e (5 page)

	Carla Browne – 1/3/00, 12:35pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	that bastard!!!

I heard, poor cow!! Doesn’t that shit know this is a bad time for her – did you see how much she put on over Christmas? And, apart from her weight, she was a fucking brilliant PA. Anyway, no chance of me coming to lunch. I’ve still got the hangover from hell – glad these bloody millennium thingys only come once every ten years. And I’ve got to start Desperate Dan’s Coke presentation. God, you should see this document. Bloody, sodding pie charts everywhere!!!!!!!! Who reads this bollocks? Looks like I’ll be in all night – I can forget step. If you get hold of Fi, e me back with details!!!! I feel so sorry for her!! Cxxx

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/3/00, 12:42pm
to:	Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	tossers

Is the Coke brief the biggest wank-off yet, or what? Do Crutton and Westbrooke really think we can write decent ads on a strategy like that? “Coke: lifeblood” – what the fuck does it mean? And what’s a “carbonated lifestyle delivery system” when it’s at home? Even Pinki says it stinks. Major worry – I rely on her magic touch with shit briefs. See you in BZ in 15 and we’ll talk tits: i.e. how the fuck I can get Alison Armitage’s award-winning melons into a Kimbelle Pads ad without Pinki having me up for Grievous Political Incorrectness.

	Simon Horne – 1/3/00, 12:45pm
to:	Creative Department
cc:	David Crutton Daniel Westbrooke
re:	arses in gear II

I am sure you will join me in thanking David and Daniel for a staggeringly inspirational briefing.

“Coke: lifeblood” is a truly incisive strategy – one that gives you the chance to do some really famous work.

No doubt your creative juices will be flowing like the Ganges in flood.

I would like to see first thoughts early next week.

Let us get out there and grab the advertising Rottweiler by its hairy testes.

Si

	Brett Topowlski – 1/3/00, 12:49pm
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	tossers

BZ at 1:00. By the way, you got any idea what creative juices look like? Vin just blew his nose and I think his are now in a Kleenex.

	David Crutton – 1/3/00, 12:59pm
to:	Chandra Kapoor
cc:
re:	e-mail

When the Microsoft ads ask me “where do you want to go today?,” I do not reply with “Finland” – after Latvia, the dullest country in Europe.

As Head of IT (a bloody misnomer if ever there was one – you’re laughably short on both Information and Technology), surely you can answer this simple question. Why is it that every time I send an
internal e-mail it ends up in Helsinki? One member of staff has already lost her job today because of this. Sort it out now.

NB: do not blame this on the Millennium Bug. This is the sorriest excuse since “the dog ate my homework.”

	Zoë Clarke – 1/3/00, 2:10pm
to:	Carla Browne
cc:
re:	the dirt!!!

Boy oh boy!!!! Finally got Fi on her mobile and we went for a quick one at Bar Zero. Just got back!! Un-fucking-believable!!!!! She’s in such a state, poor thing!!!!! Gotta go. Stupid Pinki’s yelling at me to book her shiatsu and that bitch, Susi, won’t lift a finger!! Who the fuck does she think she is, stuck up cow?!!!! Zxxx

	Carla Browne – 1/3/00, 3:00pm
to:	Zoë Clarke
cc:
re:	the dirt!!!

God, poor Fi!!!! But what about me?!!!! Don’t tell a soul, but Rachel whatsit called me down and says the bloody Crettin wants me to work for him!!!! No one lasts five minutes with him (Fi broke the record at four months!) and ’cos I’ve been here the longest, they think I stand a chance of sticking it out. Bloody hell!!!! What do I do now!!!!? Desperate Dan will have a fit if he loses me, but Rachel did a good sell on it. It’s 5k more!!!!! Cxxx

	Zoë Clarke – 1/3/00, 3:03pm
to:	Carla Browne
cc:
re:	the dirt!!!

Can’t believe it! Fi was on 5k more than us? That bitch. She was shit anyway and she’s got a right mouth on her. She deserved everything
she got!!! Do you know she told me about you and Brett T. at the Christmas party? Wasn’t going to say, but you deserve some honesty! Anyway, do you really want to work for the Crettin? Money isn’t everything!!!!!!!!! Zxxx

	Carla Browne – 1/3/00, 3:07pm
to:	Rachel Stevenson
cc:
re:	our meeting