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	Simon Horne – 1/6/00, 8:31 am
to:	Creative Department
cc:	Rachel Stevenson
bcc:	David Crutton
re:	personnel changes

I am sad to report that I had to terminate Pinki Fallon’s contract of employment last night.

No doubt this will come as a shock to you all.

Decency prevents me from raking up the details, but please be assured that I had no choice.

Obviously this has come at a very difficult time. The pressure we were under yesterday has now increased tenfold.

But I know that each and every one of you will want to pull together for the company.

If we roll up our sleeves and apply a sprinkling of magic fairy dust we can win the Coca-Cola pitch.

Let us prove the critics wrong.

We review at 3:30.

Amaze me.

Si

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 8:45am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	personnel changes

Well, isn’t this fascinating? Pinki leaves and we have not one but two riveting versions of the circumstances.

Version 1: last night you told me you fired her. You claim she gave you no choice when she called you “a fucking cunting cunt who couldn’t write the tie-break slogan in a Kellogg’s Cornflakes competition, let alone a decent ad.” Such words may not trip off the tongue of the Pinki I know, but you’re the boss and I was prepared to stand by your decision.

Then this morning Harriet tells me it would be in my interests to speak to Pinki myself. Which leads us to . . .

Version 2: Pinki claims, with some conviction, that she wasn’t fired but resigned the instant you called her (and I quote) “a fucking cunting cunt who couldn’t write the tie-break slogan in a Kellogg’s Cornflakes competition, let alone a decent ad.” Uncanny similarity except in the trivial matter of who spoke the offending words. She says that there is a cleaner who can corroborate her story and she wants to sue the arse off you (i.e., the company).

Our only hope is that this cleaner is one of the Portuguese contingent and her English is so piss-poor that a decent silk can destroy her with some ruggedly British cross-examination.

I wish that were our only problem. We are staring at a life-or-death Mako meeting for which we have one campaign (yours) that Harriet claims is unsaleable, and another without its creator around to carry out the necessary development.

And then there is Coke . . .

This is
your
mess, Simon. If you don’t phone me with a simple and elegant solution the second you click “close” on this e-mail, you will wish you had begged your careers teacher for a moped and an application form for Dominos Pizza.

	Rachel Stevenson – 1/6/00, 8:59am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:	David Crutton
re:	personnel changes

Simon, we need to go over the details of Pinki Fallon’s departure yesterday. I’ve heard it was acrimonious and I need, for the record, your version of events should this return to haunt the company at some stage. I thank you for your earliest response.

	Shanice Duff – 1/6/00, 9:19am
to:	Rachel Stevenson
cc:
re:	Ken’s replacement

Rachel, I’ve just had the contractors on the phone and they say they can’t get a temp office manager in for at least another week! I really don’t think I can cope with people being rude to me again today. I’ve already had tons of messages about loos, photocopiers, and broken this and broken that and it’s not even 9:30. I can’t fix things myself, you know! Please, please sort this out. Can’t Ken come back?

	Melinda Sheridan – 1/6/00, 9:23am
to:	Vince Douglas Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	nasty medicine

Just a reminder that your appointment for your injections is at 10:30 this morning. Please be there. I’d hate to fly you all the way to Mauritius only to have you wilt mid-take from an attack of malaria. And if either of you little angels is scared of horrid needles, Dr. Chen has a delightful Hungarian nurse to kiss it better. Run along now.

	Letitia Hegg / [email protected] 1/6/00, 9:24am
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	have you been a naughty boy?

Simon, dear, your ears must have been burning last night! What did you do to that young woman with the open toe sandals and Demis Roussos kaftan? She came into Bar Zero in absolute floods. I’d hate to be accused of tittle-tattling, but I couldn’t help overhearing your name mentioned several times in conjunction with
that
hand gesture. I take it she’s gone and if that is the case, you simply must call me re the most fabulously creative portfolio that has just come my way. The mighty Pallant at Saatchi is keen and I didn’t want to leave you out. You are, after all, one of the great talent spotters of this darling little industry of ours. Call me do – Lettyxxx

	[email protected] 1/6/00, 9:33am (11:33am local)
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	personnel changes

I am most distressing to hear that the “hippie dipstick” (quoting of you, 1/3/00) has walkabouted out. And how dare she be disrespectful of your talented and esteemed creation director? But do not be a worrier. I am having my dear friend Benni Hakkinen looking into it. He is a keen student of the veneratable British justice system and has referred to various video tapings of
Rumpole of the Bailey
and
Crown Court.
He is assuring me that indeed, if the cleaning person was of listening to this conversation, it is inadmissible in a court of laws as it comes up under hearingsay. So, not to fear.

Let us just be getting on with the job in the hand, which is cracking the Mako presentation on Friday. I am very interesting in hearing your work for this. I am sure I can be providing a fair and objectionable view.

Go for Gold – Pertti.

	Nigel Godley – 1/6/00, 9:36am
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	Pinki Fallon