- - End of All Things, The (26 page)

“That’s the way most new parents are, actually. At least, my girlfriends who were married and were starting their families used to say that. They were always scared to death they were going to do something that would mess up the kids or hurt them. My friend Michelle was on the phone to her mom constantly, asking for advice or afraid because the baby was crying and wouldn’t stop. She must have taken that baby to the emergency room at least a dozen times in his first year, certain he was dying because she’d heard him cough.” Carly chuckled and shook her head. “Noah was friends with one of the nurses, and he said they’d always chorus, ‘Here comes Michelle!’ when they saw her burst through the doors. The doctor was patient with her, at least.”

“If the animals following you around are any indication, you would have done a damn fine job,” Justin said. He laughed, and Carly knew he was thinking of the moose that had followed them for a few miles back near Saskatoon. Justin had sighed with relief when it finally wandered off. He’d told her later he had terrible visions of the creature trying to crawl into the tent with them that night.

“We’re not going to make it, are we?” Carly asked. “Humans, I mean. As a species.”

“I don’t know. We’ve seen enough people along the way to make me think there’s a large enough breeding population, but whether the children survive or not, that’s another story. We don’t know if they’d be immune to the Infection or not.”

Carly’s eyes widened in horror. She hadn’t even thought of that possibility.

“That family back near White Pass—they all survived because they isolated themselves. As more travelers pass by, or they decide to move back to town when they’re out of supplies, they’ll all be exposed. There probably aren’t very many intact families, and we don’t know how the immunity is passed on. Both of your parents died, even though you were immune, so you didn’t get it from them.”

It made no sense immunity would just be random, especially, as Justin had noted, since it wasn’t a natural virus to which people would have built up a genetic resistance. “All of us who were immune must have something in common. We just have to figure out what it is.”

Justin cast her an amused look. “Are you going to start polling people?”

Carly ignored that. “Were you up-to-date on all of your immunizations?”

“Yes. And I had some the general public wouldn’t because of my line of work. Smallpox, anthrax, rabies, yellow fever, and meningitis were just a few of the ones I had.”

“Did you get a flu shot last year?”

“Yes. Always do.”

“So did I. My parents didn’t. My mom had sort of a needle phobia, and my dad just didn’t bother if she wasn’t going to do it. Do you know what company made your shot?”

“Cederna Pharmaceutical Services. They had the contract from the army for vaccinations. Why?” A small frown tugged at Justin’s lips, as though her questions disturbed him. 

Carly couldn’t help but be a little smug. “Maybe there could have been something about that particular batch. Cederna made my shot, too. They sent me a receipt I was supposed to send to my insurance company for reimbursement, but I didn’t have insurance. I remember because they had that strange logo that had all of the letters twisted together.”

“Probably just a coincidence.” But he was still frowning as he said it

“Yeah, probably.” Carly decided to humor him, at least until she had stronger evidence. The vaccination theory didn’t explain the animals’ immunity, after all.

They rode in silence for a moment.

“Carly, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“I saw your necklace last night.”

Carly had tried to keep it hidden under her T-shirt, but he would have seen it when that shirt came off. She said nothing.

“I wanted to ask you about the things you have on it.”

“What about them?”

Justin wouldn’t miss the defensiveness in her tone, just as he wouldn’t have missed the details of what she had strung on that chain. He was too damn observant.

“Will you tell me why you are keeping those things? I understand your father’s ring, but the others? What do they mean to you?”

“My apartment key is pretty self-explanatory, I think.”

“Are you keeping it in case you return?” Justin’s voice was free of inflection, but she understood why he asked.

“No, I know I’ll never go back there. It’s like keeping a piece of my home.” Carly swallowed hard around the lump in her throat.

“And the penny?”

“I found it after I shot the crazy man in Fraser.”

“I see,” he said, but she was sure he didn’t.

“It’s a memorial, in a way. Not to him, but . . . sort of.” She struggled for words. “It’s a memorial to the life I took.”

Justin lifted the arm of his T-shirt and showed her the three bands of lightning that circled his bicep. “I understand, Carly. Maybe better than you know.”

