Entangled (17 page)

Now this is your time to think about
you
. This is your chance to start over. Live life for
you
.
Be happy for
you
. Do everything for
you
.

Don’t worry about me. I’m attending AA, getting help. Finally! I love you and I’ve said everything I needed to say. Just be happy. Enjoy your Aunt Linda, she’s a great influence on you.

-Mom

Tears are running down my cheeks as I close the letter, gripping it tightly. I hastily wipe my face with the back of my hand, thankful no one was here to witness my weak moment. And not because of that macho “men don’t cry” bull shit. No, but because I’ve shed enough tears in my younger days and quite frankly, I’m sick of being weak. I look over the letter again, wiping my nose on my sleeve. She loves me, she really loves me. I’ve heard her say it a time or two when I was a kid, and it seems miniscule. But to see her words on paper, it feels
real
. Reading her words felt like she was trying to reach out. Maybe she’s really changed or is changing. I still don’t know what to do at this point. I consider calling her, but I’d rather pay her a visit in person so I can see for myself if what she’s telling me is the truth. And I could visit Spencer for a couple days. I set the letter down, get up off the couch and retrieve my phone from the kitchen table to dial a number. I need some company. I don’t want to deal with this shit right now.

“Hello, Noah.” Her voice does something weird to me. It makes me smile, and I don’t smile much.

“Hey, can you come over?” Please say yes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I just wanted to hang out, if you’re up to it.” The line is silent and I fear that she’d hung up. “Maddy?” I probably sound panicky.
Stay cool, Noah.

“Yeah, I’m here. I’ll be over shortly.” She hangs up and I let out a breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. When did I become a pussy? I get dressed and straighten up my apartment, mostly throwing my clothes and crap in my room and shutting the door. I want to have another painting party soon. A smile spreads over my lips. I throw on some jeans and a Van Halen t-shirt. I check my reflection and decide it’s time for a hair-cut. I run my fingers through to smooth out the strands a little. I splash water on my face but laugh at myself for acting like a girl. I need to get a grip on my manhood.

I hear a knock on the door; I rush out of the bathroom feeling slightly apprehensive. I look around, my apartment looks good enough.
She’s seen my place before,
I chide myself.

“Hey.” I sound breathless when I open the door. She’s smiling and my belly does a little flip. Girls have never been able to get to me the way she seems to be. I push the door open further and she steps in. I close it with a click and walk to the fridge. “Would you like something to drink?” I pull out a soda for myself.

“Yes, that would be great. Thanks.” She sits on the couch. I grab another soda and join her, handing her a can once I’ve opened it. “Thank you.” I smile and take a drink of my own.

I pick the letter up and stare at it, flipping it in my hands. It’s still weird to have gotten one from my mother. She was never the letter writing kind, that I knew of anyway. It doesn’t feel real.

“What’s that?” Maddy asks, curiously.

“This.” I say, holding up the envelope between us, “is a letter from my mother.” Her eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Really? Is it a good one?” She asks, hopeful with a small smile. I nod my head.

“Yeah, she wrote me apologizing for the years of abandonment after the divorce. I almost didn’t want to read it. I just thought it was some bull shit about her wanting me back home or something. But she said she hopes I’m happy here and that she loves me and that she’s getting help. I’d say it was pretty good. I just hope it’s legit, though.” Maddy leans back against the cushion of the couch. “Yeah, she says she’s getting help for her alcoholism. I was shocked about that, but happy to hear. I hope to God it’s true.” And I really do. I want nothing more than for her to be healthy and happy.

She listens, nodding and smiling, giving me her full attention. It’s nice to talk to someone once in a while about your problems. I feel like she might understand me in a way.

“That’s great Noah. I’m happy to hear that. So, are you going to talk to her?” I feel like I’m about to do something stupid and I think I am. But I don’t stop myself.

“Do you want to go to New York?” I blurt. Her face changes to confusion.

“What?” Shit. Too soon? What did I just do?

“Well, I was thinking of seeing my mother in person. I want to see how she’s doing, not just hear it from miles away. Do you want to go with me? I can show you around. Maybe it’s too much. Nevermind, forget I asked.” She must think I’m crazy or some stalker, but what the hell? The worst she can say is no, right? I give her a few minutes to process my question. I finish my soda, walk to the kitchen and chunk it in the trash can. I sit back down and my prop my feet up in front of me, waiting patiently for Maddy’s response. Her face changes a few times, as if she’s internally battling herself with a choice she’s trying to make.

“So, you’re asking me to go to New York. With you, right?”

“That is the original question, yes.” She cocks her head to the side, as if trying to understand the meaning. But I jump in, wanting to rectify the awkward proposition. “I thought it could be fun, since you’ve never been there. And I remember you saying you’ve wanted to visit there for a long time. And I could show you around some great places. New York is amazing to visit. It’s better in person than on TV.”

“I have always wanted to go. I’ve dreamed of visiting there someday. I’d have to ask for time off, but that wouldn’t be an issue since my boss is really cool with me because I never ask for time off and well, like I’ve said before, she’s really lenient with me. How long are you thinking?” Is she actually considering it? A little excitement shows on my face. But I try to play it cool, even though I’m fucking flipping out inside. New York City with this awesome girl? Hell yes!

“I was thinking 5 days. Would that be okay?”

“Where would we stay?”

“Spencer’s.” She’s smiling. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. I like her and I want her to know me and where I came from. Well, maybe not everything.

“Okay, I’ll go.”

“Really? Awesome.” We smile while she finishes her drink and sets it on the coffee table.

“I’m going. We’re going. Wow, I actually get to go to New York. Holy shit. When?” She bounces up and down on the couch excitedly. Down boy, down!

“Between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was thinking beginning or second week of December.”

