E for England (20 page)

Nice? Worse and worse. He wanted it to be stunning and show her what he couldn't say adequately in words — that she was a beautiful, attractive, marvellous woman. ‘Thanks.'

‘Why did you do that?' She sounded more curious than anything.

‘It seemed like a good idea.' He smiled. ‘But it probably wasn't.'

She shook her head slowly. ‘I can't handle anything…like that at the moment. You don't really want to either, not with me, it makes everything too complicated.' Her eyes met his, burning with an intense light. ‘I need you as a friend, Hugh.'

He licked his lips. What she was telling him was as clear as it could possibly be. She didn't find him attractive, she didn't want their relationship to develop into anything more but she was sweet and kind-hearted enough to let him down gently. He raised his mug as his heart sank to his feet with a dead weight of his own making.

‘Here's to friendship.' Too complicated? Life was complicated. He didn't want to fall for a married woman with two children but he had, or was well on the way to it. She was the last woman he'd choose, if he had a choice. He was mad to have kissed her and she was right.

Annie smiled that delicious smile and his lips tingled at the memory of the kiss. He wanted to do it again. The urge was so powerful he took a step backwards to avoid grabbing her.

‘Friendship,' she echoed.

The best he could do was stick around and be the friend she needed him to be. With Leonie away and that husband back in town, what choice did he have?

Hugh slid onto the stool again. ‘Where do you think you'll go?'

‘I really don't want to move schools again. They've only just settled in and I've got the after-school care fixed, so I'll look in this area. It'll be expensive though.'

‘But now you'll have your husband's input.'

‘Yes. I'll need to go east a suburb or two, I think, even if it means a bit longer to school and work.'

Hugh nodded. ‘You'll look for a house?'

She nodded. ‘Mattie wants a dog so we might even be able to have one.'

‘I always wanted a dog when I was a kid but that never happened. My aunt liked cats so James didn't have one either.'

‘I doubt whether they let you have pets here.'

‘No. Anyway an apartment's no good for a dog. They need a yard.'

‘Yes.'

‘The movie's finished, Mummy,' called Floss. The muted roar from the TV stopped abruptly.

‘Bedtime.' Annie stood up. ‘Bathroom and teeth first.'

‘Will you read our stories, Hugh? Please?' Floss, cute as a button in pink pyjamas, came to lean on his knee.

Hugh smiled. Who could resist? ‘All right. One each.'

Floss laughed. ‘That always means two each.'

‘Tonight it really means one.' He tried a stern face but failed when Floss, hands planted on hips, copied his frown then started giggling.

‘Come on, sugarplum. Teeth brushing.' Annie swept her daughter away.

Mattie came out of the bathroom. ‘Our daddy can read our stories now.'

‘Sometimes,' said Annie.

‘Hugh can still read them on other times,' Floss said. ‘Can't you, Hugh?'

He glanced at Annie. ‘If you like.'

‘But won't Daddy be living with us?' Mattie looked at Annie, face crumpled with concern.

‘I'm not sure what Daddy wants to do. We have to talk about it.'

‘When?'

‘Get into bed or you won't have time for any stories.'

Mattie reluctantly climbed into the top bunk. He pulled up the covers. ‘When will you and Daddy talk about it?'

‘Tomorrow. Floss, are you finished?' Annie went to chase up Floss in the bathroom.

‘Which story would you like, Mattie?' asked Hugh.

‘The one about the dinosaurs.'

Hugh searched through the neat pile of library books on the little bookshelf. ‘We haven't had this one before.' He sat on the end of Floss's bed.

‘We went to the library. Will we still be able to play football when Daddy comes to stay?'

‘I don't see why not but I'm not sure he will be coming to stay here. There's not much room, is there?'

‘There's enough room in Mummy's bedroom.'

Fortunately Floss came bouncing in and saved him from coming up with a response to that. Annie would have to explain the situation and put a stop to Mattie's hopes for a reunion. Unless she didn't want to stop them. But that was insane. The man was gay!

A book plopped onto his lap. Floss said, ‘Read mine first, Hugh.' She dived into bed and wriggled into position.

