Embracing Love (14 page)

I showed him my new tattoo, he loved it.
“So Ads and Nikki got one too?” I had unshed tears in my eyes. “Yes,” I whispered. “Lila, I know she was like a sister to you. She loved you so much, L.” “I loved her too. I thought once I had you back, my life would be complete but it isn’t with her gone.” He kissed my tattoo. “I know, my love, I know.”

“
Liam, Vinnie brought me the letters and pictures. So um…you were really a virgin when we made love for the first time?” He had a smirk on his face. “Yes, my love, I was. I had messed around with a few girls, got my fingers wet a couple times but that was my first time. I’m so glad it was with you.” I gave him a look and gently slapped his arm. “I’m glad I was your first but I really wish I didn’t know about the wet fingers part.” He laughed. “Oh L, you will always be my one and only.” Oh fuck! I slept with Evan and he doesn’t know yet.

I awoke to breakfast in bed, Liam had Eric help him get it all together. I had twenty texts from Evan, wanting to know what the fuck was going on.

I told Liam I had to get back but as I was packing to go, I heard Evan. “Lila, what is going on?” Evan yells. Eric just looked like
oh shit, sis, your busted
. “Evan, I can explain.” “Who is this fucking dude?” Liam asks. “Liam, this is Evan.” “Remember I told you about Evan when I first started school?” “We’re engaged. She has been with me since you’ve been gone,” Evan told him. “Evan! Let me explain this to Liam, please go now!” “I get it, Lila, this was the emergency? They found your long lost boyfriend that left you?” Fuck, Evan is not making this easy on me and the looks I’m getting from Liam. Eric is just standing there with his arms crossed, probably getting a damn kick out of all of this.

“
You’re her fiancé? Okay, what the hell is exactly going on here, Lila?” asked Liam. “Evan and I have been seeing each other since you’ve been missing. He proposed after Thanksgiving.”

“
You said yes? Not knowing where I was or if I was dead. So you’ve been shacking up with this hulk looking mother fucker.” “Who the hell you talking to like that?” Evan said. “Guys, let’s calm down and I will explain to you both. But I can’t if you guys are going to argue.”

“
Lila, let’s go home. You are my fiancée and we are leaving,” Evan said. “She isn’t going anywhere with you, dude,” said Liam.

“
Liam, I will be right back.” I walked outside with Evan. “What are you doing, Lila? Are you just going to throw away what we have to run to him?” “I need time to think, Evan!” “Fine I’m going back to New York!” Then he grabbed my arm. “So are you?” “Let me go, Evan, now!”

“
No, you are my fiancée and you are leaving with me. I love you, Lila, you said you loved me. You said you wanted to marry me. I was there for you when he wasn’t!”

“
Stop, you are hurting me, Evan. You knew that there was a chance that I would go back to Liam.” Oh dear God, what have I done? I’m hurting him so bad, I can see the pain in his eyes. “A chance. It has been two fucking years that you’ve been sleeping with me. Now he comes back and you want to leave me. How could you throw away everything we have, Lila?”

“
Let her go,” Eric yelled. Liam came running out the door and punched Evan in the face. Evan started to swing back but just as he does, Liam punched him again and said, “No one will hurt my Lila.” Evan wiped the blood away and drew his fist back and said, “What are you going to do, Army boy?” Then he punched Liam. “I suggest you go if you don’t want me to knock you the fuck out.” Liam yelled as he wiped his face. “All right guys, that’s enough. You both need to stop, can’t you see my sister is hurting. She didn’t mean to do this to you guys,” said Eric. “Evan, please just go,” I cried. Fuck, Evan was bleeding and Liam was bleeding and my arm was sore. I dropped to my knees and began to pray. Dear god, please help me fix this mess I created. I never meant to hurt either one of them. I love them both. Just as they heard me say that, they both looked like they had seen a ghost. “Lila, you are in love with him too?” “Yes Liam, I love Evan with all my heart. But I love you more. Liam, you mean so much to me. You are my everything.” Evan heard it all and dropped his head.

