Each Way Bet (23 page)

‘No!’ Emily jumped up. ‘No,
I’m
supposed to be you today, not you. So you go do something else. Discuss your son’s future with him, check on Megan, give Cricket some laxatives –
whatever. Just forget about the dishes and I’ll make sure they get done. Tim can help me.’

‘I can?’

‘Yes, because we need to have a chat, don’t we?’

‘I suppose so,’ Tim said, with a notable lack of enthusiasm.

Emily fitted the plug into the sink, squirted in some dishwashing liquid and turned on the tap as everyone, except Tim, gradually left the family room and headed next door with their drinks. When the sink was full, Emily turned off the tap and swirled the water around with her hand.

‘Firstly, I want to let you know that I’m not in love with you,’ said Emily conversationally as she slid a pile of plates into the sink. ‘So you don’t have to feel bad about
that
at least.’

‘Oh.’

‘I mean, I like you a lot, and I’ve really enjoyed going out with you. And I wouldn’t have minded a bit of . . . a bit full-stop. Because you have one
fantastic
body.’

‘Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome. So why didn’t you tell me that you’re gay? And that you used to go out with my brother?’

‘You know all that now?’

‘I know all that now.’

‘Ah,’ Tim sighed and leant back against the island bench. ‘Well, you have to realise that it wasn’t intentional. Any of it. Not like some sort of devious plan to get back at Adam or anything.’

‘That’s a start.’ Emily ran a dishcloth over one plate haphazardly and then gave up, turning to face Tim instead. ‘So then, why?’

‘I went out with your brother for quite a while. And, really, I thought we were going to be together for . . . ever. Then we had that argument at Easter. When he thought I was doing something that I wasn’t. I mean, I
was
flirting a bit with the guy,
I admit that. But I certainly wasn’t making out with him, I was just giving him a hand with his costume. But we still couldn’t get it open. So I tried using my teeth. And that’s when –’

‘Tim, I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ said Emily patiently, ‘so just get to the bit where I come into the picture, please.’

‘Oh, okay. Well, after I tried calling and explaining, and emailing, and leaving messages – and he
still
wouldn’t listen, I decided to move on. I had no choice, anyway. And I also decided that I’d go straight.’

‘What!’

‘I know, I know,’ Tim smiled self-deprecatingly, ‘stupid idea. But I’d been hurt, and I thought I’d make a break. A total break. Marriage, babies and all that.’

‘You do realise that you need to have sex with a woman for that?’

‘Yes, I do realise that.’ Tim shook his head and sighed. ‘And I thought I’d be able to. But I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t get . . . you see –’

‘I get you,’ Emily grinned. ‘
Now
I get you. I thought it was me.’

‘No, not you. Me.’

‘But why did you pick me? Did you know I was Adam’s sister?’

‘No. No idea. I wouldn’t have done something like that deliberately, I swear.’ Tim shook his head for added emphasis. ‘It wasn’t till, oh, about a month ago that I found out your surname. Remember when you paid for that meal at the Dragon Boat? Well, I just glanced down and saw “Broadhurst” on your credit card. At first I thought, nah, just coincidence, but then I asked you about your siblings and you said you had a brother called Adam. I nearly died. So I thought I’d just break it off and that’d be that – but then I thought that maybe it was perfect.
After all, if I was in love with the brother, wouldn’t the sister be similar?’

‘Ah, not really,’ commented Emily. ‘A few little gender anomalies.’

‘Yes. And I didn’t realise that they’d make so much difference.’

‘It’s what makes the world go round.’

‘But maybe that was the problem too. Knowing that you were Adam’s sister – it almost felt incestuous. I know that sounds weird, but I really
do
think of you more as a sister.’

‘So all that stuff about being a virgin – you just made it up?’

‘No, I didn’t.’ Tim shook his head emphatically. ‘
I
never said I was a virgin,
you
said that. All I said was that I hadn’t ever had sex with a woman, and that was the truth. I haven’t.’

‘Wow. And you’re sure you –’

‘Yep, I’m sure.’ Tim looked apologetic. ‘Do you forgive me?’

‘I forgive you,’ Emily smiled at him. ‘So, any chance of getting back with my brother?’

‘None at all. He’ll barely speak to me.’

‘Oh. What was the phone call about then?’

‘Just trying to set the record straight.’ Tim hoisted himself backwards up onto the island bench and swung his legs. ‘I just want him to know that I didn’t do what he thinks I did. I mean, I’ve accepted that it’s over, but I think he should know. So I rang the guy who he thinks I did something with and asked him to tell Adam that I didn’t do what he thought I did.’

