Envious (19 page)

“I’m sorry.” He continued to look down. I kept waiting for him to look up, to look me in the eye, but he wouldn’t. He couldn’t, because now he knew why I hated him. He silently slipped the car keys from my hand and trudged to the car. I followed and stopped with my hand on the rusted door handle.

“Do you want the video?”

He got in the car and slowly closed the door. It creaked loudly, breaking the silence and prompting his response. “I’ll call you if I do.”

1205

I sat on the cold, damp dungeon floor. I could feel the cold seeping into my bones, draining all life from me. I shook from cold and fear. The guards had taken the warm cloak from my shoulders when they had dragged me off to this God-forsaken place. The smell of my cage was so pungent. It smelled of rotting flesh. The guards stood watch from the other side of the door. They were told not to look me in the eye. I heard all their orders, and that was the only reason I knew my chance of getting out. It was very slim, if not impossible.

Heodred stepped into the hall, blindfolded and being led by a guard. He stopped his steps just outside my section. The metal bars of the door stood between the both of us. I pressed against the cold metal and reached out for his hand. “Heodred, my friend. You have come to see me?”

“Cassandra, Daughter of Aden, answer me truthfully. Do you possess and use magic?”

I squeezed his hand. “No. Never.”

He squeezed back. His hands clasped over mine and I felt the warmth of his body beginning to thaw my own. “Your hands are ice. The guards… they found disturbing evidence in your cloak. Herbs and feathers. There were bones from a hen as well. How did those things get there?”

“The cloak was not mine. The daughter of the King, Aurora, it was her gift to me. She sent me in search of medicine for Eric, lent me her horse.”

“That is not what she says, maiden. And, how truly sorry I am for this, but her word means more in this place than yours. The people have been informed of your charges and push for death… by fire.”

I gasped. My whole body shook with shock. They wished to burn me? “I have done nothing wrong, just trusted the wrong woman. Heodred, please! You have to help me!” I begged.

“Cassandra! There is nothing I can do. The princess claims it is your bewitching that keeps Eric asleep. She says you bewitched her into handing off her horse. No one is to look into your eyes. That is why I wear this blindfold. They fear you will crawl inside my mind and stage an escape. Do not give them reason to think that!”

“There is no way for me to escape death, is there? If I plead innocence, not one person will believe me. She is a cunning, sly girl. She tricked me so she could keep Eric to herself. Her jealousy runs deeper than I had imagined. And now I am to die by fire. Never to hold my love again. Never to see my family again.” I sank out of his grasp and to the floor. “Oh how I miss them.”

“Cassandra, I am sorry.”

“So this is how it is to end. I must pay the price for loving Eric by
her
soiled hands.” Heodred pulled off his blindfold and the guard watching him tried to restrain him. Heodred, the stocky warrior drew his blade on the man. The guard shrunk back, knowing this was a battle he would most certainly lose. Heodred was faster and stronger. The guard didn’t even have time to draw his own sword before a blade was placed at his throat.

“Danieles, do not tempt my hand.” He turned his gaze back to me, a frozen heap on the floor. He looked directly into my eyes. “I will die before I see an innocent woman burned alive at the hands of a lying seductress.” Heodred sheathed his sword and stepped away, leaving Danieles confused and shaking. He caught
my eye and quickly turned away.

CHAPTER 17

LEARNING FROM MISTAKES

I hadn’t heard from Todd since that day he drove me home. I
had
heard from Aurora. She gave her traditional Christmas phone call, at midnight on Christmas Eve. I don’t know why she always did that. Another strange thing to add to the list. She wanted to hang out, I knew it. But I didn’t want to. Truth is, I liked the quiet. I hadn’t had quiet since before Todd moved in, and, even then, Aurora called or stopped over every day. Now, I hadn’t seen Todd in weeks, and Aurora had only called once. It was peaceful. If only I could get the roaring in my head to stop. My thoughts were too much for me. And so was my constant headache.

