Ella's Wish (31 page)

“And you?” she asked. “What am I to you?”

The red started at his neck and spread till it filled his face, but his eyes blazed. “You are more than any man deserves. Least of all me.”

“Then you do not ask for yourself but for only your daughters?”

How the man struggled with the answer. His hands clenched, his jaw tightened, and he stared only at the ground. “Yah. I ask also for myself. And may
Da Hah
forgive me.”

“Does He need to forgive such things? That you love a woman?”

The hat came up in his fingers, turning slowly in his hands. “For me, yah, He needs to forgive. I loved Lois more than
Da Hah
allows. That is why He took her.”

“Perhaps He had other reasons. He took Aden too. Did I love too much?”

“I know not your heart, and I cannot speak for another.”

“You certainly seem to do so on Sundays,” Ella said with a sharp tone to her voice.

“In this I have a great weakness,” he whispered.

“Yah, you do,” Ella said, now searching his face.

“Like at Aden’s funeral,” he said. “I was hard that day because I was thinking only of myself and that
Da Hah
had also taken Lois. I should not say such things especially in such times. My words were not from
Da Hah
.”

“Yah, you should not have spoken so,” Ella said, surprised at her boldness. This, after all, was Preacher Stutzman. The thundering voice of many a sermon.

“I am weak…and am made from the clay of the ground. You must not hold me as perfect.”

“I do not,” she said. “Of that, you can be certain.”

“Can you forgive me? I do need your forgiveness.”

Ella took a deep breath. “Yah,” she said slowly, “I can forgive you.”

A slight smile played on his face. “What, then, is your answer to my question?”

“I cannot give it now.”

“I am a very sinful man to even ask.”

“Perhaps you should not judge your own heart so harshly,” Ella said.

“Then you can give me good news—more than I dared hope for.”

“I promise nothing,” she said quickly.

“But you will think about it?”

“Yah, but you should understand that I have no feelings for you.”

His gaze fell to the ground again, and his face looked troubled. Finally the smile came back, and he met her eyes. “Then I can wait. Perhaps your heart will turn in time.”

“I make no promises, and I will still see the bishop,” Ella said, hearing her own voice from a great distance.

“Then I will speak with him too,” he said, his eyes flashing.

Ella shook her head. “Nee. The bishop must not know that we have spoken. That will only keep the girls from me. I will speak to him when I have decided.”

Silence hung between the two of them. Then the preacher said, “I have spoken my mind. It is enough, then. You can give me your answer when you are ready. I will say no more.”

He turned and walked to his buggy, loosened the tie rope, climbed in, and slapped the reins. His buggy wheels spun on the gravel as he turned. Then, for just the briefest of moments, at the end of the driveway, he turned and glanced back.

Thirty-eight

“
W
ell, what did he want?” Ronda asked. “Ella, your face has gone white. Did he really? Oh, Ella, I can’t believe it!”

“Don’t go looking at me like that. This has all become very crazy all of a sudden,” Ella said, lowering herself into her chair. Mary and Sarah were playing with their dolls while the baby was in her crib, kicking her legs and cooing.

“But Preacher Stutzman. Really!” Ronda said, waving her hands around. “Ach, the way he preaches. Did he actually ask to come courting?

“Something like that.”

“Ach, he asked to marry you, didn’t he? Tell me all about it.”

“I can’t,” Ella said. “It’s too much.”

“Well, at least you have a choice now—the bishop or the preacher. That’s the bright side.”

“Oh,” Ella gasped, “the sign! I forgot about the sign. I have to change it right away. Bishop wants me to, and I should have done it first thing since I couldn’t yesterday.”

“What are you talking about?” Ronda said. “Forget about your sign right now, whatever that means. I want to hear what you told Preacher Stutzman.”

“Bishop wants the sign changed right away. He gave me a lecture on it Saturday night. I’d best run out and at least bring the sign in. I’ll be right back.”

“Would you explain?” Ronda said as Ella disappeared out the door.

Ella ran swiftly past the barn, past the fresh buggy marks in the driveway, out to the road, and retrieved her sign.

When she came back inside, Ronda had picked up the quilt Ella had started for her customer and began to stitch on it. “I hope you don’t mind,” Ronda said. “I like to quilt. And it was just laying here. Please let me help with it.”