“
You better stay the fuck away from her!” Liam shouted. “Lila, you can call me when you come to your senses. This isn’t over. I’m sorry, I know I told you that I would be okay with it but I’m not. I will die for you, Lila, you are my life now.”

“
Evan please, let’s just go.” I ended up sending him to my parents until I was ready to go. How could I be so stupid to think this would be okay? I was ripping his heart out of his chest and stomping on it.

I called Nikki and asked her to please come to me. She said she would be in California in three days. That gave me time to go to New York and back. But I needed her now.

I knew she couldn’t drop everything and run to me. Eric wanted to go back to New York with me but I needed to do this alone.

I didn
’t know what I was going to do. Liam was mad at me for not telling him about Evan and for going back to New York alone. I had to though. I had to sort everything out. I had ended up not sitting with Evan on the plane, I left the airport before he did.

He had never hurt me and never would. Why was I breaking his heart?

I made this mess and I needed to fix it. Addie was gone and I needed her so bad right now. She would probably laugh at the situation I created.

What the hell am I going to do now? I thought. I went to my Dean and explained I wanted to transfer my credits. They said that with my classes and my being an honor student that it wasn
’t a problem. I could actually graduate next year.

I went ahead and got everything transferred back home. I called Heather. Her and Margie came and helped me pack everything up. I was really going to miss them, they had been great friends. Now it was time to face Evan.

I called Evan to come over and I explained I did love him very much. I just wasn’t ready to be his wife and I didn’t want to be with him right now. “That doesn’t mean we can’t try again later.” “Later, Lila? You have to be fucking kidding me, right?”

“
Evan just go, I’m leaving to go back home in the morning.” “Oh you’re running back to Army boy, aren’t you?” “No! Leave Liam out of this!” I yelled.

“
Oh, this is his fault! You thought he was dead and you wanted me but now that he has come back to life you just want to say fuck Evan, who the hell was he.” “No Evan, it isn’t like that.” I was crying so hard, I was shaking.

“
He was the one who left you and you used me to get over him. How fucking nice of you. How could you be such a whore?”

“
Evan, please calm down. Let’s talk, not yell. Please.” I placed my arm around his and looked at him. I hope he saw the pain in my eyes. I was dying inside. “I’m sorry, you aren’t a whore. I will calm down, sweetheart.” He walked over and put his arms around me. “Evan I do love you, I love you more than you could imagine. I told you before this all happened that if and when Liam came back, I was going back to him.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair as he spoke the words “Lila, that was years ago.”

“
I know. It has been almost two years that you and I have been friends and sleeping together. But he is back.”

“
You told me you loved me and you accepted my proposal. Now all of a sudden you want him. So did you really want to marry me? Or was I just your back up plan?” I know how bad it all sounded. It wasn’t coming out the way I planned in my head. “Evan I don’t know, I love you and I could picture us spending forever together. But my forever is supposed to be Liam.”

“
You already fucked him, didn’t you?” Yeah, if he only knew I was thinking about him as Liam came inside of me. “Evan, don’t ask me things like that.” God it was written all over my face, I felt so bad. I was going to hell for sure. “I’m sorry, Lila, can I just stay with you one last night? Please Lila, give me this last night. Then I’ll leave you to do as you want.”

“
Evan, you can stay but I’m leaving in the morning regardless.” I knew I shouldn’t let him stay. This was going to be the end of us. I wanted closure and he deserved one last night with me.

“
Okay Lila, that’s fine with me.” He grabbed me and started kissing me. “Evan, what are you doing? You know this will make it worse.” The hurt in his beautiful eyes was killing me. “Please let me make love to you one last time, I won’t tell Liam anything about it.”

“
Evan, I can’t. You’re hurt enough, and this won’t help either of us.” I can’t deny the fact that I wanted him as bad as he wanted me. “No Lila, I want you. Please?” I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But I had to let him go. I had made my mind up to spend the last night with him and give him what we both need. How could I sleep with Liam one night then Evan the next?