She nodded. Maybe he did after all.

“And the soda tab?”

“It was supposed to remind me not to . . . get attached to you.”

Justin was silent for a moment. “Will you take it off now? Please?”

Carly nodded.

“I’m sorry I did that to you. I didn’t mean—” 

He looked so guilt stricken, Carly’s compassion was immediately aroused. “I know you didn’t. You were trying to do what you thought was right because you cared about me.”

“I do. More than you know. I want you to know something. If you find someone else—”

“Jesus, Justin!” She gaped at him. Did he really think she was the kind of woman who would shop around for a replacement while she was already in a relationship? She wasn’t sure if she should be offended or not.

“Let me finish.” His voice was low, and he didn’t look at her as he spoke. “If you find someone else—someone your own age, someone better—I won’t stand in your way. I care about you, and I want you to be happy, even if that means you’re with someone else.”

Carly felt her temper flare, but she managed to keep her tone calm and even. She told herself he didn’t understand how insulting the implications of his statement were. He’d never had someone in his life who hadn’t abandoned him, after all. There had to be part of him that expected she would do the same. “I’m not like that. I’m no cheater.”

“I didn’t mean to imply you were, but you could become unhappy in our relationship and want out. For whatever reason. If you do, all you have to do is say it.”

“Thanks,” Carly said acidly. “Nice to know it would be so easy for you to walk away.”

Sometimes she resented how well Justin controlled his temper. His voice was mild as he replied. “I didn’t say it would be easy for me. I said I would do it for you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t do it for you,” Carly retorted. “Call me selfish or whatever, but I would fight for you if some other girl tried to take you away.”

Justin chuckled. “Thank you. You have no worries there. I’m no cheater, either.”

“Have there been a lot of girls in your life? You told me it was ‘less than I would think,’ but what does that mean?”

“Three.”

She blinked. “Three? Really?”

“My first was a long-term relationship. We became a couple when we were fourteen and it lasted all the way up until after I joined the service.”

“Even as much as you moved around?” Carly was surprised by that.

He shrugged lightly, but he had that blank look on his face again. “They tried to keep foster kids in the same school district, if possible.”

She supposed that made sense, trying to keep their lives from being disrupted as much as possible. “What happened between you?” 

“I thought she’d wait for me after I joined the service. She didn’t. The other two were, well, I don’t want to say one-night stands, but that’s pretty much what they amounted to because I made it clear I didn’t want another relationship.”

“Do you still not want another relationship?”

Justin glanced over at her. “It’s difficult—opening yourself up when you know you can be hurt. It was a long time before I was ready to do that again, and I hadn’t found anyone yet. Until you.” He gave her a small smile. “What about you?”

“Breaking up with Noah didn’t leave any scars. It really was mutual, about the most amicable a breakup can get. We just weren’t right for each other, and it was time to move on. But, like you, I hadn’t found anyone new yet.”

“So, Noah was the only one for you?”

“Yeah.” She felt her cheeks heat.

“Don’t be embarrassed. There’s nothing wrong with being selective.”

“I bet your army buddies teased you about it.”

Justin chuckled. “A bit. They nicknamed me The Priest.”

“Some of my girlfriends worried about me because I wasn’t dating very much. They thought Noah had really hurt me, no matter what I said about it. They were always trying to set me up with guys. It was exasperating sometimes, but they did it because they cared about me and wanted me to find someone who would make me happy.”

“They’d probably have heart attacks if they could see you now.”

“If you made me happy, they wouldn’t care if you were the Elephant Man.”

“It sounds like you had good friends.”

Carly nodded and smiled, even though she felt tears sting her eyes. “I was picky about that, too. I miss them. I’ll always miss them. Did you have a lot of friends?”

“No, not really. I stayed in touch with a few guys from The Unit, but I was mostly a loner.”

That made sense. With the way he’d been uprooted so often as a child, Justin would have learned early not to get attached. “That sounds lonely.”

“Not really. You can be alone without being lonely; just the same as you can be lonely in a crowded room.”

