consumed him. It’s not healthy to make another person responsible for your individual happiness. I’m really more frustrated than sad, so I’m not sure what you mean about Josh.”

“Yes you do. I’ve watched you for months dragging yourself through each day as though
it
were an ordeal.  It’s obvious
that
what you need, I can’t provide. Why don’t you take a few days off and try to resolve things once and for all?”

She tugged her hands free and shifted away from him. “What things?”
she asked, hesitantly.

“I think we’ve just established that. I won’t infringe on our friendship by insisting you share your private thoughts, since you would have by now if that was your intention. But it’s important to be honest with yourself. It’s for the best, Catherine. Trust me.”

She heard the empathy in his voice and felt her insides collapse.

“It’s easier to pretend that everything is okay,” she whispered
in a voice that wasn’t quite steady.

“How well I know, but denial only prolongs the
doubt. You’re not going to be able to get Josh out of your head until you get him out of your heart. Go find him.”

“I’ve thought of doing that a hundred times, but then I get scared. There’s no guarantee I’ll be able to do any good even if I can get his family to tell me where he is.”

“True, but you owe it to yourself to try, and I’d be very surprised if you were the only one suffering.” He stood up and held out his hand. “It’s time I took you home.”

>>>>dreams<<<<

Ivy knelt in front of a large flowerbed digging up any stray weeds that dared to invade the area. Her garden was important to her. People always said her yard was one of the prettiest around and she liked that distinction. It took a lot of hard work, but the rewards were well worth the effort.  Her roses had earned her first prize at the county fair several years running and she liked winning at whatever she put her mind to.

She sat back to admire her work when she heard a car drive up
and stop at the other side of the house
. She frowned
. She hadn’t been expecting anyone
,
and she d
idn’t appreciate people stopping
by withou
t an invitation
.
She stood up,
removed her garden
ing gloves,
and gave
the front of her faded
jeans a quick brushing down.

Ivy fixed her with a cold glare.

“You’re the kind of intruder people put up no trespassing signs for. What are you doing here?”

Catherine was tempted to
state that
no signs would be necessary if Ivy used the searing dislike in her voice on anyone
who
dared to approach her. But she was here on a peace mission and couldn’t afford to antagonize the woman.

“I hoped time might have softened your heart toward me, Mrs. Dallas, but I see I was wrong. Can’t you try to understand how hard it was for me to come here? Won’t you at least give me a chance?”

“A chance for what?” she d
emanded contemptuously. “To wrea
k more havoc?”

“I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone. I would like to know how Josh is doing.”

“How
solicitous
of you,” Ivy sneered. “You could have telephoned.”

“I think we both know you would have hung up, just as you’ve done all the other times I’ve called. Josh and I were once very close. Is it asking too much to want to know that he’s all right? Despite what you think, I really do care about him.”

“He’s fine, but no thanks to you I might add.”

“Please tell me where he is,” Catherine implored, further humbling herself.

“Begging now?” A look of triumph leaped into Ivy’s eyes. “How pitiful you are.”

Catherine’s stomach churned.

“I came here in good faith. All I’m asking is that you look beyond your animosity toward me, so that I can set things straight with Josh.”

“I’m not trying to complicate the situation, but everything that happened has been based on fabrication. I don’t want Josh to go on thinking . . .”

Ivy held up her hand.

“I don’t care to hear any of your excuses. Your little fling with him hardly qualifies as a great romance. You need to get it through your head that you were merely one
of
his many women and your time ended long ago
.
” She hurled the brutal words clearly intent on wounding. “
I refuse to let you
pester my son
again.”

“You couldn’t understand what we meant to each other
because you never saw us together. So with all due respect, I hardly think you’re in a position to judge the quality of the relationship I had with him.”

“You think not? I’ve seen enough females come and go in his life not to know exactly what goes through Josh’s head. Apparently you’re under the delusion that you were somehow different. If you were, don’t you think he would have told his family? I’m sure you’ll recall none of us had heard of you until the day you showed up with Tom.”

“I don’t know why he didn’t mention me, but he loved me enough to want to marry me,” she said feeling the need to establish how important she’d been to Josh, despite knowing she was clinging to an old promise that had grown cold with time.

“I don’t believe you, but as it so happens he does have someone special. They’re to be married and I won’t have you spoiling it for them.”

“Josh is getting married?” Color drained from her already pale cheeks. “When? To whom?” she couldn’t help asking.

“That’s none of your business. Now I’m through answering your foolish questions. I want you off my property, or must I call the police?”

“That won’t be necessary, but will you at least please tell Josh that I wish him every happiness?” Her throat burned as she forced the words out.

“Why should I when the mere mention of your name infuriates him.”

Unable to take any more of Ivy’s surliness, Catherine turned away. Tears blurred her vision, as she backed down the driveway under Ivy’s fierce stare. She’d just turned onto the main road when a pickup truck came behind her and honked.

She looked in her rearview mirror and saw to her surprise that it was Jerry motioning for her to stop. She pulled over to the side and quickly wiped the flat of her hand across her wet cheeks, as he jogged to her car.

“Coming from my mother-in-law’s from the look of you,” he said and snorted in disgust. “I think it’s about damn time someone around here sets the record straight.”

“If it’s about Josh getting married, Ivy told me,” she said, her voice quivering.

Both his brows shot up.

“Married!” He shook his head. “What will that woman come up with next to keep him in her clutches? What you don’t know is a lot and I for one am sick to death of this charade.” He opened her door. “Move over, we need to talk.”

>>>>dreams<<<<

She slowed her pace when the last cabin came into view. Despite the cold night air, perspiration trickled down her back beneath her sweater and coat. She walked a few more yards and stopped. She was so close now she could see someone’s silhouette moving behind the curtains. Was it Josh? Jerry said he’d become a bit of a loner. At least she hoped she wouldn’t be interrupting him if he was entertaining someone.

She stepped onto the tiny porch. Her hand shook when she reached to knock on the door.  It opened so quickly she barely had a chance to take a breath. Josh stood there, filling her senses. Her pulse went wild, as she devoured him with her eyes. He looked tall and fit in dark brown cords and black sweater. Lost in
a rush of sensual memories, she drank in the sight wanting to touch him so
badly her fingers twitched.

Anger flashed, turning his eyes
stormy and
dark.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded in a voice that matched the icicles hanging from the nearby eaves.

His brusqueness made her pulse hammer with fresh nerves.

“Jerry gave me your address. I came because I need to talk to you.”

“I doubt if you have anything to say that I’d want to hear.”

She hurried on before she lost her nerve.

“Your return from the Amazon was a miracle. I don’t want us to continue to waste that miracle. You came to me first because you loved me. My heart belonged to you when you went away and it still does. It isn’t fair that a misunderstanding should continue to keep us apart, especially when there’s a way to make things right between us. You need to trust me.”

“I made the mistake of trusting you once and I don’t intend to do it again. What I need is for you to go away and leave me alone.”

His anger felt like teeth tearing her apart. First Ivy and now Josh. It seemed she was destined to beg when dealing with the
Dallas
family.

“You’ve been alone too long already, Josh. Please let me talk to you. It’s very important
–
and it isn’t just about us.”

“Put it in a letter,” he snapped and started to close the door.