It was New Year’s Eve. I never did anything on this night. To me, it was like any other night. Aurora usually spent it at Bonnie’s house. We went to high school together but I was never friends with her, so I was never invited. Since Todd quit doing drugs, he would spend the night watching movies and stay up into the morning. Before that, he would be out with his friends. When he was a kid, before he moved in with us, he would disappear for days. I knew because my aunt would call, crying to my mother over the phone. Somehow, I never understood that woman. She would disappear for days, even weeks, and expect Todd to live on his own for as long as she felt like; but then, he would disappear and she would suddenly believe he couldn’t live without her.
I know she has her problems, but she’s the reason Todd’s so messed up.

Why is Eric, though? What is his reason for being so strange? Why was he so dependent on Aurora? Why does he hate himself?

A high-pitched noise broke the silence around me. The phone. I answered, “Hello?”

I heard a sniffling sound and breathing, then, quietly, a deep voice came through, “Sandy?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s Todd.” My heart fell through my body. He sounded so distressed. “I, uh, want that tape.”

I sat on the bus, and every second felt like a lifetime. My heart was pounding and my blood ran cold through my body. Each time the bus stopped, I wanted to scream. Todd had refused to drive over for the video. It was at times like this that I wished I had a car. I didn’t know what to expect when I got there, and this was the last bus of the day. Todd’s neighborhood was scary enough in the daytime, no less at night.
Third house down, first floor apartment, door on the right.
I was so afraid that Todd would give in that I had run out of the house without even putting my coat on.

When the bus stopped, I could see cars lining the street, and one of those cars was Todd’s. Josh’s front porch was littered with people. My worry for Todd seemed to give me strength. I could think of no other reason for my sudden bravery. I stepped inside the old house without catching anyone’s attention. The air smelled strange. Everyone was smoking or drinking. It wasn’t normal cigarettes, that’s for sure. I caught someone’s eye and asked him about Todd.

“Todd who?” he asked.

I tried again with no answer, but then I found my way down the hall and just started opening doors. Empty bedroom. Bathroom, not so empty. The next door was locked. There were no more doors to my right.
Should I check those on the left?
I saw Josh in the crowd. He stood a full head taller than everyone else, skin as black as night. He would help me find Todd, but I didn’t want to go back there. The smoke was so thick and so was the crowd. They creeped me out. I coughed, choking on the dense air. This was not where I wanted to be.
I have to be crazy, doing this for Todd,
I thought
.
I heard something break. It came from inside the locked room. I threw myself against the door to listen, but it was silent. “Todd!?”

The door swung open and I fell in. Todd caught me, or I just fell into him. Either way worked for me because I didn’t hit the floor. I balanced in his massive arms and he gripped my sweater hard in his fists. He breathed in deeply at my shoulder. It took a second before I realized what he was doing. “Todd, stop!” I pushed away from him and slammed the door shut behind me, drawing the lock. “Don’t try to get high off my clothes.”

He looked down sheepishly. “I wasn’t-”

“Yes. You were. Don’t bother trying again. I avoided the smoke.” A lie. That would have been impossible. The smoke was everywhere. “I have the tape.” I held it out to him. He snatched it out of my grip, turning quickly toward the TV. He dragged his black hooded sweatshirt off his TV and tossed it to the floor.

Everything he owned was on the floor. No furniture. His bed was a mattress on the floor. All his electronics, consisting of a small TV, VCR/DVD combo and a Discman, lay on the floor of his nasty room, along with piles of books and notebooks. He had no dresser, so his socks and other clothes that couldn’t be hung on his closet rod were stuffed in plastic bags in his closet. The closet had no doors, but hinges still hung from the frame anyway. He had one large window. The glass was cracked and duct tape covered a section, probably to hold it together. He didn’t have any curtains or shades or anything. The walls were littered with yellow-edged water stains, dents and even holes. I couldn’t help but wonder if he missed his old room. He hadn’t bothered to decorate it, didn’t hang posters or anything, but he had had furniture there, and a solid window. A dresser, a desk…although he never really used his desk chair. Always sat on the floor.