Carly wanted to put her arms around him. “You’ll never be lonely again. I promise.”

His eyes were wary. “Carly, you can’t promise something like that. You don’t know what the future holds for us.”

“I know I
like
you, Justin. I don’t see why we couldn’t go on being friends even if we decided a relationship wasn’t what we wanted anymore.”

Justin shook his head. “No, Carly, I don’t think I could do that. I could let you go, if that’s what you wanted, but I couldn’t stay around and watch you with someone else.”

Carly had no idea how to answer that. Fortunately, Sam provided a distraction when a rabbit made a foolish dash across the road in front of them. With a joyous wag of his tail, he bolted off in chase. He returned, prancing, with a dead rabbit hanging from his jaws.

“I guess that’s our signal to break for lunch,” said Justin. 

They pulled their bikes over to the side of the road. “I’ll go check Shadowfax’s hooves,” Carly said hastily as he took the rabbit from Sam. Shadowfax had lost one of her shoes, and Justin had removed the rest of them. Shadowfax walked mostly on the grass anyway, looking for yummy plants to snack on along the way. So far, she didn’t seem to be bothered by her shoeless state, but Carly checked her hooves every time they stopped, just to be sure.

“Not so fast, honey. It’s time you learned this.”

“Ugh. Do I have to?”

“Yes. It looks like Sam will keep you fed if something happens to me, but you need to know how to clean game so you can eat it.”

He took the knife from his belt and made a slit down the center of the rabbit’s torso. Carly gulped. She listened as he explained how to remove the organs without puncturing them and showed her how to skin the animal. He rinsed the body in clean water and then hooked its limbs together so it would hang over a spit. Carly looked over at the rabbit’s severed head. Its eyes were partially open and seemed to stare at her.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she said. Sam trotted up and ate the organs in one gulp. He took the head with him and laid down for a satisfying chew. She blanched. “Should we let him have that?” 

Justin washed his bloody hands with foaming antibacterial soap before rinsing them with bottled water. “He’s a wolf, Carly. It’s what he’d be eating in the wild. Wolves get most of their vegetation from the stomachs of the animals they eat.”

“Yeah, but what if he gets worms or something?” They both gathered branches and bits of wood from the patch of trees beside the road, putting together the beginnings of a fire.

“I’ll see if I can find some medications for him if we pass a veterinarian’s office or a pet store.”

Carly had never had a dog. Her mother was allergic, and when she’d been out on her own, her hours were irregular and she couldn’t have taken care of a pet. “Do you remember all the stuff he’ll need from back when you had your dog?”

“I think so.” Justin pulled the Zippo from his pocket and held it steady until the tinder caught.

“What kind of dog did you have?”

“A mutt.” Justin smiled at the memory, though the smile was tinged with sadness. “He was a stray I found in Darfur. I named him Winston.” At her questioning gaze, he shrugged. “It seemed to fit. He just looked like a ‘Winston’ to me. Great dog, not terribly bright, but very affectionate. He helped me through some tough times because I could talk to him the way I couldn’t talk to a human. And he’d sit there with this interested look on his face—like he’d been a shrink in a former life.”

“What happened to him?”

“Old age. He was probably already around six or seven when I found him, and he’d had a rough life from what the vet could determine. He got to the point where he didn’t want to get up off his dog bed anymore, and I knew it was time.”

“Oh, Justin, I’m sorry.”

“It’s part of having a pet, honey. We try to give them long and happy lives, but we also have the responsibility of easing their way when we know their lives aren’t healthy and happy any longer.”

Carly couldn’t bear to think of Sam as too old and miserable to get out of his bed. Like everyone who’s ever loved a pet, she hoped Sam would be healthy and vibrant up to his final day, when he would pass in his sleep.

“You’re taking good care of him, Carly,” Justin said, with that uncanny ability of his to follow her train of thought. “He’s getting good exercise, a healthy diet, clean water, and a safe place to sleep. Wolves can live up to twenty years if they’re with humans, twice what they’d have in the wild.”

“We need to get him some vitamin tablets to make sure he’s getting everything he needs as he grows.”