Early Dawn (45 page)

As her brothers broke camp and saddled the horses, Eden tried to focus on the journey ahead. She was unsuccessful. By now, Matthew would be hot on the trail of the Sebastians, and chances were good that he would find them. When he did, he would be one man against three. She couldn’t stop thinking of what might happen to him. Unless God worked another miracle, he could die. The very thought made her heart hurt. How would she live through it if she lost him?

The southward journey home to No Name passed in a blur for Eden, one endless day of riding after another. Though Matthew had once shown her Denver on a map and told her they were several days northwest of there, she hadn’t expected the community to still be so far away. It drove home to her just how vast this country was. She and her brothers were tiny specks of humanity in mountainous and hilly terrain that seemed to stretch forever ahead of them. Even worse, so was Matthew, and he was all alone.

On the sixth day, they finally began seeing oak on the hillsides and turned west for No Name. It was just turning dusk that evening when they finally reached the Paradise, Ace’s ranch. Dory Paxton flew out the door and down the steps, her silk skirts flapping behind her like a flag. Eden dismounted and stepped wearily into her mother’s outstretched arms.

“Oh, God, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Dory cried. “I thought you were gone for good. Are you hurt? Talk to me, darling.”

“I’m fine, Mama. I lived through it.”

Caitlin came down the steps, carrying a baby in her arms. Eden pretended to be an excited and loving aunt when she saw her niece for the first time, but in truth, she felt dead inside. At the edge of her mind, she knew little Dory was beautiful, a more perfect reflection of both her and Caitlin’s faces, but she felt nothing when she looked at her. Little Ace still looked the same, a bit taller and less chubby than when she’d seen him eight months ago, but still darling. Showing no trace of the shyness with strangers that many children his age exhibited, he clung to Eden’s legs until she bent to pick him up.

His small face creased in bewilderment, he studied Eden for a moment, and then said, “Mama?”

Everyone laughed, even Eden, though for her it was forced. “No, sweetie, I’m not your mama. I just look like her.”

Little Ace still looked mystified, but in the way of children, he seemed to accept the inexplicable: that a dead ringer for his mother had just appeared in his front yard. While David and Esa took the horses to the stable, Caitlin beckoned everyone else into the house, put baby Dory in the cradle, and hurried into the kitchen to don her apron.

“Lands, you must all be starved! Dory, will you help me get a meal on the table?”

Ace followed his wife into the kitchen, bent her back over his arm, and gave her a deep kiss. When he came up for air, he said, “I’ve been gone over a month, and you ignore me when I finally get home?”

As he released her, Caitlin blushed and pushed at her mussed hair. “I’ll attend to you later, Mr. Keegan.”

“Don’t cook for me, sis,” Joseph said. “I need to get home to Rachel.” He hugged Eden, Caitlin, and his mother good-bye, then strode for the door. “We’ll drop by tomorrow for a visit.”

“See you then,” Ace said.

After Joseph departed, Eden, under her mother’s direction, located her trunk in one of the bedrooms, took out a nightdress, and slipped into the water closet for a much-needed bath. Ace had plumbed the house, so the tub was soon filled. She stripped off the clothes Matthew had given her, stepped over the porcelain side, and sank up to her chin in hot water, her eyes squeezed tightly closed against a rush of tears. Matthew’s shirt, Matthew’s jeans. She remembered the night he’d lent them to her and started to sob. Oh, God, where was he? She could only send up fervent prayers that he was safe and eventually would make his way back to her.

Over the next few days, Eden frequently sneaked away to be alone so she could weep, and after she wiped away her tears, she prayed for Matthew’s safety. She kept remembering how she’d told him she wouldn’t wait for him. At the time, she’d felt justified, but now, looking back, she only felt foolish and immature. How could she have said such things to him? She loved the man with all her heart, and she’d meant it when she told him later that she would wait for him for the rest of her life. She had no choice. Never would she love another man the way she loved Matthew.
Never
.

She often wondered if he recalled that horrible afternoon, if those words she’d said while in a temper still haunted him as they did her. If only she could write to him. Oh, how lovely it would be to pour her feelings and thoughts out onto paper and know that he would read them.

