Emerge (14 page)

             
He got out of the car and sat on the front of the car on the corner closest to the house. He crossed his ankles and firmly folded his arms over his chest.  He had a smug smile plastered to those
luscious full lips.

             
“Um…J?” he re-crossed
his legs in the other direction
,
“I would’ve come to the door to get you.”

             
He had that exasperated look again like I was a child covered in chocolate that he didn’t know how to control but you couldn’t help but smile at.

             
I looked up and his image was blurry from the bubble of tears that hung on for dear life to the edges of the cliff that were my bottom eyelids.  I always tried my damndest not to cry, but I felt like it was safe to cry with him around.

             
I blinked to readjust my vision and the tears bobbled and weaved down my face. It was a loss of control that I hated. 

             
He immediately got off of the hood of the car, put his keys in his pocket and came towards me.  He squatted in front of me and put his arms around my calves and
placed his chin gently where mine just left.

             
“Jenna, tell me what happened
,
”
h
e whispered.
Peppermint again.

             
“I will, I just…Can we get away from here first?” I stammered out.

             
“Yeah
.
”
He squeezed my calves. “Let’s go.”

             
He helped me to stand up and when we walked to the car he was a little bit behind me and had his left arm all the way around my waist and his hand was splayed on my stomach.  It was as if he was holding me up without invading my space. It was the
most tender
touch I had ever felt. It was as if his touch had belonged to me all along.

             
He opened the door for me and as we drove away from the house, so the hurt and stress was driven from my body.

             
We arrived at the Santa Monica Pier and we parked in the parking lot to the left of the Pier.  It was hot enough outside, but the surfers and swimmers still had wetsuits on, so the ocean must not have caught up yet.

             
We stopped and I stared out of the windshield not ready to let go of the explanation for my tears.  And he let me.
He held my hand and let me be.
As if
by instinct
he knew exactly what I needed, he let me stare and breathe in and out without questions or expectations.

             
After a few minutes, I turned to him and
cleared my throat, “I’m sorry.”

             
He raised his eyebrows and answered, “You’re apologizing for crying?”

             
I laughed at my own pitiful words. I shrugged, “Sorry.”

             
He turned his bottom lip out again. A telltale sign I now recognized. Something snarky was about to exit that beautiful mouth.

             
“So…” he began as he tried desperately not to
smile,
“Now you’re sorry for being sorry that you cried?”

             
We both busted out laughing at that one.

             
Our laughter died down finally, but his bandage had been applied well.

             
He cleared his throat and said
,
“Spit it out.”

             
I looked at him sideways and lost all of my resolve to keep my walls up.

             
I sighed before I rattled off, “I saved my last paycheck. Well, most of it, to use in case of an emergency and I went to get some of it for tonight and it was gone.  They took it.  I wondered why they were in such a hurry to get out of the house last night and that’s why. They found my money and they took it and spent it God knows where on God knows what. Now if May or I need something there is no money, none. I mean I’m really not shocked that they took it, but I feel better when I have something put away.”

             
I took a deep breath. It was all out there. My humility was peaked and I waited to see what he would think.

             
“They
stole
your paycheck money?” he was truly alarmed.

             
“Yeah, I had it in my dresser under my jewelry box.
I try to change hiding spots every two weeks.
And I went to get it and it wa
s gone. It’s not the first time
,
” I explained.

             
He sucked in a very deep breath, aligned his lips together in a straight line and closed his eyes. It was like one of those anger management therapies where they tell you to close your eyes and count to ten before your blood pressure explodes your heart. I fully expected steam to start blowing out of his ears with the accompaniment of the sounds of a train horn.

             
I wanted to calm him down. But what I said almost made it worse.

             
“It’s ok. It was only like
a hundred seventy
bucks or something in case we ran low on food or something May needed.”

             
He opened his eyes and I could see my mistake instantaneously.

             
He took a cleansing breath.

             
“In case you
run low on food? What does that mean? Is that something normal that happens?
”

             
I laid my forehead on the glove box in front of me and groaned.

             
“
Ughh
… I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m hardly starving.”

             
I pinched my own stomach as proof to him that it was going to be
ok.  I mean I was a solid size
eight
.  I was neither plump nor skinny and to tell the truth I wasn’t really one of those girls that cared either way.

             
I still had my forehead pasted to the glove box when he started rubbing my back in large circles.  It was as if he was consoling himself as much as me. I turned my head without it leaving the glove box and looked at him to see what damage I had done. 

             
He mimicked my posture but his forehead was caressing the top of the steering wheel. He had his head turned towards me. He let out an enormously loud breath that made his cheeks puff out.

