Elusive Love (11 page)

I couldn’t sleep. There was just too much going on in my mind, and my thoughts refused to stay quiet.

After spending the evening alone with Amelia, I’d put her to bed at nine and walked straight to my room to pass out. I was dead tired, but no matter how hard I’d tried, sleep wouldn’t find me.

I kept wondering if I’d been too hard on Joey. I hated to say it, but Ethan had had a good point. Joey was doing what he had to do to support our family.

Would I have been angry if he’d said no and lost his job? Definitely.

Honestly, I would have been more upset over him being unemployed than him working away all the time. No matter what decision he’d made, he had known I would yell at him.

I sighed as I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand. It was after midnight, but I dialed Joey’s number anyway. If he were already asleep, I would just leave a message for him. I waited as the phone rang. I was surprised when he actually answered.

“Caley? What’s wrong?” he asked as soon as he answered.

“Nothing. Why would you assume that?”

“Because it’s almost one in the morning, and you’re calling me. Why else would you be calling me this late?”

“To apologize,” I said feebly.

The line was dead silent.

Finally, he said, “I’m sorry. What did you say? I know I couldn’t have heard that right.”

I fought not to roll my eyes. “You heard me. I’m calling to apologize for getting upset with you last night. I know you did the right thing by taking this offer. It’s the only thing you could have done, besides quitting. I was too harsh with you, so I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sure what to say,” Joey said, sounding half-amused. “It’s so rare that you admit when you’re wrong.”

“Keep it up, and I’ll retract my apology,” I grumbled.

He chuckled. “Can’t have that now, can we? Look, I get why you were upset. If you had come home with that kind of news, I would have blown a gasket, too.”

“So, we’re done fighting over this?” I asked.

“I was never fighting with you about it. You were the one who wanted a fight. But if you’re asking if we’re okay, then yes, we’re fine.”

“I wouldn’t call us fine, even on a good day,” I said.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, we’re as fine as we can be then. How’s that?”

“It’ll do.” I paused. “We’re falling apart, Joey. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

I waited for him to say more, but the line stayed silent.

“So, what are we going to do?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I’m sure that isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. I don’t know what to do or say to make everything right again between us.”

“I’m not even sure if we can make things right again,” I said, surprised at my own honesty. “I think that coexisting together might be as good as it’ll get.”

“Maybe,” Joey said. “Maybe not. Listen, I need to go, but we’ll talk more about this on Saturday night when we’re both home from work, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Night, Caley.”

“Night.” I said.

But he hadn’t heard me. He had already disconnected our call.

I put my phone back down on the nightstand and stared at the ceiling. I hated how sad our relationship had become. Even Joey knew we were barely holding on. He’d sounded as resigned as I did about the whole thing, as if it were only a matter of time until one of us completely gave up. I couldn’t help but wonder which one of us would cave first.

Then, you’ll be completely alone again
, I thought to myself.

But no, that wasn’t true. I would never be alone again. I had Amelia. And my parents. And Ethan. Even if I were no longer married, I would never be alone. That thought comforted me. It also proved that I was finally growing up.

When I was younger—hell, even as recently as a few months ago—being alone had terrified me. It seemed I was starting to realize the truth. Being single wasn’t the worst thing in the world. After all the suffering Joey and I had caused each other, maybe it would be a blessing in disguise.

Still, I wasn’t ready to give up on Joey just yet. We owed it to each other to sit down and discuss everything even if it would be for the last time. The fear I felt about Amelia being raised by divorced parents was still there, enough so that I felt the need to fight for my marriage still, but it was no longer crippling me.

Something was changing inside of me, making me braver and smarter even. Part of me wondered if it was Ethan. Being able to confide in him was making my poor choices and messed up life all feel more real to me. I’d kept things buried deep down inside for so long, and now, I finally had someone I could talk to. Hearing my own despairing words had been more of a wake-up call than any screaming match with Joey could ever be.

I wondered if Ethan had taken my so-called advice and called that girl, Danielle. Part of me hoped that he had because he deserved to be happy. The other part of me, the selfish part, hoped that he’d lost her number. Selfish me wanted to keep him and all of his attention on me.

What would happen if he decided that he would rather spend time with Danielle than listen to me complain about my sad little life?

If I lost him, I would be back to my old self, and that wasn’t something I wanted.

Old me was terrified of change, of losing Joey, even though I wasn’t sure how much I cared for him anymore.

The new me was smarter. She was starting to realize that change might not be the worst thing to ever happen to us.

Whenever I thought of Ethan going out with another girl, I felt an edge of jealousy that I couldn’t ignore. The way my stomach clenched uncomfortably was definitely a sign of that jealousy. I wasn’t sure why I felt that way, besides having the fear of losing him, but it made me uneasy. I didn’t want to depend on him so much that I would lose myself again.

“I’m never going to fall asleep if I’m thinking about all of this crap!” I groaned out loud to no one.

One thing was for sure. It was going to be a long night.

The following day seemed to drag by, partially because I was lacking sleep of any sort and partially due to the fact that I’d kept glancing at the clock, waiting for Ethan to show up. I was nervous for him to start working here because I didn’t want him to fail. If it turned out that he wasn’t what the shop needed, then my dad would be forced to fire him. That would be awful for all of us. That was why my dad never hired friends down here. There was always a chance that things would end badly.

