Enjoying the Chase (19 page)

He recoiled as if I
’
d just slapped him. “What. The. Fuck?”

I sighed; Seth was clearly the wrong person
to come to with this.

“I like her, I want to work it out with
her,” I explained, “but I slept with a girl last night and now she
’
s not going to forgive me. She said she doesn
’
t put up with cheating and won
’
t let anyone treat her like that again. When I
tell her what I did, it
’
s going to
be over before it even started. I
’
m
such a moron!” I gripped my hands in my hair just wishing I could take it back.

“Are you serious? You want to play dad to a
kid that
’
s not yours?” he asked,
shaking his head in disbelief.

I didn
’
t actually know what I wanted. I didn
’
t exactly want to play dad, but I wanted Rosie, and she had a kid,
so that came as part of the package. I shrugged. Too many thoughts were buzzing
through my brain, and I didn
’
t
know what to think any
more.

“I like her and she has a kid, so I guess
if I have to play dad, then I have to play dad. He looked like a cute kid last
night, from what I saw of him,” I replied quietly.

“Holy shit, Nate. What the hell is wrong
with you? Seriously, dude, you need to leave this girl alone. You can
’
t just go jumping into something with a single
fucking mother! I mean, jeez, instead of going out and getting drunk, you
’
ll be staying home and changing diapers,” he
said, clearly horrified.

I laughed at how clueless he was. “I
’
m pretty sure a four-year-old would be
potty-
trained, Seth.”

“Really? Oh… well that
’
s not the point. My point is, you can
’
t just fool around with this girl; she
’
s going to want something serious. She won
’
t be able to come out, get wasted, and have fun. She
’
s a mother! She
’
ll make you stay in all the time with her and you
’
ll turn into a bore. Just look at Ashton, he
hardly ever comes out
now
, and then when he
was
out the other night he just wanted to go home to his wife and baby!”

I frowned, thinking about it. He was right,
a relationship with Rosie would be incredibly grown up and I wasn
’
t really sure if I was mature enough for
something like that. But the thing that was nagging at the back of my mind was
this
; Ashton was happy with his life. He loved being married
and having a kid; even Seth had to admit that Anna was the best thing that ever
happened to him. Maybe that could be me too. Maybe I could have that with Rosie
and DJ
;
that contentment, love, companionship and
stability. Maybe I needed to grow up and start living my life properly.

Of course, my life was easy and fun now,
but it wasn
’
t exactly satisfying.
Moving from one girl to the next sometimes left me feeling empty. Sometimes I
just longed for someone to hold, protect, and call my own. Since I
’
d met Rosie I hadn
’
t been able to get her out of my head, she
’
d taken over everything, and I knew I needed to give it my best shot
with her, otherwise I
’
d regret it.

“Yeah, but Ashton
’
s happy with Anna,” I reasoned. I glanced at my watch, hoping
somehow the hours had magically passed and it was time to go talk to her, but –
much to my disappointment – it was only just after twelve.

Seth nodded in agreement. “Yeah he is, but
Ashton
’
s a different person to
you. What makes you think that settling down can make you happy?”

“Because she
’
s smart, funny, kind, caring,” I answered. “She
’
s the most beautiful girl I
’
ve ever seen, and I can
’
t stop thinking about her.”

He sighed and looked at me. I could see the
thought process going on in his eyes, he was trying to be understanding and
sympathetic, but he obviously still thought I was crazy. “So, you like her and
are going to be playing daddy from now on, huh?”

I frowned as the reality of the situation
hit me again. “
I don’
t think so.
Once she finds out about the girl from last night it
’
ll be game over anyway. She won
’
t want anything to do with me once I tell her,” I muttered sadly.

“So don
’
t tell her.
” He shrugged casually and turned,
starting to make some sandwiches.

Don
’
t tell her? Could I do that? If I didn
’
t tell her then I wouldn
’
t lose her, but could I really start something with her based on a
lie? Surely that would eat me up inside eventually.
 

“I can
’
t do that…” I trailed off; my mind was off somewhere having a mental
debate about the ethics of omitting a little fact to save a relationship.

