Embrace My Reflection (7 page)

“Are you worried about moving too fast?” Ronnie bent over to slip on another pair of panties.
Lucius clenched his hands to keep from groping the tight ass presented so perfectly to him. They didn’t have time to play. He’d have to wait until Ronnie got home after work. Once Ronnie’s butt was covered, Lucius blinked and re-focused on Ronnie’s question.
“No, I don’t think we’re moving too fast. You have the choice to sleep in the guest room. Neither one of us is forcing the other to do what he wants. And if, later on, one of us decides to slow things down, we will. I don’t want to lose you again, Ronnie, but I don’t want you to think you have to do things to make me happy. Just be yourself, and I’ll be the happiest man in the world.”
He slipped on jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt. After sitting on the bed, he pulled on socks and running shoes. Then he just sat and watched Ronnie get ready. Another pair of black stockings slipped up long legs and a denim skirt hitting Ronnie just above the knees hid white lace panties.
Ronnie took two shirts out of their closet, and didn’t Lucius get a thrill out of knowing he shared a closet with someone. Ronnie held them up for Lucius to look at.
“Which one?”
The white blouse was sheer and would show off Ronnie’s toned chest, but the golden brown one matched Ronnie’s eyes. Lucius pointed to it.
Ronnie put the white one away. A flimsy tank top came out of the dresser.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a camisole.” Ronnie slid it over his head and wiggled to ensure the fabric settled in all the right ways. “I wear it because I like the feel of the satin against my skin. I like knowing I’m wearing pretty things, even when others can’t see them.”
“You do realize I’m going to be hard all the time I’m around you. I’m never going to get the thought of all the silk and satin under your clothes out of my head.”
Ronnie winked at him over a slender shoulder as he put the blouse on. “That’s the point.”
He laughed and stood, patting Ronnie’s ass as he walked past his lover. “Finish getting ready. I’m going to call MaeAnne and the guys to see if they need anything while I’m out.”
Ronnie hummed his agreement and Lucius went out to call his tenants.

Tomas greeted them as they walked into the club. “Hey there.” Ronnie kissed Lucius before taking the bag Lucius carried. He dashed toward the door leading backstage, while Lucius went to join Tomas at the bar. The cabaret wasn’t open yet, so the people milling around were all employees.

“You want a beer?”
“Sure.”
Tomas waved a hand toward one of the bartenders. “This is

“Nice to meet you.” The enormous African-American man held out his hand to Lucius. “Ms. Lake’s a great lady.”
“Yes, he is.” Lucius shook hands. “Have you worked here long?”
Jackson washed some glasses after handing Lucius his beer. “Yeah. Been serving drinks for twelve years. Starting working here when I turned twenty-one. Ms. Cindi was an old marine buddy of my dad’s and when I got into trouble up North, Dad sent me down here for Ms. Cindi to straighten out.”
“Your dad know what kind of club Cindi runs?”
The big man laughed. “My dad didn’t care. All he wanted was for me get back on the right side of the law instead of dealing drugs. When I told him, he about bust a gut laughing. He wasn’t overly surprised Ms. Cindi would like to dress like a woman.”
Lucius frowned. “I just can’t picture Cindi as a marine. Not that he wouldn’t be a good soldier. It’s just…”
“He makes a better woman.” A voice peppered with a slight British accent spoke from behind Lucius.
Turning, he grinned at the average looking man standing there. “Yep, Cindi makes a far better woman than a man, not that she couldn’t take care of herself if she needed to.”
“You must be Lucius.” The man stuck out his hand, a thin gold band sparkling on his ring finger.
“And I’m going to guess you’re Percy, Cindi’s partner, or spouse? What do you consider yourself?”
“We’re married, Lucius. In every way that’s possible except legally.”
They shook, and Percy took the stool next to Lucius. The Englishman smiled his thanks as Jackson set a martini in front of him.
“Well, I want to thank you and your wife for keeping Ronnie safe. It makes me happy that he had friends here to watch over him when I wasn’t around.”
“We take care of our own around here.” Percy sipped his martini. “We did our best to keep Cameron away from him, but like most politicians, he tends to be a little slippery.”
Jackson grunted, his expression conveying his disgust at the senator. Lucius fiddled with his bottle.
