Enlightened (21 page)

I
STOOD
in the center of the small space alone with Jamie. The shutters that kept out the rain pounding on the roof also kept out prying eyes from our most intimate evening. After setting up two small battery-operated lanterns that cast a warm glow throughout the room, Jamie crawled off of the mattress and stood in front of me.

“Are you sure, Brian?” he asked for what seemed like the twelfth time. My eyes never left his as I nodded. Reaching down, I grabbed the hem of my worn T-shirt and pulled it up over my head. I let it drop to the floor silently.

“I want you to make love to me, Jamie,” I told him with no ambiguity in either my voice or the words. He reached down, tentatively grasping the bottom of his tank top. When it was on the floor next to my shirt, he was finally in my arms. As our deep, tender kisses became more impassioned, more heated, I unbuttoned my jeans with trembling fingers. I wanted this. I wanted for us to have that one thing, that one connection that no one could take from us. No one would have as deep a connection with Jamie as I would—not Emma, not anyone.

I needed it.

I needed him.

Hooking my thumbs into the waistband of both my jeans and my briefs, I pulled them down. As I stepped out and straightened up, I felt every bit as naked as I appeared. He knew that I was scared but determined. Looking at me, indecision and fear on his face, he finally undressed, his eyes never leaving mine. Being naked in front of Jamie had started to arouse me, but the sight of him nude excited me even more. My swollen cock bobbed lightly as he wrapped his thin arms around my waist.

Then his lips were on mine, and I forgot about being scared.

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered, his forehead pressing against mine as he held me. I could hear the fear in his voice.

“I want to do this,” I said, gently taking his face into my hands. “I want to be yours, Jamie, in every way. We are going to go back to school soon, back to pretending, and I need to hold on to this. When I see you walking down the hall holding her hand, I need to know that I have something of you that she doesn’t.”

Pulling back sharply, he looked at me, but my eyes were on the floor. It was ridiculous to feel that way, after all that we had been through, all that we had done together. While I couldn’t explain why it was so important to me, I just knew it was. Perhaps I just wanted to quiet some of the fear, the fear that he would one day leave me.

“You have everything,” he said quietly, his voice breaking. The emotions, plainly visible on his face and in his eyes, were staggering. Love, respect, and even a bit of fear were all evident as he kissed me again. I felt his love in every short, heated meeting of our lips, in each tightening of his arms around my waist, and I knew that what he was saying was true. No matter what kinds of odds were stacked against us being together, there was no doubt that he wanted me every bit as much as I wanted him.

“If you don’t want to…,” I whispered, unable to finish as my disappointment and fear of rejection washed through me. I had been prepared to have sex with Jamie that night, ready emotionally and physically, but I felt the sting of his hedging deep in my chest. With strong fingers, he forced my chin up so that my eyes met his.

“Of course I do,” he said, his eyes blazing. “I just don’t want us to have sex just to prove something. I want it to happen because of the way we feel about each other.”

He wanted me, as much as I wanted him. I crushed myself to him, pressing my face into his neck.

“I love you, Jamie. Please, I want to show you.”

Slowly, he nodded, and I turned in his arms and led him over to the mattress. We didn’t need roses or candles or anything else to commemorate this moment. There in our sanctuary, by the light of battery-operated lanterns, on an old inflatable mattress, we would become one. We would consummate that promise of forever that I would hold foremost in my heart. No matter what else happened, whether we were discovered or not, we would forever have this moment.

Reaching down into my backpack, I picked up the things that Richard had given me. Jamie’s eyes got wide as I set the condoms and lubricant on the floor by the mattress. When he saw them, I think he understood that I was serious about following through. Deep down, I felt guilty and, though I refused to admit it, a little scared about what we were going to do. Only seventeen years old, we were about to have sex outside of marriage; I knew that was a sin. Not only that, we were going to have homosexual sex, which apparently was an even bigger sin. The line we were about to cross was deeply marked in the sand, and we could never, ever go back.