“That would be helpful, I guess. I told her I’d have it ready as soon as I could.” Ella took up the other end of the quilt and began her handwork on it.

“So what will you do?” Ronda asked.

“I don’t know,” Ella said. “I planned on staying single after Aden died. Now I have two men after me, and what can I say but no.”

“But you shouldn’t,” Ronda said. “Marriage is a
gut
thing. So what did you tell him?”

“I told him I’d have to think about his question and that I really have no feelings for him.”

“But you’d consider it, and I know why,” Ronda said, nodding toward the girls.

“Yah,” Ella said.

“Perhaps Preacher Stutzman
would
be better than the bossy bishop,” Ronda said, glancing at the sign now propped against the living room wall. “It sounds like he’s already ordering you around, and Stuzman’s more worthy of you. He wouldn’t be reminding you of your faults all your life. And then there’s the matter of the girls to think of.”

“Bishop was within his rights to speak to me about the sign,” Ella said. “And I suppose I should work on submitting myself better. Aden might have been too
gut
for me in that way.”

“Don’t be sayin’ such things.” Ronda motioned toward the sign. “You’re going to repaint it, aren’t you?”

“Yah,” Ella said, standing. Ready to put action to her words, she retrieved her paint box and brushes from a closet, sat down at the table, and prepared to repaint the sign. She opened the box and selected the brush she wanted, unscrewed the small paint jar lid, and dipped the bristles in. With a gentle sweep, she placed fresh paint over the letters of her name. Glancing over at Ronda’s work on the quilt, she said, “You do good work—and fast. Look at how much you’ve done already.”

“I like to quilt,” Ronda said. “Mamm taught us well. You have to like it, though. My older sister never did. She’ll quilt when she has to but not much more than that, though. Me? I can work at it all day.”

Ella set the sign on the table, touching it with her fingers. It was nearly blank now. She washed her hands at the wash basin and said, “If you really want to help that much, I’ll pay you for your work.”

“I guess I’d take something but not much. How soon does this one have to be done?”

“There’s no deadline. I told the lady I’d complete it as soon as possible.”

“Are there any more orders after this? I haven’t seen anyone stop by.”

“No,” Ella said. “I suspect there will be, though. All the other quilt shops do well. Mine’s just not that well-known yet. Clara’s bringing some drawings over for me to try to sell.”

“Drawings? Of people?” Ronda asked, holding her needle suddenly still.

Ella laughed. “Of course not.”

“I suppose the bishop won’t say anything, then.”

“I hope not. Mamm let me use Clara’s drawing for this quilt. That’s where it comes from.”

“This house?” Ronda asked, motioning with her chin. Her hands were busy stitching again.

“Yah. She’s good, isn’t she?”

“It sure looks like this house.”

“Yah,” Ella said, smiling, “it really does. I planned it that way.”

Ronda’s eyes lighted up. “You can sell those drawings easily, I would think. When people see the house and the quilt together, they should sell quickly. I never would have thought of it.”

“That’s why the lady purchased this one. It seemed an easy sale to make.”

“See, you’re
gut
,” Ronda said. “Really
gut
.”

“Not sure about that,” Ella said, wrinkling up her face.

Mary set down her doll, came up to Ella, and pulled on her dress. “Can we go outside?” she asked. “Sarah and I?”

“I don’t know,” Ella said, getting up to glance out the window. “It’s not raining or too hot. You have to stay close to the house and don’t go out toward the road.”

“We won’t,” Mary said with a solemn shake of her head.

Ella held the basement door open for them as they ran outside. Childhood was such a joyful time; so innocent of the troubles of the world. Surely it was the mercy of
Da Hah
on the little children.

They climbed to the top of the steps and then stopped. A shiny white stone Mary found beside the driveway captured their interest. Mary held the stone in her hand and gave it to Sarah when she showed interest.

How darling they really are. I could do this…be their mother. Where did that thought come from?
Yet for the first time since Aden’s death, something in her life began to make some sense.
Don’t I want to be the girls’ mother? But is it worth the sacrifice of also being Preacher Stutzman’s wife?