“I’m doing my best to get a restraining order against him. It’s hard because no one wants to think the beloved senator would do something like that. Yet three women have reported him doing it up in D.C.” Lucius met Percy’s shrewd blue eyes. “Be careful and keep an eye on all of the performers here. There were two women along with Ronnie who Cameron stalked here in New Orleans, and one of those women disappeared.”
“Shit,” Jackson muttered.
Nodding, Lucius agreed with the bartender. “My sentiments exactly. My superiors think she left town because she didn’t get what she wanted, which, according to them, was to smear the senator. I think something else happened, and it makes me nervous he won’t leave Ronnie alone, even though he has to know Ronnie’s male.”
Percy hummed softly while playing with his glass. “We have enough bouncers to keep an eye out here. Also, our bartenders are charged with making sure things don’t get out of hand while people are here. Most of the performers feel they can take care of themselves.”
Lucius took a swallow of his beer and watched some of the other performers wander in. They waved to Percy before scurrying backstage. They were of all sizes and ethnicities. Some wore guy clothes, and Lucius could tell they were the ones who dressed in drag for their job. Others strolled in dressed much like Ronnie, and Lucius eyed them objectively. None of them were as beautiful as his lover, but he was willing to admit to himself he was probably biased.
“We all like to think we’re able to deal with all our problems by ourselves. It takes a man to admit he needs help from someone.” Percy finished his drink and stood. “Are you staying for Ronnie’s set?”
“I’ll stay for his first one, then I need to head home and grab some sleep. Just so you know, I told him to call me when he was done for the night. I don’t want him walking to my place or taking a cab home that late at night.”
Percy slapped Lucius on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, my dear man. Cindi or I will make sure he calls you. We’ve been looking out for him this long, so we’re not going to give up our responsibilities.”
“Thank you.”
He appreciated the way Cindi and Percy had welcomed Ronnie into their family. He assumed they did the same thing with all the men who worked at the club. He finished his beer and waved Jackson over.
“How much for the beer?”
“It’s on the house. All the performers and their guests drink free.” The corner of Jackson’s mouth lifted. “Ronnie doesn’t drink much and she’s never had any guests in to watch her since she started working here.”
“What was Ronnie like when he first started?”
Jackson rested his hands on the edge of the bar and chuckled. “It was like she was born to play Veronica Lake. Her voice is angelic and she’s great on stage. Ms. Lake can work a crowd like no one’s business, but I always got the feeling she was waiting for someone to walk through the door. Maybe she was just looking for you.”
The bartender walked away, and Lucius stood to wander toward the stage. He claimed a table and sat with his back to the wall. He watched as the crowd began to enter, and his pulse raced as Senator Cameron strolled in like he owned the place. The senator claimed one of the biggest booths and settled into it with a blonde on either side of him.
Part of the problem they were facing in convincing anyone Cameron was stalking Ronnie was the man was known as a staunch supporter of gay rights, but the man never identified as gay. He dated women and was even married until his wife died tragically. All those things conspired to make Cameron a sympathetic character instead of the slightly unstable man he seemed to be.
With the senator’s presence, Lucius decided he would stay for the entire night. He’d call his boss in the morning and go in late. All the employees of the club would do their best to keep Ronnie safe, but Lucius wanted to keep an eye on things himself.

Ronnie scrubbed off his make-up while trying to kick off his shoes. Lucius had stayed for the whole night. He couldn’t wait to talk to his boyfriend and find out what he thought of all of Ronnie’s songs. The wipe he’d used to remove his eye make-up went in the trash and his blonde wig went on the foam head.

He hung the blue dress in the dressing room closet and settled the shoes on the floor. Ronnie tried to keep the place neat for the most part. He slipped on his denim skirt and shirt. After shoving his feet into his favorite red heels, he rushed around, stuffing clothes and shoes into his bag.

He slung the bag over his shoulder before he headed out to the front of the club where Lucius waited for him. As he walked through the door, he spotted Lucius surrounded by some of the other performers. Andrew’s light giggle drifted over the various chatter, and Ronnie stopped when he saw Andrew trail his fingers over Lucius’ shoulder.

“The nerve,” he muttered, dropping his bag by the bar and getting ready to storm over to rip Andrew away from his man.
“Take a deep breath, sugar. Your man isn’t interested in Andrew or any of the other guys.” Cindi slipped his hand into the crook of Ronnie’s elbow. “He only has eyes for you.”