We went to either side of the mattress and crawled naked to meet in the center. Our mouths and our bodies met as we knelt in the middle of the bed, kissing, groping. Falling sideways onto the bed, we lay side by side, and I traced the contours of his perfect face with my fingers. He leaned forward, our lips met, and I wrapped one of my legs around his waist in my desperate need to be closer to him. I stroked his face, his hair, his shoulders, anything that I could reach. We were desperate to be closer. Our perfectly synchronized kisses were punctuated with unrestrained sounds barely discernable above the pounding rain on the tree house roof.

Surprising Jamie by taking the initiative, I pushed him onto his back and straddled his slender hips. I loved the way he looked up at me with a mixture of wonder and lust smoldering in his sapphire eyes. Grasping my hips as I leaned forward to kiss him again, his hands then slid languidly up my sides and into my hair. Whimpering quietly into my mouth, he lifted his hips, rubbing his long, hard cock against mine. His whimpers quickly turned to breathless pants, and slowly I rocked my hips, rubbing against him. My breathing accelerated as well, and I could feel my heart thudding against my ribs.

Moving from his perfect lips, the scent of his body wash mingled with the hot, musky smell of his body as I kissed his neck. My hands shook slightly as I held myself above him, my kisses making a searing, wet trail across his shoulder. His hands moved down, rubbing my back gently as, finally, I kissed my way down his chest. I reveled in the way his nipples responded to my touch, hardening under the careful teasing of my tongue and my teeth. His cock was hard against my stomach.

Reaching down with one hand, he wrapped it around both of our erections and began to stroke them together. The feeling was erotic, decadent, and I shamelessly rocked my hips against his hand. Leaning back, I rested my palms behind me on his thighs, and my head fell back.

“Jamie,” I intoned softly as his other hand slid over my stomach and then as high as he could reach on my chest, splayed over my heated skin. Taking one of my hands off of his thigh, I laid it over his hand on my chest, holding it there, and I was sure he could feel my heart pounding under his palm. He sat up, kissing my chest as I continued to roll my hips, thrusting my cock into his hand. Wrapping his other arm around me, his breathing became increasingly labored, and he squeezed my ass, cupping the flesh in his strong hand. I don’t think he’d ever been quite so aggressive, but it excited me that I made him lose control.

“Oh God, Brian…,” he moaned as I rocked my hips faster, rubbing his cock hard with my own. Pulling back slightly, he put his hand on my hip, stopping my motion. “Lie down on your side.”

I looked down at him for just a moment, kissing him deeply before I climbed off his lap. As he had asked, I lay on my side facing him, and he swung his legs around so that they were near the top of the mattress before he scooted forward toward me. I felt him lift my leg, bending it at the knee, before his warm mouth was on the head of my cock. My head rolled back, and my long, strangled moan was loud in the small space. His answering moan made his lips vibrate on my sensitive skin; as I moved myself gently in and out of his mouth, I wrapped my fingers around his shaft and started to stroke him, loving the hardness under his silky skin. Every bit of my shyness, my modesty, was forgotten as I pushed his legs apart.

Taking his sac into my mouth, I sucked lightly as I massaged his inner thighs. It didn’t take long before he was squirming, desperately trying not to grind his hips into my face. Several long, tender licks from his balls up to the tip of his cock made his grinding more insistent. The vibrations were getting more intense as he sucked me deeper into his mouth. His mouth was soft and hot, and it felt so fucking good. Grunting around him, I rubbed his ass, squeezing, pulling his cheeks apart and opening him up to me. My body started to tighten, but I didn’t want to come; I wanted to wait until Jamie was deep inside me before I let myself go. As I started to pull back, Jamie pulled back hard, jerking his cock out of my mouth.

“Stop… stop,” he panted. “I’m going to come if you don’t stop.”

I felt his hot breath against my leg as he pressed his forehead against my hip, fiercely trying to calm himself down. As his breathing slowed, I felt his loving kisses on my stomach, and he turned his body, pulling me up with him onto the pillows before laying me down tenderly, making me feel like the most important thing in the world to him. Caressing my cheek, he gazed into my eyes, looking for any hint of doubt or hesitation.

He found none.

