Embittered Ruby (36 page)

“You know what’s up. Why did you lie to me about Olivia?” He looked like talking to Carmen disgusted him about as much as cleaning up vomit.

“Because I’m a liar. The better question would be, why did you believe me?”

“I didn’t believe you, but that’s not the point here. When are you going to get real with yourself? When are you going to own up to the choices you make? You want to blame everyone else…even now, with this stupid stunt you pulled.” Justin shook his head.

“What do you know about me?” Did Daddy run home and talk about secrets? Or did Justin have some kind of ESP?

“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you’re on the run.”

“On the run? What are you talking about?”

“You’re running from help. Running from God. Running from yourself.” Justin shrugged. “Until you decide to be still, you’ll keep hurting other people and yourself. Until you stop running, there’s no hope for you.”

W
hat had Carmen done with that crumpled piece of paper Billy had thrown at her? She had wadded it up and shoved it in the pocket of her jeans. They hadn’t been through the wash lately, had they? Maybe she could look him up by his last name. But that wouldn’t give her his cell phone number, and there’s no way his parents would just give it out. Besides, pastors of that huge church, they probably had an unlisted number to keep the crazies at bay.

What could she do? She had to get away from Diamond Estates before she lost her mind. Too much touchy-feely. Too much internal stuff. And then Justin, of all people, telling her there was no hope for her. Talk about a final straw.

Carmen had never felt so bad about herself in her life, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She would be much happier surrounded by people who
got
her. Who didn’t make her feel like a failure. Who didn’t tell her she needed to pray all the time.

Ah. She found the wadded paper shoved in the back corner of her drawer. Carmen smoothed it open on the desk. How had she forgotten she’d put it there?

Now, to get out of the house without being noticed. If she carried a stuffed backpack through the halls, someone would get suspicious. If she got permission to go for a walk or a ride, she’d be required to take someone with her. That would never work.

She’d have to walk out with not much more than the clothes on her back. She could at least add a few more layers of those.

Carmen pulled off her shirt and jeans. She layered five pair of panties and tugged on two pairs of yoga pants then stepped back into her favorite jeans. She added two sweatshirts over a few graphic tees then shoved a pair of gloves in her pocket and grabbed her pouch of private papers and musings. She sure didn’t want to leave Nellie behind for other people to read.

With everyone up in the activity room thinking Carmen had another one of her bad headaches, she had a good hour to get far enough away before they started asking questions.

She crept down the hall toward the stairs. Wait a second. Carmen needed to act confident. If she bumped into anyone, she didn’t want to raise any suspicions or even draw their attention. She was walking down the hall. Nothing more.

Her hand traced over the graffiti. She’d miss that actually. Carmen had even hoped to be able to add her piece to the wall one day. She had her spot all picked out. No idea what she’d put there, but she’d hoped it would come to her at the right time. Oh well. She could probably find a bridge or an abandoned store to deface if she really wanted to. But this symbolic artwork wasn’t just graffiti for the fun of it. It had a point.

Carmen didn’t.

She reached the bottom and turned right. Picking up the pace, she made it to the far end where the coat closet hid the secret door. She stepped through the coats like Lucy Pevensie scouting through the wardrobe and felt for the handle.

There.

She gave it a slight turn, and it popped open, just like before. Now she could hurry. Carmen ran down the stairs to the next door, not bothering with the light, and into the passageway that led outside. Crouching down, she felt sweat pool in the small of her back, and the earth all around her seemed to close in. Carmen had to get outside. She scurried as best she could.

Her hand reached out and opened the door that would release her from her prison. Finally. Carmen breathed the crisp mountain air and gazed at the twinkling stars.

Roxy had been desperate to know the way out. Maybe Carmen should have left her a note. But it was too late now. Every woman for herself.

She pulled on her gloves but didn’t have much time before the sweatshirts and underclothes proved ill efficient at keeping out the cold. Now, where to go? The church might be her best bet. She’d noticed an old pay phone still hung on the gymnasium wall, reminiscent of the days before cell phones—she could use that to call Billy. Plus the pastor’s family, and therefore Billy, wouldn’t live far away from the church.

