Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (27 page)

dread vied for attention, and I threw myself over the kitchen sink.

I vomited until there was nothing left and then some more. My

hand grasped at my bruised neck. I relished the pain, found some relief in the brief distraction.

Lincoln needed me to be strong and I was behaving anything

but. It was unacceptable. I could fall apart later, I told myself.

Much later. I stumbled to my feet, grappled with the water, and swallowed some more aspirin.

Later. Much, much later
.

By the time Phoenix and Griffin returned, carrying with them

everything but a hospital bed, I was showered and on the couch

wearing a pair of Lincoln’s sweats and one of his T- shirts. I had also managed to make a latte on the still- sparkling espresso machine sitting in pride of place on the kitchen counter. The espresso

machine was about the only thing that was clean. The entire warehouse looked like a disaster site. There were books slung everywhere, the couch had been turned into a makeshift bed, and the

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kitchen was cluttered with dirty plates and leftover food scraps that couldn’t fit in the overflowing trash can. It wasn’t like Lincoln at all.

“Magda’s with him. She needs space.” I offered my poor excuse

before they asked. Right now, knowing where this was all leading, I couldn’t see him.

I focused on Phoenix. “If Grigori powers come from angels,

does that mean you have the power to heal too?”

He looked down and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”

“Few exiles are able to hold on to their abilities to heal when they take human form, Violet,” Griffin said, putting a duffle bag down on the dining table.

“Why didn’t Lincoln tell me partners could heal each other?”

“He didn’t want you to make your choice based on anything

other than what you wanted.”

I was sure I wasn’t the only one who found that statement ironic.

“What happens to a Grigori if his partner decides not to embrace?” Griffin opened his mouth, but before he could answer I put a

hand in the air. “Actually, it doesn’t matter.”

“Violet?”

I nodded. I’d made my choice. “We need to talk,” I said. There

was no more time.

Griffin gave the supplies to Phoenix and asked him to take them to Magda. When Phoenix walked past me, he shot me a look of

sympathy. I could tell he was reading my emotions. I turned away.

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few slow sips, playing with the lid, rolling it through his fingers.

“You don’t have to do this. He’d never ask it of you, not like this.”

“I know.”

I joined him at the bar, trying to be brave. “We don’t have much time. Tell me what I need to know.”

“It’s a leap. A commitment. You can’t undo this once it’s done, Violet.”

I ignored him. “A leap.
Shit
, Griffin, that sounds dangerously like a leap of faith.”

“In a way, it is.”

“Well, we’re all royally screwed. Right now, I can’t even open my mind to the possibility of there being a God.”

“It’s about faith, Violet; it doesn’t have to be about God. You just need faith.”

I clenched my jaw and moved on. It still sounded like a damn

God thing to me. “Fine, where do I leap?”

“There’s a process of declaring yourself. You have to go to the wilderness and remain for one night. There is a mountain to climb with a cliff at the peak. At the first moment of dawn, you jump. From there, the journey is yours. Only one thing is the same for us all: you will go to both the powers of light and dark. There is no exception.” I took a deep breath. I had to jump off a cliff.

“Does anyone die?” I wasn’t sure I really wanted the answer,

wasn’t sure it would change anything anyway.

“Not that I know of, but some have returned and have been

affected…mentally.”

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Great, insanity awaits.

I looked out the window. It was almost dark. “Can I go tonight?”

“Maybe…” Griffin said, but he didn’t look too sure.

“Maybe?” I prompted.

“
Maybe,
if Phoenix could get you there, but we still don’t know him, Violet. Something happened back there with Onyx that we

don’t understand yet, and no other exile I’ve ever seen can move as fast as him and…well, you should know, I can’t get a lock on him.

I can’t read his truth. That’s never happened before.”

“But you read him at the warehouse.”

“I know. I think he can control it, like opening a door if he

wants to. But he can also keep it shut. He seems to be able to do the same thing when we try to sense him. It’s as if sometimes he allows it and other times not. I just have a bad feeling.”

I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out through tight lips.

“Stuff your instincts, Griffin. They haven’t really paid off all that well today.” Any other day I would have been more diplomatic, but as I was learning, life can be a bitch.

He put both hands on the kitchen counter and dropped his

head. “You would need to leave now,” he conceded.

“I’ll take her.” Phoenix’s voice came quietly from the edge of the kitchen. I wondered how long he’d been listening.

Griffin took my hands. “Lincoln is like a brother to me, but you don’t have to do this. You have to want it for the right reasons.”

“Yeah,” I half laughed. “Reasons are reasons. It stopped being

my choice the second he was hurt.”

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“A terrible freedom.” He smiled mournfully and squeezed my

hands.

“Yes.” I barely got the word out. I couldn’t have agreed with

him more.

“He’s lucky to have you.”

I looked over at Phoenix, who had recovered his ever- present

equanimity. Despite what anyone might have said, he’d been

there for me since all of this began. He hadn’t pressured me or forced me to do anything,
be
anyone. I pulled my hands out of Griffin’s grasp.