After one last kiss, he rolled away from me, toward the crate next to the bed. Opening the box, he removed one of the packaged condoms. He rolled on the first one inside-out and then swore. I laughed nervously while he rolled the second one on correctly. The reality of what we were about to do was pounding in my head. The tension in my body was near the breaking point, and sweat beaded on my forehead as I waited for him to be ready.

“How should we…,” Jamie began but then trailed off, a little self-conscious. His face and chest were flushed, most likely from a combination of the heat, his excitement, and his embarrassment. I had to remind myself that even though he was older, he had no more experience than I did. Considering the different possibilities that I had seen in the pictures on the Internet, I began to describe what I had seen. I wanted to make things as easy as I could; we were both so nervous.

“You could be behind me? But I…,” I started, but then it was me who was embarrassed. It was starting to become a bit awkward, and I didn’t want that. I wanted it to be beautiful, special. I wanted it to be perfect.

“But what?” he asked affectionately, pushing my damp curls back and kissing my forehead.

“I want to see your face.” He moaned softly, and his mouth moved from my forehead to kiss me, a deep, penetrating kiss. Then he pushed me back against the pillows again and took the lubricant from the crate. Popping the lid, he poured a liberal amount into his cupped palm, spilling a bit on the sheets. First, he generously smeared it over his condom-sheathed cock, and then he nudged my legs apart with his elbows. As he used his long fingers to open me to him, I looked at the rough ceiling of the tree house.

At first it felt strange, even a bit wrong, to have someone, even Jamie, touch me like that. I tensed, and for a few minutes it felt more like an examination than lovemaking. My cock began to soften a little, and when I felt him add a second finger to the first, it started to burn. I felt stretched, invaded. I reached down and grasped myself. While he slid his fingers in and out of my body, I stroked my cock. After a while, it started to feel good. So I tried to stop thinking about the guilt and the fear, focusing only on the pleasure he was giving me.

Planting my feet on the mattress, I pushed up into his hand, my head driving back against the pillows.

“Oh… that feels good,” I told him as I spread my legs further.

“Are you ready?” he asked breathlessly, and biting my lip, I nodded. I wanted to tell him so much more in that moment, that I wasn’t afraid, that I loved him, but the fear had crept back into my chest, and I felt strangled around my own words.

Getting to his knees, he pushed my legs up, and I held them there as he took his own cock in his hand. Panic threatened to choke me as he guided himself to my opening. I took a deep breath, and my whole body tensed as I felt the head pressing against my anus. As he pushed forward, I closed my eyes, unable to stop the cry that was forced from me by his penetration. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes, and my hands balled into fists behind my knees as I held my legs.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly and started to pull out, remorse evident in his tone, but I released one of my legs and grabbed his hip. We’d already crossed that barrier; there was no reason for us to stop now. The pain, which was now shooting up my back, would subside in a few minutes. At least… I hoped it would.

“Just… just give me a minute,” I gasped, feeling my anus spasm around his cock. The pain, the burning, was intense, and I tried to stop the tears that were welling in my eyes from falling. Jamie leaned forward, kissing me gently on the forehead. As he remained perfectly still, his muscles straining with the desire to continue, I felt my body start to gradually relax around his invading penetration. Finally, the pain subsided from a sharp burn to a dull ache.

“Please… just go slow,” I requested, trying to force my body to relax. When he slowly pushed forward, it felt like I was being split in two. Gritting my teeth, I grunted and clenched my eyes against the pain. As tenderly as he could, he began a very slow pace, his hips moving against mine as he made love to me for the first time. Again and again he pushed carefully, painfully into me. A few of the tears that had been threatening to fall rolled down my cheeks as I continued to stare at the ceiling, trying not to think about the pain and the way this beautiful moment had become so uncomfortable between us.

“Brian,” he murmured as he leaned forward, wiping my tears away with his trembling fingers and kissing me. As he did, my legs were pulled higher up on his forearms, and the feeling of him inside me started to change. The burning pain was replaced by a different kind of heat, a heat that started to spread through my entire body. It started to feel good, really good. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him in that position. His damp forehead pressed against my cheek as he stopped moving.