‘I think I follow.’

‘Yes. So I’ll just wait and see now. I deserve an apology, at least.’

‘I suppose it’s a good thing that nothing actually happened between us. I mean, you’d have no chance ever with Adam if we’d slept together, would you?’ Emily asked.

‘I suppose not.’ Tim laughed shortly. ‘Just as well you weren’t home last night, then! Wouldn’t that have been ironic?’

‘Why?’

‘Didn’t your sister tell you?’

‘No,’ Emily smiled slowly. ‘This sounds interesting. Tell me.’

‘See, I thought about us all day and decided just to get it over and done with –’ Tim held up his hand apologetically – ‘no offence meant.’

‘None taken. Go on.’

‘So I left a message on your machine that basically said tonight’s the night. And then I came over later and all the lights were off but the door was wasn’t locked. So I went upstairs, stripped off and –’

‘No!’

‘No. But it came pretty close. See, I don’t think she realised for a while that it was – well, maybe she was dreaming, I don’t know. Because she was certainly pretty enthusiastic for a while.’

‘Jill?’ Emily was stunned, and thrilled at the same time. ‘My sister
Jill
?’

‘One and the same. Anyway, suddenly she started shrieking and fell off the bed. Then I turned the lights on and we realised we weren’t whoever we thought we were.’

‘This is fantastic!’

‘Perhaps we’d better keep it to ourselves.’ Tim looked sorry that he’d spoken now. ‘Especially let’s not tell her husband. He’s a big bloke.’

‘Oh, trust me,’ Emily nodded happily, ‘not a word!’

‘But see what I mean? If you’d been home – who knows
what
would have happened?’

‘Probably nothing,’ said Emily dryly, ‘judging by past performances.’

‘Yes. But I just want to say thanks – for being so understanding. You’re a great girl.’ Tim hopped down from the bench and folded Emily within his arms. She snuggled in
comfortably and sighed, then he dropped a kiss on the top of her head and stood back.

‘You’re welcome,’ Emily grinned, with just a touch of regret.

‘So – do you still want me to dry the dishes?’

‘No.’ Emily reached forward, grabbed the tea-towel from him and flicked it across his legs. ‘You go and flirt with my brother. See if you can make things right. I’ll finish here.’

‘Thanks. Again,’ Tim held her face between both hands and kissed her on the lips. Then he grinned and walked out of the kitchen and into the lounge-room, passing Kate, who was on her way in. The girl turned and watched him leave.

‘Cute, isn’t he?’ asked Emily with a smile.

‘Yeah,’ said Kate wistfully. ‘What a waste.’

‘Get used to it.’

‘S’pose . . .’ Kate flashed her aunt a rueful smile and dipped the ladle into the punch and filled one of the glasses with the now greenish liquid. Then, using her black-tipped fingers, she carefully removed all of the fruit and vegetable pieces and plopped them back into the punchbowl. Having organised her drink to her liking, she took a big sip, nodded approvingly, and took it with her back into the lounge-room.

Emily glanced at the contents of the punchbowl and grimaced. Then she turned back to the sink and, plucking a dripping plate out of the water, held it aloft. Jill! In flagrante and all! This was simply too delicious for words. As she ran the dishcloth over the plate and stacked it in the drainer, she tried to imagine Jill and Tim romping around in her bed in a passionate embrace. But, try as she might, Emily couldn’t quite conjure up the picture. How far did they get? At what point did Jill start shrieking? Had Tim’s attempts at heterosexuality been more successful with Jill than with herself? None of the questions really mattered – except maybe for the last, the idea
of which was a trifle irritating. But what
really
mattered was that for once Emily had ammunition to use against Jill, instead of the other way around. And what ammunition it was! Attempted adultery with a homosexual who was going out with your sister and had slept with your brother. It didn’t get any better than that.

Jill knew from the moment he entered the lounge-room that Tim had told Emily. First of all because of the way he avoided her gaze and then, when she finally managed to catch his eye, because he immediately went the same ruddy-guilt colour that Matt did whenever he was caught out in something. Jill frowned at him to let him know of her extreme displeasure and then, with a similar guilty colour flooding her own face, she glanced across at Jack to see if he had noticed the exchange. He had.