‘No, I gave him my book first,' said Mattie.

‘But we had yours first last time. Mummy read it.'

Hugh stood up with both books behind his back, one in each hand. ‘Annie, come and choose,' he called.

Annie appeared in the doorway.

‘What do I have to choose?'

‘Pick a hand.' Hugh faced her with his back to the wall.

She smiled and met his eyes for an instant. He'd miss these story sessions, he'd miss these children. He swallowed. They weren't his, they were Annie's and her husband's. He had no claim. When they moved from this apartment they'd be gone from his life. Two months.

‘Left.'

He waited a beat while two faces watched anxiously then slowly brought his left hand into view. Mattie's book. ‘Dinosaurs.'

Annie was watching the TV news when he emerged. He sat next to her.

‘Mattie's expecting his father to move in here. Into your bedroom.'

She turned her head swiftly. ‘Did he say that?'

‘Yep.'

‘Good grief. Can you imagine?' She smothered a tired sounding laugh.

He didn't want to imagine any such thing. ‘You'll have to tell them you'll be moving and their Dad will be living somewhere else.'

‘I know. But I'm only just absorbing the whole mess myself.'

‘The sooner they know the better.'

Annie clicked off the TV and straightened. ‘I'll tell them when I think it's best. I don't want them worried we won't have anywhere to live, like last time.'

‘But they have to realise their Dad's not going to be living with you. They're assuming things will go back to how it was before.'

‘A couple of days thinking that won't matter. I have to talk to Kevin first.'

Hugh exhaled but said nothing.

‘What?' she demanded.

‘I didn't say a word.'

‘But you're thinking plenty of them.'

‘What I think is irrelevant, Annie. This is your life and your family. You have to decide what you think is right.'

‘But?'

‘Just take everything into account.'

‘Meaning?'

‘Don't make any rash decisions.'

‘I don't understand what you're getting at. I have to make some decisions fairly quickly or we'll be homeless again.'

‘You won't be homeless.'

‘How do you know? What if Kevin does another bunk?'

‘I'll help you.'

‘You?' Her level of surprise was almost insulting.

‘Of course I'd help you. I couldn't watch you be evicted and not help somehow.'

‘How?'

‘How?'

‘Yes, exactly how would you help us? A loan? I wouldn't take money from you.'

Hugh's brain spun. How would he help? The offer had been spontaneous and rash. He hadn't thought it through. He sifted and discarded possibilities. He could househunt, help her find a place — a house. But she couldn't afford a house, she'd need to share. Not with that husband, not with a stranger, but…‘We could share a house.'

‘What?'

The idea blossomed. Was it so ridiculous? He'd prefer to live in a house, she and the children had to. ‘We could find a house with a yard and we could share. Mattie and I could have a dog.'

‘Hugh…' Annie's stunned face swam before his eyes.

‘If we have to.'

‘We won't.' The dream shattered. The dog ran yelping down the street. ‘There'd be a million other ways before that.'

‘Would it be so bad?'

‘Thanks, Hugh.' Annie touched his cheek gently. He wanted to turn and press his lips to her fingers, make her understand his attraction was real, a possibility between them. ‘But believe me. It'd be a nightmare. I need something permanent, something I can count on long-term.'

He matched her tone, forced a lid on the dangerous passion. ‘Can you count on your husband?' His mobile phone chirruped. ‘Sorry. I'm on call tonight.' He fished it from his pocket, grateful for the interruption, had a quick look at the message. ‘I have to go.'

Annie walked with him to the door. ‘Don't worry about us, Hugh. We'll manage. And thanks for offering to help. I really appreciate it.'

Could he risk another kiss? He hesitated — she was confused, she was vulnerable. Impossible to add another layer. He nodded. ‘I have to go. Goodnight.'

‘Goodnight.'