             
“One of these day
s…” he said “I am going to need you
to tell me everything…Everything.  And it will be when I know you are safe and it can’t happen again. Because if you tell me now…well, I might not ever take you home again.”

             
“Yeah?
When’s that gonna be?” I didn’t want to doubt him
;
I swear
it
.  I wanted to hang on to his every word and take them down into my being where I could hold on to them and know that they were true.

             
“One day…when you’re mine and they can’t touch you anymore.
”

             
I popped up to sitting as stiff as a Maple 2x4. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.

             
“Ok, your turn…Explain.” The edges of my vision were graying and my pupils could only see his mouth as he began to explain things that I would remember for the rest of my days.
He sat up in his driver’s side seat and turned to face me.

             
“J, you’ve got to know that I love you. You’ve got to know that.
I know I haven’t said it before
,
but that doesn’t make it any less true.
I think I’ve loved you since I first saw you at school before you even knew that I was alive. I know
it’s
fast and it’s crazy and believe me my friends think I’m nuts.” He let out another impressive breath.
Then he put his hand on the back of my neck and his thumb caressed that sensitive area under my neck where the remnants of my Mom’s scratch were.  His fingers were combing the hairs which grew from the back of my neck.
“I feel like I’ve been looking for you forever. 
And now I’ve found you. I can’t give you up. I want you to…
No
,
I
need
you to marry me.”

             
I swayed a little in my seat. I was just overwhelmed.

             
“I’m sorry I don’t have a ring yet, but I’m saving up for it.”

             
He misunderstood my facial expression.

             
I put my hands over my mouth and looked around the car just to buy myself a minute to think.  I turned my head towards him slowly with my hands still on my mouth and said “Why?” The tears began again and I really didn’t care this time.

             
He, ever so slowly, took my hands away from my face and placed them onto the sides of his face and said “Jenna, you’re smart and beautiful and funny and the strongest damn girl I’ve ever met.
You are
it
for me.
”

             
He put my hands down from his face and said
,
“Sorry, I know it’s too quick. I just couldn’t help myself.
I’m surprised I lasted this long.
”

             
And it was then that my tongue made the decision for me that would prove to be the best decision of my life.

             
“Yes.”

             
His eyes seemed to double in size and he said
,
“What?”

             
“Yes
,
” I said again with a little more resolve.

             
“Yes what? I just need to be sure here.”

             
I reached up around his neck
and hugged him with everything I had
, not caring that the stick shift was making me slant in an uncomfortable way
and whispered in his
ear.
“Yes
,
Carlos, I will marry you.”

             
He nearly squeezed the life out of me in response to my answer.

             
“Just remember…I said it first.”

             
He laughed the laugh of a man who was relieved.

             
“
Y
es, I will always remember that you said it first.”

             
We finally let go but he held me in place. I’ve never wanted
something
and been
so
scared of something in my whole life as I was his kiss.  Please God let him kiss me.

             
And it was then that he did.  It was soft, barely there. It was just enough for me to finally get to feel the raw heat and fullness of those lips that I
had my eyes on for months. I saw balls of light behind my lids and every nerve I never knew I had came to life.  His silken mouth enveloped mine
and when he pulled away I move
d my face
forward slightly, not ready to let go yet.

             
He put his forehead against mine and murmured mere inches from my lips. 
             

             
“I’ve waited to do that for a long time.”

             
I nodded a bit in agreement.
“Me
,
too.”

             
“I can guarantee you that I’ve waited longer.”

             
He pulled away slowly and pointed with a nodding head towards the Pier.

             
“Come on… I wanna see your face on the roller coaster.”

             
I groaned and got out of the passenger side. I had to hold on to the door for a minute to steady my knees but I tried to look all passé about it. 

             
I walked around the front of the car and his hand was already extended, waiting for me. 
It was a small detail to most, but to me he was offering his care and love without asking anything in return. It was a love I was going
to have to get used t
o, a love I was learning to need
.

             
We rode the big roller coaster and
ferris
wheel and then played some goofy games.
He stood behind me as I tried to learn how to shoot the water at the target but I couldn’t concentrate with his breath in my ear.
We walked to
the edge of the Pier where the older men fished in the ocean
. We found a bench to sit on
and
I asked him about his family.  I felt selfish for always talking about my problems and family. He told me about his Dad and his Mom, she lived in another country but his
Dad lived in Los Angeles. His Dad
live
d with a witchy step-Mom but
she was nothing compared to mine. So when Carlos turned 18, he and his brother got their own apartment. 
His brother worked too and was 11 months older than him.