Jill sighed and looked away. This day was rapidly turning into the Melbourne Cup from hell. From the moment she had indulged in a modicum of adulterous foreplay, almost nothing had gone right and a great deal had gone totally wrong. Maybe that was what the Ten Commandments were on about. If that was the case, Jill thought sullenly, then surely Moses could have made things a trifle clearer.

‘Did you check on Megan?’ asked Jack, pouring himself another beer.

‘I finally got her to open her door, but she won’t come out. She’s just in there hugging the cat and crying. And saying how unfair it all is.’

‘Life’s unfair,’ said Jack sourly.

‘True,’ agreed Tim, with a meaningful look at Adam.

‘Listen,’ Sybil said to Jill curiously, ‘I don’t suppose there’s any doubt, is there?’

‘What? About life being unfair?’

‘No, about your daughter being pregnant.’

‘Megan? That’s a point! Do you think . . .’ Jill visibly brightened as she considered this and then, just as quickly, drooped once more. ‘No, there’s the test. She took a pregnancy test. I found it before.’

‘
You
found it?’ asked Jack.

‘Yes, on the couch.’

‘What was her pregnancy test doing on the couch?’ asked Tim. ‘Not that it’s any of my business, of course.’

‘It was there because Nannie took it off Megan after she used it.’ Charlotte pressed the pleats in her skirt between her fingers as she explained. ‘Megan, that is, not Nannie. Then Nannie thought it was a pen so she tried to write with it, and then Uncle Adam took it off her and brought it in here and tucked it down the couch cushions.’

‘
You
took my pen too?’ Mary stopped crocheting and regarded her son with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t tell me you’re in on it as well?’

‘
I
took her pen?’ Adam looked confused. ‘When did I do that?’

‘Before. When you collected them up. After the horse quiz.’

‘A-
ha
!’ Mary thinned her lips and shook her head. ‘Et tu Brutus!’

‘Oh, I see! So that pen Mum was complaining about was the pregnancy test?’ Adam nodded as illumination struck, and then suddenly grimaced as illumination
really
struck. ‘She put it in her mouth! She was
sucking
on it!’

‘Yes,’ said Charlotte agreeably, ‘that’s true.’

‘Gross,’ commented Kate.

‘I don’t understand,’ Cricket frowned. ‘What was Nannie sucking on?’

‘Did your mother suck on it before or after the test was read?’ asked Sybil.

‘It was
my
pen,’ mumbled Mary crossly, picking up her crocheting again, ‘and I can do what I want with it.’

‘I don’t know,’ replied Jill slowly, chewing her lip as she looked over at Jack. ‘Do you think . . .’

‘Don’t get your hopes up,’ Jack muttered pessimistically, ‘and ask your sister. She seems to be up to her neck in the whole thing.’

‘True.’ Jill leapt up and hurried to the doorway, leaning around the corner to where Emily was lackadaisically washing dishes. ‘Emily? Did Mum suck on the pregnancy test before or after Megan checked the results?’

‘Oh, it’s you!’ Emily glanced over her shoulder briefly. ‘Sleep well last night, did you?’

‘Emily, this is important! Did Mum suck on the pen before or after the results were checked?’

‘You answer my question and I’ll answer yours.’

‘Emily,’ Jill stared at her sister in fury, ‘for god’s sake!’

‘I’m waiting,’ trilled Emily in a singsong voice, ‘waiting, waiting,
wait
ing!’

‘All right! All right! Yes, I slept well – oh, I see.’

‘Do you?’ asked Emily sweetly.

‘Yes, I do. And can we please discuss it later?’ Jill pleaded. ‘I
really
need to know – did Mum suck on the pen before or after the results were checked?’

‘Okay – let me think.’ Emily dropped the dishcloth into the sink and whirled around to face Jill. ‘It was before! Do you think –’

‘Who knows?’ Jill held up crossed fingers and then dashed back into the lounge-room. ‘It was before. Does that mean the results could have been wrong?’

‘Quite possible,’ replied Sybil, glancing across to where Mary was placidly crocheting once more, ‘because I’m guessing that your mother takes some medication. Would I be right?’

‘Heaps,’ said Adam with a sigh, ‘absolutely heaps.’

‘Well, it’s more than likely that her saliva may have contaminated the results but –’ Sybil held up a hand warningly – ‘don’t forget the girl thought she was pregnant before she took the test. Otherwise, why else take it? So the results may well have been positive anyway.’

‘I know,’ said Jill dismissively before turning to Jack. ‘Quick, down to the chemist and grab a pregnancy test. Hurry!’