Dreams~Shadows of the Night (33 page)

“That’s because your defenses are down right now. Think about what you’ve been through in the last several hours. You’re bound to be
vulnerable. The sedative coupled with your exhaustion kept you under long enough for you to get tangled up in a dream.”

“But why Ivy? I can’t stand the woman.”

“You know why. She was the last person you saw before you went over that cliff, and she was the one who drove you there. Give yourself time, but if thoughts of her continue to bother you I suggest you get some counseling. There’s no need to suffer senselessly.”

She thought of how she’d insisted Josh talk about his nightmares.

“You’re right.”

“Good girl. Your aunt is outside. She came earlier, but you were sleeping. Are you feeling up to seeing her now? I think it would help you both.”

She wiped a few lingering tears from her cheeks.

“Yes, all right.”

As soon as he left the room Priscilla came rushing in and hurried over to the bed.

“Thank goodness you’re awake.” She pressed a kiss to Catherine’s forehead. “Oh, look at you, you’re so pale, honey. I can’t wait to get you home and start taking care of you.”

“I’m all right. I don’t expect you to stop working and become my nursemaid.”

“Shush now. It’s time someone looked after you for a change.”

“Who’s with Tommy?” she asked, steering the conversation away from herself.

“Meg has him.” She fussed with the bedding. “Josh is out in the waiting room.”

“He came back from
Alaska
? Does he know about my . . . accident?”

“Yes. I called him when I didn’t know where you were. I wouldn’t have bothered him, but I was frantic. I believe Ryan spoke to him afterwards.  Do you want to see him?”

“Of course I do
, Aunt Pris
. Why would you think otherwise?”

“Well, we weren’t sure after . . .” She stopped and shook her head. “Never mind. I’ll go tell him before he wears a hole in the floor pacing.”

Catherine watched her leave and immediately began to worry what she would say to Josh. After all, his mother was dead because of her. She thought of his father. She liked John very much and worried how he was taking the loss of his wi
fe. Catherine wondered how she w
ould
ever be able to
adequately
apologize to him when Josh stepped quietly into the room.

There were new lines carved into his face she would have sworn hadn’t been there when he left for Alaska. She commented on the dark circles under his eyes.

“Speaking of dark circles, you’ve a couple of smudges of your own.”

“I’m just a little tired. I’m fine, really,” she said hoping to alleviate his concern.

He lifted a brow.

“Are you? From what I’m told, you had a pretty rough night.”

She heard the fury, barely veiled in his voice.

“It wasn’t pleasant, but it could have been worse. Aunt Pris acted like I might not want to see you. Why would she think that?” He shoved his hands into his pockets, but not before she saw them clench into fists.

“How can you ask me that after
all that’s
happened to you?”

Her heart ached at the hint of
unsuppressed
anguish
escaping through
his voice.

“Josh, please don’t . . .”

“You told me before you thought it was better that we part ways. I’ve decided you’re right. I hung around here to make sure you’re going to be all right and to tell you goodbye. I’m leaving and this time I intend to stay away for good.” He continued despite her gasp. “I don’t deserve you; I’ve never deserved you. I’m setting you free at last.”

Chapter Thirty

She had to fight not to give in
to the black haze that suddenly swam before her eyes. This couldn’t be happening again, but the way her insides felt as though they were splintering apart told her otherwise.

“Don’t say such things. I’m sure you figured out after our night in your motel room that my sending you away had just been my pride talking.”

“It’s a wonder you had any pride left the way I’d trampled all over you. I should have left you alone a long time ago. It would have saved you a lot of heartache. You’re in that hospital bed now because of your connection to me. But I’m going to rectify that. ”

“Do you love me, Josh?”

“You know I do. Nothing can stop that. Not even my stupidity. You’re my heart.”

“Then why are you leaving?”

A spasm of pain streaked across his lean
facial
features.

“I have to.”

“You love me, but you can’t stay with me. Now there’s an interesting bit of logic,” she said in a lighter tone trying to diffuse his glum mood. “Where will you go?”

“I don’t know; anywhere but where you are,” he continued in a tortured tone.

“Why? You promised you’d never leave again. Have I done something wrong?”

“You?
God, no. It’s never been you. I’m just trying to make things easier.” His jaw tightened. “You know who was in the car that tried to run you down, don’t you?”

“The police told me. I’m sorry, Josh.”

“You’re sorry? For what? Jesus! I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”

“What happened wasn’t your fault. I still want us to be together.”

“How? You can’t seriously want a man whose mother tried to kill you.”

She reached out to him, but Josh shook his head and pulling his hands from his pockets held them toward her palms, out as though he were warning her away. His tension circled the room like a predator threatening to devour them both.

“What your mother did has nothing to do with who you are,” she insisted.

“Now you sound like Ryan. I appreciate you trying to protect my image, such as it is, but there is such a thing as genetics. You know the old saying about how the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My mother was twisted, Catherine. I realize that now. You’d be better off not forgetting that. I know I certainly won’t be able to.”

“So what are you trying to tell me? You think you might be tempted to murder me in my bed some night?”
She let out an unladylike snort. “Come on, Josh.”

“No, but I’ve been cruel enough to you in my own way to recognize I’ve obviously inherited some of my mother’s less admirable traits.”