Back inside, Ella placed baby Barbara on a blanket on the floor, took her place at the quilt, and got to work in earnest. Her stitches easily matched Ronda’s in both speed and quality.

“You’re good too,” Ronda said. “I don’t think anyone could tell our work apart.”

“Yah,” Ella said, nodding, “we work together well.”

Silence settled on the house, and their hands stayed busy. The clock on the wall ticked away, marking off the minutes. Every fifteen minutes or so, Ella got up to walk to the window and check on the girls.

Ronda got up at eleven to go upstairs. “I’m hungry. I’ll go prepare lunch and holler when it’s ready.”

“Yah,” Ella said, “quilting makes for as good an appetite as farmwork.”

“Don’t expect Joe to believe that,” Ronda said from the foot of the stairs.

“They know it, though,” Ella said. “You couldn’t get them to quilt either way, I think.”

“Now that’s a fact,” Ronda said, laughing and climbing up the stairs.

Concentrating on the fabric, Ella prepared to stitch around a little animal. For effect she needed darker thread and checked her own quilt on the wall for the right color. In every way this should be an exact copy. The woman had liked what she’d seen.

When Ronda called, Ella picked up the baby and went outside to collect the two girls. Little Barbara blinked at the bright sunlight, and Ella shielded her eyes with her hand. She found the girls having a pleasant discussion in the barn. She paused to listen in.

“He’s too brown,” Mary said. “Much too brown. I like Daett’s horse better.”

Sarah nodded.

“He looks mean,” Mary said. “He looks like he could bite you, and I’m stayin’ right here. You should too, Sarah. You’d better be careful. You don’t like him, do you?”

Sarah shook her head vigorously.

“I don’t either,” Mary said and then grinned sheepishly when Ella cleared her throat.

“So you don’t like my horse?” Ella asked with a smile.

“We were just playin’,” Mary said.

“He’s a nice horse, but you had best stay away from him. In fact, you should stay away from all horses until you’re bigger. Horses can step on little people.”

“That’s what Daett says,” Mary said.

“Oh, he does?” Ella asked.

“Yah, he takes us out to the barn with him sometimes when Aunt Susanna can’t watch us. We have to be careful then.”

“That’s good,” Ella said, picking Sarah up in her free arm. “It’s time for lunch now. Are you hungry?”

They both nodded.

Ella walked toward the house.
Will I really become the mother of these children?
It seemed as if the choice was hers. To do so she would have to become Stutzman’s wife. That was the price to pay.

Ronda had the sandwiches ready. They washed their hands at her washbowl and wiped them on the towel. At the table, they bowed their heads in silent prayer for the proper length of time, which was governed by some inner sense developed from youth.

“It’s good,” Mary said after the first bite.

“Yah, they are,” Ella said. “Ronda’s a good cook.”

“I’ll be gettin’ Joe fat yet,” Ronda said, giggling. “That’s what he said last night.”

Sarah dropped her sandwich, and Ella bent over to pick it up.

Ronda seems happy with Joe as her husband. What would it be like to have Stutzman as my husband? With Aden I knew what to expect. Here, the future stretches out dark and unknown. Only these three children can shed light on the journey. I love them, but could I ever love their daett? Certainly not like I loved Aden, but does that matter?

With Sarah’s sandwich back where it belonged, Ella bit into her own.
What would Ronda think if she knew my thoughts? Ronda didn’t ever date one man while having thoughts of another. She’s calmly looking out the window, so she must not have noticed my distress
.

“I’ll help clean up,” Ella said when they were done eating.

“You have more to do than I do,” Ronda said, motioning with her hand. “Just get on back to your work.”

“We’ll help,” Mary said with bright eyes.

“See?” Ronda said, smiling. “Everything’s taken care of.”

“I guess it is,” Ella said, getting up and taking baby Barbara in her arms. “Thanks so much for lunch, but we can’t do this every day.”

“Only when necessary,” Ronda said, sweeping the crumbs from the table. “I like it. I really do. That’s what’s so nice about this—I can invite you up whenever.”

“Nice on my part,” Ella said. This was why she liked Ronda. Not because she invited her to lunch, but because she was a real friend.

Downstairs Ella returned to her work on the quilt. When the girls came down after helping Ronda, Ella settled the girls down for naps.