Ronnie paused and took Cindi’s advice. Breathing, he noticed how Lucius laughed at something Andrew said, but moved away when the skinny blond reached out to touch him again. The other performers were honoring Lucius’ personal space, so he wouldn’t have to bitch them out.
“Besides, I don’t think Andy’s doing that to tick you off or even see if Lucius is interested. He’s doing it to make Tomas jealous.” Cindi nodded in the direction of the bouncer.
“Really?” Ronnie shook his head. “I didn’t even know Tomas was interested in guys, especially guys like Andrew and me.”
“What? Like girly guys?” Cindi wrinkled his nose for a moment.
Ronnie rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. We aren’t the most masculine of men, Cindi. Hell, when we’re dressed up, you can barely tell us apart from women. While I’m sure Tomas appreciates how we look when we perform, he never struck me as the type of guy who’d be comfortable taking a cross-dresser out on a date.”
“Then you haven’t watched the way he looks at Andy. His gaze never leaves our little blond whenever Andy’s near him. Like now.”
Tomas’s gaze narrowed, and Ronnie could see him clench his hands as Andrew giggled again before draping himself over Lucius’ shoulder. It looked like it took all of Tomas’s control not to stalk across the dance floor and jerk Andrew away from Lucius.
Cindi laughed at Lucius’ rather amused look as he peeled Andrew off him. “I do believe your boyfriend has figured out what Andy is trying to do.”
“Well, I always said Lucius was smart.” Ronnie met Lucius’ gaze over Andrew’s head and winked. Smiling back, Lucius started to stand up, but Ronnie shook his head. “Two can play at that game.”
“Be careful, sugar. I don’t want a cat fight in my club.” Cindi shook his head before stepping over to where Percy stood at the end of the bar, counting the till.
“Don’t worry, Cindi. As long as Lucius and Tomas don’t get into it, you shouldn’t have any damage to your club. Andrew and I aren’t really heavyweights here.”
Ronnie strolled over to Tomas and slipped his hand into the crook of Tomas’s elbow. He rested his chin on Tomas’s shoulder and leaned in, making it look like he kissed the bouncer’s cheek.
“I think he’s trying to make you jealous,” he whispered against Tomas’s skin.
Tomas relaxed and turned slightly toward Ronnie. He tilted his head before winking at Ronnie. “That’s a good sign, huh?”
“Sure it is. Of course, I’d prefer he didn’t use my boyfriend to try to piss you off. Lucius doesn’t go anywhere unarmed, and you look like you could do some damage in a fistfight.”
The big guy threw his head back, laughing. Ronnie peeked over to where Andrew and Lucius sat. Lucius gave him a small shake of his head, but didn’t look upset about what he was doing. Andrew looked pissed.
“I love Andrew like he was my brother, but I don’t take kindly to him flirting with Lucius because he doesn’t have the balls to tell you he’s interested in you.” Ronnie placed his hand on Tomas’s chest and fluttered his eyelashes at him.
“Well, I haven’t exactly made my interest known either.” Tomas cupped Ronnie’s face with a gentle hand.
“Maybe you should man up and tell him you’re crushing on him,
cher.
He’s a good kid, just needs a firm hand to keep him from getting into trouble. Andrew’s had a hard life, but deep inside he’s just looking for someone to see the real him and love him for it.” Ronnie didn’t have time to move on to the next flirtation.
Andrew jerked him away from Tomas and glared at him. “Your boyfriend’s over there. I didn’t think you were a slut, Ronnie.”
He didn’t take offense at Andrew’s insult. He’d succeeded in his goal. Andrew was jealous, and maybe now the pair could talk about their feelings instead of dancing around each other. Reaching out, he patted Andrew on the shoulder and smiled.
“I think Tomas is more interested in your inner slut than mine, Andrew. But maybe you should think about not flirting with Lucius. I trust my boyfriend not to do anything, but still, he’s mine and I’m pretty possessive about his body.”
Andrew ducked his head and nodded. “Sorry, Ronnie. I didn’t really mean anything by it.”
“I know, honey, but you need to pluck up your courage and say out loud how you feel about Tomas. He’s a guy, and we’re not the best guessers in the world.” Ronnie kissed Andrew on the cheek before pinching his ass as he walked past.