“Oh perfect, right before Christmas. Goody.” She claps her hands together and then hugs me. I’m caught off guard so it takes me a minute to hug her back. I’m not even sure she’s aware what she was doing. Maybe it’s natural to her, to hug people. I don’t get that way. I’m not a hugger. But maybe it’s the lack of affection I got from my parents that made me that way.  She finally realizes what she’s doing and pulls away, putting distance between us. “Sorry, I guess I got carried away.” She pushes a few strands of hair from her face. She looks shy all of a sudden, but I find it cute because I think she’s trying to hide her real personality from me, which is crazy because I’ve seen her amazing personality.

I get up and grab a piece of paper and pen off the kitchen counter and plop back down on the couch. “Okay, so let’s make a list of things you’ll need to either pack or buy before this trip. What do ya say?” She smiles, I have to look away to keep from staring at her teeth, so straight and perfect. And the way her eyes sparkle when she really smiles.

I write down:

New York-Noah Style….

1.
                   
Warm Clothes (mittens, hats sweats, warm jacket, long johns, nice clothes for possible shows or evenings out)

2.
                  
Shoes(whatever you girls wear with nice clothes..boots, heels, NO sandals)

3.
                  
Bathroom items(You can probably fill this part out yourself)

4.
                  
Music(Not sure why I put this down, Spencer rarely accommodates, but we’ll see)

5.
                  
Books (In case I bore you)

6.
                  
Card games (Spencer will want to play…and cheat. Just let him win)

She looks over my shoulder at the list and quirks an eye brow. “What kind of list is that? And books, really? When am I going to have time to read? I’ll be in New York.” She laughs.

“Um, well we can’t be out from sun up until sun down for all 5 days. I need my down time. Besides, don’t you read before bed?”

“Yes, that’s true. And true. Are you sure it’s not an inconvenience to Spencer? Also, I don’t like the idea of
letting
him win on anything. But maybe he’ll suck so I’ll feel bad and let him win once.”

“First of all, he’d be thrilled to have us. I mean, he was already cool with me visiting. But to him, it’s the more the merrier.” And he seems to think I have a thing for her, which is completely untrue. I don’t have a “thing” for anyone. I can’t. I won’t allow myself to. “Secondly, he doesn’t suck at card games. It just depends what games we’re talking. But we’ll get to that when we get to that. He’s excited to show you around town.” She smiles and leans back against the couch.

“Well, do you want to watch a movie?” My eyes snap to hers, she flinches.

“Um, sure. Don’t you think Landon would be pissed though?” I tease, even though I could care less what that asshole thinks. Still, I don’t want to seem like a complete douche and disregard the fact that she has a boyfriend.

“We’re friends, right?” I nod. “So, I’m allowed to hang out with my friends. He’s not in charge of every aspect of my life.” She brushes past me as she walks to the entertainment center to pick through my movie collection. She’ll be disappointed when she doesn’t find any chick flicks. But I’m curious what she does choose. I can’t decide if she’s a horror, action or drama chick.

“How about this one?” I look up and see her holding up Iron Man. Okay, I can dig that. She like action hero movies.

“I’ve got a thing for Robert Downey Jr.” She states, matter of fact. After popping the movie in, she sits down next to me.

“Want some popcorn?” She shakes her head yes. “And a soda?” Another yes.

“Do you have candy too?” I laugh and enter the kitchen. She follows me.

“Nah, not this time. Sorry.”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying.” She laughs and I laugh with her. She helps me, getting plates and sodas. It feels natural and foreign at the same time. Yeah, I like this girl. Shit!

Maddy

“I can’t believe you’re going to New York, with Noah. You lucky bitch!” I laugh as Andi and I push a cart around Wal Mart. It’s early to do our trip shopping but once I told Andi about it, she was practically shoving me out the door to get the items I can just put away for now. What could it hurt to pack some things now? It’s about a month away but I have a suitcase in my closet that can store my crap. I’m trying not to rub it in her face that I’m going and she’s not. But it’s also hard to keep the excitement contained. I just can’t believe it’s actually happening. I’ve always dreamt of going there, for as long as I can remember.

“Well, I was surprised when he asked. I almost said no. It just seemed strange to ask someone you don’t know very well to go to his hometown. Don’t you think?” She hits me on the arm.

“Hell no. I wouldn’t have hesitated. I’d jump at the chance so quickly. Girl, if you’d had said no, I would have bitch slapped you into the next town. Of course out of love.” She smiles. I’m almost certain Andi thinks there is something going on between Noah and me. We’re friends, I guess. But I’m dating Landon and while I can’t deny that Noah is attractive, I don’t know him that well. He’s just my friend’s cousin who needs friends since he doesn’t know anyone here. I’m just being nice. And he’s fun to hang out with, when he’s not being so awkward.

“Here.” She throws something into the cart. I reach over and my eyes scan the item. I stare at her in disbelief, hands planted firmly on my hips.

“Are you serious? Condoms?” She shrugs.

“What?” I put the box back on the shelf grabbing the first aid kit instead, moving forward. “Like I said what? You may need them, this is New York.” I shake my head, uncertain why I’m so surprised. It’s just like Andi. She’s my total opposite. She enjoys sex a little too much. I’d prefer the connection. I can’t bring myself to give that part of myself to someone I have no intentions of knowing for that long. Call me Old Fashioned, but that’s just how I feel. And she’s never been able to convince me otherwise.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Maddy. Anything can happen.”

“I’m going to New York to experience New York, not shack up with every guy in town.” An older lady standing on the other side of the aisle turns and gives us a dirty look.

“What are you looking at Oldie? Move along.” Andi says loudly. I smack her for being rude, and then give the lady an apologetic smile but she just storms off.