Embracing My Submission (22 page)

Guilt and sadness washed over me. Emile confirmed the depth of pain my presence, even unwittingly, had been to Mika. It was a heart-crushing revelation.

“Maybe it would be best if I caught a cab home and terminated my contract with the club.”

“Nonsense!” Emile practically roared. “Have you never yearned for something so desperately that you ached from it?”

A humorless chuckle bubbled from the back of my throat. “Every day of my life,” I confessed, thinking about the lack of a Master and my burning desires for Mika. “But it’s pointless. What I want, I can never have. There comes a time when longing becomes so painful you have little choice but to raise a white flag and simply concede.”

“Perhaps. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, soul searching so to speak. A few weeks ago, I received a call from Mika. He was beside himself over a situation that occurred involving you, my dear.” I knew exactly what
situation
Emile was referring to. “Since then, I’ve given a lot of thought to the lifestyle principles that I was taught. I have to honestly say that I too am having second thoughts in regard to their validity.”

“Second thoughts? I don’t understand, Sir.”

“When I was a young man, I had a wonderful mentor. Through him, I came to terms with what I thought were dark demons in my soul. They weren’t demons but rather misunderstandings about my need to dominate. He instilled the belief that Dominants were destined to have only one submissive their entire lifetime. I’m beginning to wonder if his own insecurity that his sub might leave him cultivated his stringent guidelines. Who knows? It’s all moot. The man’s been long dead for years.” His lip curled in a half-smile as he tossed his hand in the air. “Yet on the other hand, as I watch the lifestyle evolve, I find it hard to refute his beliefs. The carefree claiming and releasing of subs, as if there are no bonds to the soul, reaffirms to me that his teachings were probably correct. But when a treasure is taken, not by another man but by the Almighty Himself, is the one left alone on this earth meant to remain that way?” He pursed his lips, pondering his own words.

Listening to Emile, I weighed his words. He made sense in a strange and unfamiliar way. I knew of subs who wore so many different Dom’s collars it was a wonder they could keep their Master of the moment straight. And I knew of a couple of Doms who would toss aside their sub the minute a new girl joined the club. In no time at all they’d slapped a collar of ownership around the new sub’s neck as if it were a game of chess. It was like they were collecting pawns for some purpose. I never could understand people like that.

“I know the constant yearning to dominate has never waned in all my years alone. I know Mika feels that same clawing need, but exponentially stronger since you came into his life. I’m truly surprised he had not succumbed to you before that day.”

Before I could respond, the soft-spoken nurse approached.

“Mr. LaBrache, you may go back now.”

I glanced over at Moses. He and Trevor were still sound asleep.

“We’ll go in first and then wake them when we get back. Come. Let’s go see my son and your...” Emile didn’t finish his sentence but instead flashed a knowing smile.

My heart was lodged in my throat. Emile extended his elbow. I wrapped my arm through his, and we followed the nurse through a wide double door.

Sliding glass doors lined the hall, behind which were beeping machines tethered to patients. It was hauntingly reminiscent of the opaque glass doors from my last dream. I could feel an invisible thread tug my soul, coaxing me to the end of the hall. An icy premonition of déjà vu raced down my spine. Fighting the urge to run, I focused on keeping in synchronized step with Emile.

Even with the doctor’s warning, seeing Mika with so many tubes and leads connecting him to the numerous machines was shocking.

“Mika. Oh, Mika,” Emile whispered as he rounded the bed and caressed his fingers over Mika’s bald head. “My sweet boy.”

Tears streamed down my face as I tried to choke back my sobs.

Emile’s voice cracked as he bent and placed a tender kiss on Mika’s forehead. “I’ve met your girl. She’s beyond perfect, so you must get well...for her. For me. For Moses and Trevor. There are boundless joys ahead of you son. You must fight and heal yourself. She is definitely worth the battle, my boy. Not because she is a memory of another, but because she is Julianna. She is yours. Now get well and complete that missing part of your soul.”