He raised one eyebrow. “Why not? You like
her. If you tell her then there
’
s
no way she
’
s going to want to be
with you and then you
’
ve lost her.
What she doesn
’
t know won
’
t hurt her.
”

I chewed on my lip; his words seemed to be
making sense to me, and that was worrying in itself. I really shouldn
’
t be listening to relationship advice from
Seth Monterary. I should take whatever he
’
s saying, flip it around and do the opposite, because his advice was
bound to be wrong. So that meant I
had
to tell her.

“Imagine how apologetic she
’
s going to be. As far as she
’
s concerned, she
’
s the one in the wrong here. She didn
’
t tell you she had a kid; she
’
s going to be begging to make that up to you in some way. If you don
’
t tell her what you did, then imagine all the
things she
’
ll do for you to
apologise.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I didn
’
t speak, so he continued. “My guess is she
’
ll forget the little rule about not wanting to sleep with you until
she
’
s in love. You could come out
of this with a pretty sweet little set up, Nate.”

I tried not to consider it, I really did,
but Seth was right, if I didn
’
t
admit to sleeping with that girl last night then as far as Rosie is concerned
she
was the one in the wrong. I would get a shot with her. She would never find
out, how could she? The only ones that knew were me, Minnie, and now Seth.

What she doesn
’
t know won
’
t hurt her
…

In the back of my head though, I knew it
was wrong. I couldn
’
t start
something that could, potentially, turn serious, while I knew deep down that I
didn
’
t deserve her because I
’
d lied. I
had
to tell her because she
would be thinking that I was this awesome guy, so different to the guy that
hurt her, but yet I would be exactly the same as him.

My body was screaming at my mind to shut up
and go along with the lie, to keep up the pretence, to let Rosie feel a little
guilty and want to make it up to me. I couldn
’
t help but start to think of all the things she might do to
apologise for it. The thoughts alone made my heart speed up.

“Seriously, if it were me, not that I ever
plan on getting into a situation as fucked up as this one, but if it were me,
then I
’
d just forget last night
ever happened. I
’
d let her fall
all over me, telling me how sorry she was. I
’
d probably make her beg for another shot, just to show her who wore
the pants in the relationship,” Seth said, shrugging and sliding a plate with a
sandwich across the counter to me.

And with that little speech he made my mind
up for me. My earlier thought was right – whatever Seth would do, I needed to
do the exact opposite.

Chapter
Twelve

My heart was racing as I stood outside her
door with my hand raised and my finger poised over the button for her
apartment.

“Shit, please let this work out,” I
whispered, rubbing a hand over my face, trying to calm my nerves. I glanced at
my watch again. 19:54. I had been standing here for the last eight minutes
trying to summon up the courage to press the buzzer and see her. I forced my
finger down onto the button, fighting the sudden urge to run away and do this
over the phone instead. That way I wouldn
’
t have to see that look in her eyes when she found out I was a
lying, good for nothing player, just like she
’
d first thought.

“
Hello?
”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
Damn it, Nate!
I slapped my palm against my
forehead and squeezed my eyes shut. “Hey, Rosie, it
’
s Nate,” I mumbled, my voice tight.

“Hey… er… Come on up.”

When the front door lock clicked, I pushed
it open and stumbled my way up the stairs, shifting the flowers that I
’
d bought from one hand to the other. By the
time I got up to the top, she had her door open, waiting for me. I groaned
because I was hoping to have another few seconds to compose myself before I
knocked.

She was standing there, chewing on her lip
nervously, her eyes tight and apologetic. She looked beautiful as usual, and it
really hit me just how crazy I was about this girl. She had me under some kind
of spell. I needed to make this right, no matter what it took.

“Hi,” she
half-
whispered,
as I stopped in front of her. She looked so guilty that it made me feel even
worse; clearly she was punishing herself over not telling me.

I nodded; I didn
’
t even know if I could speak, so I just held the flowers out to her
like a complete loser. She looked down at them, frowning. Confusion stretched
across her face as her eyes flicked back to me. She was definitely expecting me
to be angry with her about DJ.

“What are these for?” she asked, shaking
her head looking at me in disbelief.

I gritted my teeth. There were only two
reasons that I knew of for a guy giving a girl flowers… you were either trying
to get in her pants, or saying sorry. “I saw them and thought I would get them
for you,” I lied. In actual fact, I had driven twenty minutes out of my way to
go to the florist that I knew did the pale pink roses that she seemed to like
in the last bouquet I
’
d bought
her.

