e (4 page)

Room to let in cosy central Balham flat.

Call x4667 – Nige.

	Brett Topowlski – 1/3/00, 10:59am
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	NEW MILLENNIUM, OLD BOLLOCKS

Unbelievable – the first bank holiday of the year and I’m sitting in the Miller Shanks creative department staring at Vin and trying to come up with a campaign for Freedom Mail Order. Told him we need a visual idea. He’s the art director, so it’s his problem now. Our Millenniums in brief. Mine’s a total blank – woke up in a skip in Westminster at five am, 1 Jan, but had a spectacular view of Big Ben as I leaned over the edge to puke. Vin was in Berlin and was so depraved he can’t bring himself to tell me what he got up to. On the way back he was gutted that the Y2K bug didn’t kick in and make the Airbus drop from sky – figures the adrenaline rush would’ve worked wonders for his hangover.

Don’t bother e-mailing him. He made a New Year res’ to get computer literate. First thing this morning he got me to fire up his Mac and log him onto Notes. He had 4,735 unread e’s. He freaked and made me switch it off. Hasn’t said a word since. I gave him some Crayolas and a pad and he’s started to recover.

	David Crutton – 1/3/00, 11:04am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	hippie dipstick

Is there anything the dizzy cow Pinki
will
work on? She won’t do Camel for obvious reasons; Army Recruitment because she’s antimilitary; Action Man, ditto; Floréal Haircare because they torture
kittens. For Christ’s sake, she won’t even work on Everest Double Glazing because they screwed up her mother’s replacement windows. You keep saying she and Liam are the best creative team we’ve got, but have you thought that her delicate political sensibilities might be better suited to a different business? (African famine relief work comes to mind.) Look into it, because if we don’t win Coke and she hasn’t lifted a bloody finger, I’ll have her on the next flight to Somalia.

	Simon Horne – 1/3/00, 11:24am
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	hippie dipstick

Leave it to me. I’ll have a word in her ear.

	Simon Horne – 1/3/00, 11:33am
to:	Pinki Fallon
cc:	Liam O’Keefe
bcc:	David Crutton
re:	Coke

Pinki, I respect your principles, but we really need you and Liam playing ball with
l’equipe ‘A’
on this one. Can I say a couple of things before you make up your mind?

Naturellement
, we share your concerns
vis-à-vis
the Coke/Mammon scenario. It is a vexing state of affairs.

David promises to register forcefully our feelings when next he meets their people.

Secondly, if we do not win it, people will lose their jobs.

I am certain you would not want additions to the unemployment statistics to prey on your mind.

I hope we will see you at the 12:00.

Si

	Pinki Fallon – 1/3/00, 11:39am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:	Liam O’Keefe David Crutton
re:	Coke

I phoned Master Shenkar and he’s cool. I know this account is worth more than the GNP of Guatemala, but David won’t accept the business unless we can present them with a more holistic alternative to capitalist imperialism, will he?          

	David Crutton – 1/3/00, 11:41am
to:	Pinki Fallon
cc:
re:	Coke

Trust me, I’m an adman. See you at the meeting.

	Susi Judge-Davis – 1/3/00, 11:56am
to:	Creative Department
cc:
re:	Coke

Please make your way to the Coke briefing in the boardroom. Simon asks you to bring pads and
not
to be late.

	Zoë Clarke – 1/3/00, 12:30pm
to:	Carla Browne
cc:
re:	that bastard!!!

Un-fucking-believable!!!!! Have you heard what the bastard Crettin did to Fi? She’s gone!!!!! He made her clear her desk that minute. She didn’t even have time to meet me in the loo for a good cry!!!!!!
Can’t believe he fired her on a bank holiday!!!!! We shouldn’t even be here!!!!! The story is he did it ’cos she couldn’t make his stupid e-mail work!! Incredible!!!! I’ve been trying to get her on her mobile all morning. She must be able to do him for wrongful something or other. Let’s talk at lunch!!!!!!! See you in Bar Zero? Zxxx