Emile was negating every ideal that held Mika prisoner to his past, tearing down the walls that had confined him to a life alone and unfulfilled.

The symmetry of the long, frustrating nights Mika forced me to wait outside his door, wielding his power, forcing me to decimate my own walls, filled my mind. He’d challenged me to peel back the layers of self-protection I’d desperately clung to. He’d opened my eyes, my heart, and my soul to the submissive serenity within me. And now Emile was eradicating Mika’s barriers, peeling back his layers of self-protection so that his son might find happiness and serenity.

Standing on the opposite side of the bed, I gingerly cradled his limp hand. Leaning down, I caressed it with my tear-streaked cheek, peppering his russet flesh with tender kisses.

“I’m here Mika. I’ll always be here if you want me.” I wondered if my confession was out of line. I was nervous about allowing hope back into my heart, especially after everything Mika had told me.

All too soon, we made our way back to the waiting room. I woke Moses and Trevor so they could spend a few minutes with Mika. I declined their offer to drive me home, opting to stay at the hospital with Emile. After hours of talking, exhaustion took its toll, and I laid my head upon Emile’s lap and slept.

Early the next morning, the waiting room began to fill with employees and members of the club. Drake and Trevor clung to one another, offering support in a poignant testament of love and commitment. Sammie smothered me with tenderness and soothing reassurance.

A stark realization struck me as I looked around the room. We were a group of multifaceted people with one common denominator: we were a family full of unconditional love and acceptance. Not one person asked me what had happened, they simply doled out compassionate hugs and offers of everything from meals to shoulders to cry on.

The local television reported the attempted carjacking. While some of us knew it was more sinister than what was reported, not a soul acknowledged Dennis’s previous actions or involvement with the club. Our tight-knit community was also a closed-mouth community. We were protecting our own, protecting our family.

“Did you find your answer?” Sammie asked, brushing her long, glossy red fingernails through my hair.

Without responding, I looked into her sparkling aqua eyes and smiled. Clasping her other hand in mine, I drew it to my lips and placed a tender kiss on both the palm and back. A soft sigh of satisfaction swirled from my lips.

“Oh you did, girl. You most certainly did.” After flashing a broad smile, her soft lips caressed the top of my head as she squeezed me against her ample breasts. “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it. Sometimes we get lost along the way, but those of us who find our destiny in the power exchange always wander back to the path that leads us home. For some it’s an easy transition. For others, not so much. I’m proud and happy you’re back.”

“Me too.”

“It wasn’t too terrible a journey now was it?”

“Let’s just say it’s one I’d rather not repeat.”

“You and me both, girl.” She chuckled lowly. “You have no idea how badly I wanted to whip your ass bloody. You can try a Dominant’s patience to the nth degree, no doubt about it.”

I rolled my eyes and smirked. “I’m not that bratty.”

“You were.” She arched her brows in emphasis.

Master George entered the room and bestowed a warm, grandfatherly smile. He walked toward where Sammie and I huddled close on the couch and extended his hand. I glanced at Drake, who issued a subtle nod, and then I took George’s hand and rose from the couch. He led me to an unoccupied corner of the waiting room, and with my back against the wall, he leaned in and wrapped me in a warm hug.

“Thank you for allowing me to cover the bases last night. Keeping the details from the uniformed officers on the scene kept this whole unfortunate incident from being entirely more complicated than it needed to be.” His voice was low as he spoke. Anyone watching us would only observe a semiprivate moment of compassion between two people. “Please don’t think less of me that I skirted the facts to protect people I dearly love.”

I tilted my head, as if placing a kiss on his cheek and whispered in his ear. “Never, Sir. I am forever in your debt.”

Pulling back, I saw a broad smile form over his lips, stretching the weathered lines on his face.