She smiled. “They
’
re beautiful. Thank you.” She looked back over her shoulder into her
apartment. “Want to come in and we can talk?”

I nodded eagerly and followed her in. She
headed straight for the kitchen, putting the flowers in a jug of water. She laughed
quietly. “I guess I need more than one vase, I
’
ve never needed more than one before,” she joked, nodding at the
flowers I
’
d bought her last night.

My eyes flitted around the kitchen, looking
for signs of her having a son. A couple of plastic beakers and patterned bowls
were drying on the sink, and a
Toy Story
place mat resided on the table.
I frowned, wondering if they
’
d
been there the last couple of times I
’
d come over. Could I possibly have been too wrapped up in Rosie to
notice that a kid lived here too? There was a pretty good chance of that being
true; Rosie did seem to capture all of my attention when she was around.

“Is your son in bed?” I asked, willing my
voice to come out normally.

She nodded and smiled apologetically.
“Yeah, I put him to bed a little early tonight; he was tired after being at the
hospital.”

Now that she
’
d mentioned it, I noticed how tired she looked too.

“How is he?” I asked, chewing on the inside
of my cheek.

“He
’
s good. The medicine helps with the pain. I gave him plenty of candy
like you said.” She laughed uncomfortably, and I couldn
’
t help but smile. She looked so beautiful when she laughed.

Okay, I need to say it now.
I
’
d prepared my speech
about how we weren
’
t exclusive and
how I was confused; I just hoped I remembered everything that I wanted to say.
Actually, I hoped that I got a chance to get it all out before she kicked me in
the balls and pushed me out of her front door.

Rosie
turned and started making the coffee,
so I stepped closer to her, putting my hand on the small of her back, ignoring
how she seemed to shiver lightly under my fingers.

“Rosie, last night I-” I started, but she
shook her head and turned around to face me.

“I know, I
’
m sorry. I
’
m really
sorry, but I promise I was going to tell you. I just thought you would run a
mile from me as soon as you knew. I just wanted to enjoy being wanted, just for
a little while,” she said, looking at me pleadingly.

Shit, I need to say it!
I nodded and smiled. She needed to stop beating herself up about
it. It was just a little omission of the truth; I could understand her reasons
for not telling me. It was just the repercussions of last night that were
coming back to bite us both in the ass.

“I
’
m not running anywhere,” I confirmed.

She closed her eyes and her shoulders
seemed to relax as she exhaled sharply. “You don
’
t care that I have a four
-
year
-
old son?” she asked, her eyes opening and searching my face,
probably for signs of lying.

I gulped and shook my head.
Man up,
Nate, open your mouth and say it!

She smiled her heart-breaking smile before
she stepped forward and gripped the front of my shirt. I barely had time to
realise what she was doing before she pulled my mouth down to hers, kissing me
hard.

I moaned at the feel of her lips on mine; I
’
d never thought I would get to kiss her again.
This wasn
’
t how I imagined tonight
going down at all. I wasn
’
t
complaining though. I kissed her back, pulling her close as I traced my tongue
along her bottom lip.

I shouldn
’
t be doing this…

She opened her mouth and I slipped my
tongue in, tasting her. Her hands tangled into the back of my hair as I pushed
her against the counter, kissing her deeply. It was so good that it was making
my head spin. Without needing to think about it, my hands slid down to her
hips, gripping tightly before lifting her onto the kitchen counter. She moaned
into my mouth as her legs instinctively wrapped around my waist.

Seth was right. She was definitely sorry,
and I had a feeling I could get a lot of things out of her if I wanted to.
Rosie
’
s hands ran over my
shoulders, tracing the skin at the base of my throat. Her fingers played with
the buttons of my shirt teasingly. The hair on the nape of my neck stood on
end.

I really shouldn
’
t be doing this. I need to stop…

Her lips left mine, only to pepper little
kisses across my jawline and neck, nibbling gently. “I
’
m really sorry I didn
’
t
tell you,” she whispered, her hot breath blowing across the skin of my neck,
making me shiver lightly.