“He doesn’t have me.”

I knew Phoenix would read the resolve in my emotion. I may

have lost my choice in this. I may not have been able to stand

by and let Lincoln die. I may be forever tangled in this twisted reality of angels and Grigori, good and evil— but everything else was mine. I felt foolish to have ever thought Lincoln and I could be together. There had always been something in the way. Now,

doing what I was about to do would just ensure there always

would be.

Grigori
partners
can
never
be
together.

Magda walked out and threw a pile of bloodied towels into the

laundry and then moved into the kitchen where she proceeded to

open and close cupboard doors, searching for something…or

nothing.

Finally, she spun to glare at me accusingly.

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been able to function. He doesn’t eat.” She wrinkled her nose at the dirty plates. “Well…not to his normal standard. He hasn’t slept in days. He blames himself for everything. That’s why it was so easy for Onyx to overpower him. Even now…” She pushed aside

a plate in the sink so she could fit a glass under the tap, and it set off a domino effect, the whole pile of plates shifting and clunking.

I heard a crack. She persisted anyway, blasting water into the glass and slamming it on the counter after barely a sip. “He’s asking for his
rainbow
,” she scoffed.

“What is it with all this rainbow crap?” I asked, turning to

Griffin and ignoring Magda. It was either that or giving her a one-fingered salute.

Griffin looked up from where he had been showing Phoenix a

map. “I think it has something to do with your power. We all have individual strengths; yours seem to reflect a rainbow in your aura.

Lincoln can see the shadows that cling to people after they’ve been altered by an exile. It’s possible that in his weakened state, he can also see your aura more clearly too.”

“Great. So he gets super strength and powers of Sight, you get

to be some kind of human lie detector, and I get my own float at Mardi Gras.” I put my hand on my hips and took another deep

breath to center myself. I looked at Phoenix, who was watching the room with mild interest.

“Let’s go. I have to make a quick stop on the way,” I said. Then I turned to Magda, who still didn’t seem to want to look at me. “Tell him…not to die.”

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She stared at me in disbelief. “You’re going to embrace?”

I gave her my best don’t- mess- with- me look. “Just keep him

alive until I get back.”

“Aren’t you going to see him?” she said accusingly.

“No. We have to go.” I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t know if I could face him at the moment, not while I felt my life as I knew it slipping away.

Phoenix slid up and took my hand, sensing my need for escape.

“Where to?”

“Home. I need something.”

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chapter
twenty- three

“If it is nothingness that awaits us, let us make an injustice of it;
let us fight against destiny, even without hope of victory.”
MigUeL de UnaMUno

I changed into a pair of black cargos and a gray tank top and tied a sweater around my waist. Survival 101 at its best. I rummaged through my drawers fi lled with paintbrushes, pens, and junk jewelry and found my old banged- up phone. I put in the sim card I’d removed from the phone I’d smashed earlier and turned it on. Miraculously, the screen showed two bars of power. Th ere were probably a lot of things I should take with me. Weapons wouldn’t have been a bad

idea, but I didn’t have any. At the last moment, I shoved my baby necklace in my pocket along with the poem Mom had left for me.

Th ere was a knock on my door. “Coming!” I called to Phoenix. I raked my fi ngers through my hair and yanked it back into a ponytail, then grabbed my hiking boots and pulled the door open. Dad stood on the other side.

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“Hi honey,” he said. He looked preoccupied.

“Dad, hi. I thought you were Phoenix.”

“He’s in the living room.” He nodded his head in that direction and added, “You guys seem…close.”

I started to pull on my boots while Dad was there. I didn’t have time for this conversation. “Yeah, but we’re just on our way out.”

“Vi, are you okay?” he asked, noticing my impatience.

“I’m fine,” I said. Then I thought of something. “Dad, I know

this might sound a bit weird, but when I was born, did Mom say

anything…” I hated doing this to him. Just the mention of her

caused a ripple of pain over his face. “Anything weird?”

He smiled at me and relaxed a little. “She named you. She said,

‘She is the heart of the Keshet, James. She is Violet.’ And then she told us both that she loved us and that everything would be okay.” I saw his eyes fill with tears and I wanted to reassure him, but all I could manage was a loud gulp. I had heard that word before— in my dreams.

“What does
Keshet
mean?”

He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, shutting out the world from his thoughts for a second.

“
Keshet
is Hebrew for ‘rainbow.’ Your mom loved rainbows.

She used to say they were the link between us and everything else, the reminder that we are not alone. She said they are the perfect showering of light and shade, and as long as we have rainbows,

there is hope for the world. Violet is the innermost color of the rainbow, the heart. It’s beautiful really.” He was far away.

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I smiled at him and then gave him a hug, partly because I wanted to give him one, partly because I needed one, and partly to hide the look on my face.

What
did
my
mother
do
to
me?

He was a little surprised; normally I shied away from being too affectionate. When I didn’t pull away immediately, he gripped me tighter, like he used to when I was a little girl.

“Vi, something’s wrong.”

I held on to him and desperately wished he wasn’t right.