Squeaking, his friend glared over his shoulder at him. Ronnie winked and headed to where Lucius stood, waiting for him. Lucius wrapped his arms around Ronnie, pulling him close and kissing him. It was dramatic and over the top, but Ronnie thought it was perfect in every way.
When they finally broke apart, everyone in the club was hooting and clapping. Ronnie blushed, but bowed along with Lucius.
“Glad we could entertain you perverts,” he yelled as Lucius dragged him toward the front door.
“Guess someone’s getting lucky tonight,” Cindi shouted right before the door shut behind Ronnie.
“I think we’re both getting lucky tonight,” Lucius murmured as he tucked Ronnie tight against him with his arm around Ronnie’s shoulders.
“How fast can you get us home?” Ronnie slipped his hand in Lucius’ back pocket and bumped their hips together.
“Fast enough. I don’t want to break any speed limits, love, or get into an accident. That wouldn’t be a good way to end the evening, would it?”
Ronnie shook his head. “No. So did you like the show tonight?”
“I always love your show.” Lucius grinned at him.
“How can you say that? This is only the second one you’ve seen.”
Lucius shrugged. “True, but since you’re the one singing, I know I’ll love it no matter what.”
“No, you’re not biased at all.” Ronnie rolled his eyes as they arrived at the car.
Lucius held the door for him and waited until he was all the way in before shutting the door. He tugged on the hem of his skirt, nervous now he had a moment to think. Having Lucius suck him off had blown his mind. The men he usually ended up with expected him to do the blowing and to be the bottom.
Ronnie happily admitted he liked getting fucked, but once in a while, he liked being asked whether he wanted to get fucked or to top. He glanced at Lucius as the man slid behind the steering wheel. He’d address that issue later on, after they made love. For their reunion lovemaking, he wanted to feel Lucius inside him.
They fell silent as Lucius drove them to their home. Ronnie angled his body so he could rest his head against the seat and watch Lucius. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of looking at the man he loved.
After getting up to their apartment without making too much noise, Lucius shut and locked the door behind them. He turned and cradled Ronnie’s face. Lifting it to the moonlight beaming through the windows, he stared at Ronnie.
What did Lucius see when he looked at Ronnie? Did he see the scared young boy who disappeared in the hallways at school? The same young boy who hid at home because his mother never acknowledged his existence half the time? Did Lucius see the same ugly, frightened boy Ronnie saw every time he looked in a mirror?
“What are you looking at?” he whispered, trying his best to hold still and not turn away.
“I’m looking at the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. You outshine all the models and actresses in the world. I want to ask you a question, and I don’t mean anything negative by it.”
Ronnie fought the need to tense or run away. It was Lucius asking, the man who would cut off his right arm for Ronnie if he needed it.
He swallowed and murmured, “What do you want to know?”
“Why do you dress in women’s clothes? I know you like being a guy, but what about women’s clothing makes you happy?”
Taking a deep breath, he told himself he could do it. He could tell Lucius the darkest secret in his life. Ronnie opened his mouth to spill it, when Lucius pressed a finger to his lips.
“Tell you what? Why don’t you go take a shower and get ready for bed? I’ll do the same in the guest bathroom. We’ll meet in the bedroom and you can tell me. But I want you to know you don’t have to explain to me why you dress this way. Knowing or not knowing won’t make a difference to how much I care about you.”
Ronnie had heard those words before from various friends and lovers. Yet none of them stuck around after finding out the truth. He met Lucius’ dark gaze and in those dark brown eyes, he saw the truth in Lucius’ words.
Inside Lucius lurked the same teenage boy who held Ronnie after bad memories woke him up at night. That same boy who showed Ronnie what making love really felt like, even though Ronnie woke up alone the next morning. He never once thought Lucius would stay, not because Ronnie believed everyone would leave him eventually. No, he knew Lucius wouldn’t stay because there wasn’t any life for them in their small Louisiana town unless they wanted to work on the oilrigs, and Lucius swore never to do that.
After all those years apart, Ronnie could look at Lucius and see the boy he used to be under the layers of maturity traveling the world in the army had given him. There was hope and a belief in the future in Lucius’ smile that wouldn’t have been there if he’d stayed. Ronnie thanked God for those ten years.
“All right. I’ll meet you in the bedroom in fifteen minutes.”
That would give him time to get ready.
He went into the bedroom and grabbed his pajamas. After turning on the water in the bathroom, he stripped and faced his reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. Naked, he couldn’t deny the fact he was ugly.