I tried to force myself to speak, but she
nibbled on my Adams apple lightly, which turned my brain off completely. My
hands tightened on her hips, my fingers probably digging into her skin, but she
didn
’
t complain. Instead, her legs
tightened on my waist, pulling me impossibly closer.

“Rosie, last night I-” I started again, but
her hand covered my mouth, halting my confession. Her eyes met mine. The way
she was looking at me sent shocks through my whole body. Tenderness, gratitude,
passion and definitely a lot of lust, all of those emotions were displayed
clear in her eyes; she was like an open book.

“You really are incredible. I never thought
in a million years that you would want anything to do with me when you found
out. Do you still want to see me even though I have a baby?” she asked quietly.
Her vulnerability was entirely exposed; the confident, sassy girl was gone for
the moment and she was finally opening up to me… and I didn
’
t deserve it.

“Yeah, I still want to see you, but…” I
trailed off, running my hands up and down the outside of her thighs, feeling
the material of her leggings under my fingers.

She smiled and laughed quietly, looking at
me like I was some sort of god or something. Her legs unwound from my waist as
she set one hand on my chest and pushed me back a couple of steps. I watched as
she jumped off the counter and took my hand.

“Well, in that case, how about I make
coffee in a little while?” she suggested, looking at me seductively.

Oh man, I
’
m in so much trouble…

She tugged on my hand gently, leading me
out of the kitchen. I was desperately fighting my player side that was loving
every second of this appreciation and attention. But it wasn
’
t real.

When we got to the sofa, she pushed me down
first, before settling herself on my lap, straddling me, pressing her chest to
mine. Every inch of the body that I
’
d dreamed about was crushed against mine, and it felt better than I
ever imagined it would. Her hand gripped the back of my hair tightly, her eyes
burning into mine as her mouth started inching towards mine.

This was it, the final decision. I could do
as Seth said and forget about the girl last night and have this, possibly
forever. Or I could do the right thing and tell her what a shallow, cowardly,
useless moron I was, and pray that she would still give me another shot.

Just as her lips were about to connect with
mine, I pulled my head back. My heart was crashing against my ribs, and my
blood seemed to run cold as I prayed with every bone in my body that she would
see this from my side of things.

“
Rosie, don’
t,” I whispered. The disappointment was clear across her face. She
thought I was rejecting her. “I need to tell you something. Please hear me out,
alright? Please let me explain,”
I begged.

She looked up at me curiously. “This doesn
’
t sound like something I
’
m going to like.”

I shook my head and willed her to
understand. “I saw you at the hospital last night with that guy, your ex. I
assumed you were together. He was rubbing your back, and I thought you and the
little kid were like a proper little family. I thought you were using me. I
thought I was just some kind of affair or something,” I said, taking a deep
breath before I continued. “You never told me you had a kid, but you did say
you had a man. I saw this guy and I thought that he was your man and that you
two had a kid together.”

She nodded and frowned, her hand moving out
of my hair, resting on my shoulder instead. She was still sitting on my lap,
and I had the strong urge to pin her there so she couldn
’
t escape when I told her the rest.

“I got really angry at you because I
thought you were just using me for a bit of fun, just jerking me around, and I
was really starting to like you,” I admitted. “I was so angry that I drove
straight to the nearest bar and I got drunk, and I… I…”
Shit, Nate, just say
the damn words!

She closed her eyes. “You slept with
someone else,” she guessed, her voice emotionless and casual as if we were
discussing the weather.

“Yeah,” I croaked, begging her with my eyes
for forgiveness.

She nodded and shrugged. “Okay. I guess I
should have seen that coming,” she said, almost to herself.

“Rosie, I was so confused. It hurt me
seeing you with that guy, and I jumped to completely the wrong conclusions. I
should have stayed and asked you to explain but instead I went to the bar and
tried to drink everything away. I
’
m
so sorry, please understand. I was hurting. I thought you were married, I
wouldn
’
t have done it otherwise, I
swear,” I whispered.

She sighed and pushed herself up off my
lap, looking down at me with a calm, almost serene expression on her face. “I
understand, and that
’
s fine. That
’
s what I expected of you really. All guys are
the same.” Her voice was tight, but other than that, emotionless. “Please
leave, Nate.”