“No, sweet girl. All this is water under the bridge. It’s best if we allow it to flow out to sea and stay lost forever.” Stepping back, he placed his hands on my shoulders and winked. “I need a moment with Drake and Emile, but I want you to call me if you or Emile need anything. Understood?”

I nodded in assurance.

“Drake has my number, and I expect you to use it.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you for everything. I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I was to see you last night. I was so scared. So...”

“I know, dear.” He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “It’s been a horrific scare to all of us. But Mika will recover from this. He’s a strong young man. He comes from good stock.”

He motioned for Drake and Emile to join us, then George presented Emile with an envelope. It was a directive that Mika had drawn up when he first opened Genesis that Drake oversee the day-to-day operations in the event of his death or incapacitation.

Drake accepted the responsibility solemnly and soon he, Trevor, and Sammie left to ready the club for the evening’s guests. I knew most of the members would be at the club, not only to offer their support, but to try to glean more details about the shooting. Of course none would be given. Drake would make sure the news account was the exact version retold at the club. Besides, no one who knew Dennis McCollum’s alter ego would spill the beans.

Feeling a bit vulnerable with Drake, Trevor, and Sammie gone, I curled my legs beneath me on the couch next to Emile while he made a litany of phone calls. Waiting was always so damn hard.

The soft-spoken nurse finally appeared and whispered something into Emile’s ear. His eyes sparkled, and he nodded his head.

“Come, dear. He’s awake.” Emile beamed with joy.

Butterflies dipped and sailed in my stomach. Suddenly struck with a brutal case of anxiety, I had no idea what to say to Mika. After everything that happened, would he even want to see me? After all, it was my fault he’d been shot.

“Shouldn’t you go see him alone?”

“Nonsense, child. We go together.” Emile extended his hand, and we made our way down the glass-lined hall.

As he stood next to Mika’s bed, Emile gently called his name. Mika’s eyes flashed open in a combination of fear, relief, and love.

“It’s okay, son. Everything is going to be fine. You gave us one hell of a scare, though.” Emile smiled and once again kissed Mika’s forehead. “Are you in pain?”

Mika slowly shook his head no.

“Good. I know you can’t talk and it’s probably frustrating, but there’ll be time for that later. Right now, I just want you to work, son. Work hard on making yourself well.” Emile squeezed his hand and nodded emphatically. Mika nodded gently and closed his eyes.

Surrendering to the ache, I slowly slid my hand into Mika’s. Gently caressing my thumb over the back of his hand, he opened his eyes and turned his head toward me. A low groan rumbled in his chest.

“She is a treasure,” Emile praised. Mika nodded, his eyes searching mine as if he were longing for an answer to some elusive question.

“I’m so sorry. All this happened because of me,” I choked, sobbing on my guilt. “I never imagined he’d come after me like that. I’m so sorry, Mika.”

Blinking through my tears, I felt Mika’s hand tighten around mine.

His eyes suddenly reflected sadness as he shook his head no. Releasing my hand, his finger traced a strange gesture in the air in a somewhat lethargic, caveman type of communication. Emile and I were at a loss. He tried again and again, but we had no idea what he was trying to convey. Mika was becoming exhausted and agitated at our inability to decipher his pantomime. Emile bent and lovingly caressed his scalp, quietly reassuring Mika that there would be plenty of time to talk once he was healed.

~*~

The next three days were an exhausting blur. Emile and I spent our allotted fifteen minutes every hour at Mika’s bedside. Each time I apologized to him, and each time he shook his head and his eyes filled with sorrow.

Something was very different about the way he looked at me. Each time I sat by his bed, he would draw my hand to his cheek and nuzzle it softly. Emile constantly praised the rate at which he was healing and encouraged him to keep fighting.

I couldn’t stop touching him. It was as if I needed the constant reassurance that he was alive. Even when we would venture back in the wee hours of the morning, I would slide my hand beneath his and hold it. Feeling the comfort of his steady pulse in my hand gave me a silent security that he was still here with me if only for a little while.