Annie closed the door and leaned on it as the strength drained from her limbs. What had all that been about? He kissed her and she'd been barely able to force herself into a semblance of normal, what with the zinging of her skin and the roar of desire in her blood. Had he noticed? Did he realise what his kiss did to her? Was he just fooling around? The questions hammered in her head. Why? ‘Seemed like a good idea,' he said. Well it wasn't a good idea, it was a terrible idea unless he meant it to mean more than he clearly did. He shouldn't do that sort of thing! Not to her. Not while she was in this horrible meltdown part of her life.

Thank God he'd retreated and thank goodness for the kids. They'd saved her from making a total fool of herself because if he'd kissed her again… Not worth thinking about. Annie prised herself off the door and wandered to the kitchen to clean away the tea mugs.

And offering to share a house with them! As friends? That came from nowhere. Ridiculous. Annie shoved the crockery into the dishwasher and slammed the door. She clicked off the lights, locked the balcony door against Spiderman and headed for bed.

Hugh did have one point though. She had to tell Mattie and Floss what was happening. She'd ring Kevin first thing and organise to meet him on Saturday. And he could tell them himself.

Annie sat at the picnic table in the park and watched Kevin throw the football to Mattie. Floss ran about aimlessly, so excited she couldn't concentrate on the game.

So far so good. Kevin loved his children, that much was obvious, and for Annie a vast relief. He'd brought them presents from his time in Asia, which meant he hadn't forgotten them despite all evidence to the contrary and he quickly broke down an initial shyness with one of his silly family jokes. Suddenly the previous horror year fell away and he was Daddy again.

But there was that niggling underlying doubt. Could she trust him? Would accepting his own sexuality remove the desire he'd had to escape their life together? Or was there another version of Kevin out there waiting to be found?

Kevin and the children walked across to her and collapsed onto the bench. Annie handed out drinks. When was he going to tell them he wasn't coming to live with them? She'd made it very clear on the phone they had to know what was happening and she'd also made it very clear she'd need help with the rent when they found a new place to live. An initial search of the property market revealed a number of suitable places but astronomically out of her reach on a single income. And then there was the car issue. What would she do if he baulked when it came to the crunch?

‘It's great to see you two again,' said Kevin. ‘You're so big now.'

‘You missed my birthday,' said Floss. ‘And Mattie's, too.'

He tousled her curls. ‘I'm sorry, petal. I won't miss any more birthdays, I promise.'

‘Are you coming to live with us?' asked Mattie. ‘Hugh said there's not much room in our place but Mummy's bedroom is really big.'

‘Who's Hugh?'

‘He's a friend. He lives downstairs,' Annie put in swiftly. ‘He's been very supportive.'

‘Oh yes?' Kevin raised an eyebrow. How dare he?

‘Hugh reads us our stories,' said Floss.

‘And he and James play football.'

‘Who's James?'

‘His cousin,' Annie said. ‘No, Daddy's not going to live with us anymore because we're getting a divorce.'

‘My friend Sally's parents are divorced,' said Floss. ‘And William's.'

Mattie's lip trembled. ‘But does that mean you and Daddy don't like each other?'

‘No darling. It means…' Annie stopped.

‘It means we like each other and we love you but Mummy doesn't want to be married anymore.'

Annie hissed in air. The bastard.
Mummy
doesn't want to be married?

‘Why not?' Two pairs of eyes swung to her.

‘Because Daddy wasn't happy living with us and wants to live by himself. There's no point being married.'

‘But why don't you want to live with us, Daddy?'

‘I do. In fact I thought we could all live together in another house.'

‘Yay!' Floss bounced up and down then draped herself over Annie. ‘We could do that, couldn't we, Mummy?'

Annie glared at Kevin.

He said, ‘You have to move anyway so why not?'

‘Take the football and play, you two,' Annie said. ‘I want to talk to Daddy.'

When they were far enough away she turned, furious. ‘How dare you say that in front of them?'

‘Calm down. It's a good idea.'

‘I want a divorce Kevin, can't you get that through your head?'

‘Okay, we'll get a divorce but we can still share a house. Don't you see? It's a perfect solution. The kids will have both their parents, we can share minding and pick-ups and everything we used to do, and it'll be cheaper. We can find a really decent house.'