The days passed as slowly as cold molasses dripping from a spoon. Eden lost her appetite again. She had difficulty sleeping. One morning when she looked in the mirror, she saw darkening circles under her eyes. She needed to get a grip on her emotions, but she couldn’t seem to do it. Matthew might die out there somewhere, and he’d draw his last breath all alone. Why hadn’t she offered to go with him? He might have accepted. Then she’d be with him now, for better or worse. That was what marriage was all about, after all, sticking by each other, no matter what. What had she been thinking to let him leave without her?

Dory sought Eden out one afternoon and found her sitting on a hay bale in Ace’s barn. “Would you care to take a walk with me, dear? It’s a gorgeous day, and the flowers are so lovely at this time of year. I thought we might gather a bouquet for Caitlin’s table.”

“I’m sorry, Mama. Maybe another time.”

Dory sighed and sat on the bale beside her daughter, her skirts rustling as she got situated. “Can you tell me what’s troubling you so, darling? Maybe I can help.”

“Nobody can help. Oh, Mama, I love him so much. What will I do if he dies out there?” In a jumbled rush, Eden told her mother about the awful things she’d said to Matthew when she first learned he meant to continue his search for the Sebastians, and how Ace had dressed her down for being so selfish and inconstant. “I deserved every awful thing Ace said to me. Matthew loves me, he
does
. Going after them is something he needs to do. I knew that from the start and understood how he felt. How could I have lost sight of that and become so focused on my own needs and wants? Even though we made up and I sent him away with my blessing, I worry that he’ll remember those things I said. What if he dies, and those words are the last things he thinks of?”

Dory curled an arm around Eden’s shoulders. “Silly girl, you are not selfish and you are
not
spoiled. I suspect that your brother just realized you were all caught up in your feelings and making a horrid mistake. Ace thinks very highly of you, in truth. Behind your back, he sings your praises, saying you’re strong, loyal, and steadfast.”

“He
does
?”

“He helped raise you, didn’t he? He’s proud of you.”

Eden no longer really cared what Ace thought. Her whole being was consumed by the danger Matthew was in and her fear that she might never see him again. “I can’t lose him, Mama. I’ll just die if something happens to him.”

“No, dear heart, you’ll only think you’re dying.”

Eden realized she was talking to a woman who had lost two men whom she’d loved. She fixed a bewildered gaze on her mother. “How on earth did you survive, Mama?”

“By putting one foot in front of the other and focusing on my children, which is exactly what you will do if Matthew never comes back.”

“I won’t have any children. I’ll have
nothing
.”

Dory smiled softly. “Hmm. I think you may be wrong about that. I’ve heard you in the water closet of a morning. It sounds to me as if you have a bad case of morning sickness. You’re also picking at your food. I think you’re pregnant.”

Eden gaped at her mother. “I’m just upset. You know how I am. I get sick to my stomach when my nerves are strung taut.”

“Yes, but not only in the morning.” Dory gave her a hard hug. “Mark my words: We have a baby on the way. How long has it been since you got your curse?”

Eden hadn’t had a cycle since leaving San Francisco. “I, um, can’t really recall, exactly. I should have had one when I was with Matthew, long before we ever made love, only I didn’t. I’m sure that was due to all the physical hardships I went through.”

“Possibly, at least at first, but you’re not enduring any physical hardships now. Your body should have come right again. Has it?”

“No, but I’m so worried, Mama. I can’t sleep for thinking of all the things that may happen to him. Couldn’t that mess up my cycles?”

“Possibly. Nevertheless, I intend to get busy on a layette. I believe it’s time to get out my crochet hooks.”

Eden curled her hands protectively over her tummy. As worried as she was about Matthew, incredulous joy moved through her. Even if he never came back to her, maybe he’d left part of himself behind. She smiled at her mother through tears.

“Do you really think . . . ?”

