Emer's Quest (Manannan Trilogy) (12 page)

“No.”

“Two out of four. You could be.”

“So you can’t tell me any more?”

“No. You’ll just have to wait. If your bleeding stops for long enough, that’s the most important sign.”

“Don’t tell anyone I asked, will you?”

“I won’t. Provided, of course, you don’t tell Njall how much I fancy him.”

“As if I would!”

The girls giggled. Privately Emer could see why Freydis liked Njall. He was a handsome blond giant. He was tongue-tied and shy with other women, but not with Freydis. They talked and laughed together. They were old friends but their laughter had a different quality about it.

Emer had hoped Freydis would have been able to
reassure her and she felt disappointed. She would have to wait. From that moment on, it seemed as if all eyes followed her, probing under her robes to find out her secret. This included Drifa, Halla and more importantly, Atli. One evening Hari came to find her, shaking with rage.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Come outside away from the wagging ears.”

She caught up her cloak and
walked after him into the cold darkness. They found a corner out of the wind and sat down on a stone, huddling together.

“Now tell me.”

“
Fadir
sent for me. He’s heard the rumour that you’re pregnant and he wanted to know if it was true.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I lied and said it would be a miracle.”

“Was that wise? If I am
, it might make everything worse.”

He shrugged
. “It’s done now. Why face trouble before we have to? Do you think you are?”

“I might be. My courses are late and I’ve been sick.”

Hari fell silent for a while. Then he said, “If you are, the baby must be due about the winter solstice and your body will change soon enough.”

“Hari, what will we do if I am?”

“What every young couple does. We’ll tell my parents and send a message to yours. Then we will celebrate.”

Emer shivered. “
I don’t think there’ll be any celebration. Atli won’t be pleased, nor Rolf. I’m afraid of them, Drifa too.”

“
No need. Remember what I said about kin-slaying? We’ve broken no laws; in fact we have obeyed them to the letter.”

Emer took his hand and squeezed it, but she was not reassured. Trouble was coming.
It seemed to be crackling in the air around them and there was nothing they could do to prevent it.

12

A few days later, Atli came to Emer and asked her to dream for him once again.

“
Rolf has proposed a voyage to
Island
, the land of fire and ice. It is a journey I have taken before but it isn’t one to be undertaken lightly. The storms out in the open ocean have been the end of many ships. I would like to know the outcome of this voyage if I can.”

“
Is it important that you go with Rolf?”

“
Yes, I know people there that he doesn’t. He was only a child when I went before. We could make a good profit, if things go well. The Islanders need everything but snow. Cargoes sell for far more in remote places. Rolf wishes me to go with him so we may set up more lasting trading links for the future.”

“
Do you want to go?”

“I grow old for these ventures but
, if success depends on my presence, I can manage one more time at least.”

“I
understand.”

“
Can you dream for me, then? I’ve already sent Rolf to collect the things you need.”

“Of course and
I will hope to see a successful outcome to your voyage.”

When Atli left her, Emer sat staring into the embers of the fire, alone with her thoughts and her fears. It had been too much to
wish for that Atli would not ask her to dream again. She could not refuse without revealing her secret. She was still not sure of her pregnancy but her breasts tingled and her sickness continued. She had started to take a husk of dry bread to her sleeping place, to nibble on in the mornings. Freydis had told her of this trick and it seemed to help.

If she was with child, would the fumes harm the baby, she wondered. Would she be able to see anything at all?
Her mother and great-grandmother had lost their powers after they bore children, but
when
did their visions stop? Was it in the early stages of pregnancy or after the child had been born? Why oh why was Niamh not here to tell her?

When she talked
about her fears to Hari that evening, he said,

“You must choose whether
we speak to my father or you go ahead and dream.”

“How can I tell him? I
’m not yet sure although it seems likely. If I inhale the fumes what might they do to the baby?”

“
Who knows?”

“
My mother would be able to tell me, but she isn’t here. What would you like me to do? It’s your child too.”

“I want you to take the course that suits you best. This i
s for you to decide. Whatever decision you make, I will stand with you.”