Oh, unless Billy, Sam, and Kansas had moved into their new place already. Which Carmen hoped they had. If so, she’d figure that out once she got to the pay phone and called Billy. She set off for the foot of the mountain.

What would she do for money? Hopefully they’d help her out until she got a job. She could waitress, cashier, clean. Whatever. As long as it paid enough to keep her from having to run back to Mom or Dad for help.

The mid-January cold filtered through her layers and clawed at her skin as the snow fell hard, the biting wind whipping the flakes against her exposed cheeks. Maybe Carmen should have checked the weather reports before barreling out into the elements. But no matter what, she couldn’t turn back now. She’d have to make it down the mountain before she had any hope of getting warm.

One foot in front of the other, the snow crunched beneath her feet. The steep descent brought her to lower elevation with each step, the snow pelting her face as its intensity grew. Carmen squinted to see if she could get a better view through the falling blanket. What if she couldn’t get down the mountain? She’d freeze up here. But if she kept moving forward and down the mountain, she’d make it eventually.

Carmen leaned into the wind and closed her eyes against the icy snow that pelted her face. Should she go back? It had been at least an hour since she’d left. How far had she managed to travel? Without the weather slowing her down, she’d still be at least an hour from her destination. With the storm, she might be three hours away. Could she last that long in the middle of a snowstorm and freezing temps?

It had to pass or at least lighten up soon. Maybe she should huddle up somewhere to keep from getting slammed. But what if she got so cold she passed out? People died like that. No, probably best to keep moving.

Carmen pulled the neck of her shirt over her face to trap the warm air she breathed against her body and plodded on. If only she had her cell phone. At least she could press hard down the mountain whenever the raging snow let up for moments at a time. She’d make it. She had to.

The black night closed in around her, and the snow pressing in on all sides felt like walls. Did bears hide at times like this, or were they on the prowl even though the weather raged? Carmen guessed they didn’t want to be out in this either. But how could she know for sure? Another way research might have helped this situation. Mom had always said her impulsiveness would get her in trouble one day. Carmen didn’t have enough fingers and toes to count the times that statement had been dead-on. Now let’s hope none of those fingers or toes froze off.

Finally, with no warning, the snowy curtain parted, and the sky shone through. The snowfall continued at the higher elevation, but Carmen had broken through. Her spirit soared as she picked up the pace.

She marched down as fast as she could, her mind blank and her energy depleted. Thirty minutes later, Carmen stumbled onto the church parking lot. Would they look for her there? The thought sent her hurtling into the bushes. But they wouldn’t be able to drive the van down the mountain in the storm Carmen had just walked through. They’d have to wait until the roads were cleared.

In his twisted logic, the church would be the most likely place for Ben to look for her since it’s the only place she’d been other than the center. She’d have to hurry.

The snow covered the unplowed parking lot, and Carmen’s footprints would give her away. She’d be long gone before anyone saw the prints, but any searchers would know she’d used the phone. If it even worked—it looked ancient. Would the police be able to trace the call? Probably not if she kept it short enough.

Carmen dug the phone number out of her pocket and dropped two quarters into the slot. That should more than cover it. She pressed the numbers and waited.

“Yo.”

“Oh thank goodness, Billy. Can you come pick me up?” “Is this my Diamond Estates girl? What was your name? Cameron?”

“Carmen. Yep, it’s me. Can you come get me?”
Please say yes
. “You bet. Where?”

Oh thank goodness. What would she have done if he’d said no? “At the church? That okay?”

“Yep. Be out back behind the gym. I’ll be there in no more than five minutes.”

The line went dead. Carmen huddled behind the building and waited, shivering, until the tires crunched on the snow. She poked her head around the corner.
Please don’t be Ben…or the cops
.

A rusted-out Corolla pulled as close to the gym as it could get. Billy leaned over and popped open the door for Carmen to climb in. “Where’s your stuff?”

Phew. She’d reached the home stretch. “I only took what I could carry.” Carmen rubbed her hands together and held them in front of the heat wafting from the dashboard vents.