By the time Ethan walked in the door at a quarter to three, I had worked myself into a frenzy, sure that he couldn’t even change a spark plug, let alone do any kind of repair. My fear must have shown on my face because the moment he walked up to the counter and saw me, he frowned.

“What’s wrong?” He lifted the door portion of the counter and stepped behind it.

“Nothing is wrong. Why would there be something wrong?” I asked.

He gave me a strange look. “You look upset.”

“No, just tired,” I said, feeling like an idiot. “My dad’s in his office if you want to drop off the paperwork.”

“Cool. Thanks,” he said.

A customer walked in and stopped at the counter. I started helping the customer as Ethan disappeared to go back to my father’s office. By the time I finished ringing up the customer, Ethan and my dad were walking out of the office. They passed by me and headed into the shop. I was too curious to stay still, but I gave them a moment before following.

Not wanting Ethan to know I was watching him, I peeked through the glass windowpanes of the door that separated the shop from where I stood. My father introduced Ethan to Ted, our lead technician, and then the rest of the guys—Randy, Don, Sid, and Jeff. Ethan shook hands with each guy. I noticed all of them sizing him up.

Jeff, the smart-ass of the group, said something and smirked at Ethan.

Whatever it was, it made everyone laugh, except for Ethan. I had an inkling that Jeff had probably voiced his doubt about the new guy. I couldn’t blame him. Compared to the other guys, who were all between the ages of thirty-five and fifty, Ethan looked like a kid. I just hoped that he could prove them wrong.

My dad clapped Ethan on the back and started walking to the door. I hurried back to the counter and pretended to be deeply engrossed in a packing slip from a shipment I’d stocked earlier in the day.

Dad walked in and stopped next to me. “You’re not a very good spy.”

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

“I saw you watching us. Leave the boy alone, okay? Those guys are going to give him hell for a few days, just to see if he can deal with it.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that I wouldn’t let that happen, but he shook his head.

“Don’t interfere with them, Caley. It’s a guy thing, and if you go in there and try to be his defender, it’ll only make things harder for him.”

“They’d better not harass him too badly,” I grumbled.

He chuckled. “You’ve turned out to be very motherly in your old age, kid.”

“I’m not being motherly. I’m just trying to look out for him.”

“Well, don’t.” My dad walked away.

I stuck my tongue out at him as he disappeared into his office. My maturity level took a hit at the gesture, but it was totally worth it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon waiting on customers and trying to stay busy. I avoided the shop, worried that I would say something if I noticed the guys giving Ethan a hard time. If my dad was right, I knew I wouldn’t be doing Ethan any favors by telling the guys to lay off. I would never understand men and how they interacted.

When it was time to leave, the guys walked out to the counter to hang out for a few minutes as I closed out my register. Ethan stood with them but didn’t speak as they laughed and joked with me. He seemed uncomfortable, which made me worry. I forced myself not to ask him how his first few hours had gone while the guys were around.

Once everything was finished for the evening, we all headed for our cars. Ethan walked next to me, but neither of us spoke until we reached our cars.

“Your shop guys don’t like me much,” he said. “Either that, or they’re just dicks by nature.”

“They’re just testing you,” I said as I unlocked my door. “They’re all really good guys. Just give them a few days to adjust. Once they figure out that you’re okay, they’ll ease off.”

“Hopefully.” He frowned. “Anyway, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Night.”

“Good night.” I watched him walk to his car.

The rest of the week had passed in a daze. We had been so busy at work that even I had been struggling to keep up. I’d continued to keep tabs on Ethan, but I never let him know it. I’d heard the guys giving him a hard time, but he never complained or shot back at them. Instead, he’d been working in silence, getting all the tune-ups finished up in no time at all.

My dad seemed impressed by his work ethic, which took some of my worries away. As long as my dad was satisfied, that was all that mattered. If he approved, the other guys would have no choice but to fall in line with his decision.

We had been so busy that I barely had a chance to say a few words to Ethan each day. I’d had to settle for giving him an encouraging smile whenever he walked into the stock room to grab a filter or whatever else he needed.

Things with Joey were still the same. Besides sending me a text to let me know he would be home for sure on Saturday when I got off work, we hadn’t spoken at all since our late-night conversation. I’d been dreading the thought of him coming home. I knew we’d have to sit down and actually talk about our issues face-to-face. I feared it would cause more harm to our already unstable relationship.

I had been tense the entire week, anticipating the fight I was sure would come. I’d even withdrawn from Ethan, barely responding to his texts in the evening. I hadn’t wanted to throw my problems at him again, so I’d thought it’d be best to stay away from him until I knew what would happen with Joey. Besides, Ethan had enough on his plate with working two jobs and dealing with the shop guys.

When Saturday rolled around, I got a text from Joey, telling me to leave Amelia at my mother and father’s house instead of picking her up like normal. Instead, I was to come straight home after work, so we could talk. My stomach clenched into knots as I reread his text at least twice. Clearly, he had been thinking about our much-needed yet possibly disastrous heart-to-heart.