Hari’s support was welcome
, but Emer was still undecided when Atli came to her next morning.

“Everything has been fetched for you. Are you ready to begin?
” he asked.

Her courage failed her and she answered,
“Yes, of course.”

Rolf
was waiting for them with the soils she had used before. Emer thought he looked uncomfortable but she was surprised when he said,

“Does Emer
need to do this,
Fadir
? I’m sure this voyage will be successful without her help and will be the beginning of many great things for our family.”

“I would be
certain,” Atli said. “Emer’s ability can give us knowledge on which to act. After all it is why I persuaded her to come to
Skuy
. What good is her gift if it is never used? Come Rolf, we will return once Emer has finished here.”

“I will send a message to you when I am about to begin my dreaming.”

Emer’s doubts continued, while she was preparing the mixture but she could not draw back. When Atli came to check whether she was ready, she asked,

“Please would you
and Hari be here with me when my dream ends?”

“Why?”

“Because I might need you.” She said no more, but promptly spread the powder on the fire and lay down on her pallet, before she could lose her nerve.

Immediately she spiralled down through the swirling colours.
Hands caught her and she felt a freezing kiss on her forehead. Her grandfather’s voice said,

“Welcome, Emer.”

She returned his hug even though her arms were chilled. “I am so pleased to see you,
Afi.
”

His hand smoothed her
hair, making little strands stand on end.

“You have hard times before you and much danger
to survive.”

“
I may be with child. Can the purple fumes affect an unborn baby?” Emer blurted out her fear.

“No
, but other things can do so. You will need all your courage, to do as you must.”

“
I’m afraid for Hari. Is he in danger?”

“
Yes. His fate hangs on your decision.”

“Help me to make the right choice,
Afi.”

“That I cannot do, but come; I have things to show you
which may be useful to you and our time is short.”

“I was afraid I would not be able to see anything
today because I am no longer a virgin. Atli would be so cross.”

“
Be warned, when you bear children, your powers will vanish. Even now, your sight will be veiled. None of your children will inherit our gift and it will be many generations before the power to see into the future returns to your line. May it give you the help you need for one last time.”

Colours
swirled before her until Emer stood in the middle of a smoky longhouse. As her grandfather has predicted, it was as if she looked through a billowing white mist. She peered into the cloud and made out the shapes of two men who were violently quarrelling. Another man and a young girl watched them. The veil lifted for a moment and Emer realised, with a feeling of pity, that the girl was marked down the right side of her face. Her skin was yellow and puckered, as if a flaming brand had been drawn across it. It reminded Emer of the scars on her father’s arm where the Red Lady had deliberately burned him in order to save his life. One of the arguing men she knew — Rolf. Then the other turned and she recognised him before the veil covered him again. Rolf was arguing with his father, Atli.

“Why are they fighting?” Emer asked, not really expecting an explanation.

“Atli wants Rolf to marry the young girl and remain on
Island.
He doesn’t want to do so.”

“Why does Atli want him to?”

“Her father is the richest man on
Island
, and he has no other children, so the girl is a good match. Rolf is also becoming difficult to handle and Atli wishes to keep him away from
Skuy
, at least for the present. Rolf has questioned his authority too many times lately.”

“Poor girl, to watch them fight over her. What a terrible life she w
ill have with a man who so emphatically does not want her.”

“It happened to you, did it not? Y
et you found peace in your choice.”

“I did and I wish her the same.”

“Don’t fret for her. This marriage will not happen, but the proposal is Atli’s death warrant. Rolf will never trust him again. Watch.”

The
mist swirled over her sight and then the colour changed. They were in a shelter aboard a plunging ship. A man lay writhing on some low bales. Rolf stood beside him watching, but making no effort to help. Emer started forward with an exclamation, as she saw the sufferer’s face but her grandfather said,

“You can
’t help him. It’s his time to go.”

“He has been good to me.”

“He will feast tonight with his ancestors in Valhalla. Watch the young one.”