Todd kneeled on the ancient carpeted floor and tried to jam the video in the VCR, but it wouldn’t go in. He threw his body roughly to the floor and looked inside the slot. He looked like hell. His hands trembled. I watched as a bead of sweat trickled from his forehead, down his cheek. His whole body seemed to glisten with sweat, and his t-shirt clung to his wide back.

“You can go now,” he said sternly, holding the tape like it was his last lifeline, not even looking at me.

I wanted to go, the place scared me, but I couldn’t leave him. Not yet. Not until he was alright. “I’m staying.” I folded my arms tightly across my chest to prove my point.

“I don’t want you to.”

“Too bad,” I replied. He grunted back at me as I cleared a space for my butt on the grimy carpet. I wished I hadn’t worn my good jeans. Just standing in there made me feel like I was coated in dirt. “How are you?”

Todd snorted in response as he began to pull another video out of the slot. “Fuck,” he swore.

“What?” I asked.

Todd lifted the VCR and looked into the slot past the VHS tape. “It’s caught on something,” he told me, sitting up angrily. He yanked on his video, pulling it halfway out and rocking it back and forth. “Goddammit!” he growled. “Got a screwdriver?”

“Of course. I never leave home without one,” I replied sarcastically. I meant it as a joke, but it seemed to grate on his nerves more.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Todd cursed.

“Let me try.” I took the box from his hands and looked at the jammed tape. “Bye Bye Birdie?” I asked. “Are you serious? I didn’t know about your love of musicals.”

Todd narrowed his eyes at me as he scratched at his forearm viciously. I don’t know if he realized it, but he was actually making his arm bleed a little. “Very funny. I got this piece of shit at a garage sale.”

“And what? You never used it?”

Thankfully, his anger started to diminish. A bit, anyway. “Not the VCR. Don’t own any tapes. I don’t live in the stone age like you.”

“You don’t have anything to open this up?” I asked.

Todd looked at his bedroom door helplessly, finally leaving his poor arm alone. “Not in here. Just forget it,” he growled in frustration. “You should go.”

He wasn’t getting rid of me that easily. I was certain that as soon as I stepped out that door, he would be getting high. I gave him a hard look. He avoided eye contact. I was right. I yanked on the tape, pulling it through the slot and losing half of the tape ribbon in the process. I tore the ribbon in half and pulled the rest of it from inside the slot.

“There, like magic,” I stated defiantly. Todd scratched his scalp helplessly as I put the video I brought into the VCR and set it back in its place on the floor. “Ready?” I asked. Todd sighed.

“Yeah,” Todd said as he reluctantly reached for the remote. He pressed play.

It was a cheap video, made by one of his drunk friends. I went to high school with the kid, one of those guys who were way older than everyone else in their class. When I found out he knew Todd, well… He had some strange crush or something on me, so it wasn’t tough to get the film.

The camera shook and the picture was fuzzy. The camera closed in on Todd. He was nineteen at the time, and was stoned out of his mind. His eyes had red circles around them and he sat in a corner. The cameraman called for his attention: “Hey Todd, you fuckin’ ass. Sup my man.” Todd rolled his head lazily toward the camera, a cloudy happy expression on his face.

I had seen the video before. Not very exciting or frightening, just Todd being stupid and made fun of without realizing it. There was a part about midway through of Todd trying to fight someone who was also high, which, if it had been faked, probably would have been funny. But I knew Todd. He hated being made to look stupid. More than anything. He was such a tough guy all the time, always flipping on anyone who challenged him. He would hate what he saw in this video.

What I wished I could show him was something else, something that would scare the crap out of him. It scared me. It was the last time I had seen Todd high.

2001

It was a warm day in May. I was staying with the Bacsters while my parents traveled on a business trip. I was old enough to stay home alone, but they were afraid I wouldn’t be alone. Because of Todd and his unpredictable nature, I was banished from my own house. I had stayed late at school and Aurora hadn’t stayed late with me, so I walked the length of the street from my bus stop by myself.