“None of us are perfect, but we can try to control the part of ourselves we don’t
like. Remember, you told me you ha
d stepped out of the realm of your mother’s influence.”

“I suppose I did say something like that, and at the time I really thought I was finally man enough to make a life with
you without anymore mess ups.”

“You did say it. 
A
nd
what’s
more, you
thoroughly
believed it.”

“I’m afraid it was just a wishful dream that isn’t going to come true.”

“Don’t speak to me of dreams. This is reality, Josh.” Her nightmare speared its way into her head, but she willed it away knowing Josh surely would leave if she mentioned it.

“You’re still letting your mother interfere with your decisions.”

“I know it seems that way to you, but this decision is mine alone.”

“Then why are
you allowing her to destroy what we’re trying to build together?”

“I’m not. You’ve given me so much more than I deserve, but between my mother’s lunacy and my bungling our relationship, you’ve had the courtship from hell. I’m no good for you. It’s time I end this and put us both out of our misery.”

“Don’t you think it’s time we stop running and face our problems?”

“That’s just it. We’ve been running. And now I’m going to stop all this drama once and for all. Life with me has been like being on a teeter-totter
–
up and down. Who’d want to continue living like that?”

“I would. I told you
that
life with you is like riding a roller coaster. I didn’t think I wanted
all the uncertainties
, but you know how thrilling they can be. Don’t forget you asked me to walk the path with you into the future. I’m more than willing to do that now, Josh.”

A nerve jerked in his cheek, as a look of hope flickered in his eyes.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” He held up his hand before she could answer him. “If I don’t walk out of here right now you’re going to be stuck with me forever.”

“Is that a promise?” Her smile raised the corners of her mouth. “Of course I want you. Isn’t that what I’ve been saying? Now will you please stop acting so noble and come over here and kiss me, or do I have to get out of this bed and attack you myself?”

“There are still going to be some shadows between us,” he reminded her.

“We’ll deal with them. I know in my heart we’re destined to be together, Josh.”

“So it would seem.” He stepped forward to gather her in his arms letting his body relax against her in one long, fluid release.

She couldn’t hold back a slight gasp as her sore muscles protested.

He quickly eased himself away.

“I’m hurting you.”

“You’ll hurt me a lot more if you don’t hold me.”

He leaned in again and held her gently against him, seeking and giving comfort.

“I would have died inside without you. I’d have let everything shut down and crawl into a dark pit,” his voice sounded thick with emotion, as he buried his face against her neck.

“But you would have gone away,” she reminded him, stroking his hair.

His lips brushed her mouth.

“I’d do anything
possible
to protect you, even from myself.”

“I’m not as fragile as I look, Josh. You should know that about me by now.”

“Whoever said women are the weaker sex was lying through their teeth.”

He sought her mouth again.

There was more energy in this kiss, a greedy need that made her pulse begin to race. But when she looked at his face his expression still showed signs of too much stress. She decided to try using humor to hopefully make him forget what had brought her here.

“Does this mean you’ll marry me? You should know I had a dream that you did.”

His eyes opened very wide.

“Really? When?”

“The night at the motel. Are you going to ignore my dream this time?” she teased.

“Oh, hell no.” He gave a mock shudder. “I don’t dare.”

“It wasn’t exactly how I’d pictured it, but do I take it that’s a proposal, then?”

He framed her face with his big hands.

“It is, albeit a very clumsy one. But know that you have my love and you’ll have my ring as soon as I can get you out of here.”

His words swirled around her heart like warm sunlight. She touched his face and felt the quick beat of love dance in her blood when he covered her mouth in a sweet kiss.

Chapter Thirty-one

Fresh from her shower, Catherine sat at her dressing table with its neat arrangement of perfume bottles, assorted boxes of hairclips, and hairbrush lined up along its smooth surface. She put her comb down and dug in her makeup kit, setting out the items she’d need. A silver frame with a picture of her and Josh on their wedding day sat on one corner with his little glass frog nearby. A larger double frame with pictures of Tom and Nancy in one and Tommy on the other stood next to it.

She liked being surrounded by family photos. There were others scattered throughout the house; pictures of her parents, her aunt and uncle, herself as a child standing with Nancy, and several of little Tommy in various stages of babyhood.

She applied the light touch of makeup she preferred and slipping out of her robe, went to the closet for her work clothes. As soon as she finished dressing she carried her empty teacup to the kitchen and put it into the dishwasher. She took a quick peek in the refrigerator and nodded to herself. Satisfied that everything was in order, she went back through the house and out the back door.

When she and Josh had mentioned to her aunt they were planning on buying a house she had offered hers for a modest price insisting she wanted a smaller place while still keeping the house in the family. Catherine was grateful for the suggestion. The wonderful old place always represented stability in her life when she needed it the most.

She stepped outside. The warm afternoon sun bathed everything in its golden glow bringing details into sharp focus. She put a hand up to shield her eyes from the brightness as she sought the shade of a large magnolia tree.

Her eyes stopped at the sight of Josh wrestling with Tommy on the lawn. The child’s squeals of laughter echoed around the yard joined by Josh’s deeper rumbles of amusement. Catherine watched as he maneuvered his big man’s body around the little boy being careful not to crush his smaller frame.