Dory chuckled and pushed erect, smoothing her skirts as she met her daughter’s disbelieving gaze. “Darling, I was evidently neglectful when we discussed the birds and the bees. Every time I failed to use a bit of sponge soaked in vinegar when I made love with either of my husbands, God rest both their dear souls, I got pregnant. Joseph used to tell me he could get me with child by hanging his britches on the bedpost. You’re my daughter, and if I failed to mention that you probably inherited a propensity to conceive at the drop of a hat, I failed as a mother.”

Eden laughed tearfully. “Mama, you
never
talked with me about the birds and the bees.”

“I
didn’t
?” Dory frowned and straightened her ruby brooch. “Surely I did. You’re just misremembering.”

“No. Ace told me. He did it with all the boys, so I guess he felt it was his responsibility to talk with me, too.”

“Oh, dear.” Dory continued to frown. “What did he tell you?”

Eden hadn’t felt like laughing since she’d blown a farewell kiss to Matthew. But she rocked back on the hay bale now, hugging her middle as she gave way to bone-melting mirth. “He said if I fell in love, I should always carry a penny in my bodice.”

“Whatever for?”

Eden giggled. “If my beau grew amorous, I was to hold that penny tight between my knees.”

“Dear God.” Dory cupped a hand over her eyes and sank back down on the hay bale to laugh with her daughter. “
Men
. God love him, he meant well.” Another frown stole over Dory’s lovely face. “I can’t believe I failed to talk with you. Where was my head at?”

“You were so worried about teaching me which fork to use for my salad, I think you forgot.”

Dory dissolved into laughter again. “You’re probably right. I hadn’t been intimate with a man for so long, I could barely remember what it was like.” A dreamy expression moved across her countenance. “Well, that’s an overstatement. I remember very well. It was just a joy that I’d lost, so I guess I chose not to dwell on it.” Her face seemed to glow as she thought back. Then she turned to look questioningly at Eden. “Does your Matthew . . . well, does he make you feel as if he just handed you a handful of stars?”

Eden smiled and lightly rubbed her hand over her stomach. “He makes me feel as if he has handed me the moon as well, Mama. Maybe the whole universe.”

Dory chuckled and patted Eden’s knee. Standing again, she turned, her smile gone, her expression compelling. “From this point on, Eden Coulter, it is no longer about only you and Matthew. You must force yourself to eat. If you can’t sleep at night, you must take naps during the day. And when your thoughts grow gloomy, you
must
find a way to cheer yourself up. Babies in the womb don’t thrive when their mothers are upset. It is
your
responsibility to make sure Matthew Coulter’s child grows strong within you, makes it into the world, and lives to adulthood. If you can’t do that for yourself, then do it for Matthew.”

“I just can’t believe I may be pregnant.”

Dory rolled her eyes. “I’ll see how you feel about that in the morning when you’re feeling nauseated again.”

 

After that conversation, Eden spent a lot of time sitting on Ace and Caitlin’s veranda swing, watching the horizon for a horse and rider in the distance. One week became two, and two became three. Following her mother’s advice, Eden tried to cheer herself up by writing Matthew letters. She poured her heart out onto the paper, telling him how very much she loved him, about the possibility that she was pregnant, and how eagerly she awaited his return. She addressed each letter to him in Crystal Falls, general delivery, and asked Ace to mail them for her. If Matthew returned—and she clung to the belief that he would—he could read the letters someday when they moved to Oregon.

 

Matthew had been on the Sebastians’ trail for over three weeks when he settled under a juniper tree one afternoon while resting the horse and mule.
Eden
. God, how he missed her. Sometimes he found himself selfishly wishing that he had invited her to come with him. She wouldn’t have hesitated to accept. He knew that. But then he might have been instrumental in getting her killed. He had no idea how this would end, only that he was losing his enthusiasm for the chase and starting to question his sanity.

As always, the Sebastians were as unpredictable as a bunch of brainless hens being chased by a fox, flitting in first one direction and then another. Matthew remembered telling Eden that he’d run them to ground, lickety-split, and be back before she knew it. She hadn’t believed him, and now he had to admit maybe she’d been right. He might be tracking those bastards for another three years. Hell, so far as he knew, possibly even six or seven. In seven years, Eden would be thirty. Her dreams of having lots of babies might never happen if she waited that long for him, and deep in his heart, he knew she would.