e (10 page)

Harriet, I know what you’re going to say, but it wasn’t me. I swear I never told Melinda or anyone else in TV that the client had signed off approvals on L&L. I don’t know how this could have happened. Can we hide the 16k on another job?

	Harriet Greenbaum – 1/4/00, 10:16am
to:	James Gregory
cc:
re:	it wasn’t me!

I know it wasn’t you. This account has been going rat-shit since a certain senior member of the creative department took up permanent residence in Teletubby Land. Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.

	Ken Perry – 1/4/00, 10:24am
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	0898

As from today you will no longer be able to dial the premium-rate numbers prefixed by 0898. These form a significant portion of our monthly telecom overhead.

I appreciate that many of you find the business and city services available on these lines invaluable. I apologise for the inconvenience, but ask you to find alternative sources for the information thus obtained.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Ken Perry

Office Administrator

	Harriet Greenbaum – 1/4/00, 10:33am
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	Mako

I’ve had an alarming e-mail from Melinda regarding an obligation to L&L. I’ve tried to come to talk to you about it, but Susi wouldn’t let me anywhere near you. I am quite certain that no one on my team authorised you to run up pre-production costs on Little and Large.

It beats me how this has happened. Perhaps you can apply your legendary creativity to helping us recover the 16k Melinda says we have spent.

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/4/00, 10:58am
to:	Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	need aspirin

Just got in. Read your e. Fuck, that was some night. Lol? My lips are sealed. Will Vin ever talk to me again? Hope so – got to tell the poor geezer what he missed out on.

No more 0898? How the fuck am I supposed to talk to Trixi on
Ripe ’n’ Raw 1-2-1
now? She’s the only bird I know who truly understands a bloke’s deep-rooted need to talk about massive tits and impractical lingerie.

Head needs Bloody Mary. BZ at lunch, or will you be at your desk making squeaky with your markers?

	Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 11:15am
to:	Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re:	Mako

So, on top of everything else I am expected to fret about the purse strings?

I believed that once the client saw Little and Large standing before him in bat suits, even a Neanderthal like him would no longer deny the self-evident merit of the idea.

Was I so wrong to think £16,000 a small price to pay in defence of our art?

Clearly I was naïve to assume I would have your support.

But I am a professional and not in the business of pointing fingers.

I will pick myself up, dust myself off and move on from here.

	Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 11:23am
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	Harriet Greenbaum

Believe me, David, I do not wish to drop anyone in the brown and gooey. You know that is not my
modus operandi.

But I must make it clear that I had numerous verbal assurances from Harriet that the costs we were accruing on Mako were authorised.

I am not having a go at her.

I have the utmost respect for her both as a human being and as an advertising practitioner. However, she has been under a great deal of stress lately.

There is a feeling about the office that James Gregory has been
carrying her since her divorce. The unauthorised £16,000 may not be the only over-run on her business.

She needs our support at this difficult time.

Perhaps an audit of her other accounts would be helpful.

Si

	Brett Topowlski – 1/4/00, 11:33am
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	need aspirin

Think you’ve got it bad? Vin and me have just been put on Kimbelle because you two useless gits can’t crack it. What we know about “the curse” could be written on a Post-it. I don’t know how we’ll fit it in before
we fly off to the sun-kissed island of Mauritius at the weekend for our LOVE Channel shoot, accompanied by top topless totty (over-endowed, over-eager and all over me)
. Don’t like to rub it in, but them’s the breaks. Vin’s getting over you and Lol the only way he knows. He’s got a spotty trainee from IT to help him surf the net for farmyard porn and it seems to be taking his mind off Miss Manchester. It’s quite touching how a pretty Danish dairy maid frolicking with a couple of Dobermans and a pig can restore a man’s spirits. BZ at 1:00.

	Rachel Stevenson – 1/4/00, 11:45am
to:	Carla Browne
cc:
re:	job changes

Carla – I have an urgent issue to discuss. I have tried to call you about it, but you have been engaged for over thirty minutes.

I’m afraid there’s been a change of plan on the David Crutton front. He reviewed your file and felt he’d been wrong to overlook the lap-dancing affair with the marketing delegation from Arabian Airways. He regretfully feels that, given the minor diplomatic incident that ensued, a job with such a strong element of client and public interface would be inappropriate for you at this time.

We both feel very sorry to let you down like this, but want to
reassure you that your future is bright, and, in Dan Westbrooke, you are working for one of the most respected executives in the agency.