What was wrong with me? I was starting to act like Savvy. I kissed Evan back and he started undressing me. I helped him get undressed. He picked me up with my legs wrapped around his waist. And sat me on the kitchen counter. He made love to me like he never had before. When he entered me, I felt like I was melting, this would be the last time I was going to be with Evan. I had made my decision. I know it was killing Evan but I couldn
’t leave Liam. We had been through too much and I wanted to marry him.

“
Lila, please hold me tight. Please show me how much you love me.” I pulled him closer to me and I could feel him farther inside of me. Every time he moved in and out of me, I could feel my tears rolling down my face. We showed our love for one another, although it felt so wonderful, it was destroying us both. I kissed his neck as he leaned his head back, I could feel his tears falling on my chest. Just as he came, he screamed my name like he had never said it before. This was the first time he had broken down and cried, since his mom died. I looked him in his eyes. “Evan I will love you until I take my last breath,” I whispered as I laid my head in the crook of his neck. He smelled so good. I would miss his scent, his touch, and his love.

“
Lila, I have never loved anyone the way I do you. Baby I love you so much, it’s killing me to let you walk away. But it’s what I promised you and all though it hurts my heart, I have to let you go back to him. You were his all along, you were never mine. The nights we spent together and the days we spent together, they were just borrowed time. They were truly the best days of my life.”

“
Oh Evan, I’m so sorry to do this to you. I never meant for this to happen. I will always love you and cherish my memories of you.” I couldn’t stop crying, I was hurting so bad. Hurting for Evan, hurting for Liam. Hurting for everything that I had caused between the three of us.

“
Lila, if you ever need anything, I will still be here for you.” How could he be so nice? I have fucked up his life and he is still offering to be my friend? “Thank you, Evan,” I whispered. I slept in his arms one last time. When I woke up, he was already gone. There was a note, a picture of us eating chocolate covered bacon, and a BLT sandwich from the café lying on my bags. I had to smile through my tears. God, what have I done? Was I making the right choice? Was my life really meant to be with Liam? I couldn’t leave Liam, he had lost so many people already.

I packed everything up and said my goodbyes to my neighbors and Brody. He was so sweet and stuck in the middle. He wished me luck and said he would keep an eye on Evan. I gave him my ring to give back to Evan.

“
Lila, I think maybe you should give this back to him yourself.” “Brody, I can’t, it’s tearing me apart to walk away from him. I love him more than he will ever know. Please give this to him for me.” He said okay and hugged me goodbye.

“
Lila, wait sweets.” Heather lived down the street, she must have seen me leaving. “Oh Heather.” I grabbed her and hugged her. “Am I making the right choice? I love Evan with everything that I have, but I love Liam more if that is possible.” “Lila sweetie, I know it hurts. But you are meant to be with Liam. He came back for his woman. He never gave up on you, Lila. I don’t know him like I do Evan, but the way you talk about him. He has to be a hero.”

“
Thanks Heather, you said all the right things. I’m going to miss our wine and dancing nights.” We were both crying now. “I will miss your silly ass, Li. Take care of yourself and don’t be a stranger, you hear me?”

On the plane I decided to read Evan’s letter.

My Sweet Lila,

I couldn
’t tell you goodbye in person, it was killing me to walk away from you. I wish you and Liam the best. Please finish school. I know you won’t need to work, but you will make one hell of a criminal lawyer. I hope you find the scum bag that killed Addison. Thank you for everything Lila, I would’ve never made it through my mother’s death, if I hadn’t had you. I had one hell of a ride with you, Lila. You are the bravest, sexist, craziest woman I know. Those are all compliments. Please apologize to Eric and Liam for my behavior and I’m sorry I called you a whore. You aren’t, you’re just following your heart. I was hoping that things would work out differently. If you need anything, call me. And if Liam breaks your heart, I will be here to pick it up again. Please don’t forget the times we spent together. I love you with everything that I am.