Not even hundreds of therapy hours could get him over the fact that, more often than not, he thought he was ugly. Maybe hearing it since the time he could understand words had damaged something inside him.
He still saw only the ugliness, even though everyone told him he was beautiful in whatever he wore. Dressing as a guy or a girl didn’t make any difference to how others saw him, though, because they saw the outside as gorgeous. Yet inside him, he never got beyond being the pitiful child his father had tormented for years.
During the last two years of high school, he’d finally started to believe he wasn’t a hideous monster. Each time he saw the way Lucius looked at him, he felt sexy and stunning. Remembering those looks and the way Lucius held him that night ten years ago was what gave him the courage to recognize the need inside himself.
He climbed into the shower and washed quickly. After taking one of the shortest showers of his life, he got out and dried off. He blew dry his hair, added a little eyeliner and mascara to his hazel eyes before reaching for the clothes he’d brought into the bathroom with him.
Ronnie shook out the pink negligee and stared at it. Would Lucius remember? He bit his lip as he slipped it on and checked it out in the mirror. The sheer pink material clung to his slender hips before stopping mid-thigh. The lace trim decorated the neckline and hem. He tugged the lace panties up and adjusted his cock in them. Even dressed this way, there was no mistaking Ronnie for anything other than a guy. Taking a deep breath, he slid his feet into a pair of pink kitten heeled shoes and slid on the matching robe. A final touch of lip gloss and a quick fluff of his hair, and he was ready to face his lover.
He turned off the light and opened the bathroom door. The bedroom lights were off; only one single lamp glowed next to the bed and he spotted Lucius sitting on the mattress, back propped on the headboard.
The sudden indrawn breath alerted him when Lucius first spotted him. He held up his hand when he saw Lucius start to climb out of bed. His lover stopped and settled back, covered up to his waist with the blankets. Ronnie walked to the bed and shrugged the silky robe off, letting it pool on the floor at his feet. He kicked off the shoes and knelt on the bed, crawling across what felt like an endless expanse of mattress before stopping right next to Lucius’ body.
“I can’t believe you still have this.” With a shaking hand, Lucius reached out to run his finger over the strap gracing Ronnie’s shoulder.
“It’s not the same one. You ripped the other one, but I found a replacement. I didn’t know if you would still remember it,” he admitted in a trembling voice.
“Remember it? Honey, it’s been etched in my mind for ten years. I started to fall in love with you when I first saw you in high school. I fell all the way in love when you stepped from the bathroom in that hotel room dressed like this. I knew you were finally willing to trust me with your virginity and your secrets.”
Ronnie shivered at Lucius’ touch, feeling like a virgin all over again.
“But I didn’t tell you why I liked to dress like this.”
“No, you didn’t, but I also didn’t ask. I was so overwhelmed with desire for you all I could think of was getting inside you. How tight you would be and how hot. I hurt you, and I’ve never forgiven myself.” Lucius trailed his hand up Ronnie’s neck to cup the back of his head. “The fact you don’t hate me is a miracle in my eyes.”
“Oh,
cher
, it wasn’t as bad as you think it was. For my first time, it was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt. It was like we were one person. I could feel your heart beat in rhythm with mine. No other man I’ve slept with since then has affected me the same way.” He paused and smiled slightly. “There haven’t been a lot of them since then.”
“There haven’t been that many for me either,” Lucius confessed. “I still feel guilty because not only was I rough with you, but I left you the next morning. What kind of man does that to the person he loves?”
Ronnie yanked the blankets out of the way, happy to see Lucius naked underneath. He straddled Lucius’ hips and settled down, rubbing his ass against Lucius’ erection.
“I knew you were leaving, Lucius, but I chose to give myself to you anyway. There’s always been a part of my heart bound and determined to believe you would come back. No matter how long it took, you’d be back for me.” Ronnie grinned, proud of himself. “And I was right. Here you are.”
“I hurt you when we had sex.”
“Yes, you did, but you know what? I didn’t care because I knew you loved me. The roughness came from our inexperience, nothing more. You wanted me so badly, and I loved it. No one has ever wanted me like that before or after. And you wanted me, even dressed like this.”
Lucius looked surprised. “Why wouldn’t I want you dressed like this? Christ, it’s taking all the strength I have not to roll you over and shove my cock up your ass right now.”