Billy’s jaw dropped. “You mean you walked all the way down from Diamond Estates? No coat, no boots?” He pulled away from the church.

“Yep. Had no choice. If I’d had any of that stuff with me, someone would have known something was up.”

“How’d you get out?”

“I found a secret passageway, like in some scary movie.”

Billy nodded, his eyes clouded. “My sister used to sneak out through there all the time. I’d pick her up, and we’d go to a party or something. As long as she made it back to her bed by prayer time, her roommates didn’t care.” He pulled into a parking spot in front of an apartment building.

Carmen laughed. “Cool roomies. When did she graduate the program?”

“Naomi left Diamond Estates about eighteen months ago. But it wasn’t by graduating. It was in the back of a hearse.”

A
hearse?” Carmen clambered up the back steps to Billy’s third-floor apartment. Was there an elevator somewhere? He unlocked the door then the deadbolt and swung it open.

Carmen rushed in and sank onto the sofa. She pulled a blanket over her shivering body. His sister died? That must have been horrible. “What happened?”

“Naomi hung herself in her bedroom.” Billy punched out the words then looked away and took a few deep breaths.

“How awful. I’m really sorry, Billy.” That was probably when he’d turned against the church and started smoking pot…and who knew what else. His poor family.

Billy moved to the kitchenette and nuked some mugs of milk. “How did your family take it?” Dumb question. Billy eyed her then shrugged. “You know. Everyone crumbled. There’s a lot of guilt involved when someone kills herself.” He poured a packet of hot cocoa mix into the cups and stirred. “The board forced my dad to take a leave of absence. Sam has barely spoken since.”

He shook his head. “I can’t believe you haven’t heard about it at Diamond Estates. A house full of two dozen girls, you’d think someone would be yapping.”

Carmen accepted the steaming mug of hot chocolate and let it warm her frigid hands. Was it spiked? She let a taste touch her tongue. Hot cocoa straight up. “Most of the girls who are there now wouldn’t have been there then. And mostly it’s only my roommates who talk to me. I haven’t made a ton of other friends.” Carmen stared at the bobbing marshmallows. “I guess I can understand that.”

“What?” Carmen laughed. “You can understand why I don’t have many friends?”

“Yeah. You’re like me. Not really the type for BFFs.”

Billy was right, but Carmen hadn’t thought of it that way before. She’d never had any really good best girlfriends. She’d either been alone or in a relationship with a boy. Why was that? Did girls avoid her, or did she push them away? When she lived in upstate New York, the girls didn’t like her much because of her Mexican descent. She would have been open to friendships like that, but they just never developed.

“So how’s this going to work? I mean…can I stay here like you guys offered?”

“‘Course you can. We’ll figure out the stuff like rent and chores or whatever—Kansas handles all of that. She just tells us what to do, and we do it.”

Not sure that arrangement would work for Carmen, but she’d give it a try. “I’ll have to get a job.”

“Yeah, we’re easy though. We’ll float you for a little bit as long as you’re looking for something.”

Carmen leaned back on the sofa and exhaled. Relaxed for the first time in months.

Wait a sec. “What about sleeping arrangements?”

“That’s how you’re going to earn your rent, baby.” Billy wiggled his eyebrows. “Just kidding. Kansas and Sam have the back bedroom. This one over on the right is mine. You can either sleep in my room with me or sleep on the couch. I don’t bite, and I won’t touch you…much. But it’s your call.”

“Thanks, I think I’ll take the couch.” For now. “But do you think I could take a hot shower and wash my clothes? My body is chilled to the bone, and these clothes are soaked through to the bottom layer.”

“Sure. You live here now. You don’t have to ask. Want to borrow a sweatshirt or something?”

“Perfect.” What a nice guy. She could get used to hanging out with Billy. Maybe he wouldn’t make a bad boyfriend after all.

Carmen entered the beach-themed bathroom complete with a seashell soap dish and starfish switch plates. Bet that stuff was handed down from someone’s mom who redid a bathroom. She couldn’t see Billy or Sam, or even Kansas, buying the shower curtain with the sandy beach and dolphins swimming in the distance. She chuckled as she turned the hot water on and stepped in.