The writhing quietened and Atli lay still.
For a long moment, Rolf did nothing and then he stooped and held the blade of his dagger beneath Atli’s nose. No breath came to mark the metal. Rolf smiled, then he threw back his head and howled, so his men came running. Tears poured from his eyes and he seized his sword, holding it aloft.

“Feast well,
Fadir
. Remember me to those who sit at your table,” he shouted and then he tossed the sword away. He covered his face with his hands and his shoulders shook as if he was weeping but Emer knew that his actions were false.

“Come
,” her grandfather said. “Another vision I give to you and then we must part.”

They rose from the shadows and came into a clearing where a round hut had been built. Emer smiled as she
watched herself sitting on a log, a laughing baby on her knee. Three other children played with a wooden ball nearby. They all had dark hair and eyes that reminded her of Finnr by their shape.

“Do you like your future?”

“Very much, but my children are not Hari’s, are they?”

“No.”

“Is he with me in my future?”

“He could be
if you choose him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hari’s life rests on the edge of a sword. Three destinies are possible for him and you must decide his fate.”

He waved his hands and she hovered in the air, seeing again the burning ship and the trussed up figure waiting to die. Then flames engulfed him. She shut her eyes to take away the terrible sight
, but it was engraved on her eyelids and she could not escape it. When she looked again, Hari was walking ahead of her, wearing the habit of a monk, his red hair shaved across his head from ear to ear. He was singing. Then this picture faded and she was back again at the round hut in the clearing, her children around her. Nothing had changed except that the children were now red haired and Hari walked down the path calling out to her.

“It is for you to decide,” her grandfather repeated.
“Do you love Hari?”

“I care for him.”

“But you do not love him?”

“
Perhaps. I’m not sure. What does love feel like?”

“If you truly love someone you will know and put his welfare before your own.”

“Then maybe I don’t yet, but people can learn to love, can’t they?” Her tone was plaintive. She raised her head to look into her grandfather’s eyes. He smiled.

“
If they wish to strongly enough. It was not like that for me, but perhaps it will be so for you.”

“Hari is worthy of love but
he keeps his thoughts to himself so much and only opens to me from time to time. How can you love someone you don’t know?”

“You
have a little time to find out, but Hari’s fate will not wait long for you. You must make your decision very soon.”

“
Why must
I
make this awful choice?”

“That I
cannot tell you. I show you these visions so you are forewarned and can think before you act, one way or another.”

“I suppose I should thank you,” Emer said hesitatingly.

“More I cannot do for you and we shall not meet again, until you join me in the afterlife, all your choices made. Tell Niamh, my daughter, and Renny, my last love, that you have seen me again. Give them my blessing and tell them that, even here, my memories of them remain. Goodbye my dear.” He bent and kissed Emer on the cheek.

“
Afi
, don’t go, please.” Emer clung to his hand but it seemed to slip away like mist through her fingers.

“My job here is done. Don’t forget me.”

“I will never forget you.”

Emer o
pened her eyes and looked dazedly into the fire. Small tendrils of purple smoke lingered over the flames. She glanced around the room and found she was still alone. She lay back, thinking of what she would say to Atli. Perhaps she could persuade him not to go on this voyage, so he would not die and she would not need to make a choice. At the same time, she was sure that this was not possible. She had been warned that she could not affect his fate, only Hari’s. Did she want to spend the rest of her life with Hari? Unbidden, the image of Finnr’s eager face rose before her. Was it his children the first scene or, the gods forbid, Rolf’s? Both of them had black hair not red. She shuddered. Although she had not seen him do it, she felt sure it was Rolf who had poisoned his father. Most likely he was also the one who had put Hari aboard the funeral ship to die.

Emer heard a rustle outside. They were coming. She quickly lay back and tried
feverishly to order her thoughts. Someone threw himself down beside her. Someone else knelt on her other side and took her hand. She let her eyelids flutter open.

“Welcome back,”
Atli said with a smile. “How are you?”

“Sleepy,” she replied.

“What did you see?”

“Lots of things.”

“The voyage?” A sudden movement made her turn her head. Rolf had his hand out, almost as if he would put it over her mouth. She looked at him hard and he withdrew his hand.